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Wrong number. Still wrong. Still wrong...

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  • Wrong number. Still wrong. Still wrong...

    Only two people involved here, myself and the kid calling my cell. And, to be honest, I was pretty mean to him. But he made me angry, so there you go.

    So, our cast is Me and some teenage Kid. His name is revealed later, and since its only a partial, the name is unchanged. Also, it really needs to stay because the name is so...perfectly fitting. Thoughts are in italics.

    Round 1

    My cell phone rings, I don't recognize the number so I hit ignore and let it go to voicemail.

    Round 2

    About 10 seconds later, my phone rings again, showing the same number. On the very off chance that it might be a coworker (since I don't have all their cell numbers memorized) I answer.

    Me: Hello?

    Kid: Hey.

    Me: Can I help you?

    Kid: Who the f--- is this?

    Me: -.- You called me, so let's start with who the f--- are you? If I like your answer we'll keep playing.

    Kid: Uh...uh...wrong number...sorry! <click>

    That should be the end of it. But then I wouldn't be posting here.

    Round 3

    10 seconds later, same damned number.

    Me: Hello. Still the wrong number.

    Kid: Hey, who the f--- is this?

    Me: Look, kid, you just called my phone 3 times in a row. Do yourself a favor, hang up, and go look up the number you actually want to call.

    Kid: F--- you, b----! <click>

    Me: *add his number to my 'Reject' list* Should've done that in the first place.

    Round 4

    About 5 minutes have gone by. My phone rings and...wait, different number, but still one I don't recognize. I think I know who it is, but I answer.

    Me: Hello?

    Kid: Hey. Why are you answering this phone? Who the f--- is this?

    Me: You. Again. STILL the wrong number. I don't care if you use a different phone, you've got the WRONG NUMBER. I told you to do yourself a favor, it appears you didn't listen. Get it straight, dumb a---. Wrong. Number. Redial won't help. Dialing over and over won't help.

    Kid: F--- you, moron! <click>

    Me: *I hope he's looking into the mirror when he says that.*

    Rounds 5 - 8

    He keeps calling from the second number, I keep hitting ignore, he keeps dialing right back. So, onto the reject list that phone number goes.

    Round 9

    A few minutes later, phone rings, showing a third unknown number. I already know its the same idiot. I just have no idea how he thinks a third phone will make this the right number. But, again, on the off chance I'm wrong, I answer.

    Me: Hello?

    Kid: You again! Who the f--- is this? Just put Mary on and stop answering her phone!

    Me: *Oh ho! Should have known. What else makes a teen age boy insane but hormones? Time to screw with his empty little mind. * Look, kid, ain't nobody talking to you until you tell me who the f--- you are. And Mary's busy right now.

    Kid: Look, just put Mary on the phone. It's Woody!

    Me: *snerk* Woody? Oh, right, Woody! Hey, Mary, you want to talk to Woody? *pause* Nope, she's busy. Can't talk right now.

    Kid aka Woody: Look, f--- face, put my girl on the line, I gots bizness, yo.

    **** Warning! Raunchy evilness after the break below, stop reading here if you're easily offended! *****

    Also, even over the phone I can tell this kid was WAY too white to be talking like that.










    Me: Look, Woody, let's cut to the chase. Right now Mary's gagging on my c--- while my balls bounce off her chin and she really wants to keep going. So stop calling and let her do her thing. She'll call you back when I'm finished.

    Kid: WHAT?!? WHAT???? NO! F---- YOU! I'LL F---ING KILL YOU AND THAT S-----SKANK! F---! F---! *cue sniffling and crying* F---!

    Me: Do I have your attention now, Woody? Want to know who I am?

    Kid: F--- YOU! *sniffling snorting* F---! YEAH, TELL ME WHO YOU ARE B----! I'LL CUT YOU!

    Me: I'm the same guy you called the first damned time, about 10 minutes ago. Like I told you then, you dumb f---, you have THE WRONG NUMBER! This is MY number and not the number of this Mary chick you're trying to reach. No matter how many times you hit redial or how many different phones you use the number you are dialing is still WRONG. Now stop being a complete dumba-- and go look up Mary's ACTUAL number. Though if I was her, I wouldn't waste my time on a stupid s--- like you.

    Kid: *screaming* F---! F---! F-<click>

    And that must have been a KO because Woody never returned for another round.

  • #2
    hehe..that made me laugh. I would never have the balls to do something like that!

    Poor guy though. He probably had your number because Mary didn't like him and gave him a wrong number! He was an ass, no doubt, but I still (kinda) feel bad for the guy...
    Now, if you smell the roses but it doesn't lift your spirits, you're either allergic to rose pollen or you need medical intervention. ~ Seshat

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    • #3
      HAHAHAHAHAHA! what a delightful tale! Major win, my friend!
      When Angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel.

      Comment


      • #4
        AWESOME! TOTALLY AWESOME!
        Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

        "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

        Comment


        • #5
          Okay, what?? That idiot seriously thought that dialing a wrong number from a different phone would make the number magically connect to a different person??? Wooow........ That was f'ing hilarous, though, what you said. He really deserved it

          Quoth Spork4pedro View Post
          He probably had your number because Mary didn't like him and gave him a wrong number! He was an ass, no doubt, but I still (kinda) feel bad for the guy...
          EXACTLY Mary's a smart one for sure. He probably wouldn't give up until he got a number from her, just like he wouldn't give up calling that wrong number. Dumbass.
          !
          "For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction." -- Lord Byron

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          • #6
            I....am....Speechless.

            I am nominating you for an Oscar.

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            • #7
              but.. but... but.... why did you have to go and tell him it wasn't Mary's phone? It would have been so much more EEEEvillleee to just hang up after the gagging part.

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              • #8
                In that case, I'd have been worried for Mary had he not explained. Hormones do odd things to young chaps. It's a bad, yet inevitable, combination.

                Rapscallion

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                • #9
                  Quoth Amina516 View Post
                  I....am....Speechless.

                  I am nominating you for an Oscar.
                  I will gladly second that nomination. This made my day.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    This is all I have to say:

                    Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I admire your views, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
                      I have a map of the world. It's actual size.

                      -- Steven Wright

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                      • #12
                        and the evil bitch in me says...

                        now's when you call the cops to tell them that you're being harassed - and receiving death threats - from a caller... and that caller keeps calling you back on new numbers to get around your blocks.



                        i'm sure the jackass will be mighty surprised when the police give him a call...

                        especially if he treats them like that.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth Mnemjian View Post
                          Okay, what?? That idiot seriously thought that dialing a wrong number from a different phone would make the number magically connect to a different person??? Wooow........ That was f'ing hilarous, though, what you said. He really deserved it
                          nah, probably he had also given Mary his number and he was afraid that she had recognised it and asked her brother/boyfriend/father/uncle/pimp to pick up.
                          FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC

                          You're not a unique snowflake unless you create your own mould (Raps)

                          ***GK, Sarcastro, Lupo, LingualMonkey, BookBint, Jester, Irv, Hero & Marlowe fan***

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                          • #14
                            Quoth C. Cecil Ivanish View Post
                            nah, probably he had also given Mary his number and he was afraid that she had recognised it and asked her brother/boyfriend/father/uncle/pimp to pick up.
                            Or she deliberately gave him the wrong number so he wouldn't be able to call her. Just imagine his attitude from the beginning - imagine what his pickup line is?
                            Quote Dalesys:
                            ... as in "Ifn thet dawg comes at me, Ima gonna shutz ma panz!"

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                            • #15
                              Dude. Fucking awesome.

                              Get this man some cookies, some liquor, and three different awards!
                              My other car is a Mackinaw.

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