Cat nip for crazy chicks

[Sarcastro]

I learned a while ago to not date anyone from work as apparently this job drives most people insane. All the women that I would date are either taken, gay, or are my boss so I've learned to live with that fact. The last chick I dated from work ended up telling a wonderful story about how she was nearly sexually assaulted in her home by some rapist... Not really a topic of conversation to have at Thanksgiving dinner with my family, which is where she told it. Now I have another overly aggressive woman at work that flirts with me but the moment I stop ignoring her and try to talk to her she becomes a raging asshole. She keeps asking me when we're going for drinks but if she's a psycho when she's sober I'd hate to see her drunk. Um, ladies maybe you can answer this for me. I'm sure in your group of friends there's at least one psycho. And if there isn't then maybe you're it, but why is it that I'm a psycho magnet? Generally I'm quiet at work and when I do say something it usually makes my team laugh. I'm a nerd but not some socially maladjusted loser. 30, underemployed, and social for the most part. But I'm cat nip for crazy chicks. I've never dated one normal woman. Do they exist? I mean, I have my quirks. Like I talk way too much about Doctor Who and I tend to be a smartass to people that can kick my ass but I'm normal for the most part. What is it about me that pulls insane women into my orbit?!

[Sarcastro]

I can't imagine why you pull dysfunctional women. You sound so charismatic, charming and sweet in your post!

I mean there's acceptable levels of crazy but the women that come after me go to 11. But thank you. Unless I'm completely oblivious to sarcasm tonight in which case, d'oh.

[Seshat]

Inappropriate-Thanksgiving-story woman may have just also been socially maladjusted.

Not knowing what you mean by 'psycho', and not knowing what behaviours are bothering you so badly, all I can say is that men and women are socialised very differently.


Think of social interactions as a trading card game.

Everyone gets a base 'child' deck.
Male children are given cards from the 'boy' deck.
Female children get cards from the 'girl' deck.

Later, there's the 'teenager' deck, the 'teenage male' and the 'teenage female' deck.

And again, the 'adult', 'woman' and 'man' decks.


So when a teenage boy plays 'make a fart joke', expecting the teenage girl to play 'laugh and feel socially included' - well, the girl doesn't have that one in her possible responses to 'make a fart joke'. That's in the boy deck.
Instead, she plays 'feel excluded', or 'be offended', or 'sneer', or one of the other possible responses that's in the girl deck.


As with all trading card games, it's possible for a person to get some of the cards from decks they would not normally have access to. Which is how some women get along in the very masculine world of engineering - they acquire male-deck cards.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that it's possible that you're not encountering psycho women, it's possible that you're seeing people who are playing by very different rules from you, and whose communication cards are very, very different from yours.

[Sarcastro]

Ok these examples are going to seem like BS but I swear on my fair condition Fantastic Four #1, it's the truth.
Examples:

1.) After watching some chick flick I thought she would enjoy on our 2nd official date...

ME: ...why would a woman go back to such a piece of crap, unfaithful bastard. It's like she craved the emotional abuse or something.

Her: You'll never cheat on me though right? *2nd date, mind you*

ME: ...I'm not the cheating type.

Her: Because if you did, I would shoot you.

ME: *cue nervous laughter* heh heh

Her: *straight face*

Me: *waiting for her to finally laugh*

Her: *blank stare*

ME: ...Crap, I think I left my wallet in the theater. Be right back.

2.) Different girl. Different issues. During a phone call.

ME: I know I said I would meet you at your mom's house for dinner but something came up. My dad has appendicitis and I've got to run to the hospital as soon as I'm out of work.

Her: That's bullshit. Can't you come up with a better lie?

ME: *annoyed* I could bring you a copy of his admittance papers or whatever if I need a note from the doctor to convince you.

Her: Why do you hate me?

ME: I don't hate you. My father is in the hospital and his appendix burst while he was waiting in the ER. They have to do surgery on him and people die from this every now and then so I really want to be there with my mom because I know she's freaking out.

Her: So your family is more important than mine?

