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You know I thought when I made Platinum sales force I would never have to deal with the suckier customers again. Boy, was I wrong! Turns out many people dial the sales number to file their petty complains instead of the customer service department even if it is clearly marked in the phone book and on our emails and given to all of them at the end of each sale. The problem with them calling the sales line is that we cannot transfer them, we have to note their complaint and send an email to customer service to deal with whatever the issue is.
Do I look like the freaking 411 operator?
Me: Thank you for calling Flowers O Suck....blah..blah, blahhhhhhhh
SC: Yeah, are you located in Bug Piddle, Ida-ho?
Me: We work with a florist in Bug Piddle but this is our corporate office in Washington DC.
SC: But I want to talk straight to the florist, not YOU people!!!
Me:
SC: You gimme the number of the florist in Bug Piddle right now!
Me: Ma'am I don't have access to that information. (thinking, yeah you hateful old biddy, like I'm going to give out that information for free..)
SC: (Shouting now..) Thanks for so not helping me today... click.
Oscar for worst crying goes to...
Me: Thank you for calling Flowers O Suck....blah..blah, blahhhhhhhh
I repeat myself because all I hear is a low sobbing at first.
SC: Hhhhhuhuuuwahhhhhhh... you're billing me ten bucks a month and I'm a poor widow with sick husband.
We have a long convo about how she 'accidentally' signed up for our rewards program and how we should just give her all her money back as well as let her have that huge discount on the original order. Not happening. But the funny part is every single time I told her something she DIDN'T want to hear she'd start sobbing loudly in my ear. The second I said something that she liked she was totally quiet. This lady turned on the phony crying off and on again like someone cranking a faucet handle.
Yeah, nice try lying liar - busted!
Long convo about how unhappy senior citizen is about our service, our prices, the phases of the moon, whatever. Basically she's the most pissed off that I will not cancel her membership in the rewards program. She's required to go online and cancel it herself.
SC: But, but, but... I don't have a computer anymore and I can't remember if I ever had an email address. It's been at least a year since I bought anything from your company. This is an outrage!
So I know that to be at least partially a lie because I pulled up her order and it was placed online very recently and I am looking at the email addy on the order and that she gave the rewards people.
Me: Okay, so you're saying you have no way to cancel this because of your lack of computer access? I'll cancel that for you now ma'am. (at this point I am just going to cancel the woman's account for her and be done with the damn thing, not bust her for the fact that the order and rewards program was purchased only two weeks before)
SC: (smugly) Now I want all my money I paid on that program back. Last night I was looking on the internet and all the consumer sites have letters telling what con artists your company is....
and I cut her off at that..
Me: Well ma'am, if you had enough computer access last night to look up the company then you certainly have enough to cancel your own account and to see what the terms and agreement you signed up for were. However, you are NOT eligible for a refund at this time.
Do I sound like I give a freakin' rats ass?
SC rambling and ranting on about how the company delivered flowers she thinks are 'too little' refusing to listen to reason about how if you buy the cheapest smallest arrangement for a funeral it ain't going to be much. Thirty bucks doesn't get you more than a small vase arrangement...
SC: all I'm going to tell everyone in my water aerobics class and tell ten friends who'll tell ten friends who'll tell ten friends and report you to the better business bureau and sue you and call the consumer fraud hotline and ...
at this point I set down my headset and let her keep on rattling on and on while I get a cup of coffee and go pee. Ten minutes later I come back and she's still going like the Energizer bunny.
...and I'll picket your florist and....
and I go scare up some cookies in the breakroom. When I finally came back and could get a word in edgewise I said,
Me:
Ma'am, your order number is an STD Florist number, you've called the wrong place.
Another dim bulb
SC: Hey, yeah, I ordered about an hour ago but the gal didn't give me no order number, she hung up on me and I'm worried it ain't gonna get delivered today.
Me: Okay, give me your name and I'll look up your order.
SC: It's Dumbass McStupid
Me: searching database and finding de nada: Sir, who was the recipient?
SC: Uh..Lorna Hornypants at the Gulp N Go on 3rd St.
Me: searching database by all sorts of means including the phone number this joker has dialed from and finding nothing. holy crap!!!!
. Sir, please hold. I'm going to go into the main system and look to see if I can retrieve your sales call to find the info.
Go to the main computer logging sales calls and search that days list. His number is no where on it!!!
Go back to the phone and talk to this genius again.
