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OK I've lurked at this forum for a while, and have decided to finally create my own thread with some of the lovely, wonderful, darling customers that I deal with on a daily basis.
I work at a plumbing/appliance repair company, family owned and operated.
Me: duh
SC: Stupid customer
J: owner/master plumber
I'll start with the one I got this thread title from.
(Please note this man had a thick Pakistani accent, and was obviously in a call center of some sort, due to the many voices in the background with sales-pitch type voices)
Me: (company name) Setsunaela speaking, how can I help you?
SC: I need to speak with J please.
Me: I'm sorry, J is a working plumber and is out of the office, can I help you?
SC: Do you really think you can help me? I mean, REALLY?
Me: Sir, pardon my rudeness but, what kind of a question is that?
SC: I'm so very alone. I need J. He's a friend.
Me: Pardon?
SC: I'm so very alone. He's my friend. I really need him! I need him so badly.
Me: Sir, I'm going to hang up now.
SC: But I need J! I'm alone!
Me: *click*
That's the only one I can remember verbatim. Most of these SC's fall into a few categories.
The I-Don't-Read-My-Contract
This customer has a home warranty company. S/He has no idea what it covers. S/he does not know her trade call fee amount, nor does s/he understand why s/he has to pay it. Many times s/he will state "I will pay you this money after you put the parts in!" Which of course gets him/her told to call the warranty company if that's how they feel. They are often angry that we are charging them between 55 and 100 dollars (depending on their contract) just to show up and look at it. The funny part is, we're supposed to collect upon setting foot in the door. No money, no lookie. However we're nicer than that, and prefer to collect right before leaving. Yes, this gets us burned a few times, but many times they are burned in the long run, because failure to pay us can result in your contract being flagged. (two/three flags, no more home warranty for you, and your name is blacklisted. Some of them even have a system where they inform other warranty companies of this as well)
The scammer.
This customer will always want something for nothing. Many times we are told our technician reeked of alcohol or pot, or that they scratched/dinged/dented/scuffed their counter/floor/appliance, and therefore demand a refund of their trade call fee. Often, our tech will have called the shop upon their arrival to say "hey, this dishwasher has a big dent in the door. Just so you know.", so we are well aware that our tech did NOT put this dent in the door. One woman even tried to insist that our tech return to her home to scrub her kitchen floor spotless, because he left a black shoe scuff on her linoleum. Our office staff will politely deny any responsibility in this issue, up to/until J hears of this, at which point he will become King Dickhead, and proceed to inform the customer that any further complaints be directed to the home warranty company at 1-800-(number) (and they honestly don't give a hoot about cosmetic damages, our fault or not.)
The rude (and stupid) salesmen
These always seem to be men. They call and ask for J by name. When informed that he is a working plumber out in the field, they will give us one of four responses.
1. *click* (they just hang up. Sometimes politely, sometimes a slam-the-phone-down.)
2. OK I will try back later. *click* (he's in the field ALL BUSINESS DAY. If you don't make an appointment with office staff to speak to him, he will NEVER be available to speak to.)
3. OK I will try his cell then. (Sometimes his cell comes up in our ads as the emergency number. When these salesmen reach J on his cell, he is VERY angry that they have called his cell to pitch a sale, and will nicely advise that they call his office at (office #). If informed that they tried that, they are told to try again. After this, he is quite rude, and tends to yell/scream/shout/show his anger management issues off, and hang up the phone.
4. Argue with us about whether he's there or not.
Many times the arguers will insist that they know him personally, and know that he's in the office all day. (HAH!) Some claim to have been to the office before and seen him in his private office before with no pre-arranged meeting. (DOUBLE HAH! We work out of a private residence, in a small basement room. No private offices, and hardly anyone gets to come into our office ever. Most meetings are held at the local coffeeshop (with permission from said shop), or somewhere at the salesperson's convenience.)
It's an EMERGENCY!
