I guess I'm not real anymore. [short]

[Cyanocobalamin]

This was a message on my voicemail yesterday:

"-pause- "Hello?" *sigh* "For crying out loud! All I want is a real person!" -click-

10 seconds long, no name, no callback number, no client name, just a questioning of my humanoid whereabouts. I eventually did figure out who the caller was, but only came up with my retort much later.

"Yes, you're right, I actually am a cyborg."

[Becks]

How come I never get funny messages like that?

[Custard Chick]

I have to admit, I understand where that lady is coming from. When I call my bank/loan service/cell phone/etc., all I want to talk to is a real person. I HAAAATE going through the automated bullcrap because when I'm calling, I normally have a specific question thats not in the automated list.

ERRR annoying!

/rant

But her message is amusing. Hehe

[Gabrielle Proctor]

I should start answering the phone at the hobbyshop with a monotone voice. Maybe they'll hang up and use google maps to get their directions.

[Hobgoblin]

Everyday when I come into my office, I have a couple of messages that go "<click>." It's aggravating, I have to confess.

[Tigress]

I had a good one from Cingular:

The store was usually really freaking busy, with all four lines lit up. So chances were very good that you had to leave a voicemail. So I was doing the pre-opening checking of the voicemails and some woman was wanting to talk to a specific sales rep. During the course of the rambling two-minute message, it got more beligerant until she finally closed her message by screaming, "I want to talk to a human instead of a damn machine! *slamclick*"

Yep, you guessed it: No name, no callback number. Delete. Next please!

Another equally amusing one: Just some guy saying "Oh, come on! *click*"

And another one was a harpy accusing us of not being open when she called at 10 am. Apparently, it never occured to her that we were just too busy to answer the damned phone.

It never ceases to amaze me how rude people get when talking over the phone.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

At my job we used to have a voicemail line specifically for people who called the number on their credit card statement to see what the charge was. Of course first there was a 1 minute message explaining what the charge was, and then they could press 1 to talk to a person if they had any more questions.

If we weren't busy we'd answer these calls and help them, but if we were backed up they'd go to voicemail. One of our jobs on graveyard was to listen to these messages and make a list of names and numbers for the morning people to call back.

We finally ended up getting rid of it and just making people hold, because I swear every other caller would decide that since they couldn't get through to a person, we must be a scam operation stealing their money and they would be siccing the attorney general on our collective asses. Oh those messages were fun; they usually entailed lots of cursing, shrieking and threats. I also noticed that the angrier a person was, the less likely they were to remember to leave us a name or phone number. Gotta love asshats.

[TonyDonuts]

Many moons ago I worked for a collection agency.

We had a very angry man call us every day, after hours, for weeks.

He had been seeing our number on his caller id and he demanded that we call him back RIGHTNOW!!!! and tell him WHOWEWERE and WHATWEWANTED!! and he wanted it RIGHTNOW!!

Of course he left no name or number.

So one day he had a brainwave. He listened to the greeting on the voicemail message ("Thank your for calling ACME Collections. Our office is now closed. Our office is open from 8:00am to 9:00pm Monday through Friday and from 8:00am to noon on Saturday. If you'd like to leave a message please do so after the tone. Thank you for calling")

He called at 8:01am. I answered and he RAGED at me for about ten minutes.

Once he ran out of steam I asked, "So who are you, anyway?"

Which set him off again. OBVIOUSLY since I was the one calling HIM I must already know who HE is and WHY I was calling HIM. So once again he DEMANDED to know WHO I WAS AND WHY I WAS CALLING HIM.

I waited until he ran out of steam, and asked "Who are you?" He started and I shouted into my headset, "WHO ARE YOU?"

Pause. And then a very small, "You can't talk to me like that."

And I asked, "Well, why not? You call me ranting and raving and I don't even know who you are. Now what say we start from who you are and I can figure out why someone from this office called you."

Sputtering now, "But y'all called ME. Y'all KNOW who I AM!"

"Actually, no, I don't. You understood me when I said 'office' yes? A 'business' yes? There's a dozen people working here, any one of whom could have called you. I don't have caller id at my desk, so no, I have no earthly idea who you are, where you're calling from, or why somebody from here called you. So if you want to to tell you why somebody called be, you're going to need to give me your name and your number so I can try to look them up."

Cue another few minutes of ranting, which I finally interupted, "Look, sir, really, I have work to do so if they're nothing else..."

"So, you're just refusing to do anything 'bout this?"

"I'm telling you, as though I were speaking to a smart person, that without knowing who you are I can't tell you why we might have called you. I know you think I'm watching your every move on a video monitor, but I really have better things to do with my time."

Very dubiously he gave me his name. Nothing, no listing in our files. Very, very dubiously, he gave me his number.

HIT! A collector had been calling a young woman, call her Annie McFelon, with a fondness for bad check. Alas, Annie had moved on, and new guy, had gotten her old number. His voicemail message was a generic phone company "You have reached >PHONE NUMBER<, please leave a message after the tone."

I told the guy we were trying to contact Annie McFelon.

He blew up. Again.

"Ain't no damn 'Annie' here. I don't even know no damn 'Annie'!"

"Okay then, I'll mark this number down as no good then. We won't be calling back. Thanks for calling in."

"WHAT! What are you gonna do 'bout all these damn messages on my machine?"

"Nothing."

"WHAT! You can't do that! I demand you give me something for my inconvenience!"

My turn to play puzzled, goody! "You got two twenty second messages ten days apart asking for Annie to please call us at this number and that's painful? Okay, I don't even know what you would want for that."

"I'll sue! I been calling long distance every day for almost a month trying to track y'all down."

"You're going to sue because instead of calling the toll-free number in the phone message and saying, 'I don't know why you folks keep calling >PHONE NUMBER< for Annie McFelon when no such person lives here*," you chose instead to call back on the NON-toll free number on you caller id and leave ten to fifteen minute ranting diatribes on our voice mail, while leaving no real clue to who you are? That's what you're saying?"

"You bet I am buddy! I'm coming for you!"

"You let me know how that works for you, okay? Have a better one and thanks for calling."

Must be a cousin or something to this guy http://www.customerssuck.com/board/showthread.php?t=200

_______________________________
*Yeah, I know. Some people have trouble believing that anybody would give up something precious like a phone number and will continue to call even after being told that 'There's no such person at this number.'