Yet Another Entitled Freebie User

[Dips]

Once again I get to deal with a student using our freeware product for her coursework. To her credit she wasn't expecting it to do all her work for her like the last guy. But that didn't prevent her from demanding the impossible.

Just imagine this person's speech being delivered like she is addressing a particularly stupid servant. It's not going to be easy to convey just how sucky she was.

Me: [opening spiel]

SC: Hello?

Me: Hello.

SC: I have a problem and need help. [This was delivered in a very demanding tone.]

Me: Are you using one of our products?

SC: [huff] Yes.

Me: Please let me know your license or serial...

SC: [interrupting] I don't have one. Listen, I'm taking a course and using [freeware] to type out my assignments. It doesn't type right. When I enter some letters...

Me: [I know what this is, I don't want to waste time and she interrupted first] Ah. I know what is causing that. Your keyboard doesn't support inputting x letters at once.

SC: What you do mean?

Me: Some keyboards allow you to input x keys at once and some don't. It appears that your laptop is one of the ones that doesn't.

SC: So?

Me: To use [freeware] you need to be able to input x keys at once. Your laptop keyboard won't work with [freeware].

SC: What am I supposed to do?

Me: Use [freeware] on another computer with a compatible keyboard or buy a compatible keyboard to plug into your laptop.

SC: That's no help. Don't you have an update or something?

Me: No. It's not anything that can be fixed in the software. It's an issue with the keyboard design.

SC: I bought this laptop in December because I need to carry it around and use it in many places. I'm NOT going to tote a keyboard around with me.

Me: That's your decision.

SC:...

Me:...

SC:...

Me:...

SC: Hello! Are you there?

Me: Yes.

SC: So what am I supposed to do?

Me: Have you spoken with your instructor?

SC: What? Why!?

Me: The page where you downloaded [freeware] explains that we only offer tech support to instructors, not to individual students. I suggest that you let your instructor know what is happening. He or she might also be able to recommend some keyboard brands and models to you. If you would like, I can also tell you how to test a keyboard to see if it will work with [freeware].

SC: ...

Me:...

SC: Hello!

Me: Yes?

SC: Listen. I bought this laptop in Decmember. December, you got that? I'm not going to accept that there's something wrong with the keyboard.

Me: It's not that there's anything wrong with the keyboard. It's just that the manufacturer made a design decision that does not support using [freeware]. We have no control over that. Would you like to know how to test a keyboard?

SC: Sure.

Me: Go into a computer store and plug the keyboard you want to purchase into one of the display models. Open Notepad on the display computer. Type all x keys at once. You should see all x letters displayed on the screen. The order doesn't matter, as long as all x letters are showing. If you can do that consistently, the keyboard will work with [freeware].

SC:...

Me:...

SC:...

Me:...

SC: Are you there? You keep dropping out.

Me: I'm still here.

SC: What you told me is not acceptable. I can't carry a keyboard around.

Me: I know there are some keyboard models that can be rolled up to fit into a backpack. One of my co-workers used to have one. Will you hold while I ask him for you?

SC: Yes.

[SC on hold]

Me: Mark? Do you happen to remember what that cool flexible keyboard you had was called?

Mark: Um. No. I can dig around and find it.

Me: Don't bother. This lady doesn't deserve the effort.

Mark: [chuckling] OK.

[takes SC off hold]

Me: Hi. I checked and we can't find the information.

SC:...

Me:...

SC: That's IT?

Me: Is there anything else I can do for you today?

SC: No. That's the ONLY thing I needed.

Me: You're welcome and have a great afternoon.

Ugh. Even though she was a non-paying non-customer, I STILL tried to help her, you know?

Ungrateful $@#$#%#. [shakes fist at phone]

[clowninasack]

I love it when that happens.

"X isn't working."

"Oh, that's because Y doesn't support Z. You need to get a Y that supports Z"

"WELL WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DOOOOOOOOOOOO??!?!?!?"

I always want to tell them to shove it somewhere...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I love it when that happens.

"X isn't working."

