Back to the Salt Mine...

[Kara]

...As my high school Orchestra teacher used to say. Vacation is definitely over, folks. At least the phonetards haven't realized I'm back yet, there was a surprisingly low number of (really) stupid calls.

SM: Sucky Man
SW: Sucky Woman
ME: Why can't I timewarp back to last week?
And guest starring SUP: My lead rep

Handicapped Farking

Man (not sucky): Yeah, uh, I want to make a payment.
ME: Okay, I can take a payment for you, but there will be a processing fee. I'd be happy to connect you to our automated system and you can pay without a fee, or you can pay online.
Man: Oh. Well, the automated system didn't give me the option to pay.
ME: I do apologize. I can go ahead and get you straight to the payment option.
Man: Ok, sure.
SW: Excuse me!
Man: Mom, just-
SW: This is my son's account and all he wants to do is make a payment. He's mentally handicapped, you don't need to be putting him through all this.
ME: I was actually trying to help him make a payment without incurring the fee.
SW: Well, his phone also isn't working right, what are you going to do about that?
ME: I can troubleshoot the problem. It looks like you're on the phone right now, do you have another line I can call back on?
SW: Yes.
Man: Mom, come on. All I want to do right now is pay the bill. Let's worry about the rest later, I don't have time-
SW: Call me back at XXX-XXX-XXXX
ME: Okay, then I'll transfer you to the payment option and call you back.
*Callback*
SW: Hello?
ME: Yes, this is Kara from customer care.
Man: Mom, no don't.... Aw, man!
SW: Your little automated system hung up on me!
Man: That's because you-
SW: Now what am I supposed to do?
Man: Here, I called it back. Just put in the credit card number, that's all you have to do.
SW: Okay, hold on.
Man: What are you doing? No, don't.... Mom! I told you not to do that! Now we have to do it all over again!
SW: It hung up again!
Man: Here, give me the card.
SW: So anyway, what are you going to do about his phone?
Man: There, it's paid.

The call went on a little longer, but that's the most significant part of it. She eventually decided to listen to her supposedly mentally handicapped son's insistence that he had other, more important things to do. Sounds like the poor guy is stuck with an overbearing harpy for a mother. I should have jotted down his address and mailed him a pair of scissors so he can sever the umbilical cord and escape.

Speaking of learning disabilities...

ME: Could I have your name please?
SM: 839.
ME: I'm sorry, could I have your name please?
SM: Yeah. 839.

They want us to treat people like they have value, like they're not just a number. But you, sir, are going to make that really difficult. And no, his area code was not 839. This number was nowhere to be found on his account. Maybe he just really sucks at coming up with a nickname.

Thanks, Nancy

ME: Can you give me the name as it appears on the card?
SM: Yes, John. N, as in Nancy. Doe.

I really think you might want to find another way to clarify your initial there, buddy.

D'oh!

*My lead was plugged in next to me on this call. My focus for this month is building relationships with the customer, trying to build rapport (because I generally don't like people very much). He went around to all my coworkers all day, listening to a call and then scoring us on the spot for Quality.*

SM: I want to cancel.
ME: I'm sorry to hear that, but I can definitely help you with that. Let me bring up your account information. And how are you doing today?
SM: Fine.
ME: That's good. Any big plans for this weekend?
SM: Yes, canceling my account.
ME: O..k....
SUP: *snicker*
ME: Any particular reason you want to cancel?
SM: Yes. My son has the phone and he hasn't used it in months, it's just gathering dust on a shelf.
ME: Yeah, I can see he's only used 1 minute in 2 months. Do you know of any reason why he's not using it? We do have more basic plans available that can-
SM: No. I just want it canceled. Cancel it.
ME *glance at SUP*
SUP:
ME: Sure, let's just go ahead and get that taken care of. Why pay for a phone that no one's using, right? Now, I know your son isn't using it, but the account is still in your name. We could always-
SM: I said I want to cancel. Can you do that or not?
ME: Yes, and I'm already setting it up. But I just thought-
SM: Then cancel it. Is it canceled yet? I just want to cancel.
ME: The service has been canceled, and for your final bill-
SM: Canceled? Is it canceled? Yes or No?
ME: Yes.
SM: *click*
SUP: Damn. Who shoved a possum up his butt this morning?

