Need some advice

[Eireann]

As you know, I'm pissed off at what passes for management at the company that provides me with most of my work.

I am happy to say that I've made contact with another company that is willing to pay me almost twice as much as Loser Company (as I will call it from now on), but the agreement hasn't been finalized; it should happen this week.

Okay, so I've had problems with Dumb and Dumber, not to mention Mr. Testicles. I also have had problems with one of the office workers, a high-stress individual who loves to interrupt me when we're talking on the phone. I also lost it with another office worker about a month ago or more; said office worker probably hates me now. (I lost it because this person hadn't understood something I said, and scheduled me for an appointment at a time when I shouldn't have been scheduled for it.)

Okay. So, I'm thinking, that's a lot. I mean, I am the common denominator here. I can bitch all I want about the management - and by the way, I'm not the only one; not by a long shot - but I'm still the link. I don't like having work problems; I'd much rather get along with everyone. Furthermore, I don't want to gain a reputation as a troublemaker.

Things were going fairly well until today, when High-stress flipped out over an oversight of mine (and one that shouldn't have happened), and rather than dealing with it herself, she involved Dumb in it. Dumb then asked me for an explanation. I am still mightily tempted to tell Dumb that it's none of her fucking business, that the situation has ended, and no, I don't owe her an explanation, as well as pointing out that Dumb IS NOT MY BOSS BECAUSE I'M AN INDEPENDENT CONTRACTOR.

I haven't done it. Yet.

I'm pissed off at High-stress for involved Dumb in it; High-stress is, evidently, one of those people who runs whining off to anyone she can. As a child, she probably went crying to mommy whenever someone was "mean" to her. (If anyone was "mean" to her as a child, I'm sure she deserved it, though.)

So, as I said, I want to get along with the others. If we can't get along, we should be able to ignore each other, or to speak only when strictly necessary. I'm tired of friction and sniping and the intense, overwhelming anger that I feel, towards Dumb in particular.

What are your suggestions?

[bainsidhe]

Your relationships with these people have grown toxic. Common denominator or not, those are your feelings and they're valid. If possible, I'd suggest some time away (if possible) or further limiting your interactions, which may or may not be possible. Sometimes people just don't get along.

Anyways, good luck getting the new job!

[r2cagle]

Yes, best of luck with getting the new job!!

That said, in the meantime... you can cut down your aggravation by divorcing your emotions from the interaction. Think of yourself as a robot, and respond that way via email or in person. When you force yourself to just deal with facts, and not the emotion or tone of voice, it's a little freeing to say the least.

By only dealing with the facts, and not the people, you are able to not personalize any confrontation they may try to force with you. By staying even-toned and non-personal, you also take away their power to upset you. I will be honest and say it's not easy.

I have the same toxic personalities in my workplace, and I had to get sick to the point it took every ounce of strength to just get into work. I no longer had the energy or the desire to deal with other people and their emotions, so I stopped making the effort. I just focused on what energy I needed and let everything else flow around me. Turns out, as I get better, I'm able to stay uninvolved in everyone elses' drama. I love it... I no longer care why so-n-so is having a bad day, they will speak respectfully to me, or they get tuned out. Ha ha. No wonder I don't mind coming to work anymore... these crazy people have no power to disrupt my day anymore.

That's where you'll need to get, because if you don't, the same thing will happen at your new job. You need to be able to let go of the crazy asinine behavior of coworkers and focus on what is necessary for you and your job. Let go, not forget, just let it go and don't let it be personal for you. That will also let you be able to leave work, at work. It's definitely something we all struggle with, but is so worth it when you can make it happen.

[Indica]

Here's my advice for how to deal with the stress.

Watch Robin Williams 'Live at the Met'. It is fairly old, but still funny. Pay close attention to is the part where he talks about how his 7 year old son learns to swear, and says 'F*ck it!' in a 7 year old voice.

Now, every time the stress starts to get to you... just say (probably not out loud, but we can pretend) 'F*ck it!' in the 7 year old voice. It's a great stress relief... but only if you use the little kid voice. Otherwise, it tends to add to the stress.

