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Short list today. It seems they were feeling merciful for once. Which can only mean that Friday and Saturday are sure to be the Weekend from Hell.
SM = Sucky Man
SW = Sucky Woman
ME = I wish I could hate them to death
Of Fiendish Trickery
SW: I want to know why this line is under contract. I never agreed to any contract!
ME: Looks like there was an upgrade in December at a store.
SW: That's my son's line and I never authorized a contract on his line.
ME: Well, it appears that he was listed as being an authorized user on your account at the time.
SW: Oh, yes, I remember that. He called me up and said 'Mom, I want to buy a phone but they won't let me do it since my name's not on the account.'
ME: Right, and I see here you called in to have his name added on 12/22/
SW: Yeah, see, he knows how all this phone stuff works. He went to DeVry, I don't know anything about it, so I said he could buy a phone. But I didn't say anything about letting him get a contract.
ME: But by authorizing him on the account, you granted him permission to make any changes including accepting a contract.
SW: But he didn't say anything about a contract, he just said he wanted to buy a phone.
ME: But at the store, they would have informed him of the contract required for the discount and he would have signed it there.
SW: Oh, I see what's going on here.
ME: Yeah, so it looks like your son really did know what he was doing.
SW: Well, as soon as my contract is up, I'm canceling the whole account. This is the kind of thing that makes customers angry with their providers.
ME: But, he is the one who-
SW: This is a form of trickery! *click*
Yes, you're right. But it's not our freaking fault! Your son deceived you. How in the bleeding Hell is that my fault?
Serving your communications needs since 1882
SM: That's not what was telegraphed to me!
ME: Um, what?
SM: That's not what I read in the telegraph!
Hmm, I dunno. I'll have to look it over, but I'll get the resolution mailed out to you. It'll be on the first train out in the morning, and you should have it in a few weeks, provided the train doesn't get held up by robbers or that the mailman's horse doesn't get eaten by wolves.
Define "Good"
SM: So you cannot give me a good deal?
ME: I'm giving you the best deal I have on that device (a $500 piece of equipment for $299.99).
SM: So you are saying you cannot give me a good deal.
I hate it when someone's idea of a "good deal" only consists of "free phone." Like I'm really going to say, "Just kidding! It's yours! When you go outside tomorrow, I'll be there to hand it to you and then kiss your ass personally!"
The Great Prognosticator
SM: I think I'm going to cancel. (NO NAME LOCAL WIRELESS SERVICE) is offering me unlimited minutes for $60 a month, and I don't think you guys have that.
ME: Well, no, but we do have plans that can give you the minutes you need for less than $60 a month.
SM: No, no. I think I'm just going to cancel. (NNLWS) is way ahead of you guys, maybe someday you'll catch up with them. But for now, they're leagues ahead of you.
ME: Sir, (NNLWS) is offering that because they are a small company with virtually no coverage whatsoever. So sure, you have unlimited minutes, but nowhere to actually use them.
SM: Well, maybe someday you'll catch up. I think eventually this is where all companies will go with service. It's just too bad you guys are so far behind. But, maybe someday, when you do catch up, I'll come back.
This isn't where service is going, buddy, it's where service starts. This is how startup companies lure customers in, then they'll start offering "real" plans if/when they somehow manage to survive the unending onslaught of the major players' (including us) marketing behemoths. But you just go ahead, one of us will eventually end up buying them out and absorbing them into our evil empire after they go bankrupt.
Once again, the cost of "free"
SW: I want a new phone but I'm not paying for it.
ME: I see you just upgraded back in October. If you're having a problem with your phone, we can replace it for you.
SW: It broke in half.
ME: Oh. Well I'm afraid that's not covered by the warranty. We could look at our upgrade program-
SW: No! I can't afford a new phone, so give me a free one or I'll cancel!
ME: I don't have a free phone for you at this time, since you're not yet eligible for the maximum discount, but I can get a phone for as low as $19.99.
SW: Then I'll cancel. (COMPETITOR) will give me a free phone!
ME: But, ma'am, if you can't afford to purchase a new phone, can you afford the Termination fee for canceling under contract, plus the activation costs and possible deposits for (COMPETITOR)?
SW: No I can't!
ME: Then, in the interest of your budget, why don't we look at upgrading and avoid all of that?
SW: No! I'll just have to cancel!
It never fails to amaze me how ridiculous these kinds of calls are. Even faced with fees up the yin-yang, people just can't see past "FREE!"
And again...
SM: I don't care if it's only a penny, if you charge me anything for a phone then I'll cancel and pay the termination fee!
