If one leaves the office on the verge of tears...

[NiennasMaid]

...for over a week, is it a sign that something is wrong with you, or the job?

See my earlier posts about the cold calling initiative we've been doing. I've barely made any calls this week, because my normal duties have gone in-f**king-sane. People turning things in to me three days late (on a 7 day schedule), doing redesigns on my projects without informing me, making last-minute changes DAYS after the art is supposed to be locked, etc. I literally have been dealing with this stuff every moment of the day for the last two weeks. Last week I got a few calls in, but only a handful this week. I'm now in trouble for it, because "this initiative is not optional."

Well, no shit, Sherlock! I don't assume ANYTHING at my job is optional! that's why I get paid to do it! But there's still only so many hours in a day: which other non-optional things should I drop in order to "carve out time"? I'm already at work a half hour early most days (and never less than 10 minutes early), I generally eat lunch at my desk, and there are other non-optional things that I MUST do that I haven't even looked at because there simply isn't time. By the time 5pm rolls around, I am too tired and stressed to put in any overtime: I don't think they want me making calls while I'm in tears, which I always am by that point.

It doesn't help that I'm bipolar with long-standing suicidal tendencies. My thoughts of late have been a lot darker than is safe for me, and I don't know how much longer I can fight it, but good grief, I don't want to come across as some sort of emotional weakling who can't handle her job! I don't know...am I just an EW who wants to be pampered at the job, or is my office just that bad?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

It isn't you. Your office sucks.

[ArcticChicken]

There is something seriously wrong with a job that leaves you in tears.

[Kogarashi]

There is something seriously wrong with a job that leaves you in tears.

QFT.

I would be looking for a new job right away.

Hang in there.

[RetailWorkhorse]

*Snugs Niennas (despite the holy-crap-scare-me-brainless-avatar-which-still-rocks-because-I'm-a-MASOCHIST)*

Your office is that bad. Seriously bad.

[Exaspera]

You are being normal. Your environment sucks. Why don't they just handcuff you to the desk?
Plus, I have found that if I don't get some "me (down)" time, I get up to my hips in the work crap and any thoughts I have can't get away from the basic crappiness of it all. It's a terrible spiral.

Sending good vibes.

[Hanzoku]

Honestly? Start destressing yourself a bit as well. Do NOT go in early, do NOT work your lunches (unpaid I assume?). DO go to your boss and lay out all your tasks and the time needed for each. Include the cold-calling hours in there and simply ask him "I have eight hours a day to devote to my job, what tasks have the highest priority?" Also make formal complaints to him of all the things people aren't supposed to do (late submission of content / redesigns without informing you / art changes after lockdown.). It's his/her job to handle this sort of thing and enable you to do your job.

And finally, your emotional wellbeing is worth more then this job. I know it might not be possible to leave it if you don't have a cash buffer in the bank, but arrangements can always be made, it's a lot harder to come out of a depression or burnout then it is to find some form of work.

[NiennasMaid]

Honestly? Start destressing yourself a bit as well. Do NOT go in early, do NOT work your lunches (unpaid I assume?). DO go to your boss and lay out all your tasks and the time needed for each. Include the cold-calling hours in there and simply ask him "I have eight hours a day to devote to my job, what tasks have the highest priority?" Also make formal complaints to him of all the things people aren't supposed to do (late submission of content / redesigns without informing you / art changes after lockdown.). It's his/her job to handle this sort of thing and enable you to do your job.

And finally, your emotional wellbeing is worth more then this job. I know it might not be possible to leave it if you don't have a cash buffer in the bank, but arrangements can always be made, it's a lot harder to come out of a depression or burnout then it is to find some form of work.

Well, the going in early is part of my way of dealing with the stress: gives me some time to get my stuff arranged before anyone else comes in. I'm salaried, so it's not like the extra time means much. And it's often the boss who is making the last-minute changes, and almost always he who approves them, so....yeah, not much hope there for things to change...

[Rantsylvania 6-5000]

Your job is the problem. I know, I've been there.

