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So, last week, I worked 6 straight days without a break, Sunday being my only day off. I decided to do my grocery shopping Saturday night after work, so I could spend Sunday sleeping. (I kid you not, I looked forward to sleep with an almost sensual anticipation at that point…) And you know what? I guess people were too busy going out and getting drunk that they weren’t at the grocery store! Relatively few shenanigans, though, of course, I can NEVER escape unscathed. Ever.
On the bus
Most issues seem to start on METRO. Lovely.
This is more baffling than sucky at first, which is why I didn’t realize it until I got drawn in. Guy boards bus, looking for change so he can pay the fare. I happened to (in a rare instance) be carrying cash, so I offered him change for a 5. He thanked me, then asked if I could break other bills because he needed to pay the fare.
Um. Isn’t that what I had broken the 5 for…? No, no, he assures me, this is the OTHER fare.
He continues on in this vein for a while, but I tell him that the 5 ones were all I had in my wallet. He then asks if it’s possible if I could use my pass card to pay THIS far for him, so he can pay the OTHER fare. (What other fare! There is no other fare!!) I refuse, of course, since I’d used it to pay my fare, then, he has the nerve to tell me:
“Well, geez, why are you so unwilling to help people out? Why do you have to be such a bitch about such a simple little request!?”
Me: … Wanna take your 5 back and give me those ones? You know. Cuz I’m a bitch an’ all.
He got real quiet after that, but I was still scratching my head in confusion as I got off the bus.
This situation feels oddly familiar
I’m at Kroger again. Kroger has shrimp on sale again. I like this. The ad states that the shrimp is on sale for $4.99/lb, and sold pre-frozen in 2 lb bags, minimum. So, I’m at the seafood section, trying to decide between large or medium shrimp, and I hear it. The warning call that all hell is going to break loose. Too bad I can’t run fast enough.
“THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING!!!”
Oh, this isn’t going to end well, is it…?
Sure enough, I look up and there’s two women standing next to me looking EXTREMELY insulted. Why?
“This shrimp ain’t no $5!!”
Oh good gobsmack. Reading is fundamental. I say it every time I’m out shopping. Every. Damn. Time. *sigh* Whatever, I’ll just slide around this way and—oh crap, they spotted me.
SC1: Hey, do you have the $5 shrimp?
Me: I have a 2 lb bag of it, yes. It’s $9.98.
SC2: But it’s supposed to be $4.99!!
Me: For a pound. I have 2.
SC1: It’s false advertising!!
Me: …It’s price PER POUND.
SC1: But it’s supposed to be $4.99
Me: You know what, I’m tired, I’m cranky, and I’ve been up since 4 this morning, it’s now almost 8. I don’t need anymore help numbing my brain cells. Bye bye now.
I leave, and I can hear them calling on of the seafood workers over, with an “Excuse me! Hey, you! Your price is wrong!!!!”
Sorry, Mr. Grocery Employee. Normally, I’d help, but..yeah…I’ll send you a fruit basket. Or something.
Reading comprehension fail. Again
Heard this little tidbit as I’m walking past the checkouts heading towards the produce section. See, Kroger was having their super duper 10 for $10 sale, where selected items were 10 for $10, with your Kroger card. Key thing here. With. Kroger. Card.
SC: (At the checkout) That’s supposed to be $1!!!!!!
Employee: Do you have the Kroger plus card, ma’am?
SC: Why isn’t it a dollar!?!?!
E: It’s only that price if you have a—
SC: Get me your manager!
Impressive. Zero to raging twatpumpkin in less than 15 seconds. Isn’t that a record…?
Hands off my…mangoes. (Not what you thought I was gonna say, was it? WAS IT!?!?!
One of the items on the huge sale was jumbo mangoes. Lupo loves mangoes. So, whenever they’re on sale, she gets a little crazed. Jumbo mangoes are $1 each. MINE!!
*Ahem* Well, I’m at the display, shifting through the fruit, looking for the best specimens I want to take home. I reach for one, and put it in my cart, and grab another 2. I’m grabbing #4 and 5 (WHAT?!?! I told you I like mangoes, and that’s a killer price round these parts. Don’t judge me!!), and turning to put them in my cart…when I see there’s only one in there.
I look over and this middle aged woman is yapping on her cell phone, while reaching into my cart and grabbing my 3rd mango!! Yeah, fuck politeness.
Me: EXCUSE ME! Can you put the fruit back in my cart. NOW!
