Lrn2LISTEN

[elysia]

Our company phone # is one digit off from the local hospital. That said, we get about 10-30 calls for the hospital a day. Some people hang up when we answer, and we know it was a hopital call. Some completely don't hear our spew when we answer (Thank you for calling <us> this is <victim> speaking, how may I help you?) and ask for a room number or to be transferred to whatever department. Some get really confused and ask if we are sure we are not the hospital. Some actually apologize. This was today's little treasure:

First thing in the morning, there is a lengthy message on our machine. The message it plays when it picks up clearly says our business name as well as our business hours. The message I recieved was as follows:

SC: "I'm allowed to talk to my mother! This is outrageous! This is Mr. Asshat calling and my number is xxx-xxxx, my mother is in room xxx, I want someone from the nurse's office to contact me IMMIDIATLY!" (Insert an additional 2-3 minute rant on how he can't believe hospitals have implemented answering machines, what if there was an EMERGENCY!?)

I deleted it.

I should have checked the caller ID on that, because I was caught unawares for this a bit later on:

**phone rings**
Me: "Thank you for calling <us> this is <me>, how may ---"
SC: "ROOM XXX."
Me: ".... I'm sorry, sir, you've reached <us>. The hospital's number is ---"
**click**

and then, not 5 secs later from same call ID:

Me: spew
SC: "Yeah, I need room xxx."
Me: ....
SC: "Hello?"


Any advice on what should have come forth from my mouth at this point? I was literally struck dumb. My brain still hurts. It could have probably been anything in the world besides an explanation that he dialed the wrong number, because that was obviously something physically impossible for him to comprehend/hear.

What I did say (and it felt mildly good, yet just short of being truly satisfying):

Me: "We. Are. Not. The. Hospital."
SC: .... **click**

[Sheldonrs]

While I'm all for joking with the rude ones (when I lved in San Jose, my home # was one digit away from American Airlines and I used to get multiple calls from the same people at 2am) just remind yourself that a lot of tha calls you get are from people with loved ones that are sick and they're just worried about them and not dialing right. Think of it as points to get you into heaven so you can be a little more naughty at other times. :-)

[Evil Queen]

Yell a nice loud "Fuck you!" into the receiver. I did that. At work. My boss thought it was funny.

[blas]

My cell phone # was my dad's business phone # years ago when Tracfones were cool. Then it became the family phone that whomever was going out took with them in case of emergencies.

My mother deemed it necessary to list that number on the contact list at her church where she was a deacon or whatever you call them.

Anyway, some time went by, we got a family plan and new phones, and I kept the number while everyone else got different ones.

It never failed....last year, almost every day of the week, some little old church lady would call my phone while I was sleeping during the day. I mean, I had changed the voicemail to "This is blas, I'm not here, leave a message, k thanks bye!" or something, and I'd get a message and hear "Hello blas' mom, this is Eleanor from the church, I need to speak with you about blahblah, call me back at xxx-xxxx." or "Yes, I'm looking for mommy blas." Sometimes I'd stupidly answer, and I'd specifically say "I'm sorry, but this is my number now, my mother's number is xxx-xxxx." and that same number would KEEP CALLING ME. It was IRRITATING beyond belief working night shift and having your phone blowing up all day with phone calls from people who didn't listen.

Mom FINALLY took that number off the list. I kept telling her about my problems and she originally said "Oh, it's not that bad. Just give them my number and take messages for me." NO, I want to SLEEP!

[the lawsmeister]

My old flatmate and I once had a phone number that had previously been used by a child psychologist and people would call us trying and book their kids in for therapy.
Our answering machine message went throught the following incarnations as we got more and more annoyed with the calls.
1st - Hey this is Jayman and Lawsmeister, leave a message

2nd - (dodgy southern yokel accent) - We dun be here right now as we's out at tha hoe down. Y'all leave us a message and we'll call ya right back. A-huh.

3rd - (voice altered on the computer to be as demonic as possible) - Welcome to the direct line to Hades. We're all out smiting at the moment. Leave your details. We will get you later.

