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While I was in the Navy (and I know I've mentioned this before), I got in a bad wreck and was ordered to report to the Great Lakes Hospital for a while. After a few months of PT, the hospital decided to release me to the Service School for Limited Duty. The day after Thanksgiving was the day I changed commands, and the following Monday I reported to PO1 Pz at the BOQ (Bachelor Officer Quarters - barracks for Officers or high ranking civilians in transit or who are at the base for temporary assignment or training). The BOQ on base was run like a hotel and Officers were required to submit to the front desk a copy of their orders and to pay for their rooms just like a hotel. Generally they would get reimbursed by their command, or they would be issued a credit card to use for the stay. The whole point behind the officer paying for the room was to keep the accounting in order.
The reason we always took a copy of the orders of our guests was so we would know when they were trying to pull a fast one. It did not happen often, but when it did, we wanted to be able to bury the douchenozzle.
So a young officer, a Lieutenant Junior Grade (LTJG), fresh out of the Naval Academy at Annapolis, is spending two weeks with us for training. No big deal, right? He is a VERY junior officer (maybe 22 years old, of course, I'm only 20 at the time, but I've actually been out to fleet and back), so he gets a room with a shared head (two rooms that have a common bathroom). I check him in and he asks for a private room. I look at his rank and tell him no, private rooms are for Lt. Commanders and above, Admirals Orders (i.e. even if I wanted to, I could not give you a private room). He snorts at this and goes to his room. I forget about him.
Next day, one of the maids comes up to me and tells me there is a woman in room ##A and a man in room ##B. Hrmm, that is not right, we don't normally make shared rooms co-ed. I look up both reservations and see two men in the room, no women. The guy I am working with (CW) goes to the room to see what is going on. Comes back and tells me the woman is the wife of the guy who checked in last night! We pull his orders and read them. We both read the section where it EXPLICITLY states that the officer will NOT be provided with adequate quarters for dependents at Great Lakes and that arrangements should be made for any dependents to meet the officer at his actual command (a ship in San Diego). Now, the Navy did not care what arrangements were made, but the Navy was not going to be putting the family up in transitional quarters (typically, the family would remain at the original base and follow after the service member reported in to the new command, not a problem since dependents had 30 days to vacate housing after an officer was detached from a command). We put in a message in the room that the LTJG needs to speak with the desk ASAP.
After I spend three hours with the Sadists (Physical Therapy), I came back to work for two more hours. Now, after my love sessions with the Sadists (and it was love, just a strange, twisted love) I was usually tired, VERY sore, and more than just a little cranky. I did pretty well to keep the cranky under wraps, but I slipped from time to time. So about 1630, I see LTJG Douchenozzle (LTJGDN) return and go to his room. He comes out about 10 minutes later and the following ensues.
LTJGDN: I had a message you needed to see me?
Me: Yes sir, it has come to our attention that you have your wife staying with you in a shared room?
LTJGDN: Yes I am, she had to stay somewhere.
CW: I am sorry sir, you can not do that, she can not stay in that room with you, she will have to get a room out in town.
LTJGDN: Well then I will need a letter of Non-Availability (a letter we would issue if we were full, so an officer could get reimbursed if the only hotel they could find exceeded the amount they were allowed to spend).
Me: I am sorry sir, we can not issue you a letter as we have space available for you. <by now CW is digging LTJGDNs orders out of the room folio>
LTJGDN: Then I will need a private room.
Me: I am sorry sir, private rooms are for Lt. Commanders and above only, Admirals Orders.
LTJGDN: Well that what do you suppose I do then?
CW: Well sir, according to your orders, you are not allowed to bring your spouse with you, as a matter of fact, the orders explicitly tell you not to bring your spouse and to make other arrangements for them.
LTJGDN: They do not, where do you see that?!
CW: Right here sir. <CW points out the section to him, he reads it for a moment and explodes>
LTJGDN: WELL WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HER THEN?!
Me: Honestly sir, she should have remained at your previous command or gone to stay with family until you reported to your new command.
LTJGDN: YOU EXPECT MY WIFE AND I TO BE SEPARATED WHILE I TRAVEL AND DO TRAINING?!
***********************
OK, just an aside here. This guy joined THE NAVY, not the Air Force, not the Coast Guard, not the Police, but the NAVY! The branch of service most known for making you go bye bye for 6 months or more every other year. If you can not be apart from your wife for TWO WEEKS, you are in the wrong branch of service, son. I mean, are you that whipped (and yeah, I know, if I am gonna get whipped, that is what I wanna get hit with), or is she that much of a helpless dishrag?
