Me: Boozy, aka The Great Omniscient Wine Store Girl
SC: Assumes for some reason that retail staff are all-knowing beings
My thoughts in italics
SC: I need to buy a bottle of wine for my doctor.
Me: I can help you with that. Do you know if they like red or white?
SC: I don't know. Do you?
Me: What the hell? I've never met your doctor, you dolt. I'm not sure. Reds are more popular in general, especially in the winter. But some people can't drink them because of the tannins. So if you really have no idea, I'd say get a white.
SC: Well, I don't know. Will he like a white wine?
Me: Again, you nitwit, I have never met your doctor. Well, taste is subjective, but I can certainly point you towards some great white wines that everyone here really enjoys.
<Spend about 15 minutes showing her every white wine in the store. I finally piece together that she wants something really cheap, and just wants me to tell her its really good and her doctor will love it. One of my failings is that I cannot and will not do this. I wish I could but I hate to lie, even if it makes my life easier.>
SC: (Holding cheap bottle of crap) Will he like this?
Me: He might. I don't know.
SC: Is it a good one?
Me: Its not generally considered one of our best. I usually recommend that for people who need a tablespoon or two of white wine for cooking. Personally, I wouldn't even use that one for cooking if the recipe called for it in large quantities.
SC: Hmm.....well, my doctor might like it. Do you think he might like it?
Me: I don't know, maam. I can't know what is going to appeal to someone else's taste buds. But if you are concerned, I would highly recommend you spend just two or three dollars more and get a much better wine.
SC: I think this is fine.
<Ring her through at the till. I don't give a damn what she's purchasing now, I just want this frustrating woman out of my store and out of my life.>
Me: There you go. Receipt's in the bag, so don't forget to remove it if you'll be giving him the wine as is. Have a great day.
SC: Thanks for all your help. Are you sure he'll like it?
Me: Oh no you don't! I'm not taking this bullet for you! I never said he would. Have a nice day, maam.
<SC wanders off, confused as ever>
SC: Assumes for some reason that retail staff are all-knowing beings
My thoughts in italics
SC: I need to buy a bottle of wine for my doctor.
Me: I can help you with that. Do you know if they like red or white?
SC: I don't know. Do you?
Me: What the hell? I've never met your doctor, you dolt. I'm not sure. Reds are more popular in general, especially in the winter. But some people can't drink them because of the tannins. So if you really have no idea, I'd say get a white.
SC: Well, I don't know. Will he like a white wine?
Me: Again, you nitwit, I have never met your doctor. Well, taste is subjective, but I can certainly point you towards some great white wines that everyone here really enjoys.
<Spend about 15 minutes showing her every white wine in the store. I finally piece together that she wants something really cheap, and just wants me to tell her its really good and her doctor will love it. One of my failings is that I cannot and will not do this. I wish I could but I hate to lie, even if it makes my life easier.>
SC: (Holding cheap bottle of crap) Will he like this?
Me: He might. I don't know.
SC: Is it a good one?
Me: Its not generally considered one of our best. I usually recommend that for people who need a tablespoon or two of white wine for cooking. Personally, I wouldn't even use that one for cooking if the recipe called for it in large quantities.
SC: Hmm.....well, my doctor might like it. Do you think he might like it?
Me: I don't know, maam. I can't know what is going to appeal to someone else's taste buds. But if you are concerned, I would highly recommend you spend just two or three dollars more and get a much better wine.
SC: I think this is fine.
<Ring her through at the till. I don't give a damn what she's purchasing now, I just want this frustrating woman out of my store and out of my life.>
Me: There you go. Receipt's in the bag, so don't forget to remove it if you'll be giving him the wine as is. Have a great day.
SC: Thanks for all your help. Are you sure he'll like it?
Me: Oh no you don't! I'm not taking this bullet for you! I never said he would. Have a nice day, maam.
<SC wanders off, confused as ever>
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