Her: <yappity yappity yappity on the cell phone>
Me: <Shrugs and reaches over, grabs the mangoes she took and puts them back in my cart.>
Her: <Finally stops the yappity.> Hey! Those are mine!
Me: Nope. <Starts pushing my cart away.>
Her: You can’t take a customer’s products! I’m going to report you!
Me: <Oh, FFS, are you KIDDING me?!?> Lady, are you seriously saying you think I work here? SERIOUSLY?! (Note, I’m wearing a Happy Bunny Shirt that says “Cute but Psycho” on it, with denim capris and had changed out of my sneakers into flip flops.
Her: But you’re stocking produce!
Me: I’m BUYING produce! YOU were TAKING produce. From MY cart, I might add.
Her: (You would think at this point she’d back off…heh, right.) But I saw them first!
Me: right, that’s why they were in my cart, after I picked them out.
Her: They’re just mangoes, go get some more?
Me: Oh, for fuck’s sake, are you fucking serious?!?! Are you TWELVE!?!? Grow the fuck up and leave me the fuck alone!!
Her:
I hustled away at that point. If I had stuck around, it wouldn’t have been pretty. Well…even less unpretty than it was at that point.
What? I was tired. And cranky. And my mangoes!!!
On the bus home. Or, Lupo’s just plain bitchy at this point
Quick note here. I used to sing. A lot. In choir, with semi-professional voice lessons on occasion. I can drop my register and hit bass notes, if I try hard enough.
I get on the bus, I’m headed home. Grocery bags in my lap, mp3 player blasting, as I work the crossword puzzle from the school paper when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look over and this smelly guy , old enough to be my grandfather is leering at me. He points to one of the clues and mouths the answer. I take one earbud out and stare at him. He tells me the answer again, I shrug, and it fits so I pencil it in. He then tries to start a conversation.
Him: so, an intellectual, huh? Like to challenge your brain.
Me: (internal sigh. I so very much hate people at this point…)
Him: Come on, at least tell me your name.
Me: <Just because I’m cranky still and tired, I drop my register, look him straight in the eye, and answer blandly in a deeeeep voice.> Joseph.
Him:
Me: At least until I finish legally changing my name to Tiffany.
He moved fast for an old guy, I’ll give him that. And he put as much distance between me and him as possible on the bus. Ahhh…peaceful ride home.
And this, friends is why I required 4 drinks before doing anything else on Saturday night in the other thread. Just saying.
On the bus
Most issues seem to start on METRO. Lovely.
This is more baffling than sucky at first, which is why I didn’t realize it until I got drawn in. Guy boards bus, looking for change so he can pay the fare. I happened to (in a rare instance) be carrying cash, so I offered him change for a 5. He thanked me, then asked if I could break other bills because he needed to pay the fare.
Um. Isn’t that what I had broken the 5 for…? No, no, he assures me, this is the OTHER fare.
He continues on in this vein for a while, but I tell him that the 5 ones were all I had in my wallet. He then asks if it’s possible if I could use my pass card to pay THIS far for him, so he can pay the OTHER fare. (What other fare! There is no other fare!!) I refuse, of course, since I’d used it to pay my fare, then, he has the nerve to tell me:
“Well, geez, why are you so unwilling to help people out? Why do you have to be such a bitch about such a simple little request!?”
Me: … Wanna take your 5 back and give me those ones? You know. Cuz I’m a bitch an’ all.
He got real quiet after that, but I was still scratching my head in confusion as I got off the bus.
This situation feels oddly familiar
I’m at Kroger again. Kroger has shrimp on sale again. I like this. The ad states that the shrimp is on sale for $4.99/lb, and sold pre-frozen in 2 lb bags, minimum. So, I’m at the seafood section, trying to decide between large or medium shrimp, and I hear it. The warning call that all hell is going to break loose. Too bad I can’t run fast enough.
“THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING!!!”
Oh, this isn’t going to end well, is it…?
Sure enough, I look up and there’s two women standing next to me looking EXTREMELY insulted. Why?
“This shrimp ain’t no $5!!”
Oh good gobsmack. Reading is fundamental. I say it every time I’m out shopping. Every. Damn. Time. *sigh* Whatever, I’ll just slide around this way and—oh crap, they spotted me.
SC1: Hey, do you have the $5 shrimp?
Me: I have a 2 lb bag of it, yes. It’s $9.98.
SC2: But it’s supposed to be $4.99!!
Me: For a pound. I have 2.
