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I apologize in advance for the length. Apparently I was busy ruining everyone's July 4th. If you work at my florist Los Angeles area call center then I feel bad for what I said, I sincerely apologize but could you stop giving the customers the wrong info?
Working over the holidays of the Fourth was an exercise in frustration and futility. I'm not sure why Flowers Of Suck didn't just shut down for a three day weekend instead of having agents endlessly jockeying for the day off.
The day before sucked ass because none of the florists we worked with were going to be delivering after noon that Thursday through Monday morning and, of course, most entitlement whore idiots don't want to understand that florists are independent businessmen and ladies and are entitled to take off when they want. Try getting high sales figures when you have to explain endlessly that the florists aren't open, the guaranteed same day delivery doesn't apply on federal holidays, that the 100% satisfaction guarantee doesn't apply in the situation either.
I knew it was going to suck goat balls when I walked through the door just behind Shirley the supervisor and heard the mechanized voice of the queue lady saying, "87 callers waiting 45 minutes in the customer service queue" followed by "107 callers waiting 53 minutes in the sales queue." All this a good half hour before we were scheduled to open.
I hate the fucking queue lady. If I knew whose snotty tones those were relentlessly croaking out the wait times and waiting callers I'm pretty sure I'd have to consider driving out to her house and giving her a black eye. It's the most annoying sound on the planet.
Shirley and I heard that pronouncement, gasped and both realized that the boob that had closed up the business the night before had neglected to forward the phones to the west coast overnight call center.
Somewhere in the wilds of the greater Los Angeles area we have a place that answers our phones all night long. From the things customers repeat to me that they were told by the after hours folks in LA I have to conclude that most of them have to be either a) totally illiterate or b) crackheads, real crackheads, the ones that smoke the baking soda/Drano/cocaine mixture.
Hey, at least they are better than the people in India and the Philippines that used to do the overnights. Now they really knew how to fuck things up royally.
So Shirley started the day by immediately forwarding all phone lines over to the West Coast, where I'm sure the crackheads were startled out of their slumber by the sudden explosion of their phone bank.
I had the same two conversations all day long..
Convo #1
Me - "Thank you for calling Flowers of Suck, this is Blah-Blah, how may I help you today?"
Idiot Assclown #1 - "Uh, yeah, I need a red, white and blue flower arrangement sent out in twenty minutes to my great aunt Delores home on Cape Cod.."
Me - "Sir, we are not able to make any deliveries today."
IA1 - "Why???"
Me - "Sir, it's the 4th of July and all florists are closed until Monday.."
IA1 - "Why did they close? Make them open up!"
Me - "Sir, it's a federal holiday and I cannot make them reopen.."
IA1 - "Why, why, why...that's not fair *insert all sorts of whining and juvenile garbage here* before hanging up in a snit.
Convo #2
Me - "Thank you for calling Flowers of Suck, this is Blah-Blah, how may I help you today?"
Idiot Assclown #2 - "I want to know if the flowers I ordered yesterday were delivered yesterday.."
Me - "Alright ma'am, may I get some basic information so that we can contact the florist on Monday as soon as they open to confirm when the delivery was made?"
IA2 - (in a huffy pouty tone of voice, and it's ALWAYS a woman) "What do you mean you cannot tell me if my flowers were delivered until Monday! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!"
Me - "Ma'am, we usually do not get a delivery confirmation from the florist until 48 hours after the delivery unless we request one immediately. Unfortunately all the florists in our network are closed until Monday, which means I have no way to get that delivery information until Monday morning.. now I still need your order number and contact information so I can have this information emailed or phoned to you first thing Monday morning.."
IA2 - (sounds like she is speaking through gritted teeth, like I'm some horribly nasty person beneath her notice) "Put me through to someone in customer service RIGHT NOW! I demand to know if my flowers were delivered."
Me - "No ma'am, I'm not transferring your call. I'm not allowed to transfer because I am capable of taking your request and they are only going to tell you the same thing. On Monday we can call the florist at 9 am and get your delivery confirmation, now I do need the order information please so that you can have that confirmation."
IA2 - (louder volume, nastier tone of voice) "Let me speak to your supervisor RIGHT NOW, this is unacceptable!"
Me - thinking there is no way it hell I am going to risk getting stuck working all customer service tickets on the late shift that would ensue if I were to piss off a supervisor by transferring her to the supervisor. "No ma'am, I cannot transfer you to a supervisor. I can take down your name and phone number so that the shift supervisor can call you back if you'd like, or I can continue with your request to get a delivery confirmation on Monday.."
IA2 - "YOUARETHE RUDEST. FUCKING. BITCH. EVERRR!!!!!!!!"
Me - rolls eyes, here we go again, now this entire time I've not raised my voice or used an ugly tone, I've been utterly calm and nice.. "Ma'am, I've been attempting to help you but I am not going to listen to that type of language. Have a pleasant holiday weekend, goodbye." Hangs up on screaming sow with no manners and inflated sense of importance in the universe in general.
