More fun with the PA system

[fireheart]

Bringing this thread up since my previous thread got closed.

Share your stories with the PA system. I have a few new doozies.

"Groceries, can you please come to aisle 16?" (our registers go up to 14). What made it even more funny was that he did it three times in a row! (new guy)

After I was trying to explain to said guy how to use the PA, he went "yeah OK..." with that part being broadcast over the PA. Much giggles ensued from the staff

In addition, one of the managers told another manager that he needed to go to the barber over the PA system (after closing of course )

[Dave1982]

The other day I did a helium hit over the PA (after the store was closed).

I've also played sound clips from Family Guy and a verse from "Because I Got High" over the PA (again, after the store was closed, and only when Focker - the cool manager - was closing).

[Fleur]

last Christmas season sup J would grab a store phone, dial intercom, and sing a line or two from a random Christmas carol to the store. i was walking around reshopping and out of nowhere J's deep voice came on, "silver bells, silver beeeelllllsss"

[draggar]

When I worked at the grocerey store a friend of mine did the recorded announcements (sales etc..).

Some of his were rather, innuendoish...

"Come check out Draggar in the seafood department where he just got crabs!"

"Come see Mary in our produce department - her large and sweet honeydew mellons are on sale this week!"

"Come see Sue in our bakery department - she should be showing off her fresh, hot, and soft buns!"

[fireheart]

I am so doing the keychain thing after we close one day

It'll be absolutely hilarious though if I get the Dr. Who one (a friend of mine is obsessed with both Dr. Who and Torchwood) and do EX-TER-MIN-ATE over the system.

[LillFilly]

Hee, that's right up there with arranging the movie marquee so it reads:

Erin Brockovich
Screwed
My Dog Skip

Coworker of mine used to do stuff like this so much, the manager stopped letting him put the movies up!

[bean]

Once we're "GF" ("guest free" aka customer free aka no customers in the store), the PA is wide open.

Remember that scene in Dumb and Dumber where Jim Carey asks hi friend what the most annoying noise in the world is? Yeah, we regularly get on the PA and broadcast that exact noise. I'm told I do it in a "questioning" way... instead of "EEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" it's more of an "EEEEEAAAAAAA????".

Our PA is seriously wide open for anything once we get the last customer out. We've had everything from "Happy birthday to me" sung over it to "FUCK YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, AND ME!!!!! ALSO FUCK YOU, YOU AND YOU, YOU'RE COOL, FUCK YOU TOO!" screamed out over it. As long as the main store manager isn't in, nobody really cares. If the main store manager IS in the store (he closes once or twice a month), heads will roll. We've even had what can best be described as "PA fights"... i.e. someone starts singing over it, as soon as they stop someone that isn't me gets on and starts bitching about their singing and telling them not to quit their day job, then they sing some more, then someone that again isn't me finds a way to block the PA system (generally by picking up a phone, dialing the extension for the PA, and leaving the phone off the hook)...... not that I would know anything about this.

[Null Requiem]

The best thing I have heard over the PA where I work was on nights.

Someone, fed up with the stupid things that were being announced (toilets flushing and the like), threatened everyone with Shakespeare. The person followed through and did the entire To Be or Not to Be bit. Twice.

Saddly, it wasn't me.

[ShadowTiger]

Our store stopped using the PA system when we all (Yes, all of us.) got our own personal radios. They have two channels they can be on: Boringly, channel 1 and channel 2. Nothing in between. Channel 1 is shared by a golf field somewhere a few miles way, and channel 2 is the mystery zone. Static and the occasional Hispanic mafia; we have no idea what goes on in there, but it's apparently very exciting, as everyone is extremely loud when speaking Spanish.

You really have to hold in the button for sufficient periods of time to get your full message across, as it can easily cut off a third of a second of text from when you start and stop holding in the button. People order people to specific aisles without giving a name, or say "..there's a call on line one for you." We're lucky if they repeat the message. Some odd things I'd hear over the radios: (And these are without any sort of context. They're entirely stand-alone.)

• "Hate you!"
• "That thing is out there again"
• "Oh my god it's in the men's room"
• "I'll take a mushroom on rye"
• "Paul called in quits. He said he was tired of working with you."
  • I think this particular one was directed at the golf course, which was being particularly loud one day, when someone kept shouting "Where the $@#$ is Paul!?"
• And my all-time favorite: "something" - Literally just said that one word alone, as if it were the only word in the sentence.

Over the actual PA system, we only really have the closing announcements. Depending on the manager, there would be a five or fifteen minute warning and then the actual "store is closed" warning, or only the store is closed warning. (Apparently so that people don't have a chance to get out early and stop buying things, which they wouldn't do anyway, as we all know.) We've had a lot of people messing up on the store closing times announcement. One of the guys did it in the state lotto voice. (I wish I could find the YouTube video of it.)

[Rapscallion]

"This is the voice of the Mysterons. Bring to us the body of Captain Beige. He clashes with nothing."

Rapscallion

[Javarod]

Ahhhh, PA fun, i've only one story from back when i was in High School. I worked at K-Mart in Wall, NJ (who names a town Wall? That's as bad as Division St in Neptune), and the PA system was set up so the customer service desk mike over rode the entire PA system, when they spoke, no one else could speak. So one night, Al and another gentleman from the store decided after closing to take over the PA system, and sing the entire them from Gilligan's Island.

[mattm04]

Their is a override jack for the music in the managers office. When something is plugged into that it will mute the store music. One day the SM plugged in his laptop and announced that "to do something a little different we will do the YMCA in front of aisle X. Any customers or employees who want to join in can."

About 10 employees and 10 customers were doing the YMCA by one of the entrances. The reaction of the entering customers were priceless.

[fireheart]

Their is a override jack for the music in the managers office. When something is plugged into that it will mute the store music. One day the SM plugged in his laptop and announced that "to do something a little different we will do the YMCA in front of aisle X. Any customers or employees who want to join in can."

About 10 employees and 10 customers were doing the YMCA by one of the entrances. The reaction of the entering customers were priceless.

Thank you, my language lab classmates think I'm insane now......

I am so gonna find a way to hijack the PA and do something like that....but with the Macarena

[Blade_Raver]

I worked at Builder's Square in Bridgeton, MO a long time ago...

One of the cashiers would heckle me and one time paged me to the women's bathroom.

I'm male.

[draggar]

Wall, NJ (who names a town Wall? That's as bad as Division St in Neptune),

And a few towns over you have Brick, so what?

Look at a map and you might see BRICK WALL

Thank you, my language lab classmates think I'm insane now......

I am so gonna find a way to hijack the PA and do something like that....but with the Macarena

You can do better than that, think of something not common:

The Car Wash
Radio Gaga