Here are a few gems from last night.
No Merlot For You!
A lady comes up to the bar. I knew it was going to be trouble right away because she was red faced, eyes half closed, and seemed to be drooling. She basically threw herself on the bar top.
SC: Glassssschofmerlot. LARGE!
Me: I think you've had a little too much to drink.
SC: Ihavenothadtoomuchtodrink!
She leaves and comes back with her husband, who is equally as drunk as her.
SC's Husband: Largeglassschofmerlot.
Me: No, I'm afraid she's had too much! And so have you!
He leaned over the bar, and seemed to struggle to say this.
SC's Husband: Fffffffffffffffffffffffffuck you then, we'll get scherved somewhere elshhhhhe then!
They stumbled off.
Exicteable?? Drunk more like!
A group of people had been in the bar for ages. They were very loud, and one of them seemed to be screaming all the time. The manager came up to me and told me that under no circumstances was I to serve the young guy with dreadlocks, as he was drunk, screaming and smashing things.
Guy with dreadlocks came up to the bar.
Me: I'm sorry mate, you're not getting served, you're too drunk. If you don't calm down we're going to escourt you off the premisis.
The guy didn't protest. A few minutes later, his dad came up to the bar.
SC: Can't you just serve my son? He on;y wants a drink!
Me: We've been monitoring his behaviour, he is drunk and is being distruptive.
SC: Oh he always gets like that! He's my son, I know how much he can handle.
Me: Well he didn't protest when I told him he wasn't to be served.
SC: He's my son! I want you to serve him!
Me: No. He is too drunk.
SC: Well, can I buy a drink then.
Me: Of course you can sir, but if you give it to him you and him will be asked to leave.
SC: This isn't fair! He's my son! He just gets a bit exciteable when he gets a drink in him!
Me: He has been throwing glasses.
SC: Oh he's just playing.
Me: Ok, this discussion is over. There are other people waiting, and if I hear one more smash or scream from that area, you will be all asked to leave.
SC: But...but...
Me: Discussion OVER! Goodbye.
Say vodka you idiot!
Me: What can I get you sir?
SC: Two pitchers of red bull.
Me: Just red bull?
SC: Don't be cheeky with me! You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!
Me: So what do you want with your red bull?
SC: VODKA! DUH!
Me: Couldn't you just have said that in the first place sir? It's only one extra word.
Get out of my face
I was sorting something on the floor out. I walked onto the bar. I had no idea who was next, so I just walked up to the first person I saw.
Me: What can I get you sir?
Absolutely no response. OK, I went to the person next to me.
Next thing I know, the customer I spoke to first was holding onto my register, as if he was claiming it for himself, not letting anyone else near it. Also, as I was trying to type in the order, he started waving money in front of the screen so I couldn't see what I was doing. He was really in my space, and I get agitated when people get that close to me.
Me: Sir, step back, I am trying to serve someone.
SC: I only want a pint!
Me: Yes, and I asked you what you wanted and you ignored me.
SC: You took me by surprise.
He started waving the note at me some more.
Me: Look! I will serve you next! But DO NOT wave money at me, I will take it off you and keep it for myself. If I wanted money waved at me I could have worked in a strip club!
All the customers around him burst out laughing. He went bright red and didn't say another word to me.
Old School
Seeing as I really don't like my new bar and am leaving, I haven't been my usual polite self.
A guy came up to the bar I recognised. I went to school with him. He was a smart arse in school and still is. He stood as far away from my register as he possibly could, so as I served him, I was frequently running from one end of the bar to the other.
Smart Arse: You know, if you went onto one of these registers you would serve people a lot faster! It's just common sense you know!
Me: Oh, gee, you see I just enjoy running up and down the bar like an idiot for shits and giggles!
Smart Arse: Really? Well that's just silly.
Me: No! We are only allowed to stay on one register so if there are any problems cashing up, they can track down the person who used the register!
Smart Arse: Oh...that makes sense.
Roll on August 12th when I return to my old bar! The new one has improved slightly, the regulars have stop calling me things like "bastard face" now.
