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We sell a certain brand of computer, I obviously can’t give you the real name in such a public place because, well they are an American company and, given my opinion of them, I don’t want my arse getting sued. Lets just say the name rhymes with “Smell” and I think that just about covers their computers and their retail & tech support
The tech support people only just about speak a scripted English and they are trained to be arrogant “Smell computers never go faulty” and it’s always the fault of either the equipment being used with the computer or someone at our store, never the computer it’s self. Needless to say, all the TechDirect in store, TechDirect In home and TechDirect Phone Techs HATE Smell.
Here’s a few examples of the crap I have to deal with when talking to these idiots.
Me: at the end of his rope
STS: Smell Tech support (who watches Foamy the Squirrel?)
Service Tag
STS: Can I please be taking your name
Me: Advanced Flea
STS: When did you be buying the computer, Mr. Fleap?
Me: I’m calling on behalf of a customer, Mr. John Smith He bought it on 22/03/2009 (No, thats not the real date, I can’t remember what it was)
STS: and please do be reading the service tag to me
Me: CRJ3H6
STS: HTZ412
Me: Not even Close. Charlie Romeo Juliet Three Hotel Six
STS: Harley Lonely Juliet, Three Hotel Six
Me: How is tha...? No! C as in Charlie, Like Charlie Brown, Romeo, Juliet as in Romeo & Juliet, The number 3, H as in hospital, which is precisely Where you’re gonna end up if you don’t start listening Properly, and the number 6
STS: CRJ3H6
Me: YES!!! *Jumps up* Thank you!!
Smell Diagnostic
Me: Yeah, The computer’s just dead. It won’t power up at all
STS: Okay, I need you to run the Smell Diagnostic disc for me
Me: erm...How?
STS: insert the Smell Diagnostic disc into the CDROM drive and boot the computer
Me: The computer won’t boot. The power supply has blown!
STS: When will the power be turned back on?
Me: What?
STS: When will the electricity supply become un-blown?
Me: I mean the power supply unit in the back of the computer
STS: Smell computers are not liable for damage to the computers caused by third party hardware
Me: It’s the power supply unit shipped with the system! Smell installed it
STS: I am afraid that is not possible
Me: How do you expect the computer to work without a module to distribute the power?!
STS: that is not being our problem
Me: *Headdesk* Okay, put your supervisor on
STS: Excusing me?
Me: Your supervisor. The person who is in charge of you. Put him on the phone
STS: there is being no need for that, I shall be sending the DHL to be collecting the computer for repair tomorrow
Bad sectors
STS: Have you been inserted the Smell Diagnostic disc?
Me: yes. Been running it for the half an hour I have been on hold. It’s got to the seatools hard drive test and...wel...it’s the hard drive at fault
STS: No, it cannot be.
Me: It’s got to 7% of the hard drive test and there are 46 bad sectors
STS: This is not possible
Me: ...??
STS: The hard drives used in Smell computers do not fail
Me: You do realise that Hard drives have a 100% failure rate, yeah?
STS: Smell use hard drives specially designed for them
Me: My arse they do! I looked inside the case, it’s the cheapest Maxtor piece of crap available!
STS: How would you be knowing this?
Me: It says Maxstor on the flippin’ drive!
STS: Even so, bad sectors do not mean a faulty drive
Me: erm...yes they do! You only need one bad sector at the start of the drive to make sure the operating system never loads
Finally, this one takes the biscuit. It’s not so much an issue with Smell tech support as Smell computers themselves
We’ve had a pallet load of reconditioned Smell laptops to sell. They went back originally with the charging circuit not working
...They have come back with the charging circuit not working. If we set up 8, 6 of them will refuse to charge. Obviously my idea of “repaired and fully working” differs from Smells idea. We even had one, Lithium-ion battery, ofcourse. When I plugged it into the mains in the warehouse the battery began smouldering after a few seconds. I opened the warehouse doors to the back yard, unclipped the battery and threw it out towards the bins. About an hour later, we went out and found a pile of molten plastic right in front of the bins. Just one more reason not to buy Smell :\
The tech support people only just about speak a scripted English and they are trained to be arrogant “Smell computers never go faulty” and it’s always the fault of either the equipment being used with the computer or someone at our store, never the computer it’s self. Needless to say, all the TechDirect in store, TechDirect In home and TechDirect Phone Techs HATE Smell.
