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  • The Regular

    To understand this tale, it helps if you're familiar with the barroom pool table rules. There are regional differences, but in the western US where I live it works like this:

    If no one is playing on a table, it's an open table. anyone can walk up, rack and play.

    If people are playing, whoever wins that game "holds" that table, until he or she is defeated. The person who defeated him or her now holds the table until he or she is defeated.

    To challenge a table, you either put your quarters on the table, and wait your turn if there are other quarters ahead of you, or (less commonly) you put your name on a chalkboard and wait your turn.

    When it's your turn, you take your quarters, rack, and the person holding the table breaks.

    If you make the eight on the break, you win. (I've been told that in the Eastern US you lose, but I don't know.)

    If you scratch on the eight, you lose.


    So, on with the story: I was in a local pub playing pool with a friend of mine, and after a while another guy, whom we didn't know, challenges our table. He turns out to be a good guy, same skill level as me and my friend, so we all have a pretty good time. A few more people trickle in and we get a couple more challengers, so there's at least three sets of quarters on the table at any time.

    Also, a description of the players might help:
    Me: 6'3" 220 lbs, hits the gym regularly
    Friend: 6'1" 300 lbs, hits the gym regularly
    Challenger: 6'0" 200 lbs, evidently lives in the gym
    Barman: 5'7" 140 lbs
    waitress: very petite

    Enter The Regulars.

    A couple in their mid sixties, I would guess. The husband walks to the bar, the wife walks over to the pool table and slaps quarters down, announcing "We're next!" and heads up to the bar. Both my friend and the other guy try to tell her that there are already quarters up, but she pays no heed.

    The game ends. The woman comes up to the table and sees me racking.

    Regular Woman: "Excuse me! That's MY game!"
    Me: "No, ma'am, it's not. There were three sets of quarters ahead of you."
    RW: "No. We're regulars here!
    Me: "That's nice, but it doesn't change the fact that there are three people ahead of you."
    RW: "No. We're regulars here! I can have you thrown out!"
    Me: "Okay, go ahead."
    RW: "We're regulars! Do you want me to have you thrown out?"
    Me: "Okay."
    RW: nonplussed. Stares for a few seconds. "I can have you thrown out!"
    Me: "Okay. Go ahead." Returns to racking the balls.

    RW marches up to the bar. I'm a little hard of hearing, so I didn't catch what she said, but I heard the barman's reply of "So is he, and there were quarters ahead of you." RW goes to her husband, and I clearly hear her demanding that he go "Do something" about this!"

    Husband approaches the pool table. He is a small man in his mid sixties. He looks nervous. I am feeling bad at this point, because I have no desire to get into a fight over a stupid pool game, and especially not with a man much older and much smaller than I am, and I'm sure that's what he's there for.

    He places quarters on the table.
    Me: "I'm sorry your wife is so mad, but there were quarters up ahead of her."
    H: "I know. I've been married to her for forty-two years." Sighs, and returns to the bar to await his turn.
    Last edited by Grumpy; 07-13-2010, 03:04 AM. Reason: spelling

  • #2
    sounds like he's feeling all 42 of those years right about now

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    • #3
      He's lucky you, and your friends, were good spirited people. Some people WOULD have wanted to beat the snot out of him, through no fault of his own, sadly.

      And yeah, over here on the Eastern seaboard, sinking the 8 ball loses the game.

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      • #4
        Poor guy. Sounds like the pool table was not the only thing having its balls racked.

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        • #5
          ooo ouch
          yea but you're right.
          sounds like he married the pool cue and his balls have been knocked around ever since.

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          • #6
            Quoth Draco View Post
            He's lucky you, and your friends, were good spirited people. Some people WOULD have wanted to beat the snot out of him, through no fault of his own, sadly.
            Yeah, I've seen that happen a few times. In certain social circles a man is expected to control his woman, and if a woman rips into a guy who's "alpha" to her man, the guy beats up her man as a proxy to beating her up. I have a hunch that may have happened to this poor husband more than once.

            I really think you can learn all you need to know about human behavior by watching a few National Geographic specials on baboons.

            And yeah, over here on the Eastern seaboard, sinking the 8 ball loses the game.
            Good to know that my leg wasn't being pulled. I'll make it a habit to get that straightened out before playing anyone from the East.

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            • #7
              Fascinating.
              I grew up in Southern Ontario, and the way it's played is if you sink the 8-ball on the break, and only the 8-ball, you win. If you sink all the balls except the cue ball on the break, you win. If you sink the 8 and any other ball without getting all of them, you lose.

              I once sunk all the balls, including the cue ball, on the break, at which point we all realized the table was nowhere near level.
              Aliterate : A person who is capable of reading but unwilling to do so.

              "A man who does not read has no advantage over a man who cannot" - Mark Twain

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              • #8
                I'd be curious to find out two things: one, did this woman stick around through the next three games waiting her turn, or did she flounce out in a huff? and two, assuming she did stay, how good a pool player was she?

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                • #9
                  She never did play. I think she was counting on her husband to take the table, then declare that they were playing partners. However, he wasn't very good, and after losing his game he seemed to think that he'd done his bit to defend her honor, and went back to the bar. They were still there when I left a couple hours later, and she was still all cat-butt faced.

                  I thought about sending them a drink as an olive branch, but just couldn't quite bring myself to buy her a drink. Then I thought about sending just him one, but decided that it would probably just make her madder and his life more miserable.

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                  • #10
                    I live in the west but I'm from the east. IIRC in the east, 8 on the break you lose. At least that was the predominate rule with people, strangers and people I knew, alike. I think someplaces you win, just depends on the people kinda like how people have different Monopoly rules. It was always something different.
                    Last edited by Willis; 07-20-2010, 03:19 AM.

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