Back to our story.
***********************
Me: No Sir, the Navy expects that, I am merely following the orders my Admiral and your orders have provided me.
Now the three of us go back and forth for a bit with him demanding a letter or a private room, and CW and myself showing a determined disinterest in his problems. Finally he screams at me.
LTJGDN: I AM AN OFFICER IN THE UNITED STATES NAVY! I ORDER YOU TO PROVIDE ME WITH EITHER A LETTER OF NON-AVAILABILITY OR A PRIVATE ROOM RIGHT NOW!
Me <losing it>: NO SIR! You are not in my chain of command and your orders run counter to the orders I have received from my chain of command and from an officer who outranks you by quite a bit (a Rear Admiral being just a bit above a LT JG). Not to mention the civilian next to me would over ride anything I did that might follow your orders, and rest assured that I WILL be reporting this incident and the fact that you issued me illegal orders to the Admirals Office.
By this time, LTJGDN was flashing between anger and getting yelled at by a Junior Non-Commisioned Officer (E-4) and fear at having word of this reach the Admirals Office.
Me: And sir, with all due respect, the next time you try to intimidate an enlisted man into disobeying his orders, make sure you have a lot more rank and a hell of a lot more fruit salad (ribbons and medals) on your chest!
LTJGDN snorted again and stomped off, CW was looking at me.
CW: That was a bit out of line, don't ya think?
Me: Ya, he was out of line.
CW: Well, ya, he was, but I was talking about that little outburst you had just now.
Me: Oh, well, Both my arms are shattered and my right knee is a tangled mess. Chances are I will be discharged in a few months anyway, what is he gonna do to me, tattle on me to the Admiral? He'd have to admit he tried to bully me, which would be a lot worse for him than a letter of reprimand for me.
CW: Good Point. We'd better get a letter of this incident ready and in the message drop ASAP, the XO is gonna want to know about this first thing.
Me: Yeah, I'll write, you watch the desk.
In the end, LTJGDN got a private room, AFTER he spent an hour getting his ass chewed by an Admiral (having had my ass chewed out by an Admiral, I did not envy him), being told he would be paying the difference in room rates out of his own pocket, and having the Admiral call and explain the situation to LTJGDN's new CO, who was just tickled fucking pink that a 2 star admiral was telling him what his new LTJG was doing.
Yeah, he is gonna be someone's sea-bitch for a while.
The reason we always took a copy of the orders of our guests was so we would know when they were trying to pull a fast one. It did not happen often, but when it did, we wanted to be able to bury the douchenozzle.
So a young officer, a Lieutenant Junior Grade (LTJG), fresh out of the Naval Academy at Annapolis, is spending two weeks with us for training. No big deal, right? He is a VERY junior officer (maybe 22 years old, of course, I'm only 20 at the time, but I've actually been out to fleet and back), so he gets a room with a shared head (two rooms that have a common bathroom). I check him in and he asks for a private room. I look at his rank and tell him no, private rooms are for Lt. Commanders and above, Admirals Orders (i.e. even if I wanted to, I could not give you a private room). He snorts at this and goes to his room. I forget about him.
Next day, one of the maids comes up to me and tells me there is a woman in room ##A and a man in room ##B. Hrmm, that is not right, we don't normally make shared rooms co-ed. I look up both reservations and see two men in the room, no women. The guy I am working with (CW) goes to the room to see what is going on. Comes back and tells me the woman is the wife of the guy who checked in last night! We pull his orders and read them. We both read the section where it EXPLICITLY states that the officer will NOT be provided with adequate quarters for dependents at Great Lakes and that arrangements should be made for any dependents to meet the officer at his actual command (a ship in San Diego). Now, the Navy did not care what arrangements were made, but the Navy was not going to be putting the family up in transitional quarters (typically, the family would remain at the original base and follow after the service member reported in to the new command, not a problem since dependents had 30 days to vacate housing after an officer was detached from a command). We put in a message in the room that the LTJG needs to speak with the desk ASAP.
After I spend three hours with the Sadists (Physical Therapy), I came back to work for two more hours. Now, after my love sessions with the Sadists (and it was love, just a strange, twisted love) I was usually tired, VERY sore, and more than just a little cranky. I did pretty well to keep the cranky under wraps, but I slipped from time to time. So about 1630, I see LTJG Douchenozzle (LTJGDN) return and go to his room. He comes out about 10 minutes later and the following ensues.
