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1st SC of the day was a ripper. I get called to the service bay. There is a customer who is demanding her computer get fixed for free under warranty. Before giving in to her request I get the full story from our previous job notes etc. Basic history was that it was bought elsewhere, was repaired in January because it wouldn't turn on. The mainboard was replaced. According to customer it is now doing the same thing. Should be pretty simple.
Me: "OK if it is the same fault, then it will be fixed under warranty"
SC: "But your technician said I will be charged if it is a different fault"
Me: "yes..."
SC: "But it should be fixed under warranty'
Me: "Ok the motherboard that was installed in January has warranty, and if it has failed then it will be replaced under warranty. But if the fault is caused by anything else, then it isn't covered by the mainboard's warranty, so it will be a charged service"
SC: "But you didn't fix it properly last time so I want a refund of what you did last time, and I won't be paying more for it"
Me: "Well a refund of the previous job is out of the question, but if it wasn't fixed then, why didn't you bring it straight back?"
SC: "Because it was working"
Me: "So it's been working the past 4 months?"
SC: "Yes"
Me: "Ok, so then they did fix it"
SC: "not properly because it's stopped again"
Me: "But if it has been working for 4 months, then it was fixed. If it has failed now then it's a new fault that has just occurred that wasn't present 4 months ago"
SC: "But it's doing exactly the same thing, it starts loading windows then stops. When it came in last time I told the techs that a friend's computer had a file wrong, but they ignored me and said I needed a motherboard, which I obviously didn't need"
Me: "Hang on - this time it starts loading windows and stops, or last time?" (knowing full well that the job description from last time said it wouldn't power on).
SC: "this time"
Me: "But last time it wouldn't turn on at all, correct?"
SC: "yes"
Me: "so this time it is behaving different. Last time it wouldn't turn on, this time it is turning on, and only going partway into windows, correct?"
SC: "yes"
Me: "ok, so this time it is a different fault to last time. So it most likely has a different cause"
SC: "no it's the same fault"
Me: "you just agreed that it was different, last time it wouldn't turn on, this time it won't load windows"
SC: "it's the same fault, I can't use it"
FFS how do I get it through this thick woman's skull?
Me: "No, just because you can't use it doesn't mean it's the same fault, it's like going to the doctor and saying you're sick, but a headache is completely different to a stomach bug"
SC: "but it's the same fault as last time"
Me: "No, as we just agreed, it is doing a different thing this time"
SC: "No, it's not working, so you should have fixed it last time"
Me: "But it has worked for 4 months, so the fix last time has worked. It is now doing something different so it would appear that a different fault has occurred"
SC: "But why wasn't it fixed last time?"
Me: (bloody hell woman, how do I get this through your thick skull?). "Ok, lets say you go out one morning and go to start your car, but it is dead, so you call a mechanic. He replaces the battery and your car works fine. Four months later you go out to your car, it starts but won't move because now the gearbox is broken, it is a completely different fault, so you have to pay for the new repair. The warranty on the battery he fitted doesn't cover the gearbox. This is the same sort of situation"
SC: "He should have fixed it originally, just like you should have"
Me: (FFS, why can you not understand this. I wanted to tell her she is the stupidest woman I have ever encountered, but of course that wouldn't go down well) "Our technicians can't fix a fault that isn't doesn't exist. The fault you are having now didn't exist 4 months ago. 4 months ago you had an entirely different fault, which is obvious by the fact that it was doing different things. 4 months ago it wouldn't turn on. They put a new mainboard in and it then worked fine. You have said so yourself that it worked. They couldn't fix this current fault then, because it didn't exist then. The computer was working, and has continued to work for 4 months."
SC: "Well i'm not paying for anything, because they should have fixed it last time"
Me: "ok, if you don't want to pay anything, then I'll instruct the technicians that the only work they do is to test the motherboard that they put in previously. If it tests ok, they are not to perform any more diagnosis on it, and are to return the computer to you as is, agreed?"
SC: "I want it fixed"
Me: "well as I have already told you, if the mainboard is the problem, it will be fixed under warranty. If the fault is caused by something else, it won't be covered by warranty, so charges will apply. Do you want it fixed, or do you want the job done for free?"