These people think ANYTHING is an emergency and therefore deserves preferential treatment (as in, in the schedule tomorrow rather than four days from now.)
Our list of actual emergencies with preferential treatment:
Plumbing leaks that are uncontrollable (if you can turn a knob and the leak stops, it's not an emergency. EXCEPTION: If you had to shut off water to the whole house to get it to stop.
Refrigerators not cooling: BUT!! Only if it's the only one you have. Also, people with small children still on formula, and people who take medication that requires chilled temps (insulin, etc), get extra-emergency treatment and are added into that day's schedule.
Can't turn it off: Anything that is malfunctioning and the homeowner cannot get it to shut off will be added into today's schedule for the tech to come shut it off ONLY. Further diagnosis and repair must be scheduled normally.
This means that your dishwasher not washing dishes is NOT an emergency. The fact that you have three boys aged 15-18 at home making messes does NOT upgrade this to emergency status. My grandmother (who answers the phone too) literally asked this woman if their hands were broken, so that they could not wash their own dishes. Your microwave not heating, also not an emergency. And if you think you're the only person in town whose oven doesn't work three days before Thanksgiving/Christmas, you're nuts. Wait in line like the rest of them.
AAANDD, the most prevalent of all of my SC's..
The Impatient
These customers don't seem to understand how come we're [whine]taking sooo loonggggg[/whine] to fix their appliance. I mean, they had to wait TWO WEEKS(reality: three days) to get in the schedule in the first place, and the tech came in, poked this, ran it on this setting, and then said it needs this part. I mean he barely looked at it at all!! (tech been doing this 18 years. He does process of elimination. If it will do A, try B. If B works, look at C. If C is in OK condition, it needs parts Q, R, and S. etc.) Oh and gods forbid these people have an appliance over 10 years old. Many of those appliances require special order parts, or have parts on backorder pending the manufacturer, well... manufacturing more.
I've literally had one woman inform me that I needed to personally call General Electric and inform them that SHE needed a new main control board for her microwave, ASAP, and that she'd already waited 10 days, so they needed to just get that taken care of. Puh-leez.
I work at a plumbing/appliance repair company, family owned and operated.
Me: duh
SC: Stupid customer
J: owner/master plumber
I'll start with the one I got this thread title from.
(Please note this man had a thick Pakistani accent, and was obviously in a call center of some sort, due to the many voices in the background with sales-pitch type voices)
Me: (company name) Setsunaela speaking, how can I help you?
SC: I need to speak with J please.
Me: I'm sorry, J is a working plumber and is out of the office, can I help you?
SC: Do you really think you can help me? I mean, REALLY?
Me: Sir, pardon my rudeness but, what kind of a question is that?
SC: I'm so very alone. I need J. He's a friend.
Me: Pardon?
SC: I'm so very alone. He's my friend. I really need him! I need him so badly.
Me: Sir, I'm going to hang up now.
SC: But I need J! I'm alone!
Me: *click*
That's the only one I can remember verbatim. Most of these SC's fall into a few categories.
The I-Don't-Read-My-Contract
This customer has a home warranty company. S/He has no idea what it covers. S/he does not know her trade call fee amount, nor does s/he understand why s/he has to pay it. Many times s/he will state "I will pay you this money after you put the parts in!" Which of course gets him/her told to call the warranty company if that's how they feel. They are often angry that we are charging them between 55 and 100 dollars (depending on their contract) just to show up and look at it. The funny part is, we're supposed to collect upon setting foot in the door. No money, no lookie. However we're nicer than that, and prefer to collect right before leaving. Yes, this gets us burned a few times, but many times they are burned in the long run, because failure to pay us can result in your contract being flagged. (two/three flags, no more home warranty for you, and your name is blacklisted. Some of them even have a system where they inform other warranty companies of this as well)
The scammer.
