Yes Mam I told you to sleep with your dog (long)

[Durandal]

So this is a few years old but i told it to a newbie today and thought i would tell it here as well.

Ok, so first some set up. Officemax redid their front end years ago. the area that was customer service now has digital cameras on the counter. However the Ginormous letters proclaiming to the world CUSTOMER SERVICE still hang on the wall. so people will come up and ask if they need to do returns and such there. Now i realize that these customers were actually using there eyes and reading signs so i polity direct them were to go.

Setup Part 2: Officemax has two catalogs. one free for the customer to take that has essential items and weighs in at about 150 pages. The other is our special order catalog. it is only sent to stores and very big customers(think university). it has everything we can possibly get, with most items not appearing in store, and weighs in at about 1400 pages.

Setup part 3: Story takes place in the Midwest were i live. I grew up 2 hours away from were i currently reside . My dad was raised near buffalo new york. (trust me this does come into play later.)

So I get done helping some customers with a digital camera and notice a lady at the far end of the "customer service" counter. Thinking i just have to send her over to a register for whatever she will need. i walk over (classic first mistake)

D=Me
ML=Mean Lady

D: What can I help you with?

ML: I am looking for Pen Eraser Refills

D(slightly confused by the combination):You mean for eraserrmate Pens?

ML: *sight* Yes.

D:Ok well lets go over and look on our pen wall. (guessing we won't have them but cover all the bases)

ML:YOU don't have them I'VE already looked

D:Ok well maybe we can order them for you.

ML:I looked in your catalog you don't have them there either.

D:well we can look in our special order book.

ML:NO i have that and it is not in there.

D:are you sure? it is different than our normal catalog and has a lot more items in it.

ML:NO i have it and its not in there.

D:Lets go look anyway and see if we can't find them.

ML:NO! YOU don't have them in there.

Dgetting kinda pissed because i doubt she has a special order book but can't do
anything about it) I'm sorry i guess we don't carry those refills then.

ML:Well YOU sell the pens why don't you sell the eraser refills for them?

D: (Still being polite): I'm sorry, i don't know.

MLoes it make sense to you that you have the pens but not the refills for them.

D:Well we do have the double sided erasers that work on ink.

ML:NO i want the actual refills for the pens i bought. Why aren't they in your catalog!?

Dgetting slightly agitated): I'm sorry i don't know.

Mistake number 2:Not walking away.
(This line of questioning repeats with her getting more agitated as i keep explaining i don't know/don't control why we don't carry these refills)

ML:Tell me why YOU Don't carry refills for the pens YOU carry on YOUR Shelf.

D: I Don't know! I guess someone at CORPORATE just screwed the pouch on this one! OK?

(Mistake Number 3: Snapping at a Customer)
(Mistake Number 4: Using slang from my father not in common usage in the area.)

As per the hallmarks of a CS she storms out screaming she will never come back (Please God let it be true).

I get done with my shift and go home not thinking to much of bitchy eraser lady. for all i know (and hope) they don't even make what she wants. my roommate calls me later that night. He also works at officemax and had the shift after me.

Roomieude, What did you Do?
D:Huh?
R:the SM is pissed at you, man.
D:Whatever.
(insert a few minutes of me convinced my roommate is trying to get me)
R:No, Seriously he has been storming throughout the story pissed and cursing you because he got a call from a lady complaining about you. Did you tell some lady to go F&%$ a Dog.
DLight Bulb)Oh shit.

Anyway the next morning the ASM on duty pulls me into the office right away. He was not a happy camper. I explained the situation and that i snapped. I explained the phrase i used. He also had never herd the term "Screwed the Pouch" so i got a amsll talking to instead of a big talking to. turns out nobody else working had herd the phrase either. Maybe its a New York thing, i don't know.

Thanks for sitting through this really long post.
Durandal

[Cedophile]

I've heard the phrase before. Never had a reason to use it, though. I guess California and NY are closer than we thought.

[Lehk]

first and foremost a smack to the head for using eraser mate pens,
then a punch to the neck for being stupid,
and a chainsword to the torso for being so freaking annoying.

[Gurndigarn]

It's around the midwest, too. Man, what's with people? Don't they have imaginative colorful phrases? Ones that don't include sticking as many common vulgarities together as possible?

[RecoveringKinkoid]

So, she had your special order book, eh? So she came into your store, didn't find the pens she was looking for. She happened to have on hand a copy of your special order book, which she sat down in your store and perused. Didn't find them. Put special order book back into her Magical Purse of Holding, then came to you to bitch.

Did I get all that?

My ass she looked in the book. She just wanted to bitch. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Some people get positively orgasmic at the opportunity to bitch. It is one of the rare pleasures they get out of life.

[digilight]

wow I haven't heard that phrase in a long time. Around here it was "Boofed the pooch"

[Giggle Goose]

lol I've never heard it before but I could tell that it was just some slang. I don't know where that lady got "dog" from "pouch" though

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Okay, now how does one take the phrase "corporate screwed the pooch" to mean "you should engage in a sex act with your dog"?

Perhaps I shouldn't ask.

That said, "screwed the pooch" is an awesome phrase, and one that is very appropriate around the dog brothel--oops, I mean work.

[MadMike]

I don't know where that lady got "dog" from "pouch" though

I believe the OP meant "pooch." I'll admit, I never heard that expression either, until a year or two ago.

[marlovino]

WoW!
That lady is Nucking Futs!

[ReadyToRetire]

I haven't used the phrase lately, but I used to say "screwed the pooch" on a semi-regular basis.

BTW, I grew up in Niagara Falls, NY, which is next door to Buffalo.
I moved to Florida in the early 80's. I've used that phrase here and no one ever asked me what it meant, though.

[Crosshair]

Where I am we use several phrases: f***ed up, biffed it, Pulled a stupid, Someone forgot Poland, spilled beer on the paperwork/server/phone exchange/whatever is broken, The internets is broken.

[DesignFox]

Never heard that one here in Jersey, but damn is that funny. I gotta try it out on someone...

WTF is wrong with that lady? You try to help and she gets all high and mighty...Good for her thinking you told her to fornicate with her dog...given her attitude, I applaude you for not having said that!

[BiscuitMunroe]

Here we're a little more graphic. It's F*cked the dog.

[Luckymom]

I've heard the phrase here in Georgia and no ne seems to look confused when I say it. Then again I grew up in a military family moving from place to place.