My Epiphany

[Mighty Girl]

I have often wondered how some of these women (I limit this to women since they have the uterus, etc.) ever manage to get pregnant.

Specifically the ones with toxic personalities, body odor that could kill a thousand camels, and less intelligence than the average speed bump. One would think any self respecting man would run the other direction....

Did you know-- hold on to your hats here- you can get mail order SPERM? Delivered to your door?

As many times as I scratch my head because of others, it's nice to at least have a few things explained.

*** I just found this out because my neighbor's sister is a lesbian and was pregnant, and when she saw the perplexed look on my face, she shared the info. I'm surprised she didn't have to pick me up off the floor.

Maybe I'm naive and this is old news, but I was (am) stunned.

[blas]

Mail order sperm? Oh awesome! I can just imagine the infomercials!

"Ladies, are you tired of being the only one of your friends that isn't pregnant? Are you sick of being able to see your feet? Are you angry that you are the only one in your circle of friends that can still wear a size 2? Does your boyfriend not want children right now? Well now you CAN be pregnant, with InstaBaby! Just order our Special Sperm, have a turkey baster handy, and within a few weeks, you'll be pregnant too! And to prove how good this product is, here's some testimonials from some VERY satisfied customers! Call 1-800-SPERM4U2 and order your Special Sperm today! Turkey baster not included! CALL NOW!"

[FenigDurak]

One would think any self respecting man would run the other direction....

There is your problem right there. None of the men who sleep with these women respect themselves, or women.

[Apathy]

After a conversation one day led into (how to put this delicately) less than attractive women (i.e, women that don't bathe properly, big women who wear tube tops, etc.), one of my friends uttered a line that's stuck with me for quite a while:

There's always someone out there who's just as horny as you are ugly.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Look, all due respect for the guys here, but I personally know a guy who was so desperate he turned to liver.

I'm not kidding you, he zapped it a few seconds in the microwave, and then made sweet, sweet love to it.

That's not so weird, I guess, when you consider that I've heard a friend tell of a guy who fucked a coke machine, but what IS weird is that he (Liver Guy, I mean) was so nonchalant about it, he told us.

I mean, really ladies. Some guys will blow up a vinyl balloon that is shaped vaguely like a human and put their dick in it. Some guys will do it with sheep. Some will do it with corpses.

If a woman wants sex, she can get it. You know why? Cuz it's a lot easier to find a man who will screw anything than it is to find a woman who will screw anything.

Again, no disrespect to the men here, or really to any man. I'm not talking about men in general. I'm talking about that "screw anything that moves" fringe group.

Yeah. I know some lesbian women who went the turkey baster route. With great success, I might add. I guess it's more common than you'd think.

[HawaiianShirts]

I've wondered that kind of thing myself. Now this makes me wonder just how many of the women Mighty Girl has observed have actually gone the mail-order route and how many have just gone out to find some ravenously horny guy at the local bar...

There's always someone out there who's just as horny as you are ugly.

Now that's a good line!

Again, no disrespect to the men here, or really to any man. I'm not talking about men in general. I'm talking about that "screw anything that moves" fringe group.

Thank you for noting that it's a fringe thing. Not all of us are All-Libido-All-the-Time.

I did have a roommate like that once, though. I won't go into details, but I will say that I thought I'd be generous one day and wash all our sheets (three guys). We were close enough friends that we could do things like that. However, after the... entertainment material I found under this guy's mattress, I swore I would never be generous with roommates' laundry again.

[Sliceanddice]

Look, all due respect for the guys here, but I personally know a guy who was so desperate he turned to liver.

I'm not kidding you, he zapped it a few seconds in the microwave, and then made sweet, sweet love to it.

.

*chokes on her sugar free bunnytracks ice cream*
i just remembered good luck chuck, the best freind who cored a grapefruit, nuked t and fucked it, and had a one of those scrubbers that you use for dishes in his.... ok rectum....
thanks

[Sheldonrs]

Call me old fashioned but I prefer getting it from the source.
Buying milk at a store might be easier but it's more satisfying when you milk the cow yourself.

[friendofjimmyk]

And let's all not forget "warm apple pie".

I can always count on this board for a lively conversation and interesting thoughts to start my day.

I agree with the poster who stated the guys who go for those less than desirable women are often less than desirable themselves. Often, these women are preyed upon because if anyone gives them attention, most of them would do anything to keep the attention. And it can happen on the flip side too - women taking advantage of less than desirable men.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Mail order sperm? Oh awesome! I can just imagine the infomercials!

"Ladies, are you tired of being the only one of your friends that isn't pregnant? Are you sick of being able to see your feet? Are you angry that you are the only one in your circle of friends that can still wear a size 2? Does your boyfriend not want children right now? Well now you CAN be pregnant, with InstaBaby! Just order our Special Sperm, have a turkey baster handy, and within a few weeks, you'll be pregnant too! And to prove how good this product is, here's some testimonials from some VERY satisfied customers! Call 1-800-SPERM4U2 and order your Special Sperm today! Turkey baster not included! CALL NOW!"

No No No! IF you want this to sell you have to put in.

"Order within the next 30 minutes and we'll throw in this handy dandy patented sperm delivery system for free. Not only will this deliver the sperm to where it's needed, but you can baste a ham, keep that turkey juicy, skim the fat off of homemade gravy...any number of handy uses.

So you get the Sperm Delivery tool, One vial of sperm from a Master Degree College graduate, an Olympic class athlete, and the vial of mystery spooge for five easy payments of $39.99. Call within the next five minutes and we'll take off one of the payments leaving you this wonderful offer for only four payments of $39.99."

[dithers66]

There's always someone out there who's just as horny as you are ugly.

HaHa Brilliant

[blas]

If we give them the option of picking the type of sperm they want, sales will probably quadruple....

[cinema guy]

Wait! There's different types? I thought it was all off-white and gooey. I want pink sperm that tastes of strawberrys.

[crazylegs]

I want pink sperm that tastes of strawberrys.

If you can taste it your delivery method may require some work.

[QASlave]

The grapefruit would be acidic. Stings just thinking about it.