4th - Hello, Hello Is this the number for Dr suchandsuch. NO!!!! IT ISN'T !!!! If you want to leave a message for Lawsmeister or Jayman do it after the beep. Otherwise BUGGER OFF YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG NUMBER.

None of them worked. People would still leave messages trying to make an appoinment for their child. Seriously if you hear a message like that and you think it would be a good place to send your kid then you need the therapy more than they do.

[Alexandra]

My sister and I had a friend whose phone number had only one digit's difference from the number for some place called Gallery One.

One time I decided to be funny and I picked up the phone and said, "Gallery One."

Turns out it was someone calling for Gallery One and I explained that my friend got so many people misdialing that I thought I'd be funny.

[elysia]

Maybe when they totally ignore my intro from now on and ask for a room number I'll say, "Just one moment, I'll connect you" and hang up. They'd prolly never figure it out.

[RayvenQ]

A favourite answer by a friend of mine, when wrong numbers are concerned

"Bobs Crematorium, you kill 'em we grill 'em"

[FenigDurak]

My favorite, penned by a friend, is "Immoral Incorporated: Where Sinning is Just the Beginning! How may I direct your call?"

[Kiarna]

Hey I understand!
My number used to be obviously a number off another girls mobile number.
She however lived across Australia on teh West Coast and I'm on the East coast....so ya know a time difference.

I used to get drunken calls at like 2 or 3 in the morning to which I would get woken up. I was less than impressed.

Then people would call from her doctors and job interviews and I would have to say sorry wrong number!!

Really got annoyed, but it stopped after a while....

[One-Fang]

The local flights information line had 747 in it. You know, like the plane. My phone number had 474 in it. You know, like no plane I know of. The other digits were obviously the same. We'd get irate messages on the answer phone about flight takeoff time enquiries.

We changed the message to "This is xxx and Fang, this is NOT the flight info line. If you were after them, check your number and dial again. If you were after us, leave us a message!" We still got messages, one who irately humphed down the phone line "Well I *AM* dialling the right number!!!"

Yeah, uh, buddy? You're not. You got us again.

[smileyeagle1021]

oh i hate wrong numbers that are easily avoidable, at work I've gotten everything from when is the power coming back on to will we cover a certain prescription...

at home I'm ready to strangle a collections company (i doubt anyone on this board works for them because I'm assuming the people on this board aren't idiots)... where despite the fact that my answer machine says "you've reached the (name) and (name) residence, please leave a message" I'll always come home to "hi mr (nothing close to either of those names), this is so and so calling from (collections company), we need you to call us back..." One of the companies I did call back and basically said "hey, I'm not the person you're looking for... why don't you actually listen to the answering machine and if you doubt it run a reverse look up and see that the number is NOT registered to who you are looking for" spiel... one of them even said "well how do we know you aren't really the person we are looking for and just changed your answering machine"... it's like, you are joking right?

[daisychain]

I bet most of them are hitting re-dial instead of dialing the correct number when corrected.

[Applerod]

Any advice on what should have come forth from my mouth at this point?

Say this~
You: "Which room # was that again, sir?"
Him: "Room xxx."
You: "And the name of the patient please, sir?"
Him: "Liz Hawkins; she's my wife."
You: "Hawkins, Hawkins... Oh... right. I'm terribly sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, sir; but, well, there were complications. Your wife is dead."
Him: "...WHAT?! But, but--"
You: "She's dead and she's never coming back."
Him: "--oh my God... Oh my God. How, what..." *breaks down, weeping hysterically*
You: "There is some good news, though."
Him: *sniff* "...what?"
You: "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance... AND THIS IS A WRONG NUMBER YOU TIT!"

-A bit more serious though: just get them to change the goddamn phone number; it's not that difficult. You could almost gloss over the ongoing inconvenience it poses you, the other employees, plus the company and just focus on how important it is for people to get in touch with their loved ones who are in hospital because they are grievously sick or injured. 10-30 calls a day, plus at least one message. Enough said.

[Samaliel]

I bet most of them are hitting re-dial instead of dialing the correct number when corrected.

You beat me to it. Re-dial : they keep mis-dialing on and on and on and...