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My Stepdad Passed Away Tonight

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  • My Stepdad Passed Away Tonight

    and I can't sleep now. Please don't worry; I am really OK, just in shock I think. I wasn't overly close to him but he was peripherally in my life since my childhood. (My mom knew him before she was married to him, as he was her best friend's husband. Said friend passed away many years ago and my mom would check on Stepdad and a friendship grew from there.) He had had lots of health issues for a long time and was over 80 but it still seems sudden. What concerns me more than my mom's grief is the financial problems. She has two refinanced houses to pay for because Stepdad owned the house my stepsister lives in. I don't know why he did that but now it's going to be a mess. All mom wants to do tonight is sleep but my 3 stepsisters are driving up there and she doesn't want them right now. They will stress her more than help. There are other issues, too. Basically Mom will have to put her emotions on the back burner and try to figure out how to survive and I can't help financially and I'm hundreds of miles away.

    I just needed to put this somewhere. All my friends are asleep, as it's 3:00 am. I can't call in to work. I only know he passed because I was up due to an oncoming migraine and fell asleep on my keyboard only to wake up and see my mom's text and now I can't sleep because I have leg cramps and my medication isn't helping. I'm not in a lot of pain but I am afraid of charley horses. At least I preempted the migraine. I'm sorry that I'm rambling but it's the middle of the night. I guess all I can do is lay down and hope I fall asleep despite the spasms. I fell asleep around 1:30, so...

    Update: it gets worse. Because he was a federal employee he didn't have social security. He did have a large pension. He had told my mom that he was going to change it and put her on it after they got married. (He'd been married to my mom's friend and she passed away.). Either he purposely lied to her or he didn't do the paperwork correctly--she thinks it's the former--so the substantial amount that is big enough to buy a house is going to my step-sisters. I called her the other night and she was crying because she doesn't know how she's going to survive. The house she's living in is not paid off in the mortgage is $1, 000 a month. My step sister lives in the other house and it's supposed to be paying rent but I don't think she really does. I have no idea if that house is paid off. My mom's Social Security is very small and she has a part-time job so she doesn't pull in very much money. On top of it she owes $7, 000 on her car. She wants to sell the house but she has to go through probate first. I think her only hope is to move in with her cousin or me. She doesn't really want to live with her cousin because it's in the state that she left and she doesn't want to live there again. That's the only reason because her cousin is an absolutely amazing person. I'd be happy to have her live with me but she is afraid that I won't be able to support her. I can afford everything but her medical costs. By the way she just lost her medical coverage yesterday. I'm not sure why that has worked out the way it has but needless to say she doesn't have any medical insurance now. Without her medication she will pretty much die. I know she can get on Medicare or something but it's going to be a while.
    Last edited by Food Lady; 08-03-2018, 12:12 AM.
    "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

  • #2
    Get as much sleep as you can. I tell this to everyone, and it's still true: Don't be surprised at anything you feel. Anything. Take it slowly.

    We're all here for you.

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    • #3
      Condolences to you and your family.

      Hugs, prayers and good vibes headed your way.
      Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
      Save the Ales!
      Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe

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      • #4
        Thank y'all. I find myself crying. My heart hurts.
        "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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        • #5
          Even though you weren't extremely close, I'm so sorry for your loss.
          "Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid" Redd Foxx as Al Royal - The Royal Family - Pilot Episode - 1991.

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          • #6
            Poor dear. Poor Mom. Hope you can help each other.

            I'll keep a candle lit for you . . .

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            • #7
              I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my own stepdad in February (although as far as I was concerned he was my real dad). The next few months are going to be hard, even if you weren't as close to him as I was to mine, since your mum will be hit the worst.

              The first year is going to be the worst for her; all the "firsts" to get through. The first birthday, Christmas, anniversary... There's also going to be the emotions. The one that's hitting my mum the hardest is resentment; she resents seeing happy couples, since she's not part of one any more. Anger and grief are easier to deal with, but resentment eats at you and makes you feel mean and petty, which makes things worse, since you know it's not fair to resent perfectly innocent people.

              Good luck with your mum, and don't forget to take some time for yourself; you can't help your mum if you're mentally, emotionally or physically exhausted.
              "It is traditional when asking for help or advice to listen to the answers you receive" - RealUnimportant

              Rev that Engine Louder, I Can't Hear How Small Your Dick Is - Jay 2K Winger

              The Darwin Awards The best site to visit to restore your faith in instant karma.

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              • #8
                I am so sorry! {{hugs}}
                When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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