Again, I just don't get it.
SM = Sucky Man
SW = Sucky Woman
ME = I wish I could hate them to death
Of Fiendish Trickery
SW: I want to know why this line is under contract. I never agreed to any contract!
ME: Looks like there was an upgrade in December at a store.
SW: That's my son's line and I never authorized a contract on his line.
ME: Well, it appears that he was listed as being an authorized user on your account at the time.
SW: Oh, yes, I remember that. He called me up and said 'Mom, I want to buy a phone but they won't let me do it since my name's not on the account.'
ME: Right, and I see here you called in to have his name added on 12/22/
SW: Yeah, see, he knows how all this phone stuff works. He went to DeVry, I don't know anything about it, so I said he could buy a phone. But I didn't say anything about letting him get a contract.
ME: But by authorizing him on the account, you granted him permission to make any changes including accepting a contract.
SW: But he didn't say anything about a contract, he just said he wanted to buy a phone.
ME: But at the store, they would have informed him of the contract required for the discount and he would have signed it there.
SW: Oh, I see what's going on here.
ME: Yeah, so it looks like your son really did know what he was doing.
SW: Well, as soon as my contract is up, I'm canceling the whole account. This is the kind of thing that makes customers angry with their providers.
ME: But, he is the one who-
SW: This is a form of trickery! *click*
Yes, you're right. But it's not our freaking fault! Your son deceived you. How in the bleeding Hell is that my fault?
Serving your communications needs since 1882
SM: That's not what was telegraphed to me!
ME: Um, what?
SM: That's not what I read in the telegraph!
Hmm, I dunno. I'll have to look it over, but I'll get the resolution mailed out to you. It'll be on the first train out in the morning, and you should have it in a few weeks, provided the train doesn't get held up by robbers or that the mailman's horse doesn't get eaten by wolves.
Define "Good"
SM: So you cannot give me a good deal?
ME: I'm giving you the best deal I have on that device (a $500 piece of equipment for $299.99).
SM: So you are saying you cannot give me a good deal.
I hate it when someone's idea of a "good deal" only consists of "free phone." Like I'm really going to say, "Just kidding! It's yours! When you go outside tomorrow, I'll be there to hand it to you and then kiss your ass personally!"
The Great Prognosticator
SM: I think I'm going to cancel. (NO NAME LOCAL WIRELESS SERVICE) is offering me unlimited minutes for $60 a month, and I don't think you guys have that.
ME: Well, no, but we do have plans that can give you the minutes you need for less than $60 a month.
SM: No, no. I think I'm just going to cancel. (NNLWS) is way ahead of you guys, maybe someday you'll catch up with them. But for now, they're leagues ahead of you.
ME: Sir, (NNLWS) is offering that because they are a small company with virtually no coverage whatsoever. So sure, you have unlimited minutes, but nowhere to actually use them.
SM: Well, maybe someday you'll catch up. I think eventually this is where all companies will go with service. It's just too bad you guys are so far behind. But, maybe someday, when you do catch up, I'll come back.
This isn't where service is going, buddy, it's where service starts. This is how startup companies lure customers in, then they'll start offering "real" plans if/when they somehow manage to survive the unending onslaught of the major players' (including us) marketing behemoths. But you just go ahead, one of us will eventually end up buying them out and absorbing them into our evil empire after they go bankrupt.
Once again, the cost of "free"
SW: I want a new phone but I'm not paying for it.
ME: I see you just upgraded back in October. If you're having a problem with your phone, we can replace it for you.
SW: It broke in half.
ME: Oh. Well I'm afraid that's not covered by the warranty. We could look at our upgrade program-
SW: No! I can't afford a new phone, so give me a free one or I'll cancel!
ME: I don't have a free phone for you at this time, since you're not yet eligible for the maximum discount, but I can get a phone for as low as $19.99.
SW: Then I'll cancel. (COMPETITOR) will give me a free phone!
ME: But, ma'am, if you can't afford to purchase a new phone, can you afford the Termination fee for canceling under contract, plus the activation costs and possible deposits for (COMPETITOR)?
SW: No I can't!
ME: Then, in the interest of your budget, why don't we look at upgrading and avoid all of that?
SW: No! I'll just have to cancel!
It never fails to amaze me how ridiculous these kinds of calls are. Even faced with fees up the yin-yang, people just can't see past "FREE!"
And again...
SM: I don't care if it's only a penny, if you charge me anything for a phone then I'll cancel and pay the termination fee!
Again, I just don't get it.
Sorry, I just could not resist!
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