I've used this method with great success for years

[Eireann]

What wonderful advice!

My idea is this: I inform Dumb that I will not discuss the situation. That's it. No matter what she tries - and this is an asshole who thinks that threats are an acceptable form of management - I'll just repeat what I've said. The situation was blown clear out of proportion by High-stress; the problem, such as it was, is over. Therefore, there is no need to discuss it. (I won't mention the fact that High-stress is also a whiny little incompetent.) Just lather, rinse, repeat that there is no longer a problem, and therefore, no reason to discuss it. If I even say that much.

[Whiskey]

What wonderful advice!

My idea is this: I inform Dumb that I will not discuss the situation. That's it. No matter what she tries - and this is an asshole who thinks that threats are an acceptable form of management - I'll just repeat what I've said. The situation was blown clear out of proportion by High-stress; the problem, such as it was, is over. Therefore, there is no need to discuss it. (I won't mention the fact that High-stress is also a whiny little incompetent.) Just lather, rinse, repeat that there is no longer a problem, and therefore, no reason to discuss it. If I even say that much.

I have a coworker like this. I work fast food, but still, its a profession, be professional. I just told him that I've made a mistake, apologize, and then tell them I will/have correct(ed) the problem and it will be prevented in the future. It won't do anything, I promise, but itll have been said (have someone hear it, if you can). Make it clear, you've taken responsibility for your actions and whatever mistake you made. The more professional you look, the crazier the other person seems.

Does this even make sense? Unless higher ups have a reason to have a preference for High Stress, they should take notice that you are taking responsibility and working on improving your behavior. If they have preference to HS, you're probably screwed no matter what.

edit: also, if its necessary, work can be strictly WORK. You don't have to be buddy buddy, talk about your date last night, what kind of hair dye you buy, omg brends such a slut!, etc. If they don't like you, whatever, as long as everyone acts in a professional way. They're at work, they're paid to work not have super fun friend time. Maybe I'm just a gigantic beetch or something :\


edit after reading thoroughly, kind of.

Can you take it up one level from HS? I mean, go to her boss, explain the situation, the steps youve taken to remedy it (and how you plan to keep it from happening in the future) and thats it? You still don't discuss it with HS, but her/your boss knows that you've fixed/taken steps to fix the issue and further issues. Just kind of a "hey, i know HS is concerned about this and I've [steps preventing future problems/solving current]."

. Think of yourself as a robot, and respond that way via email or in person.

This is amazing advice. While HS/random higher ups spout off about policy, every job i have ever had broke policy. Follow policy to the tee. You will piss off HS, without a doubt, but what can (s)he say? OMG Eireann FOLLOWED OUR COMPANY POLICY TO THE POINT THAT (S)HE DID EXACTLY WHAT (S)HE WAS TOLD TO DO!!!

(personal note; i assume everyone is female, so if i missed a "she" in here, and you're not, I apologize. Make it a he. )

[Eireann]

Well, this is how it is.

I'm an independent contractor for this company. I'm not, and never have been, an employee. When I first started doing work for Loser Company, things went damned well. The other contractors and I were, at least, given some respect. We didn't receive much recognition for what we did, but when we said no, it was no.

Loser Company has had some reorganization going on, which meant that new people were hired, and it seems that they hired only the laziest, most inefficient, most incompetent, and rudest sacks of shit that rolled in off the street. Mr. Testicles is one of these. I'm not sure if he hired Dumb and Dumber, but the thing is, we never NEEDED Dumb OR Dumber. All they have done, is to make our lives more difficult.

Now, we're expected to do this, that, and the other fucking thing because some shithead, somewhere, decided that this should be corporate policy. They're getting tons of free work from us - if we don't do a certain (unpaid) service, we aren't paid.

Can you see why I want out?

Also, last year Dumb REALLY screwed me over. I made the mistake of treating her like someone who has even a modicum of sense. She doesn't. She's stupid and ruthless, as well as incompetent and lazy. That's why I can only cut her off and not give her ANY explanations or apologies. It's the rule of the day around here - if there's a screwup, don't take any responsibility, and don't apologize.