No Merlot For You!
A lady comes up to the bar. I knew it was going to be trouble right away because she was red faced, eyes half closed, and seemed to be drooling. She basically threw herself on the bar top.
SC: Glassssschofmerlot. LARGE!
Me: I think you've had a little too much to drink.
SC: Ihavenothadtoomuchtodrink!
She leaves and comes back with her husband, who is equally as drunk as her.
SC's Husband: Largeglassschofmerlot.
Me: No, I'm afraid she's had too much! And so have you!
He leaned over the bar, and seemed to struggle to say this.
SC's Husband: Fffffffffffffffffffffffffuck you then, we'll get scherved somewhere elshhhhhe then!
They stumbled off.
Exicteable?? Drunk more like!
A group of people had been in the bar for ages. They were very loud, and one of them seemed to be screaming all the time. The manager came up to me and told me that under no circumstances was I to serve the young guy with dreadlocks, as he was drunk, screaming and smashing things.
Guy with dreadlocks came up to the bar.
Me: I'm sorry mate, you're not getting served, you're too drunk. If you don't calm down we're going to escourt you off the premisis.
The guy didn't protest. A few minutes later, his dad came up to the bar.
SC: Can't you just serve my son? He on;y wants a drink!
Me: We've been monitoring his behaviour, he is drunk and is being distruptive.
SC: Oh he always gets like that! He's my son, I know how much he can handle.
Me: Well he didn't protest when I told him he wasn't to be served.
SC: He's my son! I want you to serve him!
Me: No. He is too drunk.
SC: Well, can I buy a drink then.
Me: Of course you can sir, but if you give it to him you and him will be asked to leave.
SC: This isn't fair! He's my son! He just gets a bit exciteable when he gets a drink in him!
Me: He has been throwing glasses.
SC: Oh he's just playing.
Me: Ok, this discussion is over. There are other people waiting, and if I hear one more smash or scream from that area, you will be all asked to leave.
SC: But...but...
Me: Discussion OVER! Goodbye.
Say vodka you idiot!
Me: What can I get you sir?
SC: Two pitchers of red bull.
Me: Just red bull?
SC: Don't be cheeky with me! You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!
Me: So what do you want with your red bull?
SC: VODKA! DUH!
Me: Couldn't you just have said that in the first place sir? It's only one extra word.
Get out of my face
I was sorting something on the floor out. I walked onto the bar. I had no idea who was next, so I just walked up to the first person I saw.
Me: What can I get you sir?
Absolutely no response. OK, I went to the person next to me.
Next thing I know, the customer I spoke to first was holding onto my register, as if he was claiming it for himself, not letting anyone else near it. Also, as I was trying to type in the order, he started waving money in front of the screen so I couldn't see what I was doing. He was really in my space, and I get agitated when people get that close to me.
Me: Sir, step back, I am trying to serve someone.
SC: I only want a pint!
Me: Yes, and I asked you what you wanted and you ignored me.
SC: You took me by surprise.
He started waving the note at me some more.
Me: Look! I will serve you next! But DO NOT wave money at me, I will take it off you and keep it for myself. If I wanted money waved at me I could have worked in a strip club!
All the customers around him burst out laughing. He went bright red and didn't say another word to me.
Old School
Seeing as I really don't like my new bar and am leaving, I haven't been my usual polite self.
A guy came up to the bar I recognised. I went to school with him. He was a smart arse in school and still is. He stood as far away from my register as he possibly could, so as I served him, I was frequently running from one end of the bar to the other.
Smart Arse: You know, if you went onto one of these registers you would serve people a lot faster! It's just common sense you know!
Me: Oh, gee, you see I just enjoy running up and down the bar like an idiot for shits and giggles!
Smart Arse: Really? Well that's just silly.
Me: No! We are only allowed to stay on one register so if there are any problems cashing up, they can track down the person who used the register!
Smart Arse: Oh...that makes sense.
Roll on August 12th when I return to my old bar! The new one has improved slightly, the regulars have stop calling me things like "bastard face" now.
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