I gave it a valiant effort to try and be sociable with the guy, but he wanted nothing to do with it. This is why I don't like "building relationships" with every single caller. If they just want to get down to business and get their crap taken care of, then let's just get it over with. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am. I always feel like I'm badgering people when it comes to calls like this. But I guess it did pay off, I got a good score for my effort.

[Becks]

ME: Could I have your name please?
SM: 839.
ME: I'm sorry, could I have your name please?
SM: Yeah. 839.

I read a book once where a character had his name legally changed to a number. I didn't know it happened in real life, though.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I hate being expected to make small talk with every single person. Some people just want to be left alone, and I like to believe I have enough awareness of body language and whatnot to be able to tell when that's the case. (That and I'm usually one of those people when I shop, too.) I don't want to be bugging people any more than they want to be bugged. So let me chat with the people who want to chat and let the loners do their thing. If they need help, they'll ask. That's what the big customer service desk is for!

[Gravekeeper]

Salt mines? Did you get transfered to my office? ^^

I hate being expected to make small talk with every single person. Some people just want to be left alone, and I like to believe I have enough awareness of body language and whatnot to be able to tell when that's the case. (That and I'm usually one of those people when I shop, too.) I don't want to be bugging people any more than they want to be bugged. So let me chat with the people who want to chat and let the loners do their thing. If they need help, they'll ask. That's what the big customer service desk is for!

I would be one of those people. Unless I sense kindred intelligence or the crushed soul of a fellow customer server worker in you, then no I do not wish to partake in small talk. Years ago, perhaps, but not these days, for I have no faith left in humanity and wish only to get home where it can't find me. -.-

[Kara]

I hate being expected to make small talk with every single person.

Yeah, that's way outside of my comfort zone. I've tried explaining that they themselves have this theory of giving people the kind of customer service you would want if you were the customer, and I like it when I call somewhere, they don't try to be my friend or start crying when I say I have a problem, and just get it taken care of. It seems that isn't quite what they mean by this. But, they do pay me a buttload of money to do things their way, so what choice do I have?

Salt mines? Did you get transfered to my office? ^^

Not that I know of. Then again, all call centers are essentially the same, so I could have been. I don't remember seeing any hanging skeletons or mutant spiders yesterday...

[Legal Eagle]

If i'm ringing up a company with a problem i have already had to waste time on hold before speaking to a person all i want to do is get the problem sorted and do something else. Small talk by an advisor is quite irritating paticulaly if you are paying for the call.

[Boozy]

I've tried explaining that they themselves have this theory of giving people the kind of customer service you would want if you were the customer, and I like it when I call somewhere, they don't try to be my friend or start crying when I say I have a problem, and just get it taken care of.

That's a very good way of putting it.

Companies need to have more faith in their employees to be able to accurately judge what kind of service the customer wants. Its not difficult...that guy was saying "cancel" over and over again...and yet they force you to annoy the piss out of him with questions and chit chat that YOU don't even want to do.

I usually love to talk to people. I'll spend half an hour on the phone with a complete stranger. But even for me there are times when I'm rushed or just cranky.

[TNT]

I hate being expected to make small talk with every single person. Some people just want to be left alone, and I like to believe I have enough awareness of body language and whatnot to be able to tell when that's the case. (That and I'm usually one of those people when I shop, too.) I don't want to be bugging people any more than they want to be bugged. So let me chat with the people who want to chat and let the loners do their thing. If they need help, they'll ask. That's what the big customer service desk is for!

Not so long ago in Borders... I went there with a woman who was extraordinarily good-looking. We were friends -- her choice -- and that was that.

I bought something vaguely erotic... and was intended for someone else entirely. The woman at the counter looked at me, then looked at my friend...

Woman: Looks like someone's going to have a good time tonight.
Me: Whatever. [let it go, dudette].
Woman: I wish someone would do that for me.
Me: Whatever. [Let it f*****g go.]
Woman: Must be nice...
Me: Whatever. [STFU and let me go home.]

