Imaginary Money Orders and other Reptillian tails

[TheSnakeLady]

So I've found myself reading these forums and enjoying the stories within, but since I don't work retail or customer support, I've just been lurking. It finally dawned on me that I have some stories of my own to contribute, not from work but from my hobby.

A little bit of background -- my hobby is breeding snakes. Snakes, being reptiles, can be quite prolific, and if I kept every snake I ever hatched, my house would be crawling with them. So what does one do with excess snakes? One sells them (online and at shows). It is from this experience that I draw forth my anecdotes of customer suckiness.

What kinds of sucky customers hang out in the reptile hobby?

There's the cheapass customer...
"Why don't you have any $15 snakes? That guy over there has $15 snakes."
That guy over there has $15 snakes because they're plain common normal cornsnakes. The snakes I'm selling are more rare and harder to breed and/or obtain. Do you walk into a jewelry store and complain that ruby rings cost so much more than faceted red gem-shaped plastic you find at the bottom of a Crackerjack box?


There's the petting zoo "customer"...
"I want to hold that snake. Now I want to hold that snake. Can I hold that snake too? Wait, I think I haven't held one of those snakes yet. Can I?"
Arrgh! Reptile shows are meant for the sale of reptiles and supplies. They are not meant for you and/or your spawn to manhandle every single critter. If you're not intending to buy (or even thinking about buying), don't ask to handle the snakes. They get stressed, they get scared. You're a big hideous monster as far as a baby snake is concerned. You've no experience with reptiles, and if the snake is scared enough, it'll take off like a shot and try to escape your meaty grasp, which means I have to exit the booth to chase down a fleeing critter in the hopes that I can catch him before somebody walking by accidentally steps on him.

There's the customer that changed their mind and felt they had to tell a crazy lie to get out of the order...
"I want that snake. I can send you the money for it on Monday. Please don't take him to the show to sell, as I definitely have the money and definitely want that snake."
Two days later, on Monday...
"I can't buy that snake. My boyfriend won't let me. He threatened to kill all my other snakes if I even bought one more, so I have to not buy that snake."
Of course what really happened was they fund some snakes they liked better elsewhere, and just wanted out of the sale. (I know this because they wound up buying different snakes from a friend.) Why they felt a need to make me think their boyfriend was a psychopathic animal killer and utter control freak in order to back out of the sale, I don't comprehend.

There's the customer who sends imaginary money orders...
"I just sent the money order out for the snake today. You should have it soon."
A week and a half later...
Me: "Hi, I was wondering what happened to the money order? You said you sent it on XX-XX-XX, but I haven't gotten it yet."
Them: "Oh, sorry... I just sent it out today. I had to get my paycheck first."
A week and a half later...
Me: "So about that money order..."
Them: "I just sent it out today..."
Me: "Forget it. I will be returning your money order to you when (if) it arrives."
Of course it never did.



Not all customers in the reptile world are sucky. Some are just weird. Keeping snakes can be somewhat of an addiction (some people, self included, have whole rooms in their house devoted to keeping reptiles). It can lead to some interesting scenarios...

The Covert Operation
A customer wanted to pick up a few rather reasonably priced snakes from myself. The problem? His wife had placed a moratorium on new snake purchases. The customer concocted a covert scheme to purchase said snakes without his wife's knowledge. First, he sent payments a little at a time, so that his wife wouldn't notice the difference in bank account totals. Then, he had me ship the snakes to a friend's house. A week or so later, he spirited the snakes from his friend's house to his house, and hid the new acquisitions in with all the other snakes he owned. (He had so many, his wife never counted them all.) Two weeks later, his wife decided to lift the moratorium, so I hear he was buying more snakes from somebody else.


Snake Running
Most of the new colors and mutations of certain species of snakes seem to pop up in the United States. This has lead to incidences of "Snake Running", whereby the buyer (typically in Canada) has the snake shipped to a location just south of the Canadian border. The buyer then drives down to said location, picks up the package, and drives north again... It sounds like something out of a drug smuggling operation, but as far as I know it's perfectly legal, and a heck of a lot easier than shipping the snakes across the border. Go figure.

[SuperB]

Not my favorite animal but in the summer I do have to frisk my 9 year old daughter for snakes and lizards before she comes in the house.
I'm glad she's learning though considering we have rattle snakes here, at least she's learning to recognize what's venemous and what's not.
Last week the dog was barking at something in the entry way, we went to look at it and my daughter piped up "it's a Sierra Garter". We've seen so many of them I'm sure we have a den somewhere on the property.

That's better than the den of rattelers we have in the mountain behind the store.