ME: .......at this moment, yes.

Her: Why do you hate me?

ME: I'll call you...

3.) This took place while having coffee at a place near work. Just a conversation with someone who was really nice at work. She seemed sort of quirky in a cute way and she was actually pretty far out of my league so I thought that I had finally found the total package. This was not the case.

ME: ...But let's not talk about work. I get stressed out enough there without having to go through the flashbacks. Wouldn't want to go all Richard on someone. (context: Richard, not his real name, use to work for our company. one day he got pushed too far by a customer. He snapped and had all this guys info right in front of him. Richard went to this guy's house and beat the everliving f*ck out of him. It was on the news and everything when it happened.)

Her: I know! I'm not getting arrested again!

ME: Ah ok. What did you get busted for?

Her: Have you ever been arrested?

ME: Got detained during a protest in DC when I lived there back in '02 but they let us go after they decided that they didn't have any charges they could stick on us. But what did you get arrested for?

Her: *coyly* I stabbed my boyfriend.

ME: *providing the benefit of a doubt* Oh damn. Was he hurting you or something?

Her: *giggle* No I got drunk and saw him hitting on my sister.

ME: *still giving the benefit of the doubt* Like, smacking her?

Her: No *giggle* like flirting with her.

ME: Ah ok. *sarcastically* So it was totally justified.

Her: I would have done it sober. But he loved me so he didn't press charges.

ME: *Realization that this chick is crazy has now hit me but I'm still curious* ...was it a big knife?

Her: Hah, nope. It was just a little nail file thing.

ME: ...How's your coffee?

Now these are probably the most glaring examples but it gives you an idea. I have horrible luck with dating at work. And it doesn't matter which job I'm at, the crazy ones will always find me like they're Nazgul and I'm a Hobbit with cursed jewelery.

But I see what you mean. I guess they just seem normal at first so I think we're playing with the same deck but when we whip out our cards I realize that's not the case. Either that or I find someone who is intelligent and independent and sarcastic and funny and then I realize we're not even playing the same game. Think I need to get out more.

[Difdi]

There's also the possibility that Sarcastro really is pulling in the psychos.

I've been there myself a few times; I remember this one woman I met, who wanted to talk (at great length) about vision quests and animal totems. She hadn't done one (I have), and was fascinated by it. When she learned I had, she wouldn't leave me alone until I told her what animal totem I had picked (her wording, the process is more the other way around).

Upon discovering my totem is Bear, she flipped out, and started shouting (in the middle of the cafeteria at work) about how male bears (the animal, not the totem) kill cubs so they can mate with the female bears, asked (very loudly) how many bears I've murdered so I can wear their skins (none, not that she believed it) and then threatened to call the police on me if I ever came near her again (kinda hard to avoid, she was a coworker), then stormed out. HR was unusually understanding, seems I'm not the first person she'd done something like that with. The business was family owned, and she was in that family, which explained why she was still employed there.

Different decks of cards doesn't really begin to account for that kind of crazy...

[Seshat]

Alright. Those three (four) examples aren't just different decks of cards!

[morgana]

Alright. Those three (four) examples aren't just different decks of cards!

No they're not. Sounds like Sarcastro is playing with a male deck, and they're playing roller derby.

[Geek King]

Alright. Those three (four) examples aren't just different decks of cards!

Sure they are.

Remember, there are people out there a few cards short of a deck, too.

[Andara Bledin]

Sure they are.

Remember, there are people out there a few cards short of a deck, too.

Also, there are people with decks of cards, but they're playing completely different games.

Like, you're all ready to play a friendly game of strip poker, and they're all set to play war. O.o

^-.-^

[BlaqueKatt]

Also, there are people with decks of cards, but they're playing completely different games.

Like, you're all ready to play a friendly game of strip poker, and they're all set to play war. O.o

^-.-^

I think they may be playing old maid with a pinochle deck

[Munkie]

looooooooong

Hrm... well, as a female, i certainly have the "adult female" deck... and I know i have at least HALF of the "adult male" deck...

