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The Craig'sList Best Of post put me in a creative mood.
So, here's my Check-out Customer From Hell based on personal experiences (any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is entirely on purpose
.):
“Hello! I need this all rung up as 5 separate purchases, please. Now, the first one is going to be cash and I need it wrapped REAL GOOD. Wait, can you double bag everything? Good. Now the second one is going to be part cash and part Visa…hold on, I thought that blouse was on sale. Well, if it ain’t, I don’t want it. Just take that off. You know what? Hold on, where’s my daughter…LISA?! LISA?! You want this blouse?! It ain’t on sale!! What?! WHAT?! Girl, you know I can’t hear you from the back of the store! You want it?! You do?! You sure?! Okay, add that blouse back on. Oh, you already rang it out. Well, just ring that up separate, too. Okay, now the third one…David, are you sure you want this thing? You think you’re worth this much money? I told you to clean your room this morning and I don’t think you did. Boy, you’re breaking me. Okay, ring that up, I guess. I’ll write a check for that. How much? Boy, you better clean that room when we get home. You got a pen? Wait, I found one. How much was that again? Can I write this for $20 more and get cash back? No? Okay. I think they did last time I was here, but never mind. What kind of ID do you need to see? I thought I had my driver’s license in here…where’d I put that thing? I had it in my wallet just an hour ago. Wait…LISA?! You got my driver’s license?! Is it in the car?! Girl, I can’t hear you!! Never mind, here it is!! Okay, this fourth one is for my Momma…where did she go? MOMMA! They’re ready for you! I thought you were ready to go! I’ll just pay for it and you can pay me back! Okay, I’ll have to write another check for this. How much was that? Okay. Where’d I put that driver’s license this time? Oh, you can get it from the other check…never mind. This last one is tax free and I’m using my debit. Lord, hang on. My phone is ringing. Hello? Hey, girl. Yeah, I’m trying to get checked out here and it’s taking FOREVER. Yeah, they are slow sometimes. What you up to? Wait, hang on, girl…declined? It shouldn’t be! Try it again. Girl, the card won’t go through. They must have done something; I been using it all day long without a problem. It still didn’t work?! Well, you need to fix that machine because it’s wrong or you don’t know how to work it one. Girl, let me call you back. Okay, try this one….did it go through? I’ll be here all day waitin’ on this…oh, it worked! Finally! It better have! LISA!! WE’RE GOING!! What do you have now??!! Well, bring it up here! I’ll get this, too. Wait…Lisa don’t you have one of these already? Are you SURE? Lord, these kids are killing me. I’ll have to write another check. How much was that again? That’s my phone again…hey, girl. Yeah, I’m STILL here. I swear it takes me forever to get out of this store every time I come here. These folks need some more training or something…”
So, here's my Check-out Customer From Hell based on personal experiences (any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is entirely on purpose
.):“Hello! I need this all rung up as 5 separate purchases, please. Now, the first one is going to be cash and I need it wrapped REAL GOOD. Wait, can you double bag everything? Good. Now the second one is going to be part cash and part Visa…hold on, I thought that blouse was on sale. Well, if it ain’t, I don’t want it. Just take that off. You know what? Hold on, where’s my daughter…LISA?! LISA?! You want this blouse?! It ain’t on sale!! What?! WHAT?! Girl, you know I can’t hear you from the back of the store! You want it?! You do?! You sure?! Okay, add that blouse back on. Oh, you already rang it out. Well, just ring that up separate, too. Okay, now the third one…David, are you sure you want this thing? You think you’re worth this much money? I told you to clean your room this morning and I don’t think you did. Boy, you’re breaking me. Okay, ring that up, I guess. I’ll write a check for that. How much? Boy, you better clean that room when we get home. You got a pen? Wait, I found one. How much was that again? Can I write this for $20 more and get cash back? No? Okay. I think they did last time I was here, but never mind. What kind of ID do you need to see? I thought I had my driver’s license in here…where’d I put that thing? I had it in my wallet just an hour ago. Wait…LISA?! You got my driver’s license?! Is it in the car?! Girl, I can’t hear you!! Never mind, here it is!! Okay, this fourth one is for my Momma…where did she go? MOMMA! They’re ready for you! I thought you were ready to go! I’ll just pay for it and you can pay me back! Okay, I’ll have to write another check for this. How much was that? Okay. Where’d I put that driver’s license this time? Oh, you can get it from the other check…never mind. This last one is tax free and I’m using my debit. Lord, hang on. My phone is ringing. Hello? Hey, girl. Yeah, I’m trying to get checked out here and it’s taking FOREVER. Yeah, they are slow sometimes. What you up to? Wait, hang on, girl…declined? It shouldn’t be! Try it again. Girl, the card won’t go through. They must have done something; I been using it all day long without a problem. It still didn’t work?! Well, you need to fix that machine because it’s wrong or you don’t know how to work it one. Girl, let me call you back. Okay, try this one….did it go through? I’ll be here all day waitin’ on this…oh, it worked! Finally! It better have! LISA!! WE’RE GOING!! What do you have now??!! Well, bring it up here! I’ll get this, too. Wait…Lisa don’t you have one of these already? Are you SURE? Lord, these kids are killing me. I’ll have to write another check. How much was that again? That’s my phone again…hey, girl. Yeah, I’m STILL here. I swear it takes me forever to get out of this store every time I come here. These folks need some more training or something…”
but Lisa and David are my parents' names!
store. I jockeyed one for enough years at the conv. store.
.
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