I don't wear dentures. Nor am I a stripper.

[Giggle Goose]

Just forgot a couple "gems" from last night.

I ask this one table if they need anything else, and the guy says: "Yeah, what about that dance you were going to do?"

Then this old lady says my teeth are really nice and asks if they're real. I'm 21 years old. I appreciate the compliment, but really! I guess she was asking if they were porcelain veneers or something, but I can't really afford those things on a waitress' salary.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

the guy says: "Yeah, what about that dance you were going to do?"

That's when you point to a large, masculine, hairy co-worker and state 'Only Matt is authorized to do lap dances. Would you like me to call him over?'

[OfficeSlug]

Holy CR#P, TPG, I nearly choked when I read that!!!

*still laughing*

[bigjimaz]

Did somebody call me?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Did somebody call me?

Only if you're big, muscular and can do a lap dance.

[Sliceanddice]

That's when you point to a large, masculine, hairy co-worker and state 'Only Matt is authorized to do lap dances. Would you like me to call him over?'

lol oh well its better than a crotch dance

[DGoddessChardonnay]

lol oh well its better than a crotch dance

Now there's a new euphanism for sex that I hadn't read about on Wiki yet. . .

And on that note, I'll just crawl back into the gutter and let the regularly scheduled thread resume

[Sliceanddice]

actually a crotch dance is (in my mind) where they bump and grind their crotch in you face lol...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Only if you're big, muscular and can do a lap dance.

I'm big and muscular and could probably learn the lap-dancing on the fly.

Anyhoo, this thread title was one of the more...ummm, interesting juxtapositions I've seen here.

[SnapAddict218]

Actually one of my BF's friends recieved a lapdance from a stripper with dentures. He was able to figure out that her teeth weren't real when they fell out of her mouth and into his lap.

Now that thar be hot.

[Giggle Goose]

Actually one of my BF's friends recieved a lapdance from a stripper with dentures. He was able to figure out that her teeth weren't real when they fell out of her mouth and into his lap.

Wow. Just...wow.

Maybe I can get an endorsement deal with Polident; spicing up their ads for the younger crowd, you know....

"Before I work the pole, I don't want to deal with that sticky mess of X brand adhesive...." Can you tell I watched the Price is Right today??!

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Wow. Just...wow.

Maybe I can get an endorsement deal with Polident; spicing up their ads for the younger crowd, you know....

"Before I work the pole, I don't want to deal with that sticky mess of X brand adhesive...." Can you tell I watched the Price is Right today??!

If I were about 20 years younger and had a lean, lithe body I'd have learned how to pole dance.

However, I'll have to settle for being witty and intelligent and talented in other arenas.

[blas]

Awfully sorry hunny!!!

Some people are just disgusting and jealous.

There were some idiot college boys at the honky tonk restaurant one night after bar close, and I had to clench my teeth as hard as possible to not curse at them and keep my hands behind my back to avoid punching them all. For some reason, they all thought I was going to sit on their laps.

I wanted nothing more than to dump strawberry milkshake all over their designer clothes that their mummy and daddy probably bought for them.

[Imogene]

He was able to figure out that her teeth weren't real when they fell out of her mouth and into his lap.

Did he complain to management that she bit him? In a 'sensitive area'?

[Jester]

That's when you point to a large, masculine, hairy co-worker and state 'Only Matt is authorized to do lap dances. Would you like me to call him over?'

Amusingly, I have had to use a similar ploy in the past.

Years ago I worked as a DJ in a "gentleman's club" (translation: stripper bar).

At the end of the night, after having called last call for private dances and made it real clear the end of the night was approaching, AND having said before the last song that it was, indeed, the last song, I would notice that , once the last song ended, none of the zombie-like "gentlemen" were making any move to exit.

"Gentlemen, thank you for coming to Strip Club. We are now closed. We;ll be here again tomorrow starting at noon. We'll see you then."

And yet the zombies would still not move.

"Guys, it's that time of night where, if you haven't purchased a private dance, it is time to go, as Strip Club is now closed."

And yet the zombies would still not move.

"And now folks it's time for the DJ to dance!"

And the zombies would beat a hasty retreat to the exits.

I guess all the comments I made about last call, last song, last dance, last dancer, closing, etc., not to mention there being no more music, didn't stop them from thinking that somehow, some way, one of those pretty little dancers was still going to come on out on stage and do some more bumping and grinding for them.

However, the minute they heard that some DUDE was going to dance (and while they couldn't all see me, they could hear my rather deep voice), they split. And this literally happened every night.

I swear I could see one of those cartoon type smoke trails as they took off out of there.