My Family Discovered the Internet

[Amusement Gal]

And now I'm suffering. I've never had a good relationship with my mom (she thinks otherwise), and when I moved, it was generally a phone call a week at most. She's now on Facebook. Now I get, "OMG I MISS YOU WE SHOULD TOTALLY ALL MEET UP. LOVE YOU." Minus the caps, the spelling, punctuation, grammar, and everything someone who aspires to write would kill to use. The only reason I accepted her was because if I didn't, and then decided to hop on a plane and visit, I'd probably ruin every bit of civility and mouth-zipping I've ever used.

Keep in mind that it gets progressively TMI as we go along. "O hai, I lost a lot more weight even though it's at an unhealthy level and I'm really tall!" "Omg you wanna know what I used?? It's DietAwesome and allllll my friends are asking and now it's really popular because of me. Want some?". It's pissing me off. I left BECAUSE you were treating me like a real life Twitter with all sorts of asinine crap. Instead of a diary, she unloaded it on me. Now it's back to the way it was before. I actually had to suggest her to use a PM because it's so ridiculous. She was commenting on some random link until I said otherwise.

Then there's my sister. Who only really talks about dogs, alcohol (she's not even legal), and the typical teenager emo crap. She always keeps saying, "you need more pictures lol", when no one really talks to me and none of my friends are on there. Did I mention she's the opposite of me and somehow thinks I'm not? To top it off, she keeps joking about me making jewelry for her. The last time I made something for her, it ended up being trash on her floor. No. Don't TELL me what to make for you, and don't tell me to make it 'awesome'. If I'm making jewelry, it'll be for myself, profit, or people who give a damn about me. Also, fuck you for letting your dog kill mine. Train them.

And now my cousins are on Facebook. The one who chased me with Black Widow spiders, and the other who wasn't very impressionable and was just there. Somehow I'm supposed to talk to them even if I don't know them much anymore. Somehow I'm supposed to care. >_>

Hints on dealing with this crap? I somehow feel entitled to read the crap my mom writes to me and write back various forms of, "How nice. Good luck with that.". Same with the rest of my family. Especially when they demand for all sorts of pictures of my work, and when I bust my ass to post them up, they ignore it. The most I ever get is, "cool".

I may sound cruel with all this, but I can certainly say that my Mother is toxic to my mental health, and my sister the same.

[Magpie]

You may have to just annoy them and tell them that they need to get out of their face. Measures which may let you delay this:

-block them from your feeds

-turn off e-mail notifications from Facebook (or have them sent to a separate folder as they arrive), and only check for messages from your family when you're doing well and have excess capacity to deal with them

[Amusement Gal]

You may have to just annoy them and tell them that they need to get out of their face. Measures which may let you delay this:

-block them from your feeds

-turn off e-mail notifications from Facebook (or have them sent to a separate folder as they arrive), and only check for messages from your family when you're doing well and have excess capacity to deal with them

Yeah. I just feel guilty for doing so. I damn well know it'd kill me, but if I don't do it, it drives me nuts. :/ I'm terrible with confrontation, especially with my own parents. I can imagine if I turned off the email feature. If I didn't respond at some point, she'd call and ask why I haven't answered yet. She's done similar when I told my sister to fuck off when she bugged me on MSN. Which doesn't help the situation either because, again, the whole confronting issue.

[Whiskey]

So what do you think you should do? Magpie already gave you the best option. You either block them from your feed or delete them from your friends list. I don't have my family on my facebook because I don't like them and it'd be detrimental to MY mental health to have them there. I am the most important person in my life and I need to be taken care of first.

[Amusement Gal]

So what do you think you should do? Magpie already gave you the best option. You either block them from your feed or delete them from your friends list. I don't have my family on my facebook because I don't like them and it'd be detrimental to MY mental health to have them there. I am the most important person in my life and I need to be taken care of first.

Well aware. However I still need to keep some civility between whomever is decent in my family. I didn't say I wasn't taking the advice, I was saying it was a hard decision for me, but thank you for your take on it.

[Mishi]

Well, I changed my custom settings so that my mother couldn't comment on or view my wall, my photos, my comments etc. because she kept asking unsafe questions about my kids in semi-public and trying to embarrass me even though I politely and privately asked/told her not to. She's so computer illiterate that she thought 'teh internetz iz broke' for a few days. I ended up deleting her after she called and demanded that I change my settings so that she could see everything again, but it's up to you as to how far you want to go.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Anonymous

