I haven't posted anything in a while, but that's because 3rd shift doesn't leave much to be yelled at for. It's very quiet. Not many people have copier problems at night.
However, permission was given by the OP of this to post in other communities. It has sufficient lulz, so here we go....
The Tale of Midnight Voyager, Surveyor Officeperson:
PART 1
I'm more or less new at this phone monkey thing. Sure, I've been doing this for a year, but all I really do is say the name of the company and direct the call to the proper person... or take a message... and it's not technically in my job description. I'm a draftsman. So every once in a while, I'll answer the phone, be a bit distracted, and someone will catch me off-guard. We get a very large number of random calls for two reasons.
1. Company name starts with B. First in the phone book.
2. We've been around longest of anyone.
Now. I was in the middle of a difficult, complicated map. I was very distracted. The phone rings and I answer it.
"Boles Engineering."
"Can I speak to Mr. Boles?"
"............uh..."
My brain was not working right. I was gaping like a beached flounder. I was... my brain didn't catch what was said. Really.
"...he's... dead..."
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! What happened to him?"
Everyone in the office is now also gaping like a beached flounder. An utterly confused "he's dead" was not what they expected to hear. However, I have NEVER heard or heard about a coworker talking to one that actually asked what happened to him. They usually get the point by then that they are caught in their little bid to get STRAIGHT TO THE BOSS.
"...he... died... before I was born..."
The office explodes into silent laughter, half choking to not be heard in the background. We get many calls like that, so they knew what was probably being said.
Now, confused as I was, the guy is caught. All he did, you see, was take the name of the company and put Mr. in front of it. Why? Because every damn idiot who calls in thinks they NEED THE OWNER OMFG. No. You need a surveyor. You are not that important. Go away.
Dead silence. Meek, sheepish tone. "Well... *half mumble, something like "someone referred me to him"* ...who do I need to speak to about a survey?"
Sigh.
-
Now here's a cute little story. This woman, you see, was not very bright. She bought a piece of land... with no survey. Just blam! Purchase.
This is not bright. At all. Any. She had no idea where the boundaries were. She probably got screwed on it.
She called in people to clear off and move trees and everything. Still no survey.
This is REALLY not bright. This is unbright of flaming death. Sirens exploded in fury when this happened. She was cutting trees, many of which were not hers.
They're clearing... and they find an empty house. She... decides... well, the house must be hers!
...so she moved her son into it.
...
This... I... g... WTF!? You... idiot... just... no!!!
I...
I can't... form any words... for this one... just... no.
And no. It was NOT hers. It was some other nice person's. Yes, it was empty... that does not mean it is not owned.
Lawsuits still pending. She'll probably have to pay for the lumber that was cut, fines for housenapping, maybe even replant the trees and pay for irrigation.
We don't do surveying for no reason.
PART 2
Remember this little gem?
I heard a clearer report of the incident today, along with some additions.
How far outside of their own land was this house that they thought just must be theirs? 70 yards.
70 yards. They cleared 70 yards wide, the length of their property, of trees. Luckily, the trees were crappy little dying things. They'll still probably get nice and sued for them.
Here's where the hilarious and the WTF comes in. Bob cringes at this. It makes Bob cry.
The nice lady comes up to her new house. It had been boarded up, yes.
She sees it occupied. Cue *blink blink* sound effects. Walks up, calmly knocks on the door. Informs the son of Miss "It must be mine!"'s... er... wife? Girlfriend? Long-standing butt-monkey? that the house is hers, and why are they in it?
Cue Wife/GF/Butt-monkey walking back into the house "to get *crazy woman's son*."
Comes back with a butcher knife, screaming like a madwoman, threats, curses, and completely chases the rightful owner away.
WTF!?
Apparently, the son is perfectly nice and sane... he just... I mean... the hell?
I may add that the crazy woman and her son are still quite insistent that it is their land. No, really. No, they got no survey, but it's their land. No, you don't get it. Their. Land. This has to be an honest mistake on your part.
...
*HEADDESK*
PART 3
Oh. My. God.
I knew this would be good.
Okay, I have one major clarification point here. (That's also funny) The house they claimed? No water or electricity. This house was indeed completely abandoned. They couldn't get it turned on, because..... THEY COULDN'T PROVE THEY OWNED THE HOUSE! You would have thought this would have clued them in.
Now to the updates.
I got a call on the phone today. A very nice, polite lawyer was on the line. This is fairly normal. We get lawyers, accountants, real estate people... I note the name of the lawyer, the client he was calling about, the county, the prob... lem... wait... cutting on her side of the line? This sounds familiar... it couldn't be... I mean, it's been quite a while... though everything moves at the speed of government relating to lawsuits...
I hand the phone to the right person, give them the information, and... "Hey, is this the 'The land must be hers!' lady?"
Indeed it was!
I was hankering for more info, so I was listening in closely. I knew I had something for all of you when my uncle exclaimed "OH GOD, REALLY!?"
My coworker called what he thought the problem was. He was right.
...The house in question was "mysteriously" burnt down.
...
I think that lawsuit is going to be bumped up to a higher court now...
Why can some people NOT EVER admit that they're wrong? They were called out on it! They have evidence they're wrong! But nooooooo...