SC1: It’s false advertising!!
Me: …It’s price PER POUND.
SC1: But it’s supposed to be $4.99
Me: You know what, I’m tired, I’m cranky, and I’ve been up since 4 this morning, it’s now almost 8. I don’t need anymore help numbing my brain cells. Bye bye now.
I leave, and I can hear them calling on of the seafood workers over, with an “Excuse me! Hey, you! Your price is wrong!!!!”
Sorry, Mr. Grocery Employee. Normally, I’d help, but..yeah…I’ll send you a fruit basket. Or something.
Reading comprehension fail. Again
Heard this little tidbit as I’m walking past the checkouts heading towards the produce section. See, Kroger was having their super duper 10 for $10 sale, where selected items were 10 for $10, with your Kroger card. Key thing here. With. Kroger. Card.
SC: (At the checkout) That’s supposed to be $1!!!!!!
Employee: Do you have the Kroger plus card, ma’am?
SC: Why isn’t it a dollar!?!?!
E: It’s only that price if you have a—
SC: Get me your manager!
Impressive. Zero to raging twatpumpkin in less than 15 seconds. Isn’t that a record…?
Hands off my…mangoes. (Not what you thought I was gonna say, was it? WAS IT!?!?!
One of the items on the huge sale was jumbo mangoes. Lupo loves mangoes. So, whenever they’re on sale, she gets a little crazed. Jumbo mangoes are $1 each. MINE!!
*Ahem* Well, I’m at the display, shifting through the fruit, looking for the best specimens I want to take home. I reach for one, and put it in my cart, and grab another 2. I’m grabbing #4 and 5 (WHAT?!?! I told you I like mangoes, and that’s a killer price round these parts. Don’t judge me!!), and turning to put them in my cart…when I see there’s only one in there.
I look over and this middle aged woman is yapping on her cell phone, while reaching into my cart and grabbing my 3rd mango!! Yeah, fuck politeness.
Me: EXCUSE ME! Can you put the fruit back in my cart. NOW!
Her: <yappity yappity yappity on the cell phone>
Me: <Shrugs and reaches over, grabs the mangoes she took and puts them back in my cart.>
Her: <Finally stops the yappity.> Hey! Those are mine!
Me: Nope. <Starts pushing my cart away.>
Her: You can’t take a customer’s products! I’m going to report you!
Me: <Oh, FFS, are you KIDDING me?!?> Lady, are you seriously saying you think I work here? SERIOUSLY?! (Note, I’m wearing a Happy Bunny Shirt that says “Cute but Psycho” on it, with denim capris and had changed out of my sneakers into flip flops.
Her: But you’re stocking produce!
Me: I’m BUYING produce! YOU were TAKING produce. From MY cart, I might add.
Her: (You would think at this point she’d back off…heh, right.) But I saw them first!
Me: right, that’s why they were in my cart, after I picked them out.
Her: They’re just mangoes, go get some more?
Me: Oh, for fuck’s sake, are you fucking serious?!?! Are you TWELVE!?!? Grow the fuck up and leave me the fuck alone!!
Her:
I hustled away at that point. If I had stuck around, it wouldn’t have been pretty. Well…even less unpretty than it was at that point.
What? I was tired. And cranky. And my mangoes!!!
On the bus home. Or, Lupo’s just plain bitchy at this point
Quick note here. I used to sing. A lot. In choir, with semi-professional voice lessons on occasion. I can drop my register and hit bass notes, if I try hard enough.
I get on the bus, I’m headed home. Grocery bags in my lap, mp3 player blasting, as I work the crossword puzzle from the school paper when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look over and this smelly guy , old enough to be my grandfather is leering at me. He points to one of the clues and mouths the answer. I take one earbud out and stare at him. He tells me the answer again, I shrug, and it fits so I pencil it in. He then tries to start a conversation.
Him: so, an intellectual, huh? Like to challenge your brain.
Me: (internal sigh. I so very much hate people at this point…)
Him: Come on, at least tell me your name.
Me: <Just because I’m cranky still and tired, I drop my register, look him straight in the eye, and answer blandly in a deeeeep voice.> Joseph.
Him:
Me: At least until I finish legally changing my name to Tiffany.
He moved fast for an old guy, I’ll give him that. And he put as much distance between me and him as possible on the bus. Ahhh…peaceful ride home.
And this, friends is why I required 4 drinks before doing anything else on Saturday night in the other thread. Just saying.
Sad that this instinct actually exists.
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