Sarcastro, IMO, i think its the fact that you're quiet, but you have a wicked sense of humour (i'm guessing from your post, since I don't know you personally...) that comes out at the right time, and you are intelligent. Personally, for me, I find that rather attractive. (Talk Doctor Who to me and I will happily chat about it right back! I'm a geek that way)

However, for the other women in your posts... they scare me a bit. They seem the kind of women who are very independant and aren't afraid to let people know it. That kind of mindset can ruin chances or intimidate a guy into a relationship. Taking your post examples, I'll try to see if I can't put a perspective on it...

1: Chick Flick
Depending on the storyline, these can be rather quite romantic. Most of them make me roll my eyes and go "whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy". When she asked

Her: You'll never cheat on me though right? *2nd date, mind you*

She was using a possessive, meaning, in her mind, on the second date, you were already attached to her hip. This happens when the girl is the only 'single' in a group of 'couples' or can hear her biological clock ticking. Or because something isn't firing right in her brainpan.

2. Phone Call-girl (couldn't help myself! )

Her: Why do you hate me?

Ah, my favorite question. Not. She is insecure and requires constant approval to bolster her "fragile" self-esteem. Most likely because she hates herself. Not always, but it's quite likely.

3. Stabby

Her: *coyly* I stabbed my boyfriend.

Run.

Her: I would have done it sober. But he loved me so he didn't press charges.

No... she probably threatened him into it. This chick is crazy-jealous. There is no way this chick would not hesitate to hurt you (or anyone else) with something larger than a nail file. Like a machete. Especially if, for one moment, she thought you were making eyes at some other chick.


Every woman is different, that goes without saying. The little mousy secretary that doesn't say much at work could secretly be a dominatrix. The woman with the 'men are assholes' attitude could be secretly wishing for a man to sweep her off her feet. All you gotta do is keep trying and make it clear to the woman/women that you aren't interested in a beer/date/whatever. Tell them honestly (in private if you like, or just quietly in a public area, especially if they threatened to harm you!) that its uncomfortable/disturbing/whatever if they tell you something like the three examples.

I hope that helps and isn't too confusing... i'm not so good at the thinking-writing thing

[Pagan]

I think they may be playing old maid with a pinochle deck

Or a charming little game of 52-card-pickup and some of the cards fell behind the couch.

[Sarcastro]

Thanks Munkie! I hadn't thought of them being all one type because they seemed so different but you're right about them. Usually I don't turn down a date because I just figure it's worth a shot but the ones that do come after me are usually pretty aggressive and don't make any bones about exactly what they want. I only seem to meet them at work though and they seem to get possessive very quickly. The last one I went out with I invited over to just hang out at my place and watch cheesy 80's horror movies since she said she liked them. Turns out she didn't like them and she decided to instead have a conversation about what I would like to name my kids. This was the same one that told the story during Thanksgiving dinner. Should have taken the hint right then and there.

I've always thought intelligent and independent were great qualities. But I guess I have to add "sane" to that list too. And insecurities are normal but having to constantly reassure someone tends to be annoying after a while. And I don't care how hot she is, if she stabs me that's pretty much the end of the relationship. And with this new one it's like, "are you trying to seduce me with your bitchyness? Has that actually worked for you in the past?" I think I just need to get out of Florida. It seems to be a nexus that draws insanity to it so that may be part of the problem.

Sweet! An intelligent woman that likes Doctor Who? Gah! Why are all the good ones in Canada! But yes, I'm an undercover nerd. I'm one long trench coat short of my 10th Doctor Halloween costume. Finally, another Halloween costume I'll have to explain all night to drunk chicks dressed like like sexy cats who wouldn't get it anyway.

[Cazzi]

Sweet! An intelligent woman that likes Doctor Who? Gah! Why are all the good ones in Canada! But yes, I'm an undercover nerd. I'm one long trench coat short of my 10th Doctor Halloween costume.

Oi!
We're not all in Canada
(another Dr Who liking geeky nerd type)

[technical.angel]

We're all over the place!