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*This letter is a rant. I cease to maintain a polite demeanor the deeper I get into the situation....
Dear Self-Important Entitlment Whores Who Think They Are Adorable,
I would like to profusely apologize for not meeting your easily attainable standards. However, I feel it would be appropriate to give you a few words of advice on how to make your next visit to a high-volume restaurant on a Friday night a bit more bearable.
If you're ever at a restaurant and the service is a bit less than spectacular and you aren't at a place where you would take someone to be wined and dined, PLEASE understand that there are about 25 customers in my section and only ONE of me, and 90% of the time they all need something at once. It's very taxing on your mind and body to give perfect service and I'm a human being. Yes. I stand upright like you, I put my pants on the same way in the morning, and I'm a student, teacher, daughter, sister, cousin, and friend to many people.
I'm sorry you had to wait a bit, and the restaurant was PACKED on a Friday night, of all days! I was busy dodging screaming kids while carrying heavy trays of food and drinks, but I apologized profusely and even did you the courtesy of putting in your order BEFORE putting in the order of the table of 15 people next to you, even though they came in a bit earlier. Yes. You might have had to be subject to the dreaded, "first come, first served.".
The food had turned a bit cold, and I immediately fixed the problem. I admit that one mistake, but I don't think there's a reason to get snippy with me if you can see the place is jumpin' and I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get everyone every little thing their heart desires. So maybe 10%, at least? Maybea buck or two? No.
You wrote a big fat zero in the tip space on the CC slip, and you scrawled a little note on the top: "I have never left a $0 tip." Yeah, way to be ambigous there. I don't give a shit about your tipping history. All I know is that I busted my ass all night and you decide to take it out on me that the place was busy. In your eyes, I didn't deserve a tip. I fucking get it. You don't need to write a note justifying your snooty behavior toward us restaurant workers, the dirt beneath your feet. Have the balls to tell me: "I thought your service sucked ass."
So if getting your food in a reasonable amount of time considering how busy we were and having a small problem fixed immediately and apolegetically warrants stiffing me, and you claim you have NEVER had to leave such a "tip" before, that begs the question: "Where the hell have you been eating?" Because if that's apparently the worst service you've ever received, then it looks like this "leaving zilch for any kind of service" thing is going to evolve into a trend. Just make sure you keep a list of how many you "give" out, so you can write to the server what rank they are in the long line of unicellular pond scum who deserve no compensation for slinging your food and running their ass off. MMMkay?
With warmest regards, the worst server you've had in your life,
Giggle M. Goose
Dear Self-Important Entitlment Whores Who Think They Are Adorable,
I would like to profusely apologize for not meeting your easily attainable standards. However, I feel it would be appropriate to give you a few words of advice on how to make your next visit to a high-volume restaurant on a Friday night a bit more bearable.
If you're ever at a restaurant and the service is a bit less than spectacular and you aren't at a place where you would take someone to be wined and dined, PLEASE understand that there are about 25 customers in my section and only ONE of me, and 90% of the time they all need something at once. It's very taxing on your mind and body to give perfect service and I'm a human being. Yes. I stand upright like you, I put my pants on the same way in the morning, and I'm a student, teacher, daughter, sister, cousin, and friend to many people.
I'm sorry you had to wait a bit, and the restaurant was PACKED on a Friday night, of all days! I was busy dodging screaming kids while carrying heavy trays of food and drinks, but I apologized profusely and even did you the courtesy of putting in your order BEFORE putting in the order of the table of 15 people next to you, even though they came in a bit earlier. Yes. You might have had to be subject to the dreaded, "first come, first served.".
The food had turned a bit cold, and I immediately fixed the problem. I admit that one mistake, but I don't think there's a reason to get snippy with me if you can see the place is jumpin' and I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get everyone every little thing their heart desires. So maybe 10%, at least? Maybea buck or two? No.You wrote a big fat zero in the tip space on the CC slip, and you scrawled a little note on the top: "I have never left a $0 tip." Yeah, way to be ambigous there. I don't give a shit about your tipping history. All I know is that I busted my ass all night and you decide to take it out on me that the place was busy. In your eyes, I didn't deserve a tip. I fucking get it. You don't need to write a note justifying your snooty behavior toward us restaurant workers, the dirt beneath your feet. Have the balls to tell me: "I thought your service sucked ass."
So if getting your food in a reasonable amount of time considering how busy we were and having a small problem fixed immediately and apolegetically warrants stiffing me, and you claim you have NEVER had to leave such a "tip" before, that begs the question: "Where the hell have you been eating?" Because if that's apparently the worst service you've ever received, then it looks like this "leaving zilch for any kind of service" thing is going to evolve into a trend. Just make sure you keep a list of how many you "give" out, so you can write to the server what rank they are in the long line of unicellular pond scum who deserve no compensation for slinging your food and running their ass off. MMMkay?
With warmest regards, the worst server you've had in your life,
Giggle M. Goose
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