"Oh, that's because Y doesn't support Z. You need to get a Y that supports Z"

"WELL WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DOOOOOOOOOOOO??!?!?!?"

Smash your computer into little pieces with a sledgehammer because you are too stupid to use a computer.

Also read the free novel that came with your computer. It's written by some Spanish guy named Manuel.

[Peppergirl]

Bravo!!! I LOVE to pull the silent treatment on SC's like that.

Bonus points when they start saying "Hello, are you there?"

Dips,

[marasbaras]

Ah, I believe I've figured out what kind of software you sell. I can remember helping a friend with that kind of issue when he was writing similar software about 15 years ago.

[Happy Otter Lover]

I'm actually quite curious as to what software it is that you sell!

[Hello Kitty]

I used to work for an ISP and customers would constantly call for help with whatever crap freeware they downloaded. "Whaddya mean you don't support it? You can't help me? There must be someone there familiar with it!" Um, even if there was, they wouldn't help you with it!

[Boozy]

Me: Have you spoken with your instructor?

SC: What? Why!?

Me: The page where you downloaded [freeware] explains that we only offer tech support to instructors, not to individual students. I suggest that you let your instructor know what is happening. He or she might also be able to recommend some keyboard brands and models to you.

Your hints are apparently too subtle, my dear.

But I still get a kick out of them.

[Geek King]

Also read the free novel that came with your computer. It's written by some Spanish guy named Manuel.

What? You mean that's not a free coaster?!?

[Dips]

Ah, I believe I've figured out what kind of software you sell. I can remember helping a friend with that kind of issue when he was writing similar software about 15 years ago.

Thanks for not speculating aloud (atype?) on the forum; I appreciate it. I owe it to my company, my co-workers and my awesome customers (who are the vast majority), not to embarass them by being indiscreet.

Rather than cause any problems for all those good people, I would stop posting immediately if where I work became common knowledge on the forum.

[marasbaras]

You haven't mentioned what your software does .... I figured it certainly wasn't my place to do so.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

When I worked at a computer store someone had downloaded some program to rip DVDs for free. He came in one day furious that it was not working and demanded we tell him how to get it fixed so he could proceed making illegal copies of all his DVDs.

I refused to help him so of course he asked for a manager, who also refused to help the sc commit any illegal activity. The sc yelled at us awhile longer and then stormed out.

Flash forward a week later, a complaint comes in from this SC complaining that both my manager and myself were being rude and unhelpful to him and demanding a FREE DVD burner for all his troubles.

And the saddest part? He got his DVD burner.

My manager fought the DM on it big time but lost. Both he and I left the store within a few months.

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

Rather than cause any problems for all those good people, I would stop posting immediately if where I work became common knowledge on the forum.

Dips, I have devoted at least 20 whole seconds ruminating about where you work. Despite all my hard work & effort, I still have no idea.

That girl in the OP just makes me shake my head in pity & commiseration. For you. The non-SC response to 'you'll need a keyboard that does support [whatever]' is a distressed, 'oh dear, I don't really want to tote an extra keyboard. Do you have any suggestions about alternatives?' But then, I'm a quasi-reasonable human being.

[greensinestro]

I love this story. The silent treatment only tells me that this bitchy woman was looking for something she wanted to hear instead of the truth.

It also reminds me of the customers who call in for help on things not related to our internet service. "I downloaded this file and now my computer doesn't work! And no, don't tell me to call the computer manufacturer, because I'll get charged for it."

[Andara Bledin]

When I worked at a computer store someone had downloaded some program to rip DVDs for free. He came in one day furious that it was not working and demanded we tell him how to get it fixed so he could proceed making illegal copies of all his DVDs.

It's not illlegal (in the US, at least) to make personal backup copies of any media you own. It falls under fair use doctrine that since you have paid for the material, you can do so.

However, the original and backup must be treated as a single entity, and if you sell one, you must sell or destroy the other. Although the idea of "loaning out" a backup copy is sketchy, so it's best not to do it. But for strictly personal use, the media megacorps haven't managed to scuttle a consumer's right to back up damageble media quite yet.

^-.-^