Working over the holidays of the Fourth was an exercise in frustration and futility. I'm not sure why Flowers Of Suck didn't just shut down for a three day weekend instead of having agents endlessly jockeying for the day off.
The day before sucked ass because none of the florists we worked with were going to be delivering after noon that Thursday through Monday morning and, of course, most entitlement whore idiots don't want to understand that florists are independent businessmen and ladies and are entitled to take off when they want. Try getting high sales figures when you have to explain endlessly that the florists aren't open, the guaranteed same day delivery doesn't apply on federal holidays, that the 100% satisfaction guarantee doesn't apply in the situation either.
I knew it was going to suck goat balls when I walked through the door just behind Shirley the supervisor and heard the mechanized voice of the queue lady saying, "87 callers waiting 45 minutes in the customer service queue" followed by "107 callers waiting 53 minutes in the sales queue." All this a good half hour before we were scheduled to open.
I hate the fucking queue lady. If I knew whose snotty tones those were relentlessly croaking out the wait times and waiting callers I'm pretty sure I'd have to consider driving out to her house and giving her a black eye. It's the most annoying sound on the planet.
Shirley and I heard that pronouncement, gasped and both realized that the boob that had closed up the business the night before had neglected to forward the phones to the west coast overnight call center.
Somewhere in the wilds of the greater Los Angeles area we have a place that answers our phones all night long. From the things customers repeat to me that they were told by the after hours folks in LA I have to conclude that most of them have to be either a) totally illiterate or b) crackheads, real crackheads, the ones that smoke the baking soda/Drano/cocaine mixture.
Hey, at least they are better than the people in India and the Philippines that used to do the overnights. Now they really knew how to fuck things up royally.
So Shirley started the day by immediately forwarding all phone lines over to the West Coast, where I'm sure the crackheads were startled out of their slumber by the sudden explosion of their phone bank.
I had the same two conversations all day long..
Convo #1
Me - "Thank you for calling Flowers of Suck, this is Blah-Blah, how may I help you today?"
Idiot Assclown #1 - "Uh, yeah, I need a red, white and blue flower arrangement sent out in twenty minutes to my great aunt Delores home on Cape Cod.."
Me - "Sir, we are not able to make any deliveries today."
IA1 - "Why???"
Me - "Sir, it's the 4th of July and all florists are closed until Monday.."
IA1 - "Why did they close? Make them open up!"
Me - "Sir, it's a federal holiday and I cannot make them reopen.."
IA1 - "Why, why, why...that's not fair *insert all sorts of whining and juvenile garbage here* before hanging up in a snit.
Convo #2
Me - "Thank you for calling Flowers of Suck, this is Blah-Blah, how may I help you today?"
Idiot Assclown #2 - "I want to know if the flowers I ordered yesterday were delivered yesterday.."
Me - "Alright ma'am, may I get some basic information so that we can contact the florist on Monday as soon as they open to confirm when the delivery was made?"
IA2 - (in a huffy pouty tone of voice, and it's ALWAYS a woman) "What do you mean you cannot tell me if my flowers were delivered until Monday! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!"
Me - "Ma'am, we usually do not get a delivery confirmation from the florist until 48 hours after the delivery unless we request one immediately. Unfortunately all the florists in our network are closed until Monday, which means I have no way to get that delivery information until Monday morning.. now I still need your order number and contact information so I can have this information emailed or phoned to you first thing Monday morning.."
IA2 - (sounds like she is speaking through gritted teeth, like I'm some horribly nasty person beneath her notice) "Put me through to someone in customer service RIGHT NOW! I demand to know if my flowers were delivered."
Me - "No ma'am, I'm not transferring your call. I'm not allowed to transfer because I am capable of taking your request and they are only going to tell you the same thing. On Monday we can call the florist at 9 am and get your delivery confirmation, now I do need the order information please so that you can have that confirmation."
IA2 - (louder volume, nastier tone of voice) "Let me speak to your supervisor RIGHT NOW, this is unacceptable!"
Me - thinking there is no way it hell I am going to risk getting stuck working all customer service tickets on the late shift that would ensue if I were to piss off a supervisor by transferring her to the supervisor. "No ma'am, I cannot transfer you to a supervisor. I can take down your name and phone number so that the shift supervisor can call you back if you'd like, or I can continue with your request to get a delivery confirmation on Monday.."
IA2 - "YOUARETHE RUDEST. FUCKING. BITCH. EVERRR!!!!!!!!"
Me - rolls eyes, here we go again, now this entire time I've not raised my voice or used an ugly tone, I've been utterly calm and nice.. "Ma'am, I've been attempting to help you but I am not going to listen to that type of language. Have a pleasant holiday weekend, goodbye." Hangs up on screaming sow with no manners and inflated sense of importance in the universe in general.
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