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Will they like this, Omniscient One?

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  • Will they like this, Omniscient One?

    Me: Boozy, aka The Great Omniscient Wine Store Girl
    SC: Assumes for some reason that retail staff are all-knowing beings
    My thoughts in italics

    SC: I need to buy a bottle of wine for my doctor.
    Me: I can help you with that. Do you know if they like red or white?
    SC: I don't know. Do you?
    Me: What the hell? I've never met your doctor, you dolt. I'm not sure. Reds are more popular in general, especially in the winter. But some people can't drink them because of the tannins. So if you really have no idea, I'd say get a white.
    SC: Well, I don't know. Will he like a white wine?
    Me: Again, you nitwit, I have never met your doctor. Well, taste is subjective, but I can certainly point you towards some great white wines that everyone here really enjoys.

    <Spend about 15 minutes showing her every white wine in the store. I finally piece together that she wants something really cheap, and just wants me to tell her its really good and her doctor will love it. One of my failings is that I cannot and will not do this. I wish I could but I hate to lie, even if it makes my life easier.>

    SC: (Holding cheap bottle of crap) Will he like this?
    Me: He might. I don't know.
    SC: Is it a good one?
    Me: Its not generally considered one of our best. I usually recommend that for people who need a tablespoon or two of white wine for cooking. Personally, I wouldn't even use that one for cooking if the recipe called for it in large quantities.
    SC: Hmm.....well, my doctor might like it. Do you think he might like it?
    Me: I don't know, maam. I can't know what is going to appeal to someone else's taste buds. But if you are concerned, I would highly recommend you spend just two or three dollars more and get a much better wine.
    SC: I think this is fine.

    <Ring her through at the till. I don't give a damn what she's purchasing now, I just want this frustrating woman out of my store and out of my life.>

    Me: There you go. Receipt's in the bag, so don't forget to remove it if you'll be giving him the wine as is. Have a great day.
    SC: Thanks for all your help. Are you sure he'll like it?
    Me: Oh no you don't! I'm not taking this bullet for you! I never said he would. Have a nice day, maam.

    <SC wanders off, confused as ever>

    If you have to ask, it's probably better posted at www.fratching.com

  • #2
    Boozy that's great. I don't think i could ever say what you said in the end. I wouldn't lie either, but I don't think I could say that.

    However, I can just imagine the look on her face when you said "I never said he would."
    Hinakiba777- Student of Divinity-Always trying to get laid.

    Annoying student=I pay tuition here so I pay your salary!
    Desk Worker=I pay tuition here, too. So I guess I pay myself.

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    • #3
      Quoth Boozy View Post
      Me: Its not generally considered one of our best. I usually recommend that for people who need a tablespoon or two of white wine for cooking. Personally, I wouldn't even use that one for cooking if the recipe called for it in large quantities.
      I suddenly feel sorry for her doctor.
      Curiously Lydean - curious interests of a curious person.

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      • #4
        I love how you kept politely foiling her cunning plan to pin her decision on you. And the oh-so-courteous reminder to remove the receipt had me giggling.
        The best karma is letting a jerk bash himself senseless on the wall of your polite indifference.

        The stupid is strong with this one.

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        • #5
          What doctor doesn't like Arbor Mist?
          I will never go to school!

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          • #6
            There's always Thunderbird!

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            • #7
              Quoth BaristaTrav View Post
              What doctor doesn't like Arbor Mist?
              I LOVE Arbor Mist!!!

              I can't drink most wines because they tasts like grapes and I hate grapes, lol.
              "What size can I get you, ma'am?"
              "Red."
              "Okay...I'll check the red for you, but what size do you need?"
              "RED!"
              "..."

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              • #8
                So, how bad was it? Did it at least have a cork?
                "So, if you wanna put places like that outta business, just stop being so rock-chewingly stupid." ~ Raudf, 9/19/13

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                • #9
                  That woman has never made a decision about anything in her entire life. Her husband probably picks her socks out for her. We had women (and they were always women, and usually trophy wife types) come into Kinko's ALL THE TIME who were just like this.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth Peppergirl View Post
                    So, how bad was it? Did it at least have a cork?
                    Hey now- some very good wines don't have corks. St. Julian in Michigan makes a twenty dollar wine that has a screw top, which is great for people like me who only drink one-two glasses at a time. It keeps the wine fresher a little bit longer.
                    Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

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                    • #11
                      Quoth shenzee View Post
                      Hey now- some very good wines don't have corks. St. Julian in Michigan makes a twenty dollar wine that has a screw top, which is great for people like me who only drink one-two glasses at a time. It keeps the wine fresher a little bit longer.

                      My humblest apologies.

                      I occasionally drink a plum wine that has a screw top, too. It's yummy
                      "So, if you wanna put places like that outta business, just stop being so rock-chewingly stupid." ~ Raudf, 9/19/13

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Peppergirl View Post
                        My humblest apologies.

                        I occasionally drink a plum wine that has a screw top, too. It's yummy
                        Apology accepted. I'm far from a wine connoisseur, but I always make my husband stop at St. Julians's on our way out of Michigan!
                        Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

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                        • #13
                          Cheap AND wants to pin the cheapness on you. Frankly, if the bottle is less than $20, I wouldn't give it as a gift. Just as a general policy to be safe.

                          Yes, I know that there are many fine wines for less. I'm just not enough of a wine expert to know and I've never really trusted the staff at various liquor stores to know either.

                          So, I play it safe. Imported and a little expensive. For gifts, that is.
                          "Always stand near the door." -- Doctor Who

                          Kuya's Kitchen -- Cooking, Cooking Gadgets, and Food Related Blather from a Transplanted Foodie

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                          • #14
                            I have a cardiologist, a dermatologist, a dentist, an immunologist and a primary care physician.Between my insurance, supplemental insurance and copays, I pay them quite enough to allow them to comfortably buy their own wine/spirits, thank you very much. But I have bought my PCP a beer at a local bar though. But then again I know jack about wine. I don't like it or any of it's 'sister' beverages: ripple, champagne, Strawberry Hill, Thunderbird, Mad Dog or anything else anyone tries to pawn off as wine.
                            Last edited by bigjimaz; 02-08-2008, 02:45 AM.
                            This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

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                            • #15
                              Forgive my ignorance, but I fail to see why someone would want to buy wine for their doctor...

                              Sure, wine could make a nice gift, but aren't doctors generally wealthy enough to buy their own wine? And good wine at that?

                              If I was buying wine for a doctor (and that is a BIG "if" for me), I think I'd go for something fairly expensive. I would be afraid of insulting the doctor by getting them something cheap, thinking they'd probably throw it out in favor of the good stuff they've already got.

                              Besides, I've met several doctors who refuse to drink at all, apparently because they know the effects and can't make the pros outweigh the cons.

                              I just don't get it. I do get the customer, though. I have them at my store all the time. They're buying a computer for someone as a gift, but they have no clue what the person will be using it for (which means I can't make a good recommendation) or they know full well that the person will use it for, say, 3D graphic design but insist on buying the glorified typewriter special.
                              I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
                              - Bill Watterson

                              My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
                              - IPF

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