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  • Realistic punchlines.

    You're all probably going to think this will suck, but whatever.
    This topic is for jokes with realistic punchlines. You take a popular joke, and change the punchline:

    ORIGINAL: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

    He had nobody to go with! HAR

    REALISTIC:
    Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

    Because he was a skeleton, which is usually the remains of a deceased person or animal, but they can also be made of plastic for exhibition in museums or science classes. In any case, he was not a living being, and as such, could not go to a party to socialize.

    Like that, only don't post the original.

    What? I like it.
    "We were put on this Earth to fart around, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." -Kurt Vonnegut

  • #2
    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Well technically it doesn't count as being crossed if he was hit by a truck halfway across the road.


    Knock-Knock
    Who's there?
    Banana!
    Banana who?
    Banana's cannot physically knock on your door, we're going to have to take you to the nearest Asylum since you seem to have problems grasping reality.
    It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
    ~~~H.L. Mencken

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    • #3
      A German, and Irishman and a Pole walk into a bar.

      They politely order their drinks, have a wonderful conversation, pay their bar tab, with a sizable gratuity for the bartender, and return to their homes.

      Comment


      • #4
        Yo Momma's so fat she has an increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, and other obesity-related concerns!
        Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

        "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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        • #5
          What did the blonde say to the brunette?

          "Hello."
          I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

          Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

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          • #6
            Hey, it's better than I thought!

            What's the difference between a dead black person in the road and a dead snake in the road?

            A dead black person simply lying in the road suggests that a crime has been committed, namely a hit-and-run. Of course, without proper investigation we have no way of knowing if he was killed or if he died of some other cause not involving foul play.
            "We were put on this Earth to fart around, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." -Kurt Vonnegut

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            • #7
              How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

              One.

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              • #8
                A horse walks into a bar. Therefore, a panic breaks out, four people are trampled in a suburb of what is most likely middle Texas, and the horse is killed and sent to an Elmer glue factory.

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                • #9
                  Quoth hecubus View Post
                  They politely order their drinks, have a wonderful conversation, pay their bar tab, with a sizable gratuity for the bartender, and return to their homes.
                  WHOA WHOA WHOA! Who are these three gentlemen? Was this like seeing Halley's Comet where it'll only happen once every generation? THREE? MEN? DRINKING? POLITELY? SIZABLE GRATUITY?
                  Wait a minute, I thought this was supposed to be a *realistic* punchline...
                  [/failed humor]

                  On to my own (no one take offense sil vous plait):

                  Q: Why don't women wear watches?
                  A: In fact, many women do wear watches. Those that don't wear watches have many varied reasons for not doing so.

                  Three men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks rushes to save their beers which are spilling out on the playground's wood-chip surface.

                  Q: How many "real women" does it take to screw in a light bulb?
                  A: One. Real women aren't as stupid as most jokes make them out to be.

                  Q: How many "real men" does it take to screw in a light bulb?
                  A: One. However, since most real men can get by with the light from the TV, and likely have other lights in the room anyway, it probably won't be done until his girlfriend, wife, or mother makes him do it.

                  Q: What do you have when you cross Democrats and Republicans?
                  A: No hope of winning the Presidential election in 2008.

                  Q: What time is it when a gorilla sits on your watch?
                  A: If the gorilla is sitting on your watch at the time of this posting, it is 1:50PM EST, and if you are still wearing said watch, it is probably about time to head to the ER.
                  "I'm not a crazed gunman, dad, I'm an assassin... Well, the difference being one is a job and the other's mental sickness!" -The Sniper

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                  • #10
                    Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                    Yo Momma's so fat she has an increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, and other obesity-related concerns!
                    That actually sounds like a Family Guy kind of joke. I like it
                    "Maybe the problem just went away...maybe it was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."

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