Me: Sir, I cannot find any record of your order anywhere. Do you know who you talked to?
SC: Some chick named Tiffany, says she's Other Florists Head Rep.
Me: Sir, you called THE WRONG FLORIST....
Do I look like the freaking 411 operator?
Me: Thank you for calling Flowers O Suck....blah..blah, blahhhhhhhh
SC: Yeah, are you located in Bug Piddle, Ida-ho?
Me: We work with a florist in Bug Piddle but this is our corporate office in Washington DC.
SC: But I want to talk straight to the florist, not YOU people!!!
Me:
SC: You gimme the number of the florist in Bug Piddle right now!
Me: Ma'am I don't have access to that information. (thinking, yeah you hateful old biddy, like I'm going to give out that information for free..)
SC: (Shouting now..) Thanks for so not helping me today... click.
Oscar for worst crying goes to...
Me: Thank you for calling Flowers O Suck....blah..blah, blahhhhhhhh
I repeat myself because all I hear is a low sobbing at first.
SC: Hhhhhuhuuuwahhhhhhh... you're billing me ten bucks a month and I'm a poor widow with sick husband.
We have a long convo about how she 'accidentally' signed up for our rewards program and how we should just give her all her money back as well as let her have that huge discount on the original order. Not happening. But the funny part is every single time I told her something she DIDN'T want to hear she'd start sobbing loudly in my ear. The second I said something that she liked she was totally quiet. This lady turned on the phony crying off and on again like someone cranking a faucet handle.
Yeah, nice try lying liar - busted!
Long convo about how unhappy senior citizen is about our service, our prices, the phases of the moon, whatever. Basically she's the most pissed off that I will not cancel her membership in the rewards program. She's required to go online and cancel it herself.
SC: But, but, but... I don't have a computer anymore and I can't remember if I ever had an email address. It's been at least a year since I bought anything from your company. This is an outrage!
So I know that to be at least partially a lie because I pulled up her order and it was placed online very recently and I am looking at the email addy on the order and that she gave the rewards people.
Me: Okay, so you're saying you have no way to cancel this because of your lack of computer access? I'll cancel that for you now ma'am. (at this point I am just going to cancel the woman's account for her and be done with the damn thing, not bust her for the fact that the order and rewards program was purchased only two weeks before)
SC: (smugly) Now I want all my money I paid on that program back. Last night I was looking on the internet and all the consumer sites have letters telling what con artists your company is....
and I cut her off at that..
Me: Well ma'am, if you had enough computer access last night to look up the company then you certainly have enough to cancel your own account and to see what the terms and agreement you signed up for were. However, you are NOT eligible for a refund at this time.
Do I sound like I give a freakin' rats ass?
SC rambling and ranting on about how the company delivered flowers she thinks are 'too little' refusing to listen to reason about how if you buy the cheapest smallest arrangement for a funeral it ain't going to be much. Thirty bucks doesn't get you more than a small vase arrangement...
SC: all I'm going to tell everyone in my water aerobics class and tell ten friends who'll tell ten friends who'll tell ten friends and report you to the better business bureau and sue you and call the consumer fraud hotline and ...
at this point I set down my headset and let her keep on rattling on and on while I get a cup of coffee and go pee. Ten minutes later I come back and she's still going like the Energizer bunny.
...and I'll picket your florist and....
and I go scare up some cookies in the breakroom. When I finally came back and could get a word in edgewise I said,
Me:
Ma'am, your order number is an STD Florist number, you've called the wrong place.Another dim bulb
SC: Hey, yeah, I ordered about an hour ago but the gal didn't give me no order number, she hung up on me and I'm worried it ain't gonna get delivered today.
Me: Okay, give me your name and I'll look up your order.
SC: It's Dumbass McStupid
Me: searching database and finding de nada: Sir, who was the recipient?
SC: Uh..Lorna Hornypants at the Gulp N Go on 3rd St.
Me: searching database by all sorts of means including the phone number this joker has dialed from and finding nothing. holy crap!!!!
. Sir, please hold. I'm going to go into the main system and look to see if I can retrieve your sales call to find the info.Go to the main computer logging sales calls and search that days list. His number is no where on it!!!
Go back to the phone and talk to this genius again.
Me: Sir, I cannot find any record of your order anywhere. Do you know who you talked to?
SC: Some chick named Tiffany, says she's Other Florists Head Rep.
Me: Sir, you called THE WRONG FLORIST....
)
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