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...not a Sprawl Mart. Therefore, we do not carry the following:
-Digital cameras. Try Staples across the British Circle of Death (AKA the rotary)
-RAM. Again, try Staples. Any RAM found here would no doubt be in some ancient, dusty box that's been hidden behind that nameless bag of semi-sentient potato chips that snarls at all who come near it. I'm pretty sure ENIAC is no longer in need of extra RAM.
-Transmission for a Chevette. Wait, what? You come into my store asking for a transmission?. Here's what you need to do. Find a really big catapult like from the Wile E. Coyote cartoons. You remember those cartoons don't you? Sure you do, surely sniffing those magic markers hasn't caused that much brain damage yet. Put the Chevette on the catapult. Set the Chevette on fire. Now launch it at the house of that one fundie guy who's determined to wake you up at six in the morning after a night of hard partying. There, problem solved... for me.
-Tires. The fact that it was a cop asking me this earns bonus points. I think I now know what's happening to all the pot that's being confiscated lately... Don't these guys have AAA? Or a contract with one of the dozen or so tow truck companies in this backwater town?
-.38 caliber ammunition. Sorry Barney, you're gonna have to talk to Andy about that one.
-Trojan Magnum condoms. Uh huh, I saw you walking in, and unless you've somehow flattened it against your leg in those two sizes too small pants, you're fooling no one, limpy. Might I suggest cutting the pinkie finger off a glove?
-Pot. Yes, I know this is a dead-end town. Yes, watching White-Out dry is considered prime entertainment here. No, I don't have any pot. Buy your forty dollars worth of Frito-Lay and Gatorade and go away. Better yet, I know where you can get pot. Head down the street and find the She Riff's building. You can't miss it, has a lot of silly black and white cars out front. Oh yeah, they accidentally left the space out between the word's "She" and "Riff's". Don't worry though, they can help you.
-Black Tar Heroin. ...Please tell me you're joking.
Multi-Vitamins. The crack house two streets down maybe? I mean, if you can get a salad at Mickey D's, I'm sure you can now get multi-vitamins at the local crack house.
So tired... brain still recovering...
-Digital cameras. Try Staples across the British Circle of Death (AKA the rotary)
-RAM. Again, try Staples. Any RAM found here would no doubt be in some ancient, dusty box that's been hidden behind that nameless bag of semi-sentient potato chips that snarls at all who come near it. I'm pretty sure ENIAC is no longer in need of extra RAM.
-Transmission for a Chevette. Wait, what? You come into my store asking for a transmission?. Here's what you need to do. Find a really big catapult like from the Wile E. Coyote cartoons. You remember those cartoons don't you? Sure you do, surely sniffing those magic markers hasn't caused that much brain damage yet. Put the Chevette on the catapult. Set the Chevette on fire. Now launch it at the house of that one fundie guy who's determined to wake you up at six in the morning after a night of hard partying. There, problem solved... for me.
-Tires. The fact that it was a cop asking me this earns bonus points. I think I now know what's happening to all the pot that's being confiscated lately... Don't these guys have AAA? Or a contract with one of the dozen or so tow truck companies in this backwater town?
-.38 caliber ammunition. Sorry Barney, you're gonna have to talk to Andy about that one.
-Trojan Magnum condoms. Uh huh, I saw you walking in, and unless you've somehow flattened it against your leg in those two sizes too small pants, you're fooling no one, limpy. Might I suggest cutting the pinkie finger off a glove?
-Pot. Yes, I know this is a dead-end town. Yes, watching White-Out dry is considered prime entertainment here. No, I don't have any pot. Buy your forty dollars worth of Frito-Lay and Gatorade and go away. Better yet, I know where you can get pot. Head down the street and find the She Riff's building. You can't miss it, has a lot of silly black and white cars out front. Oh yeah, they accidentally left the space out between the word's "She" and "Riff's". Don't worry though, they can help you.
-Black Tar Heroin. ...Please tell me you're joking.
Multi-Vitamins. The crack house two streets down maybe? I mean, if you can get a salad at Mickey D's, I'm sure you can now get multi-vitamins at the local crack house.
So tired... brain still recovering...
LOL at this. As a former partaker and friend to those who still partake, I can honestly say I know stoners almost dumb enough to fall for something like this.
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