SC: "I'm not paying anything"
Me: "ok, that answers it."
I grabbed the job-sheet, and added to the job description "Test motherboard and replace if faulty at no charge. No other work or testing to be performed." I then handed her the job sheet and asked for her signature to perform the repairs. She refused saying that our T's & C's were illegal because they required her to pay any applicable fees for the repair.
Me: "ok, well I'm unable to book any repair without your signature that you agree for us to do the agreed work. If you won't sign the job sheet, I'm afraid you'll have to take the computer elsewhere" and pushed it to her side of the counter.
SC: "But I'll have to pay for it if I take it somewhere else"
Me: "well if it is anything other than the motherboard and you want us to fix it, you'll have to pay for it here too. Do you want us to test the motherboard at no charge, or do you want to take it elsewhere"
SC: "I'm not signing that because the Terms and conditions are illegal because you are forcing me to agree to whatever you want to charge me"
Me: "But as per the job description, we are to test the mainboard at no charge, and not to perform any other work, so there will be no charge for the agreed work"
SC: "I'll only sign it if you cross out the term about paying any fee"
Me: (I should add that it is strict company policy that we don't modify the terms and conditions) "Well you will note that the term actually says that you agree for us to do the work in accordance with a given quote. I have stated in writing what we are going to do, and I have written the price, which will be no charge, so we cannot charge you for the agreed work, which is to test the mainboard only, so no I won't cross that line out, because as you see it is protecting you, by enforcing us to charge the agreed amount which is nothing"
SC then signs job sheet, I gave her her copy, took the computer and walked into the servicing room (and waited there until she left).
Somehow I think this tale hasn't ended yet, because not surprisingly when the tech tested it this afternoon it wasn't the mainboard that was at fault. The computer is riddled with viruses, so we'll see what happens tomorrow when she comes to collect.
Me: "OK if it is the same fault, then it will be fixed under warranty"
SC: "But your technician said I will be charged if it is a different fault"
Me: "yes..."
SC: "But it should be fixed under warranty'
Me: "Ok the motherboard that was installed in January has warranty, and if it has failed then it will be replaced under warranty. But if the fault is caused by anything else, then it isn't covered by the mainboard's warranty, so it will be a charged service"
SC: "But you didn't fix it properly last time so I want a refund of what you did last time, and I won't be paying more for it"
Me: "Well a refund of the previous job is out of the question, but if it wasn't fixed then, why didn't you bring it straight back?"
SC: "Because it was working"
Me: "So it's been working the past 4 months?"
SC: "Yes"
Me: "Ok, so then they did fix it"
SC: "not properly because it's stopped again"
Me: "But if it has been working for 4 months, then it was fixed. If it has failed now then it's a new fault that has just occurred that wasn't present 4 months ago"
SC: "But it's doing exactly the same thing, it starts loading windows then stops. When it came in last time I told the techs that a friend's computer had a file wrong, but they ignored me and said I needed a motherboard, which I obviously didn't need"
Me: "Hang on - this time it starts loading windows and stops, or last time?" (knowing full well that the job description from last time said it wouldn't power on).
SC: "this time"
Me: "But last time it wouldn't turn on at all, correct?"
SC: "yes"
Me: "so this time it is behaving different. Last time it wouldn't turn on, this time it is turning on, and only going partway into windows, correct?"
SC: "yes"
Me: "ok, so this time it is a different fault to last time. So it most likely has a different cause"
SC: "no it's the same fault"
Me: "you just agreed that it was different, last time it wouldn't turn on, this time it won't load windows"
SC: "it's the same fault, I can't use it"
FFS how do I get it through this thick woman's skull?
Me: "No, just because you can't use it doesn't mean it's the same fault, it's like going to the doctor and saying you're sick, but a headache is completely different to a stomach bug"
SC: "but it's the same fault as last time"
Me: "No, as we just agreed, it is doing a different thing this time"
SC: "No, it's not working, so you should have fixed it last time"
Me: "But it has worked for 4 months, so the fix last time has worked. It is now doing something different so it would appear that a different fault has occurred"
SC: "But why wasn't it fixed last time?"
