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  • "Lazer Tag"...

    ...or, "What One Ought Not Do In the Box."

    Among the plethora of jobs I've managed to hold over the years, of all the lousy exampls of human life, my most memorable sucky customers were at < Very Popular Lazer Tag Arena > in Florida.

    I've told this story so many times, and it just never gets old.

    In the 4,000 square foot lazer tag arena, there were plywood obstacles, sniper towers, pretty flashing lights, a fog machine, and one little "lone gunman" area called "The Box" - a three-walled installation with two small mesh windows that were about 5 feet off the ground. The entrance to The Box faced the back wall of the arena. Players in the box could not be seen unless stumbled upon by an unwitting fellow gamer or overly ambitious Marshall.

    Oh, how we, the lowly game Marshalls, hated The Box.

    You see, The Box was in the very far end of the arena, not close in relation to anywhere the players needed to be (such as the recharge centers or the team bases). Therefore, The Box became a lovers lane for exhibitionists of the more adventurous sort.

    I, in my innocent first few weeks at < Very Popular Lazer Tag Arena >, was told to make sure to watch The Box, but was never warned about what might be found.

    One day, while our center hosted a birthday party of twenty shrieking, giggly pre-teens and ten or so not-so giggly adults, I managed to make my way through the masses to check The Box.

    If I remember correctly, after having my eyes seared and brain melted, I said something to the effect of, "Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Put your clothes and lazer packs back on. Jesus Christ."

    I then turned and walked away in a disgusted stupor.

    Party Mom #1 and Party Dad #7 (both married to other people at the party, as I later found out...!!) hastily redressed and hurried out of The Box a moment later.

    Why would you do this at your child's birthday party, running such a risk of being caught?!

    Party Dad #7 nervously tipped me $20 (for my silence?); if I hadn't needed the money for bills, I would have felt very unclean for taking it.
    "Do not quibble with me over apostrophes. I have my shit together when it comes to apostrophes." - BookBint

  • #2
    Oh, ugh, man. HAH. When was the place built, that the designers were too naive to think it would turn out like this?

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth MinimaMagistra View Post
      Oh, ugh, man. HAH. When was the place built, that the designers were too naive to think it would turn out like this?
      The second part of the story is where the arena catches fire, and "The Box" mysteriously disappears during the rebuilding phase.

      But yeah - the "designer" was also the owner - a man who has three computers running his store, two of them broken down, and is calling my husband - IN ITALY! - to repair them. They don't take much into consideration at all. LOL.
      "Do not quibble with me over apostrophes. I have my shit together when it comes to apostrophes." - BookBint

      Comment


      • #4
        Simple solution. Put up a sign to the effect of...

        "Due to innapropiate activities that have occurred in this area, security cameras have been installed to monitor this location."

        That should reduce the number of people getting off in the box.

        wanna really have fun, actually put in a wireless camera and really monitor the area. I'm sure the extortion would pay for that camera pretty damn quick

        M
        I never lost my faith in humanity. Can't lose what you never had right?

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Mongo Skruddgemire View Post
          Simple solution. Put up a sign to the effect of...

          "Due to innapropiate activities that have occurred in this area, security cameras have been installed to monitor this location."

          That should reduce the number of people getting off in the box.

          wanna really have fun, actually put in a wireless camera and really monitor the area. I'm sure the extortion would pay for that camera pretty damn quick

          M

          Had I the money, I would have been on top of that one! XD
          "Do not quibble with me over apostrophes. I have my shit together when it comes to apostrophes." - BookBint

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Mongo Skruddgemire View Post
            That should reduce the number of people getting off in the box.
            Wanna bet?
            Now a member of that alien race called Management.

            Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth RetailWorkhorse View Post
              Wanna bet?
              You've got a point, there. It's like the people in Vegas who have sex in video-monitored elevators..
              "Do not quibble with me over apostrophes. I have my shit together when it comes to apostrophes." - BookBint

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth MoxisPilot View Post
                You've got a point, there. It's like the people in Vegas who have sex in video-monitored elevators..
                The elevators are monitored?!!! OH CRAP!!!
                "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth Sheldonrs View Post
                  The elevators are monitored?!!! OH CRAP!!!
                  ...I think that's the biggest laugh I've had all week.

                  EVERYTHING in Las Vegas is monitored!
                  "Do not quibble with me over apostrophes. I have my shit together when it comes to apostrophes." - BookBint

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    EVERYTHING in Las Vegas is monitored!
                    What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
                    ...
                    Forever
                    ...
                    On video tape.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth Sheldonrs View Post
                      The elevators are monitored?!!! OH CRAP!!!
                      LAWL. You and Moxis have just given me my sig.
                      It's like the people in Vegas who have sex in video-monitored elevators.. -MoxisPilot
                      The elevators are monitored?!!! OH CRAP!!! -Sheldonrs

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth sixums View Post
                        LAWL. You and Moxis have just given me my sig.
                        A good deed done for the day! Huzzah!
                        "Do not quibble with me over apostrophes. I have my shit together when it comes to apostrophes." - BookBint

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth TeaHouseLackey View Post
                          What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
                          ...
                          Forever
                          ...
                          On video tape.
                          Fabulous! Who's up for a road trip to Las Vegas to get our hands on some video tapes?
                          Now a member of that alien race called Management.

                          Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth RetailWorkhorse View Post
                            Fabulous! Who's up for a road trip to Las Vegas to get our hands on some video tapes?
                            Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me!!

                            A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              can I "tag" along too?

                              pun inteneded but failed

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