[Sliceanddice]

SM: Sucky Man
SW: Sucky Woman
ME: Why can't I timewarp back to last week?
And guest starring SUP: My lead rep

*giggles into her hands*
Let's do the time warp again.
Let's do the time warp again.
It's just a jump to the left
And a step to the right
With your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again

If the song bit didnt cheer you up. Ihad to g to work with my silver Rocky Horror Picture Show hair...and sleepy.... i was happy 'drunk" slice!!

[myswtghst]

Gah. I'm grateful they don't expect us to do much more than be polite and friendly, and to use the person's name at least once in conversation. Some of our customers want nothing more than to spit out their info far too quickly and hang up, and some would like to chat all day long. It's reading that which is truly a talent.

[Racket_Man]

*giggles into her hands*
Let's do the time warp again.
Let's do the time warp again.
It's just a jump to the left
And a step to the right
With your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again

If the song bit didnt cheer you up. Ihad to g to work with my silver Rocky Horror Picture Show hair...and sleepy.... i was happy 'drunk" slice!!

darn it now I'll have to put in ALLLLLL of the call backs LOL (Iknow most of them by heart)

[Broomjockey]

The call went on a little longer, but that's the most significant part of it. She eventually decided to listen to her supposedly mentally handicapped son's insistence that he had other, more important things to do. Sounds like the poor guy is stuck with an overbearing harpy for a mother. I should have jotted down his address and mailed him a pair of scissors so he can sever the umbilical cord and escape.

Wouldn't help. A mom like that? You really think she doesn't open his mail for him? Took me long enough to train my parents to not do that, and they DON'T think I'm mentally handicapped.

SM: I want to cancel.
ME: I'm sorry to hear that, but I can definitely help you with that. Let me bring up your account information. And how are you doing today?
SM: Fine.
ME: That's good. Any big plans for this weekend?
SM: Yes, canceling my account.
ME: O..k....
SUP: *snicker*

SM: No. I just want it canceled. Cancel it.
ME *glance at SUP*
SUP:
ME: Sure, let's just go ahead and get that taken care of. Why pay for a phone that no one's using, right? Now, I know your son isn't using it, but the account is still in your name. We could always-
SM: I said I want to cancel. Can you do that or not?
ME: Yes, and I'm already setting it up. But I just thought-
SM: Then cancel it. Is it canceled yet? I just want to cancel.
ME: The service has been canceled, and for your final bill-
SM: Canceled? Is it canceled? Yes or No?
ME: Yes.
SM: *click*

Polly wanna cancel? Raawwwwk! Show me the Cancel! SHOW ME THE CANCEL!
Hmm, does he want to cancel? Survey says..... YES!

Okay, I'm done.

SUP: Damn. Who shoved a possum up his butt this morning?

Mmmm, buttpossum...

I would be one of those people. Unless I sense kindred intelligence or the crushed soul of a fellow customer server worker in you, then no I do not wish to partake in small talk. Years ago, perhaps, but not these days, for I have no faith left in humanity and wish only to get home where it can't find me. -.-

I too am one of those people. Sometimes I give it a valiant effort in an attempt to pass for "normal" but people always give up in a minute or two. Then again, I'm not sure I ever had faith in humanity. Which is why I like being behind my locked bedroom door, suite door, the prox card lock in the elevator, the enclosure to get to the elevator, and the front door. Now, if I could just convince them to let me not have a phone...

[JustADude]

Mmmm, buttpossum...

Dangit, Broomjockey! At least this time the beverage I choked on this time wasn't HOT!

[Tigress]

I hate it when people get overly friendly with me. A few months ago, I was buying a set of plain gold-tone rings from K-Mart. When I handed them to the cashier, she looked at them for a minute, looked at me and then asked what I was going to do with them.

My brain promptly short-circuited and all I could respond with was: "Weeeeeaaaarrrrr them?"

Damn, why do you care, woman? Just take my five so I can go home!

[Sliceanddice]

darn it now I'll have to put in ALLLLLL of the call backs LOL (Iknow most of them by heart)

... ok either i missing something obviouse or that is really out of the blue...