[Gurndigarn]

Why they felt a need to make me think their boyfriend was a psychopathic animal killer and utter control freak in order to back out of the sale, I don't comprehend.

Why you would want to be with a control freak-- or pretend to be living with one-- I don't comprehend

[aurelemsrealm]

Snake Lady, even though you don't work day-to-day in a retail setting, you still get to experience the joys of customer service as a hobby, so your stories count. It reminds me of a website I found created by a lady who calls herself "The Yardsale Queen." She had some stories of customer suck at yard sales posted by herself and other various contributors. It's just...... astounding....... the lack of respect some people have for other people's private property. At least in public settings, it's to be expected even though it's no more acceptable because some people are just so socially inept. Maybe it's just my worldview, but I can't imagine going onto some other person's private property and showing my ass the way some of the people in these stories did. I'm sure I'd have shot or beat some of them to death if they showed up at my yard sale acting like that.

Too bad you couldn't train some venomous snakes to strike on command...... That would make for an interesting adventure.......

[Sliceanddice]

ohh ohh i love snakes!!!!!!!!!!!!
they are pretty, i held part of a 18 foot python once, it was pretty. im weird

[justZu]

ohh ohh i love snakes!!!!!!!!!!!!
im weird

Nah, you're not weird. Snakes are awesome. I have a snake named Stiffler, he is just a little orange and yellow corn snake but I love him. It is fascinating to watch him explore his tank. I love it when I take him out to feed him and he slithers up my arm and around my neck. Its almost like he's saying "Hi Mom, is it food time?"



Oh, and welcome to CS TheSnakeLady!

[Decker]

Snakes, being reptiles, can be quite prolific, and if I kept every snake I ever hatched, my house would be crawling with them.

Seriously though, I like snake. I wanted to get one for myself but my parents are all squeamish. Maybe after college.

[TheSnakeLady]

Well, if you do decide to get a snake, a cornsnake is a great first snake. I do recommend getting one from a reputable breeder (even if you have to have it shipped) rather than a pet store, as it's worth it to have a healthy, feeding(!) critter.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Hello snake lady! I love snakes. I have a Sinaloan Milksnake named Adam. I've had him since he was a tiny little baby, and now he's over 4 feet long. I love walking around with him draped around my shoulders, little kids freak when they see us (In a good way). Adults often freak because they think he's poisonous. He likes to curl up under the covers with me when I watch movies, and he likes to sleep in my pillowcase.

Welcome to CS!

[JustADude]

I have a Sinaloan Milksnake named Adam. ... Adults often freak because they think he's poisonous.

I'd guess because they're confusing it for a Coral snake and they don't know the little trick with checking the band colors.

I learned the mnemonic as "Red on black, venom lack; red on yellow, kill a fellow", but apparently everyone else learned the "friend of Jack" version, which I've always consider to be a rather stupid contrivance.

[lordlundar]

Keeping snakes can be somewhat of an addiction (some people, self included, have whole rooms in their house devoted to keeping reptiles).

Depending on the size and type of the snake(s), it's actually a safety requirement. Boas for example can have one handler for the first 6 feet the snake grows, then requires an additional handler for every 3 feet longer. Boas longer than 9 feet require a separate room.

[Phone Jockey]

"I can't buy that snake. My boyfriend won't let me. He threatened to kill all my other snakes if I even bought one more, so I have to not buy that snake."

Why they felt a need to make me think their boyfriend was a psychopathic animal killer and utter control freak in order to back out of the sale, I don't comprehend.

OMG, I was dying reading this part! WTF was this dork thinking by telling you that her boyfriend would kill all of her snakes?? That's just awful.

[Tria]

Most of the new colors and mutations of certain species of snakes seem to pop up in the United States.

I blame nuke testing in the 50s. :P

[BookstoreEscapee]

Hey, Welcome to CS!!

I didn't know there were so many snake fans on the board

One of my ex's roommates has a snake. It can't be too big because it lives in a tank (maybe 4x1 feet?) in his room, but I've never actually seen it (I've only seen the tank once when the door was open, but I couldn't see its occupant). As long as it doesn't eat Pablo I'm OK with it

[Broomjockey]

I'd guess because they're confusing it for a Coral snake and they don't know the little trick with checking the band colors.

I learned the mnemonic as "Red on black, venom lack; red on yellow, kill a fellow", but apparently everyone else learned the "friend of Jack" version, which I've always consider to be a rather stupid contrivance.

What's the "friend of jack" verison?

I learned it as "Red touches black, you're okay Jack, Red touches yellow, you're a dead fellow." Works for me, and I often use it when watching movies with snakes. You'd be surprised how many movies use the non-venomous version