This is why hotmail and the sheer multiplicity of the internet is my friend. I have more than a few hotmail accounts, for various levels of junk/spam, friends, 'friends,' etc, including a gmail account for close buds who understand when I tell them to 'fuck off, I'm gonna break your neck if you even look in my direction right now,' and a gmail account through school that I use only for school and the most professional of contact, a yahoo account for bills/Amazon/major retail sites-- you get the idea. I have a Myspace, but I log on when I want-- and thus establish that I'm not on a lot. I can avoid people I don't want to deal with every day (cowardly yeah so what?)-- and facebook? No. Moing way. Twitter, maybe, because there's a level of "oh, who cares about a reply" to the whole thing (like the Buzz feature on Gmail, which is what I use). Facebook is too creepy, invasive and "I-ditched-those-people-for-a-reason." I try to forget my oft-stupid past, and boys/males who think they are in love with me and I've told in no uncertain terms "No. No not ever."
You might have to migrate to a new account, and put up with the other, something to the effect of,"hey my schedule's changed a ton and wow I have no time" and only tell people you absolutely trust about the move. If certain relatives are that horrible, and you've told them, then... wow. They need to get hit by a clue-by-four, and people like us are too nice/ cowardly/ indoctrinated to be a good girl and not a bitch (even when absolutely called for needed and necessary) to tell them what they need to hear how they need to hear it. Stronger people like Blas and Whiskey might be able to help you out more on the 'fuck off' precipice. I wish you luck with that.
Sure, it's retreating, but look at this as an opportunity to be what you want on another profile. And to not have drama in your life. If at any point I've made little to no sense, please tell me.

[Amusement Gal]

Thankfully my situation wasn't as bad as yours Mishi, but it's frustrating regardless. The main problem here is that I do not suffer idiots lightly. And my mother isn't exactly very bright. It's not so much abuse as the babble. I can pretend to care all day, but in the end it's not an actual conversation. I can easily block her and the others, but I think I'll just kill the email updates and pretend to care when I'm up to it. Thing is, I love conversations, but these are not the type I'm looking for. I don't even use this account for anything. It's mostly the hope that most of my family gives a damn. Here's a hint: they don't. I have plenty of bitch powers at hand too, and have been steadily employing them as short, terse sentences. That should keep the, "it's personal", vibe out of it. The only other problem to fix is the spelling and grammar mutilations that I see daily.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Privacy settings are your friends. Set it so they can't see all your posts...then when they complain you never answer them, use my line: "I really don't do Facebook much." (In my case, it's true. I get along fine with my parents but I don't want them everywhere I go online. My dad has a FB page but he doesn't use it much; we're not FB friends. My mom doesn't have one, nor does my brother. I do have some aunts/uncles/cousins, though, most of whom don't seem to use it much, either. I probably check mine a few times a week. Last time I posted was probably Monday.... Mostly I use it to keep tabs on my college friends, who all live out of state.)

[blas]

I feel for you. My mom got a Facebook not too long ago, and she literally stalks me on there. Responds to almost every single status update of mine. Looks at anything everyone writes on my Wall.

I wish I knew how to make it so she couldn't see some stuff.

[AdminAssistant]

I feel for you. My mom got a Facebook not too long ago, and she literally stalks me on there. Responds to almost every single status update of mine. Looks at anything everyone writes on my Wall.

I wish I knew how to make it so she couldn't see some stuff.

There is some way to set up a limited profile for certain friends. I've done it, but a long time ago.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I feel for you. My mom got a Facebook not too long ago, and she literally stalks me on there. Responds to almost every single status update of mine. Looks at anything everyone writes on my Wall.

I wish I knew how to make it so she couldn't see some stuff.

If my mother was on FB she would probably do that, too.

I realized my last post sort of implies that I use the more detailed settings; I don't or I'd tell you how. If my mom got on FB I'd probably learn.

[Amusement Gal]

Thankfully, like a normal conversation with my mother, it eventually dies. Apparently after three days of constant 'oh, how are you's, not a peep from her. Thank goodness. It'll flare up every now and then, but I guess barely replying helps. Now onto the other joy in my internet life, the cousin! Who is now making every 'redneck' and 'hick' joke now that he knows I've moved down South. Seriously? Fuck you. That was funny for like...1 day, and only when it isn't typed in mutilated lowercase.

[Taboo]

My father is still mad that I'm Facebook friends with his ex-girlfriend and not with him, heh. Sometimes it just isn't healthy to friend your family. Hopefully as the newness of Facebook wears off, your mother will get bored with it and message you less and less, or she'll know enough other people on it that she'll bother them instead.

[XCashier]

I don't have my family on my facebook because I don't like them and it'd be detrimental to MY mental health to have them there.

I don't have Facebook at all because I just know the acquaintances I don't agree with will be all over it. My racist aunt would probably post all of her anti-Obama, anti-black, anti-whomever conspiracy crap all over it (I've had to put filters on her e-mail address to keep from getting that junk clogging up my inbox) and probably some of my husband's friends whom I don't get along with, as well. It's just not worth it to me.

:sigh: It would be nice to keep the drama on the stage and out of real life. But some people just can't.