Me: (bloody hell woman, how do I get this through your thick skull?). "Ok, lets say you go out one morning and go to start your car, but it is dead, so you call a mechanic. He replaces the battery and your car works fine. Four months later you go out to your car, it starts but won't move because now the gearbox is broken, it is a completely different fault, so you have to pay for the new repair. The warranty on the battery he fitted doesn't cover the gearbox. This is the same sort of situation"
SC: "He should have fixed it originally, just like you should have"
Me: (FFS, why can you not understand this. I wanted to tell her she is the stupidest woman I have ever encountered, but of course that wouldn't go down well) "Our technicians can't fix a fault that isn't doesn't exist. The fault you are having now didn't exist 4 months ago. 4 months ago you had an entirely different fault, which is obvious by the fact that it was doing different things. 4 months ago it wouldn't turn on. They put a new mainboard in and it then worked fine. You have said so yourself that it worked. They couldn't fix this current fault then, because it didn't exist then. The computer was working, and has continued to work for 4 months."
SC: "Well i'm not paying for anything, because they should have fixed it last time"
Me: "ok, if you don't want to pay anything, then I'll instruct the technicians that the only work they do is to test the motherboard that they put in previously. If it tests ok, they are not to perform any more diagnosis on it, and are to return the computer to you as is, agreed?"
SC: "I want it fixed"
Me: "well as I have already told you, if the mainboard is the problem, it will be fixed under warranty. If the fault is caused by something else, it won't be covered by warranty, so charges will apply. Do you want it fixed, or do you want the job done for free?"
SC: "I'm not paying anything"
Me: "ok, that answers it."
I grabbed the job-sheet, and added to the job description "Test motherboard and replace if faulty at no charge. No other work or testing to be performed." I then handed her the job sheet and asked for her signature to perform the repairs. She refused saying that our T's & C's were illegal because they required her to pay any applicable fees for the repair.
Me: "ok, well I'm unable to book any repair without your signature that you agree for us to do the agreed work. If you won't sign the job sheet, I'm afraid you'll have to take the computer elsewhere" and pushed it to her side of the counter.
SC: "But I'll have to pay for it if I take it somewhere else"
Me: "well if it is anything other than the motherboard and you want us to fix it, you'll have to pay for it here too. Do you want us to test the motherboard at no charge, or do you want to take it elsewhere"
SC: "I'm not signing that because the Terms and conditions are illegal because you are forcing me to agree to whatever you want to charge me"
Me: "But as per the job description, we are to test the mainboard at no charge, and not to perform any other work, so there will be no charge for the agreed work"
SC: "I'll only sign it if you cross out the term about paying any fee"
Me: (I should add that it is strict company policy that we don't modify the terms and conditions) "Well you will note that the term actually says that you agree for us to do the work in accordance with a given quote. I have stated in writing what we are going to do, and I have written the price, which will be no charge, so we cannot charge you for the agreed work, which is to test the mainboard only, so no I won't cross that line out, because as you see it is protecting you, by enforcing us to charge the agreed amount which is nothing"
SC then signs job sheet, I gave her her copy, took the computer and walked into the servicing room (and waited there until she left).
Somehow I think this tale hasn't ended yet, because not surprisingly when the tech tested it this afternoon it wasn't the mainboard that was at fault. The computer is riddled with viruses, so we'll see what happens tomorrow when she comes to collect.
That last bit was BRILLIANT!!!!! 
As long as you put in good things and don't try and stuff it with too much they work fine. But when too much is stuffed in and most of it lingers in one place you end up being constipated. This is what happens when your hard drive is stuffed full of shit like viruses, malware, spyware, rootkits, worms etc. Now we can do one of 2 things. We can give the computer a laxative... that's our virus/worm/malware/spyware/rootkit removal service or we can give it a high-colonic enema aka FDISK, format and re-install windows from your official windows disks. The laxative doesn't always work...but the enema does. 
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