And finally, your emotional wellbeing is worth more then this job. I know it might not be possible to leave it if you don't have a cash buffer in the bank, but arrangements can always be made, it's a lot harder to come out of a depression or burnout then it is to find some form of work.

100% true.

[MaseMan]

Start looking for a new job. I know that is easier said than done. No amount of money is worth your mental and physical well being, though. It sounds like your boss just sees you as a slave to be whipped around. Don't stand for it. Immediately tell him you're not going to take it anymore. If he has a problem with it, too bad. With the amount of work they're giving you, it sounds like they're taking you for granted.

[morgana]

What they said.

And one more thing: if you can, start documenting the issues. Keep a journal of the past-the-deadline changes, the scoldings from the boss, the time everything takes . . . Document, document, document.

That way, if you have to quit for your mental health, you have something to show the unemployment people. I've seen others get unemployment benefits for being effectively "forced" out of a job by completely intolerable treatment; maybe you could too.

And there's always us. We listen really good.

[Dips]

No question. It's the job. If they have their salaried professional doing cold call telemarketing then something is just horribly wrong. It sounds like the ship is going down.

Looking for another job is a good start but it takes time. In the meantime you have to survive from day to day. How do you do that?

By making choices and weighing consequences. Control the things you can control. Don't kill yourself trying to control the things you can't.

The things you can't control are:

Other people's reactions.

Your boss's expectation (as insane as they are).

The fact that your organization is likely failing.

So pick and choose what you want to do. If you'd rather do the part of your job that they hired you for instead of telemarketing, then do that to the best of your ability and try not to worry about the telemarketing.

Yes, you'll get shit because you aren't doing the telemarketing. That can't be helped; you can't control people's reactions. Since they obviously won't accept any of your explanations, don't even bother trying to convince them or give them explanations. Just apologize, nod and smile and tell them you'll work on doing better, then go on doing things as you've been doing them and forget about it.

I normally would never recommend pretending you plan to do better at something when you have no intention of following through, but your circumstances aren't normal. Not even close. Just agree with them to the point where they go away and leave you alone for a while and carry on knowing you are doing the best that you can do.

And use the energy you save to focus on finding that other job.

[Cookie]

First of all, Dips totally nailed it about the job.

Second, as someone who was diagnosed with chronic suicidal depression and battled it desperately for 10 years, do NOT let yourself go without help. Do you have a friend you can talk to when things get bad? Call them. Don't hesitate. Do you have a professional therapist you see on a regular basis? If not, please get one. You need help. That doesn't make you an "emotional weakling" and calling yourself such would just be counter-productive. A professional can help you let go of these things and keep you coping while you still have to be at this job.

Circumstances like what you're going through really trigger the symptoms these imbalances bring. I nearly ended my life over a job once. Getting out of it and some other situations in my life have brought me to a place where I can cope and actually enjoy life with minimal lapses into depression. Get rid of the garbage in your life because it's stealing your happiness from you.

I hope things turn around soon for you.

[r2cagle]

Ditto with Dips, here.

I would say that my attitude toward my job got a lot better when I finally said " I can only do this much, and this is exactly what will get done." Anything else that came in... oh well, it had to wait unless it's importance bumped it to the front of the line.

You also might make your schedule to do cold calls for exactly 30 minutes in the morning... anything more than that and you make yourself crazy... but in the morning, you're fresh and less likely to be stressed over something someone put on your desk. If you're avoiding doing these, it's because you really don't want to do them, in which case, anything will make a decent reason to avoid doing them.

I'm not saying this to seem unsympathetic... I've been where you are, and I know how frustrating it is to be overwhelmed, and overstressed but the real reason ends up being that we've sabotaged ourselves because there is something we don't like. If you figure out the duties of the job are making you unhappy, and you can't get it changed, then you have to get out. If you just don't want to do something because it makes you uncomfortable, that can be worked on. You'll never like it, but you'll learn to tolerate it. I've had to learn to do the absolute worst thing of my job first.... get the minimum done, get it over with, then the rest of my day doesn't seem so bad, in comparison.

[RootedPhoenix]

*offers hugs and chocolate* Suicidal feelings are awful. I've been suicidal too.

Just know that you're not alone.