The Asshat Redemption

[Kara]

Wow, it's been awhile. Been busy, but I just finished up my first week on shift as a Corrections Officer for the state prison. Oh, the fun I've been having. I don't have to be nice to anyone, anymore. Not that I'm outright mean to the inmates, but they're learning I don't play their games. Of course, just because they're drug dealers, murderers, and rapists, they're still every bit as capable of being assgoblins as any "customer" I ever dealt with.

I/M = Inmate
ME = Everyone's Favorite Officer

I HAVE THE POWER!

ME: Are you going to be taking a shower?
I/M: I already did.
ME: Then go to your cell and put you regular shoes on. No shower shoes in the Dayroom unless you are on your way to or from the showers.

Did I mention how much fun it is ordering people around all day? I wasn't being a bitch, this is a general rule for all cellhouses and they know the rules better than most officers do.

Just Like Old Times

I/M: Hey, CO (most inmates call us "CO" for Corrections Officer instead of calling us by name).
ME (walks to guy's cell): Yeah?
I/M: Hey, uh, did you pass out all the mail?
ME: Yeah, I passed out all the mail that came in today.
I/M: Oh. Was there anything for me?
ME: ......
I/M: .....
ME: No.
I/M: Oh, okay.

This conversation should have ended when I answered the first question. In fact, since you were glued to your cell door when I was making my round for mail, it never should have happened to begin with. Thank you for reminding me of old times. At least now I don't have to apologize for your stupidity.

Another Reason to Love My Job

I/M: So, you new?
ME: Yes.
I/M: You like working here?
ME: I do, actually.
I/M: You ain't gonna be an asshole like a lot of the other CO's, are you?
ME: That's up to you.
I/M: Hey, I ain't looking for trouble, hehe.
ME: Good. Then we should get along just fine.

It's not even that I'm being a smartass, I'm just enjoying the ability to just be myself at work.

Kind of Sad, In a Way

I/M: It's a nice day today.
ME: Yep.
I/M: A good day to go fishing or catch a movie.
ME: Definitely.
I/M: Do they still have drive-ins?
ME: There's one in town by the college that's open in the summer.
I/M: I always enjoyed the drive-in.

Dude, you've been locked up for a very long time, haven't you?

Zing!

I was in a tower during Gym/Yard yesterday, so I was overseeing the outdoor yard. It's kind of like Recess for inmates. I heard the following exchange after a heated basketball game.

I/M1: Man, that was bullshit!
I/M2: I didn't know you was passin' to me!
I/M1: You need to Go Go Gadget Eyeglasses or something.
I/M2: Yeah, well you need to Go Go Gadget Rulebook sometime.

I think I was high enough up there that no one heard me giggle. But that was filed away for future use next time I need a quick retort.

Finally...

The BTK strangler is extremely polite and very quiet. He keeps to himself (I mean, he's in solitary the rest of his life), and usually doesn't say a word to anyone. He's a pretty nice guy overall. Except for, you know, stalking and killing all those people and playing cat-and-mouse with police for 25 years.

[Gravekeeper]

The BTK strangler is extremely polite and very quiet. He keeps to himself (I mean, he's in solitary the rest of his life), and usually doesn't say a word to anyone. He's a pretty nice guy overall. Except for, you know, stalking and killing all those people and playing cat-and-mouse with police for 25 years.

I read that as the "BLT Strangler" and immediately pictured someone similar to the King. Then I read the article. Now I feel bad. Although, in my defense I think the statue of limitations on how long you have to wait before its acceptable to make fun of a serial killer is 5-10 years.

Its probably for the best I don't work somewhere where I'm allowed to be myself. I'm not sure the general public would be ready for that. The incarcerated public, maybe.

Also, I'll have to remember the Go Go Gadget thing, but I doubt anyone will set it up for me that often.. ^^

[NightWatch]

Aw man, I wished you worked in the state prison in my area, then you could tell my family hi for me.

[poofy_puff]

I get to have the same fun with college students, and also with the tourists we get over the summer.

[iviles]

Kara, your posts are so funny that I always look foward to them! They made me ask some of the prison gaurds that come into my store about funny stories...oh man your going to have a lot of material for posts!

[Peppergirl]

Except for, you know, stalking and killing all those people and playing cat-and-mouse with police for 25 years.

]


Oh, PSHAW! Minor details!

[crazylegs]

Wow, it's been awhile. Been busy,

Has indeed, was beginning to get a bit worried...

Glad to hear its goiing swimmingly, nice to know you don't always have to bite your tongue!

[Crazeyal]

Good stories!

Stay safe.

[Slytovhand]

At least now I don't have to apologize for your stupidity.

Kara - you have my undying jealousy :P well - maybe not with who you'll have to deal with...

I copy Crazeyal - stay safe! (oh - and I mean at work.. what you choose to do other places is up to you :P)

[Dreamstalker]

I/M1: You need to Go Go Gadget Eyeglasses or something.
I/M2: Yeah, well you need to Go Go Gadget Rulebook sometime.

Yay for Inspector Gadget! Awesome. May I steal that?

[Andara Bledin]

Has indeed, was beginning to get a bit worried...

Same here.

Glad to hear your new job is working out for you.

....

For anyone interested in a more in-depth telling of the BTK saga than Wikipedia is willing to give, try CrimeLibrary.com.

^-.-^

[smileyeagle1021]

Kind of Sad, In a Way

I/M: It's a nice day today.
ME: Yep.
I/M: A good day to go fishing or catch a movie.
ME: Definitely.
I/M: Do they still have drive-ins?
ME: There's one in town by the college that's open in the summer.
I/M: I always enjoyed the drive-in.

Dude, you've been locked up for a very long time, haven't you?

[.

wow, that sounds like the type of thing that prison movies put in to make you feel sorry for the inmate and remind you they are human.
... it makes it even more sad when it is a real person that says that.

[Kara]

I read that as the "BLT Strangler" and immediately pictured someone similar to the King.

We're supposed to refer to inmates by name, as opposed to any nickname and/or moniker they use. So he's just "Mr. Rader." Although he's unofficially known as "BLT" around the prison.

Yay for Inspector Gadget! Awesome. May I steal that?

By all means. I stole it from a couple inmates anyway.

For anyone interested in a more in-depth telling of the BTK saga than Wikipedia is willing to give, try CrimeLibrary.com.

I thought about linking that instead, but it's rather epic in length. So I went for the abridged version.

Crimelibrary is awesome though. There's only two high-profile stories on there from the state of Kansas, and we have the guys from the second one, too, the Carr brothers (Warning: Graphic, potentially disturbing content). I haven't seen them yet, but I know which cellhouse they live in.

[Kara]

Also, relevant to the title, I thought of something the other day after watching another retarded Arby's commercial. 5 minutes of MS Paint has seen the creation of the following:

[Brightglaive]

Aw man, I wished you worked in the state prison in my area, then you could tell my family hi for me.

So...wait... does that mean you're in prison or .....your family is??