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The Queen Comes Down From Her Ivory Tower

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  • The Queen Comes Down From Her Ivory Tower

    ***Warning: Contains a large amount of Sarcasm.***

    I would have dressed up if I knew, but apparently the queen of everything decided to bless my store with a visit today! She apparently rushed past my coworker to make her way to the desk so she could pound loudly on the counter so I knew of her presence.

    Now I've never been in the presence of the queen...so this was exciting. I never knew that her precious hands should never touch dirt!

    Me: Can I help you?
    Queen: LOOK AT THIS CAN!
    Me: Umm....okay.
    Queen: ITS DIRTY!
    Me: Well ma'am we don't own the coke machines, they're owned and maintained by Pepsi.
    Queen: GODDAMMIT!

    The queen soon stomped out of the store and back to the Ivory tower where she lives. I cannot figure out why the Ivory tower is not equipped with sinks. I just assume the slave children are forced to lick her hands when required. I guess that would explain why the Queen doesn't know how to clean a dirty can off.
    --AmericanZero8503--
    Telling Stories from the Front Line a.k.a Customer Service at a Grocery Store

  • #2
    Quoth AmericanZero8503 View Post
    Me: Well ma'am we don't own the coke machines, they're owned and maintained by Pepsi.
    The Coke machine owned by Pepsi bit greatly amused me.

    But seriously, ? The bottles are almost always dirty (relative to how one defines dirty.) You get over it.
    What if Humans are just Dire Halflings?

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    • #3
      Shoulda given the can the ole spit shine for her.

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      • #4
        I should have explained this...but from where I'm from, any carbonated beverage is referred to simply as a 'coke'. Mt. Dew, Dr. Pepper, Pepsi...it doesn't matter. Around here it is all referred to as a 'coke'. So when I refer to the 'coke machines' I mean the soda vending machines at our store.

        Its one of those stupid local things that annoy the hell out of you if you've just returned from a visit out of town, or returning from college.
        --AmericanZero8503--
        Telling Stories from the Front Line a.k.a Customer Service at a Grocery Store

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        • #5
          Quoth olstar18 View Post
          Shoulda given the can the ole spit shine for her.


          I'd love to see the queen's face after that!!!

          .
          Retail Haiku:
          Depression sets in.
          The hellhole is calling me ~
          I don't want to go.

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          • #6
            Damn. And here we find it kind of a challenge to see what type of soda the local Walmart Coke dispenser will give us when we choose the 'Diet Coke'. It's never right, I'd take "dirty" any day.

            "You'd feel a Hell of a lot better if you'd just rip into the occasional customer."
            ~Clerks

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            • #7
              Quoth Part-Time Parrothead View Post
              The bottles are almost always dirty (relative to how one defines dirty.) You get over it.

              and your immune system gets a practice workout if you don't submerge it in bleach. And all the little antibodies are happy and buffed for their next real battle.
              Honestly.... the image of that in my head made me go "AWESOME!"..... and then I remembered I am terribly strange.-Red dazes

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              • #8
                Quoth AmericanZero8503 View Post
                I should have explained this...but from where I'm from, any carbonated beverage is referred to simply as a 'coke'. Mt. Dew, Dr. Pepper, Pepsi...it doesn't matter. Around here it is all referred to as a 'coke'. So when I refer to the 'coke machines' I mean the soda vending machines at our store.
                .
                AAAAHHHAHAHAHA - I just mentioned this to my friend the other day and he thought I was absolutely crazy. I moved from Ohio to Texas. In Ohio, I referred to soda as "pop". I was a server at the time, so I would often as those in Texas if they wanted "pop". They found this HIGHLY amusing. I then learned that Texans either refer to all "pop" as "soda" or "coke". I learned that if a Texan asked for a "coke" I had to ask what type of "coke" because it could mean anything.

                My friend didn't believe me because "that makes no sense!"
                "I'm still walking, so I'm sure that I can dance!" from Saint of Circumstance - Grateful Dead

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                • #9
                  Quoth friendofjimmyk View Post
                  what type of "coke" because it could mean anything
                  Usually? Sweet tea, from my own observations.
                  "I call murder on that!"

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                  • #10
                    Same is true in my home town...

                    If it is a carbonated beverage it is a coke. Doesn't matter what flavor or who made it. It's a coke.

                    If it is a white box in the kithen that cools things it is a Frigidaire. Doesn't matter who actually made it...

                    And if it sucks dirt off the floor it is a Hoover.

                    I also like the sweet tea comment. Around here if a restaurant open and does not have sweet tea you can set their closing date on your calendar. No, adding sugar to unsweet tea does not make sweet tea. That simply makes unsweet tea with crap in the bottom of the glass.

                    Steve B.

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                    • #11
                      When my (now) wife and I first met she would correct me for saying "soda". According to her it is "pop".

                      I know someone has posted this before, but, it is a good map to look at every so often:

                      Pop Vs. Soda
                      Answers are easy...it is asking the right questions which is hard.

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Imprl59 View Post
                        No, adding sugar to unsweet tea does not make sweet tea. That simply makes unsweet tea with crap in the bottom of the glass.
                        It's true! You have to add the sugar when it's warm (just made) or it doesn't really work well.
                        Excuse me, good sir paladin, can you direct me to your EVIL district?

                        http://www.dywhcomic.com

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                        • #13
                          Quoth Apathy View Post
                          It's true! You have to add the sugar when it's warm (just made) or it doesn't really work well.
                          YES!! I can't get myYankee Midwestern friends to understand this concept.

                          And someone please explain this to me: In KC, I can easily find iced tea in peach, raspberry, strawberry, blackberry flavors. Yet it is damn near impossible to find just plain sweet tea.

                          Thank Dog for Chik-fil-A.
                          "Even arms dealers need groceries." ~ Ziva David, NCIS

                          Tony: "Everyone's counting on you, just do what you do best."
                          Abby: "Dance?" ~ NCIS

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