This customer will always want something for nothing. Many times we are told our technician reeked of alcohol or pot, or that they scratched/dinged/dented/scuffed their counter/floor/appliance, and therefore demand a refund of their trade call fee. Often, our tech will have called the shop upon their arrival to say "hey, this dishwasher has a big dent in the door. Just so you know.", so we are well aware that our tech did NOT put this dent in the door. One woman even tried to insist that our tech return to her home to scrub her kitchen floor spotless, because he left a black shoe scuff on her linoleum. Our office staff will politely deny any responsibility in this issue, up to/until J hears of this, at which point he will become King Dickhead, and proceed to inform the customer that any further complaints be directed to the home warranty company at 1-800-(number) (and they honestly don't give a hoot about cosmetic damages, our fault or not.)
The rude (and stupid) salesmen
These always seem to be men. They call and ask for J by name. When informed that he is a working plumber out in the field, they will give us one of four responses.
1. *click* (they just hang up. Sometimes politely, sometimes a slam-the-phone-down.)
2. OK I will try back later. *click* (he's in the field ALL BUSINESS DAY. If you don't make an appointment with office staff to speak to him, he will NEVER be available to speak to.)
3. OK I will try his cell then. (Sometimes his cell comes up in our ads as the emergency number. When these salesmen reach J on his cell, he is VERY angry that they have called his cell to pitch a sale, and will nicely advise that they call his office at (office #). If informed that they tried that, they are told to try again. After this, he is quite rude, and tends to yell/scream/shout/show his anger management issues off, and hang up the phone.
4. Argue with us about whether he's there or not.
Many times the arguers will insist that they know him personally, and know that he's in the office all day. (HAH!) Some claim to have been to the office before and seen him in his private office before with no pre-arranged meeting. (DOUBLE HAH! We work out of a private residence, in a small basement room. No private offices, and hardly anyone gets to come into our office ever. Most meetings are held at the local coffeeshop (with permission from said shop), or somewhere at the salesperson's convenience.)
It's an EMERGENCY!
These people think ANYTHING is an emergency and therefore deserves preferential treatment (as in, in the schedule tomorrow rather than four days from now.)
Our list of actual emergencies with preferential treatment:
Plumbing leaks that are uncontrollable (if you can turn a knob and the leak stops, it's not an emergency. EXCEPTION: If you had to shut off water to the whole house to get it to stop.
Refrigerators not cooling: BUT!! Only if it's the only one you have. Also, people with small children still on formula, and people who take medication that requires chilled temps (insulin, etc), get extra-emergency treatment and are added into that day's schedule.
Can't turn it off: Anything that is malfunctioning and the homeowner cannot get it to shut off will be added into today's schedule for the tech to come shut it off ONLY. Further diagnosis and repair must be scheduled normally.
This means that your dishwasher not washing dishes is NOT an emergency. The fact that you have three boys aged 15-18 at home making messes does NOT upgrade this to emergency status. My grandmother (who answers the phone too) literally asked this woman if their hands were broken, so that they could not wash their own dishes. Your microwave not heating, also not an emergency. And if you think you're the only person in town whose oven doesn't work three days before Thanksgiving/Christmas, you're nuts. Wait in line like the rest of them.
AAANDD, the most prevalent of all of my SC's..
The Impatient
These customers don't seem to understand how come we're [whine]taking sooo loonggggg[/whine] to fix their appliance. I mean, they had to wait TWO WEEKS(reality: three days) to get in the schedule in the first place, and the tech came in, poked this, ran it on this setting, and then said it needs this part. I mean he barely looked at it at all!! (tech been doing this 18 years. He does process of elimination. If it will do A, try B. If B works, look at C. If C is in OK condition, it needs parts Q, R, and S. etc.) Oh and gods forbid these people have an appliance over 10 years old. Many of those appliances require special order parts, or have parts on backorder pending the manufacturer, well... manufacturing more.
I've literally had one woman inform me that I needed to personally call General Electric and inform them that SHE needed a new main control board for her microwave, ASAP, and that she'd already waited 10 days, so they needed to just get that taken care of. Puh-leez.
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