Here’s a few examples of the crap I have to deal with when talking to these idiots.
Me: at the end of his rope
STS: Smell Tech support (who watches Foamy the Squirrel?)
Service Tag
STS: Can I please be taking your name
Me: Advanced Flea
STS: When did you be buying the computer, Mr. Fleap?
Me: I’m calling on behalf of a customer, Mr. John Smith He bought it on 22/03/2009 (No, thats not the real date, I can’t remember what it was)
STS: and please do be reading the service tag to me
Me: CRJ3H6
STS: HTZ412
Me: Not even Close. Charlie Romeo Juliet Three Hotel Six
STS: Harley Lonely Juliet, Three Hotel Six
Me: How is tha...? No! C as in Charlie, Like Charlie Brown, Romeo, Juliet as in Romeo & Juliet, The number 3, H as in hospital, which is precisely Where you’re gonna end up if you don’t start listening Properly, and the number 6
STS: CRJ3H6
Me: YES!!! *Jumps up* Thank you!!
Smell Diagnostic
Me: Yeah, The computer’s just dead. It won’t power up at all
STS: Okay, I need you to run the Smell Diagnostic disc for me
Me: erm...How?
STS: insert the Smell Diagnostic disc into the CDROM drive and boot the computer
Me: The computer won’t boot. The power supply has blown!
STS: When will the power be turned back on?
Me: What?
STS: When will the electricity supply become un-blown?
Me: I mean the power supply unit in the back of the computer
STS: Smell computers are not liable for damage to the computers caused by third party hardware
Me: It’s the power supply unit shipped with the system! Smell installed it
STS: I am afraid that is not possible
Me: How do you expect the computer to work without a module to distribute the power?!
STS: that is not being our problem
Me: *Headdesk* Okay, put your supervisor on
STS: Excusing me?
Me: Your supervisor. The person who is in charge of you. Put him on the phone
STS: there is being no need for that, I shall be sending the DHL to be collecting the computer for repair tomorrow
Bad sectors
STS: Have you been inserted the Smell Diagnostic disc?
Me: yes. Been running it for the half an hour I have been on hold. It’s got to the seatools hard drive test and...wel...it’s the hard drive at fault
STS: No, it cannot be.
Me: It’s got to 7% of the hard drive test and there are 46 bad sectors
STS: This is not possible
Me: ...??
STS: The hard drives used in Smell computers do not fail
Me: You do realise that Hard drives have a 100% failure rate, yeah?
STS: Smell use hard drives specially designed for them
Me: My arse they do! I looked inside the case, it’s the cheapest Maxtor piece of crap available!
STS: How would you be knowing this?
Me: It says Maxstor on the flippin’ drive!
STS: Even so, bad sectors do not mean a faulty drive
Me: erm...yes they do! You only need one bad sector at the start of the drive to make sure the operating system never loads
Finally, this one takes the biscuit. It’s not so much an issue with Smell tech support as Smell computers themselves
We’ve had a pallet load of reconditioned Smell laptops to sell. They went back originally with the charging circuit not working
...They have come back with the charging circuit not working. If we set up 8, 6 of them will refuse to charge. Obviously my idea of “repaired and fully working” differs from Smells idea. We even had one, Lithium-ion battery, ofcourse. When I plugged it into the mains in the warehouse the battery began smouldering after a few seconds. I opened the warehouse doors to the back yard, unclipped the battery and threw it out towards the bins. About an hour later, we went out and found a pile of molten plastic right in front of the bins. Just one more reason not to buy Smell :\
my Smell.
in this post....
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