I'm thinking of my dream career, and how to make it happen. Even were it not for the shit that calls itself management here, this is NOT my dream career, and never has been - so, it's time to move the hell on, and scrape these squishy turds off the soles of my shoes.

[Eireann]

Well, the stupid shit tried to threaten me. Again.

Since I wouldn't discuss the issue ("discuss" being a euphemism for "try in vain to defend myself while Dumb hammers away at me"), not only am I not receiving any money for that particular job, but Dumb cc'd Mr. Testicles on her last email, talking about "future cooperation"

Uh, right... Cooperation is when BOTH sides work toward a common goal. In this case, it's been "they threaten us to get what they want".

Fuck this, fuck this, FUCK THIS.

I have just GOT to get a regular client NOW, so that when Dumb attempts to set up an appointment for a "discussion", I will be able to say, "There's no need - I will not be working for Loser Company anymore."

[r2cagle]

Um... I'd say that there is no discussion, and it's highly unethical and unprofessional to withhold payment just because she's not happy with you. And cc: everyone worth including... bosses, hr, etc. As an independent contractor... you make her put it in writing why she feels it's necessary to 'NOT PAY' you for work you did. They won't want that... because that means hot water. lol Do I hear lawsuit???

[Eireann]

Oh, believe me, I'd just LOVE to nail her ass to the wall. With lots and lots and lots of nails. Or get me an Iron Maiden.

In this country, though, lawsuits are not at all common. They take forever to go through the courts. With this particular situation, if someone gets pissed off at what we've done - handing in an assignment late, or the final client just doesn't like it - then, well, often we aren't paid for that particular assignment.

Her boss is just as incompetent and worthless and useless as she is; no help there. I even complained to the owner some time ago about their tactics, and as far as I can see, he hasn't done anything.

It's very telling that when I mention to people where I do most of my work, they gasp out, "You work for Loser Company? They are HORRIBLE! They never pay anybody!"

Yes, indeed; Loser Company has quite the reputation. Another good reason to get out. It's true; they don't pay enough, they look for ways to rip off their suppliers (big, HUGE mistake there), they get the cheapest workers they can find, and they're full of excuses for not paying on time.

Somebody should write an article about them.

[r2cagle]

Hmmm...

I think my brain just ran away... I now have nothing more to say.

I guess if you're ready to burn a bridge, I'd still make her respond in writing why they feel it necessary to be so unethical and unprofessional.. But that's just me. It'll chap their butt to be called on bad behavior.

[Eireann]

The thing is, they just don't give a shit. These are people (and I use the term "people" VERY loosely) who think it's acceptable to use insults and threats to get what they want. They'll keep on keeping on as long as they can, in the knowledge that they're getting away with it.

If they do cease "cooperation" with me, they'll be burning themselves, too. Some of the services I offer cannot be had from the other suppliers, and they should know it. When I'm gone, they won't be able to offer said services.

Yeah!

[Andara Bledin]

Is there any way for you to withhold future work on the basis of lack of payment for previous work?

And are you trying hard enough to get the hell away from them? I'm thinking if you've had time to sleep, you aren't trying hard enough with how toxic that place is...

^-.-^

[Eireann]

It is toxic. I spent too much time thinking longingly of The Way Things Used To Be, rather than on taking a good look at the way things are now, and will probably continue to be. If I don't take on work, they'll just give it to someone else.

The job for which I'm not being paid is a small one, fortunately, because I'm sure that Dumb had it in mind - well, whatever Dumb has that passes for a mind - not to pay me for it. I think Dumb and Mr. Testicles have it in for me for complaining about their bullshit rules, and may have been waiting for a chance to give me the shaft.

Be that as it may, today I sent a job query to another company, plus quite a few emails elsewhere - let's see what happens!

When I have another source of income, they're history; I'll finish whatever work I've taken on, then fuck them with a chainsaw!

[Andara Bledin]

I'd also suggest looking into other stuff outside of what you do normally, just to escape their vile clutches.

^-.-^