LTJGDN: I had a message you needed to see me?
Me: Yes sir, it has come to our attention that you have your wife staying with you in a shared room?
LTJGDN: Yes I am, she had to stay somewhere.
CW: I am sorry sir, you can not do that, she can not stay in that room with you, she will have to get a room out in town.
LTJGDN: Well then I will need a letter of Non-Availability (a letter we would issue if we were full, so an officer could get reimbursed if the only hotel they could find exceeded the amount they were allowed to spend).
Me: I am sorry sir, we can not issue you a letter as we have space available for you. <by now CW is digging LTJGDNs orders out of the room folio>
LTJGDN: Then I will need a private room.
Me: I am sorry sir, private rooms are for Lt. Commanders and above only, Admirals Orders.
LTJGDN: Well that what do you suppose I do then?
CW: Well sir, according to your orders, you are not allowed to bring your spouse with you, as a matter of fact, the orders explicitly tell you not to bring your spouse and to make other arrangements for them.
LTJGDN: They do not, where do you see that?!
CW: Right here sir. <CW points out the section to him, he reads it for a moment and explodes>
LTJGDN: WELL WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HER THEN?!
Me: Honestly sir, she should have remained at your previous command or gone to stay with family until you reported to your new command.
LTJGDN: YOU EXPECT MY WIFE AND I TO BE SEPARATED WHILE I TRAVEL AND DO TRAINING?!
***********************
OK, just an aside here. This guy joined THE NAVY, not the Air Force, not the Coast Guard, not the Police, but the NAVY! The branch of service most known for making you go bye bye for 6 months or more every other year. If you can not be apart from your wife for TWO WEEKS, you are in the wrong branch of service, son. I mean, are you that whipped (and yeah, I know, if I am gonna get whipped, that is what I wanna get hit with), or is she that much of a helpless dishrag?
Back to our story.
***********************
Me: No Sir, the Navy expects that, I am merely following the orders my Admiral and your orders have provided me.
Now the three of us go back and forth for a bit with him demanding a letter or a private room, and CW and myself showing a determined disinterest in his problems. Finally he screams at me.
LTJGDN: I AM AN OFFICER IN THE UNITED STATES NAVY! I ORDER YOU TO PROVIDE ME WITH EITHER A LETTER OF NON-AVAILABILITY OR A PRIVATE ROOM RIGHT NOW!
Me <losing it>: NO SIR! You are not in my chain of command and your orders run counter to the orders I have received from my chain of command and from an officer who outranks you by quite a bit (a Rear Admiral being just a bit above a LT JG). Not to mention the civilian next to me would over ride anything I did that might follow your orders, and rest assured that I WILL be reporting this incident and the fact that you issued me illegal orders to the Admirals Office.
By this time, LTJGDN was flashing between anger and getting yelled at by a Junior Non-Commisioned Officer (E-4) and fear at having word of this reach the Admirals Office.
Me: And sir, with all due respect, the next time you try to intimidate an enlisted man into disobeying his orders, make sure you have a lot more rank and a hell of a lot more fruit salad (ribbons and medals) on your chest!
LTJGDN snorted again and stomped off, CW was looking at me.
CW: That was a bit out of line, don't ya think?
Me: Ya, he was out of line.
CW: Well, ya, he was, but I was talking about that little outburst you had just now.
Me: Oh, well, Both my arms are shattered and my right knee is a tangled mess. Chances are I will be discharged in a few months anyway, what is he gonna do to me, tattle on me to the Admiral? He'd have to admit he tried to bully me, which would be a lot worse for him than a letter of reprimand for me.
CW: Good Point. We'd better get a letter of this incident ready and in the message drop ASAP, the XO is gonna want to know about this first thing.
Me: Yeah, I'll write, you watch the desk.
In the end, LTJGDN got a private room, AFTER he spent an hour getting his ass chewed by an Admiral (having had my ass chewed out by an Admiral, I did not envy him), being told he would be paying the difference in room rates out of his own pocket, and having the Admiral call and explain the situation to LTJGDN's new CO, who was just tickled fucking pink that a 2 star admiral was telling him what his new LTJG was doing.
Yeah, he is gonna be someone's sea-bitch for a while.
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