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The last few days have been a marathon of stupid customers. I swear, I think half the population of Nunavut is vacationing in the New england area (nods to Gracekeeper). All that's mising are the pink camo pants.
I Didn't Know Video Games Were Considered Office Supplies
Idiot calls in
Me: Thank you for calling Staples.
SC: Do you have Nintendo Wiis?
Me: No we don't.
SC: *sighs explosively* *click*
That call right there was a microcosm of what I've been dealing with these last few days.
Wireless Printing Fetishist
Had a guy who drove me crazy askign which of our printers were wireless. Let me start off by saying that wireless printing is hugely overrated; it's not nearly as fast or reliable as USB or network printing. For that reason, we don't carrymany wireless printers, and we don't usually highlight that as a feature unless the customers wants it.
SC (rude; condescending): Where are your wireless printers? Is this one wireless? What about this one? This one? This one? This one? Would you just point out to me which ones are wireless? How about that one? This one? Is this printer wireless. This one looks like is has what I need, is it wireless? That one's wireless? Is it? You're sure? What about this one? That one? The one next to it? Do you have any laser printers that are wireless? What's the difference between these two? Oh, neither is wireless? Well which ones ARE wireless?!
Me *thinking*: YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to ask this guy if he was on meth or something. He asked about the same printers at least 3 times each. Newsflash: Askign again does not make the answer change! I did not even have a chance to ask him any probing questions to determine his needs, so I was shocked when he actually bought a printer from me.
SC: Can I put this here? *points ot empty register*
Me: Yes
SC: You'll ring me out, right?
Me *through gritted teeth*: Sure. (It's only not my job to do that, and will force me to ignore other customers for another few minutes.)
I wanted to strangle this guy.
The cashier opposite me only heard the tail end of this whole incident, and was shocked at how rude the guy was (it was mainly his tone and attitude. Mere words can not convey that accurately enough)
Ink or Toner - It's Not That Hard
Me: What can I help you find?
SC: I need an HP 27.
Me: OK, ink or toner? [There's both numbered HP 27]
SC: Uh......printer cartridge?
Me:
Do you have an inkjet or laser printer, sir?
SC: Well it comes as a cartridge.......
Me:
Ok.....is it small, like this *points to ink cartridge* or big like this? *points ot toner cartridge*
SC: Oh, much smaller than that *points to toner*
Me: OK *hands him a #27 ink cartridge* Have a nice day. *runs away screaming*
JUT LET ME SEE IT!!!!!
Guy with a barely comprehendable accent asks me for a memory card for his cell phone. He didn't know what kind he needed, of course, so I asked to see the phone. Most of you probably know this, but you can usualyl tell by looking what kind of card is needed, either from the shape/size of the card slot or because it's engraved there.
SC: There's nothing in it. You won't be able to tell.
Me: I'd still like to see it, sir.
SC: But there's no card in there.
Me: Yes, but if I could lo-
SC: You WON'T be able to tell!
Me: Sir---
SC: It's EMPTY!
Me: I understand that sir, but if---
SC: I'm telling you, you won't be able to tell, but if you INSIST! *holds out phone with the card slot open*
Me: Thank you *hands him 1GB MicroSC card*
SC: Are you sure that's it?
Me: Yes
SC *suspicious*: I don't see my phone listed on the box.
Me: They don't list compatible devices on these.
SC: Well then how do you know?
(Maybe if you'd let me talk the first time, you'd know this already).
Me: Because the size and shape of your card slot matches that card.
Because I know what I'm doing and YOU don't, sir.
He then proceeded to interrogate me about the price and kept asking if I'd give him a deal on the 2GB card which was NOT on sale (the 1GB was) and even after I was done with him, he interrupted me TWICE while i was with other customers to ask me a follow up question. Just buy the damn thing and GO AWAY!!!!!
I'd Like the Solid Gold product for the price of the Solid Crap.
This guy claimed that he and his wife were starting their own advertising compay out of their home, designing and laying out print ads and the like. OK, fine. Staples probably sin't hte best place to get what you need, but I can at least help you get started.
Short version: He wanted a hig performacne system with powerful but easy to use software for layout, for well under $1000 total. Riiight....
Long version:
He wanted a desktop system, and something better than his "586 PC at home" (yes, 586). Not a good start.
Then he felt that $800 was far too much for a new PC, and could we do any better for him? Well, of the 5 desktop systems I have int he store, that eliminates the only two that would come close to fulfilling his needs.
Then he asked for a recommendation on software. He wanted something "like.....Photo....smart? is it?" Photoshop? Yes, Photoshop. Wants to know if he can do ads in Photoshop.
Yes, sort of, but Photoshop isn't designed to do page layout. What do I recommend, then? Well, sir, I'd recommend that at a minimum, you buy the full Adobe Creative Suite. Is it hard to use? Well, it is a very sophiticated software package. Oh you want something super easy, point and click? Then I don't really know. How much is it? About $1200.
Oh, that's far too expensive. Well....no, no I don't know of any software under $100 that does what you are looking. What? No, I don't know of any free software that does it eitehr. Where can you download the Creative Suite? Are you seriously asking me about pirating software? You can get a 30 day free trial from Adobe last I checked.
He wlaked out without buying anything (surprise). Yeah, good luck with your ad startup, sir!
Well, that will have to be enough for now. It's time to go endure more of it.
