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It's amazing that with the modern miracle of GPS, people still have no idea where they are when they call us. And that's assuming they're coherent. Case in point.
So, phone rings bright and early (2am EST early, aka 0200 hours,)
“Hey Man, I like, need a tow” says the voice on the other end.
Yeah, we figured, seeing as you called a towing company. And not your proctologist.
“Okay” Dave says “Where are you?”
“Uh, I’m down in Mackeyville, you know, where the big lime plant is, it’s right off that road that goes down by the river, uhhhhh….”
“Route 44?” Suggests Dave
“Yeah!”
“Okay, I’ll be there in about 45 minutes” Dave says, as the Mackeyville lime plant is almost a dead even 35 miles away down the interstate. But upon exiting and driving past the lime plant, Dave doesn’t see the car. He drives up and down the road a few miles, and checks the major side-roads, but no sign of this guy or his car. He calls them back and explains the predicament. Are they SURE they’re at the lime plant?
“Yeah man, I’m there, I can see the lights” says the guy
“Well, what road are you on?” says Dave, “I’ve been up and down all 4 sides of this place and haven’t seen you”
“Hang on man, someone just stopped by, uh… hey dude do you know where we are?”
A different, much more FOCUSED voice comes on the line
“Hi, I understand you’re a truck driver trying to find these guys?”
“Yeah” says Dave, “I just got off at Route 44 in Mackeyville, they said they’re at the lime plant, but I’ve like driven past there twice now and don’t see you guys. Are you off some side road or something?”
“Where?!” says the voice on the other end.
“Mackeyville, they said they’re on Rt. 44 just outside Mackeyville somewhere near the lime plant.”
“They told you that?!” says the shocked voice on the other end
“Yeah”
“Heh, Mister, you aren’t gonna believe it, but these two are in Jackson Springs, on that sharp turn just outside of town past the diner.”
“What?!” Says Dave, now painfully aware he’s about 40 miles from that very location. 35 miles BACK to town, and then 5 more in the OTHER major cardinal direction to reach Jackson Springs.
“Yeah, I can imagine how you feel. But it doesn’t surprise me, these two guys are high as a freakin’ kite right now” (well that certainly explains a lot)
So, grumbling, Dave pulls a U-turn and heads off to where Cheech and Chong really are, as opposed to where their hash-addled brains told them. 45 minutes later he arrives on scene and finds the area lit up with emergency strobes from several different agencies, not the least of which being the State Police and the power company. Seems in addition to having no clue where they were, the herbalists also forgot to tell Dave that they’d run their car off the road, taken down a telephone pole, an Amish man’s fence AND finally stopped when the hungry maw of an oak tree devoured the foremost 1/3rd of their VW Jetta. On the plus side, they were now residing in the backseat of said State Police car and in addition to whatever court costs they end up incurring, they also owe Allegheny Power 1 new telephone pole, and they owe us the $165 wreck fee and $1.75 for every en route mile it took us to get to them, all 80 of them from that cute little detour they sent poor Dave on.
You run into a lot of stupid on this job, but you usually get to make stupid pay in the end.
So, phone rings bright and early (2am EST early, aka 0200 hours,)
“Hey Man, I like, need a tow” says the voice on the other end.
Yeah, we figured, seeing as you called a towing company. And not your proctologist.
“Okay” Dave says “Where are you?”
“Uh, I’m down in Mackeyville, you know, where the big lime plant is, it’s right off that road that goes down by the river, uhhhhh….”
“Route 44?” Suggests Dave
“Yeah!”
“Okay, I’ll be there in about 45 minutes” Dave says, as the Mackeyville lime plant is almost a dead even 35 miles away down the interstate. But upon exiting and driving past the lime plant, Dave doesn’t see the car. He drives up and down the road a few miles, and checks the major side-roads, but no sign of this guy or his car. He calls them back and explains the predicament. Are they SURE they’re at the lime plant?
“Yeah man, I’m there, I can see the lights” says the guy
“Well, what road are you on?” says Dave, “I’ve been up and down all 4 sides of this place and haven’t seen you”
“Hang on man, someone just stopped by, uh… hey dude do you know where we are?”
A different, much more FOCUSED voice comes on the line
“Hi, I understand you’re a truck driver trying to find these guys?”
“Yeah” says Dave, “I just got off at Route 44 in Mackeyville, they said they’re at the lime plant, but I’ve like driven past there twice now and don’t see you guys. Are you off some side road or something?”
“Where?!” says the voice on the other end.
“Mackeyville, they said they’re on Rt. 44 just outside Mackeyville somewhere near the lime plant.”
“They told you that?!” says the shocked voice on the other end
“Yeah”
“Heh, Mister, you aren’t gonna believe it, but these two are in Jackson Springs, on that sharp turn just outside of town past the diner.”
“What?!” Says Dave, now painfully aware he’s about 40 miles from that very location. 35 miles BACK to town, and then 5 more in the OTHER major cardinal direction to reach Jackson Springs.
“Yeah, I can imagine how you feel. But it doesn’t surprise me, these two guys are high as a freakin’ kite right now” (well that certainly explains a lot)
So, grumbling, Dave pulls a U-turn and heads off to where Cheech and Chong really are, as opposed to where their hash-addled brains told them. 45 minutes later he arrives on scene and finds the area lit up with emergency strobes from several different agencies, not the least of which being the State Police and the power company. Seems in addition to having no clue where they were, the herbalists also forgot to tell Dave that they’d run their car off the road, taken down a telephone pole, an Amish man’s fence AND finally stopped when the hungry maw of an oak tree devoured the foremost 1/3rd of their VW Jetta. On the plus side, they were now residing in the backseat of said State Police car and in addition to whatever court costs they end up incurring, they also owe Allegheny Power 1 new telephone pole, and they owe us the $165 wreck fee and $1.75 for every en route mile it took us to get to them, all 80 of them from that cute little detour they sent poor Dave on.
You run into a lot of stupid on this job, but you usually get to make stupid pay in the end.
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