It wasn't even a nice house! It was abandoned! It had no water or electricity! *head explodes*
===
More coming, as it comes...
However, permission was given by the OP of this to post in other communities. It has sufficient lulz, so here we go....
The Tale of Midnight Voyager, Surveyor Officeperson:
PART 1
I'm more or less new at this phone monkey thing. Sure, I've been doing this for a year, but all I really do is say the name of the company and direct the call to the proper person... or take a message... and it's not technically in my job description. I'm a draftsman. So every once in a while, I'll answer the phone, be a bit distracted, and someone will catch me off-guard. We get a very large number of random calls for two reasons.
1. Company name starts with B. First in the phone book.
2. We've been around longest of anyone.
Now. I was in the middle of a difficult, complicated map. I was very distracted. The phone rings and I answer it.
"Boles Engineering."
"Can I speak to Mr. Boles?"
"............uh..."
My brain was not working right. I was gaping like a beached flounder. I was... my brain didn't catch what was said. Really.
"...he's... dead..."
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! What happened to him?"
Everyone in the office is now also gaping like a beached flounder. An utterly confused "he's dead" was not what they expected to hear. However, I have NEVER heard or heard about a coworker talking to one that actually asked what happened to him. They usually get the point by then that they are caught in their little bid to get STRAIGHT TO THE BOSS.
"...he... died... before I was born..."
The office explodes into silent laughter, half choking to not be heard in the background. We get many calls like that, so they knew what was probably being said.
Now, confused as I was, the guy is caught. All he did, you see, was take the name of the company and put Mr. in front of it. Why? Because every damn idiot who calls in thinks they NEED THE OWNER OMFG. No. You need a surveyor. You are not that important. Go away.
Dead silence. Meek, sheepish tone. "Well... *half mumble, something like "someone referred me to him"* ...who do I need to speak to about a survey?"
Sigh.
-
Now here's a cute little story. This woman, you see, was not very bright. She bought a piece of land... with no survey. Just blam! Purchase.
This is not bright. At all. Any. She had no idea where the boundaries were. She probably got screwed on it.
She called in people to clear off and move trees and everything. Still no survey.
This is REALLY not bright. This is unbright of flaming death. Sirens exploded in fury when this happened. She was cutting trees, many of which were not hers.
They're clearing... and they find an empty house. She... decides... well, the house must be hers!
...so she moved her son into it.
...
This... I... g... WTF!? You... idiot... just... no!!!
I...
I can't... form any words... for this one... just... no.
And no. It was NOT hers. It was some other nice person's. Yes, it was empty... that does not mean it is not owned.
Lawsuits still pending. She'll probably have to pay for the lumber that was cut, fines for housenapping, maybe even replant the trees and pay for irrigation.
We don't do surveying for no reason.
PART 2
Remember this little gem?
I heard a clearer report of the incident today, along with some additions.
How far outside of their own land was this house that they thought just must be theirs? 70 yards.
70 yards. They cleared 70 yards wide, the length of their property, of trees. Luckily, the trees were crappy little dying things. They'll still probably get nice and sued for them.
Here's where the hilarious and the WTF comes in. Bob cringes at this. It makes Bob cry.
The nice lady comes up to her new house. It had been boarded up, yes.
She sees it occupied. Cue *blink blink* sound effects. Walks up, calmly knocks on the door. Informs the son of Miss "It must be mine!"'s... er... wife? Girlfriend? Long-standing butt-monkey? that the house is hers, and why are they in it?
Cue Wife/GF/Butt-monkey walking back into the house "to get *crazy woman's son*."
Comes back with a butcher knife, screaming like a madwoman, threats, curses, and completely chases the rightful owner away.
WTF!?
Apparently, the son is perfectly nice and sane... he just... I mean... the hell?
I may add that the crazy woman and her son are still quite insistent that it is their land. No, really. No, they got no survey, but it's their land. No, you don't get it. Their. Land. This has to be an honest mistake on your part.
...
*HEADDESK*
PART 3
Oh. My. God.
I knew this would be good.
Okay, I have one major clarification point here. (That's also funny) The house they claimed? No water or electricity. This house was indeed completely abandoned. They couldn't get it turned on, because..... THEY COULDN'T PROVE THEY OWNED THE HOUSE! You would have thought this would have clued them in.
Now to the updates.
I got a call on the phone today. A very nice, polite lawyer was on the line. This is fairly normal. We get lawyers, accountants, real estate people... I note the name of the lawyer, the client he was calling about, the county, the prob... lem... wait... cutting on her side of the line? This sounds familiar... it couldn't be... I mean, it's been quite a while... though everything moves at the speed of government relating to lawsuits...
I hand the phone to the right person, give them the information, and... "Hey, is this the 'The land must be hers!' lady?"
Indeed it was!
I was hankering for more info, so I was listening in closely. I knew I had something for all of you when my uncle exclaimed "OH GOD, REALLY!?"
My coworker called what he thought the problem was. He was right.
...The house in question was "mysteriously" burnt down.
...
I think that lawsuit is going to be bumped up to a higher court now...
Why can some people NOT EVER admit that they're wrong? They were called out on it! They have evidence they're wrong! But nooooooo...
It wasn't even a nice house! It was abandoned! It had no water or electricity! *head explodes*
===
More coming, as it comes...
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