I Didn't Know Video Games Were Considered Office Supplies
Idiot calls in
Me: Thank you for calling Staples.
SC: Do you have Nintendo Wiis?
Me: No we don't.
SC: *sighs explosively* *click*
That call right there was a microcosm of what I've been dealing with these last few days.
Wireless Printing Fetishist
Had a guy who drove me crazy askign which of our printers were wireless. Let me start off by saying that wireless printing is hugely overrated; it's not nearly as fast or reliable as USB or network printing. For that reason, we don't carrymany wireless printers, and we don't usually highlight that as a feature unless the customers wants it.
SC (rude; condescending): Where are your wireless printers? Is this one wireless? What about this one? This one? This one? This one? Would you just point out to me which ones are wireless? How about that one? This one? Is this printer wireless. This one looks like is has what I need, is it wireless? That one's wireless? Is it? You're sure? What about this one? That one? The one next to it? Do you have any laser printers that are wireless? What's the difference between these two? Oh, neither is wireless? Well which ones ARE wireless?!
Me *thinking*: YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to ask this guy if he was on meth or something. He asked about the same printers at least 3 times each. Newsflash: Askign again does not make the answer change! I did not even have a chance to ask him any probing questions to determine his needs, so I was shocked when he actually bought a printer from me.
SC: Can I put this here? *points ot empty register*
Me: Yes
SC: You'll ring me out, right?
Me *through gritted teeth*: Sure. (It's only not my job to do that, and will force me to ignore other customers for another few minutes.)
I wanted to strangle this guy.
The cashier opposite me only heard the tail end of this whole incident, and was shocked at how rude the guy was (it was mainly his tone and attitude. Mere words can not convey that accurately enough)
Ink or Toner - It's Not That Hard
Me: What can I help you find?
SC: I need an HP 27.
Me: OK, ink or toner? [There's both numbered HP 27]
SC: Uh......printer cartridge?
Me:
Do you have an inkjet or laser printer, sir?SC: Well it comes as a cartridge.......
Me:
Ok.....is it small, like this *points to ink cartridge* or big like this? *points ot toner cartridge*SC: Oh, much smaller than that *points to toner*
Me: OK *hands him a #27 ink cartridge* Have a nice day. *runs away screaming*
JUT LET ME SEE IT!!!!!
Guy with a barely comprehendable accent asks me for a memory card for his cell phone. He didn't know what kind he needed, of course, so I asked to see the phone. Most of you probably know this, but you can usualyl tell by looking what kind of card is needed, either from the shape/size of the card slot or because it's engraved there.
SC: There's nothing in it. You won't be able to tell.
Me: I'd still like to see it, sir.
SC: But there's no card in there.
Me: Yes, but if I could lo-
SC: You WON'T be able to tell!
Me: Sir---
SC: It's EMPTY!
Me: I understand that sir, but if---
SC: I'm telling you, you won't be able to tell, but if you INSIST! *holds out phone with the card slot open*
Me: Thank you *hands him 1GB MicroSC card*
SC: Are you sure that's it?
Me: Yes
SC *suspicious*: I don't see my phone listed on the box.
Me: They don't list compatible devices on these.
SC: Well then how do you know?
(Maybe if you'd let me talk the first time, you'd know this already).
Me: Because the size and shape of your card slot matches that card.
Because I know what I'm doing and YOU don't, sir.
He then proceeded to interrogate me about the price and kept asking if I'd give him a deal on the 2GB card which was NOT on sale (the 1GB was) and even after I was done with him, he interrupted me TWICE while i was with other customers to ask me a follow up question. Just buy the damn thing and GO AWAY!!!!!
I'd Like the Solid Gold product for the price of the Solid Crap.
This guy claimed that he and his wife were starting their own advertising compay out of their home, designing and laying out print ads and the like. OK, fine. Staples probably sin't hte best place to get what you need, but I can at least help you get started.
Short version: He wanted a hig performacne system with powerful but easy to use software for layout, for well under $1000 total. Riiight....
Long version:
He wanted a desktop system, and something better than his "586 PC at home" (yes, 586). Not a good start.
Then he felt that $800 was far too much for a new PC, and could we do any better for him? Well, of the 5 desktop systems I have int he store, that eliminates the only two that would come close to fulfilling his needs.
Then he asked for a recommendation on software. He wanted something "like.....Photo....smart? is it?" Photoshop? Yes, Photoshop. Wants to know if he can do ads in Photoshop.
Yes, sort of, but Photoshop isn't designed to do page layout. What do I recommend, then? Well, sir, I'd recommend that at a minimum, you buy the full Adobe Creative Suite. Is it hard to use? Well, it is a very sophiticated software package. Oh you want something super easy, point and click? Then I don't really know. How much is it? About $1200.
Oh, that's far too expensive. Well....no, no I don't know of any software under $100 that does what you are looking. What? No, I don't know of any free software that does it eitehr. Where can you download the Creative Suite? Are you seriously asking me about pirating software? You can get a 30 day free trial from Adobe last I checked.
He wlaked out without buying anything (surprise). Yeah, good luck with your ad startup, sir!
Well, that will have to be enough for now. It's time to go endure more of it.
(thinking: WRONG DEPARTMENT, MORON!!!) Hold on a moment, I just need to call up the inventory......yes we do.
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