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  • #1

    Customer E-mails Re: Stealing Cable & Child Porn

    You love the crazy cable customer commentary, right? Well, wait no longer...here's more of what you love, fresh off the presses!

    ***********************************

    Email: “Do you have any plans to stop farting around & get us the channel we want?”

    ***********************************

    Email: “I am planning on displaying a 20’ x 40’ billboard stating everything that has been done [to ruin my cable service] this weekend on my land!”

    ***********************************

    Email: “Screw you for screwing me.” (This was the entire e-mail)

    ***********************************

    Email: "My neighbor has cable, but you said you won’t give it to me. What if you just run a line from my neighbor’s house and we use their cable?”

    ***********************************

    Email: "Please fix my cable as soon as possible because I have an at-risk husband."

    ***********************************

    Email: "Suck service. Your service suck."

    ***********************************

    Email: I received Child porn in my E-mail. What should I do?
    (We told this guy to tell the authorities)
    The universe is mostly empty space, and so is your job. ~Dilbert
    Tags: child, email, porn, suck
  • #2
    This woman's husband is at rick because he has no cable? At risk of what? Reading a book? Dear God, next he'll be thinking and we can't have that!
    https://www.facebook.com/authorpatriciacorrell/

    Comment

    • #3
      The at-risk husband made me think of that Simpson's episode in which they spoof The Shining.

      Homer: "No beer and no TV make Homer, something, something...."

      Marge: "Go crazy?"

      Homer: "Don't mind if I do!!!!" *goes into a fit of rage making weird faces and noises before he brandishes his axe*
      The Borg wouldn't know fun if they assimilated an amusement park. -- B'Elanna Torres, Star Trek: Voyager

      Math! Math, my dear boy, is but the lesbian sister of Biology. -- Peter Griffin, Family Guy

      Comment

      • #4
        Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
        Email: “I am planning on displaying a 20’ x 40’ billboard stating everything that has been done [to ruin my cable service] this weekend on my land!”
        You have fun with that.
        Excuse me, good sir paladin, can you direct me to your EVIL district?

        http://www.dywhcomic.com

        Comment

        • #5
          If I thought any of that would work to get my UltraHD channel back I'd consider trying it. (btw, what the hell is an "at risk husband"?)

          "You'd feel a Hell of a lot better if you'd just rip into the occasional customer."
          ~Clerks

          Comment

          • #6
            Email: "Please fix my cable as soon as possible because I have an at-risk husband."
            Haven't you already posted that line, not long ago ? It looks very familiar. And I still don't understand what it's supposed to mean.
            "I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."

            Comment

            • #7
              Quoth AnaKhouri View Post
              This woman's husband is at rick because he has no cable? At risk of what? Reading a book? Dear God, next he'll be thinking and we can't have that!
              I would be at Rick's as well, if I didn't have cable.

              Comment

              • #8
                Quoth aurelemsrealm View Post
                The at-risk husband made me think of that Simpson's episode in which they spoof The Shining.
                *in Groundskeeper Willie's voice* "SHHH! You wanna get sued?"

                I loved that episode!

                -Wembley
                Originally Posted by edible_hat
                (also, wouldn't lube work better in a f***ing machine?)

                Comment

                • #9
                  "at risk" is something ppl will use for the power or phone company for someone that has a lifr threatening illness, on machines, waiting a transplant et cetera.

                  What this usually does is make it so their service does not easily get disconnected, even if very behind in payment, and it usually puts them at the front of the que for repairs in service outage situations.

                  At least that was how it was when I worked for the phone company, it should have nothing to do with cable

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Email: “Do you have any plans to stop farting around & get us the channel we want?”
                    Actually, I have no plans to stop farting.

                    Next one's in the writer's general direction.

                    Email: “I am planning on displaying a 20’ x 40’ billboard stating everything that has been done [to ruin my cable service] this weekend on my land!”
                    That can't be cheap.

                    Email: "My neighbor has cable, but you said you won’t give it to me. What if you just run a line from my neighbor’s house and we use their cable?”
                    Sure! And then we call the police and have you arrested for theft! Sound like a good deal?

                    Email: "Suck service. Your service suck."
                    Your English suck too. Suck English.
                    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Quoth aurelemsrealm View Post
                      The at-risk husband made me think of that Simpson's episode in which they spoof The Shining.
                      Made me think of the Family Guy episode 'Petarded'
                      Lady, people aren't chocolates. D'you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. Dr Cox - Scrubs

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
                        Email: "Please fix my cable as soon as possible because I have an at-risk husband."
                        *Translation, if the cable isn't turned on that means we'd have to interact. He's at risk for spending quality time with me. Which means they could POSSIBLY BREED! For the love of all things please get their cable turned on ASAP!
                        Last edited by Gothicsmurf; 05-30-2008, 02:22 PM.
                        You don't know what Hades is until you've worked at least one Christmas Season in a toy store that offers free gift wrapping.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
                          “Screw you for screwing me.”
                          Sounds like a good trade off to me.
                          Unseen but seeing
                          oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                          There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                          3rd shift needs love, too
                          RIP, mo bhrionglóid

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            I once came across some child porn. So I go to the FBI website, paste the URL of the kiddy porn site, gave my actually name and info. I've been expecting for the past 4 weeks the FBI breaking down my door and hauling me away and beat me with a rubber hose. You think they would hurry up!

                            Anyway, one thing I'm glad is no one has been seeing child porn at the library. I'm waiting for someone to start fiddling with the flatscreens we installed to get to the cable channels.
                            Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

                            Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

                            I wish porn had subtitles.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Quoth BeckySunshine View Post
                              Sounds like a good trade off to me.
                              Should have emailed back: "It's a deal."
                              I will never go to school!

                              Comment

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