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I'm not a stripper! And other stories.

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  • I'm not a stripper! And other stories.

    Here are a few gems from last night.

    No Merlot For You!

    A lady comes up to the bar. I knew it was going to be trouble right away because she was red faced, eyes half closed, and seemed to be drooling. She basically threw herself on the bar top.

    SC: Glassssschofmerlot. LARGE!
    Me: I think you've had a little too much to drink.
    SC: Ihavenothadtoomuchtodrink!

    She leaves and comes back with her husband, who is equally as drunk as her.

    SC's Husband: Largeglassschofmerlot.
    Me: No, I'm afraid she's had too much! And so have you!

    He leaned over the bar, and seemed to struggle to say this.

    SC's Husband: Fffffffffffffffffffffffffuck you then, we'll get scherved somewhere elshhhhhe then!

    They stumbled off.

    Exicteable?? Drunk more like!

    A group of people had been in the bar for ages. They were very loud, and one of them seemed to be screaming all the time. The manager came up to me and told me that under no circumstances was I to serve the young guy with dreadlocks, as he was drunk, screaming and smashing things.

    Guy with dreadlocks came up to the bar.

    Me: I'm sorry mate, you're not getting served, you're too drunk. If you don't calm down we're going to escourt you off the premisis.

    The guy didn't protest. A few minutes later, his dad came up to the bar.

    SC: Can't you just serve my son? He on;y wants a drink!
    Me: We've been monitoring his behaviour, he is drunk and is being distruptive.
    SC: Oh he always gets like that! He's my son, I know how much he can handle.
    Me: Well he didn't protest when I told him he wasn't to be served.
    SC: He's my son! I want you to serve him!
    Me: No. He is too drunk.
    SC: Well, can I buy a drink then.
    Me: Of course you can sir, but if you give it to him you and him will be asked to leave.
    SC: This isn't fair! He's my son! He just gets a bit exciteable when he gets a drink in him!
    Me: He has been throwing glasses.
    SC: Oh he's just playing.
    Me: Ok, this discussion is over. There are other people waiting, and if I hear one more smash or scream from that area, you will be all asked to leave.
    SC: But...but...
    Me: Discussion OVER! Goodbye.

    Say vodka you idiot!

    Me: What can I get you sir?
    SC: Two pitchers of red bull.
    Me: Just red bull?
    SC: Don't be cheeky with me! You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!
    Me: So what do you want with your red bull?
    SC: VODKA! DUH!
    Me: Couldn't you just have said that in the first place sir? It's only one extra word.

    Get out of my face

    I was sorting something on the floor out. I walked onto the bar. I had no idea who was next, so I just walked up to the first person I saw.

    Me: What can I get you sir?

    Absolutely no response. OK, I went to the person next to me.

    Next thing I know, the customer I spoke to first was holding onto my register, as if he was claiming it for himself, not letting anyone else near it. Also, as I was trying to type in the order, he started waving money in front of the screen so I couldn't see what I was doing. He was really in my space, and I get agitated when people get that close to me.

    Me: Sir, step back, I am trying to serve someone.
    SC: I only want a pint!
    Me: Yes, and I asked you what you wanted and you ignored me.
    SC: You took me by surprise.

    He started waving the note at me some more.

    Me: Look! I will serve you next! But DO NOT wave money at me, I will take it off you and keep it for myself. If I wanted money waved at me I could have worked in a strip club!

    All the customers around him burst out laughing. He went bright red and didn't say another word to me.

    Old School

    Seeing as I really don't like my new bar and am leaving, I haven't been my usual polite self.

    A guy came up to the bar I recognised. I went to school with him. He was a smart arse in school and still is. He stood as far away from my register as he possibly could, so as I served him, I was frequently running from one end of the bar to the other.

    Smart Arse: You know, if you went onto one of these registers you would serve people a lot faster! It's just common sense you know!
    Me: Oh, gee, you see I just enjoy running up and down the bar like an idiot for shits and giggles!
    Smart Arse: Really? Well that's just silly.
    Me: No! We are only allowed to stay on one register so if there are any problems cashing up, they can track down the person who used the register!
    Smart Arse: Oh...that makes sense.

    Roll on August 12th when I return to my old bar! The new one has improved slightly, the regulars have stop calling me things like "bastard face" now.
    Last edited by customersruinmylife; 07-20-2007, 02:40 PM.

  • #2
    "Bastard face"
    That's a new one.
    "We were put on this Earth to fart around, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." -Kurt Vonnegut

    Comment


    • #3
      At least the other patrons think it's funny when you dish up some SC vengeance
      Jim: Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Gallactica.
      Dwight: Bears don't eat bee... Hey! What are you doing?
      The Office

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth customersruinmylife View Post
        If I wanted money waved at me I could have worked in a strip club!
        Ooooh, may I permanently borrow that to say at work as the occasion demands?
        Unseen but seeing
        oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
        There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
        3rd shift needs love, too
        RIP, mo bhrionglóid

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth customersruinmylife View Post
          Roll on August 12th when I return to my old bar! The new one has improved slightly, the regulars have stop calling me things like "bastard face" now.
          Do you know what the irony is going to be?

          When you do finally leave, the customers will start coming in and asking 'Where's Customersruinmylife?', start being sucky to the other bartenders because 'Only Customersruinmylife knows how to make that properly!' and generally shitty to the supervisors because 'You drove away Customersruinmylife, and this bar won't be around long if you keep treating employees like that!'

          You see, because your customers are both self-righteous (As evidenced by their harassment of you when you started there) and spirit-crushingly stupid. This is the combo that gives us people eating every day at McDonald's and then suing them because the food there made them fat.

          Mark my words. Mark my words!
          Check out my webcomic!

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth BeckySunshine View Post
            Ooooh, may I permanently borrow that to say at work as the occasion demands?
            Of course you can, I stole it from someone else as well

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth customersruinmylife View Post

              Me: I'm sorry mate, you're not getting served, you're too drunk. If you don't calm
              SC: This isn't fair! He's my son! He just gets a bit exciteable when he gets a drink in him!
              Me: He has been throwing glasses.
              SC: Oh he's just playing.
              Well that's a case of being able to handle your liquor if I ever saw one. Apperantly bad parenting happens even after the kid stops being a minor.

              Bravo sir, I salute you and your obvious grasp of how much is too much. Bravo indeed.
              How was I supposed to know someone was slipping you Birth Control in the food I've been making for you lately?

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth customersruinmylife View Post
                Of course you can, I stole it from someone else as well
                Woo hoo.
                Unseen but seeing
                oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                3rd shift needs love, too
                RIP, mo bhrionglóid

                Comment

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