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"You tryin to KILL me?!" (Epic EW freakout)

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  • "You tryin to KILL me?!" (Epic EW freakout)

    Yeah, so I haven't been online much for a while. Mom's been in and out of the hospital. Recalled that I never posted this one and wanted to share.

    There's a Chinese takeout place near me that's of only okay quality, but is really cheap to make up for it. So I go there for lunch sometimes. I was sitting inside waiting for them to make my food. The place is tiny, just three or four chairs at a bar, but it's right across the street from a highschool so it's always really crowded with people in line.

    This... lady walks in carrying a plastic bag with their takeout and stomps up to the counter in a huff. She actually slammed her bag down on top of someone else's food that they'd just put out (while the box was open for them to make sure it was the right order... yes, she totally wrecked another customer's food.) She starts yelling at the owner about how she received delivery the other day and it was so vile that they've made her sick, and "what are YOU going to do about it?! You better refund my goddamn money!"

    Strike one: Do you really expect anyone to be nice to you with that cheery disposition there?

    Strike two: Dude, seriously? They only deliver to about a 5 block radius, and despite it supposedly being so disgusting, you couldn't be assed to either (a) call them or (b) actually walk a block or two to ask them to replace it yesterday?

    Strike three: ...wait why the fuck are you on your cell phone with someone else? You clearly planned to stop by, since you brought the bag with you, and yet your unholy wrath is not even deserving of your full attention?

    Now, after a tirade like that, the owner keeps his cool and politely asks her what was wrong with the food and offers to replace it.

    Do you:
    (A) - Tell him, like a sane, reasonable human being?
    (B) - Ask for a refund instead, if it was really so gross?
    (C) - Scream at him for interrupting you while you're on the phone and being a "rude asshole" because apparently your cell phone buddy got back on the line during your tirade and he was supposed to telepathically know that?

    Yeah, seriously.

    This might have fallen under a normal EW if not for what came next, because she promptly proceeded to go batshit crazy. EW starts running in and out of the store, standing on the street corner and running back and forth across the street dodging cars as she screams about how "they be tryin to poison me!" and "I'mma call the Better Business Bureau and REPORT your asses! Whatcha gonna do NOW, little man?!?!" She then grabbed one of the high school students sitting there by the shoulders and yelled in his face about how "everything here is poison and disease!" (Uh, then why did you order food in the first place?!)

    EW finally stomps up to the counter again, rips open the bag and the top of the food container, and points at it. "SEE?! You people be trying to kill me with this shit! Those white things, they be poison!"

    The owner looks at her like she's about three inches tall and says........






    (wait for it)







    "...ma'am, those are onions."

    I left as a policeman walked in. One of the workers called them.

  • #2
    The jaw-drop emoticon isn't enough to express my disgust at this!

    Please tell me the police hauled her off in a white jacket with long sleeves that tie together in the back?

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth eltf177 View Post
      The jaw-drop emoticon isn't enough to express my disgust at this!

      Please tell me the police hauled her off in a white jacket with long sleeves that tie together in the back?
      I don't know for certain since I left (her voice had a certain banshee quality to it and I just couldn't listen to more of it). I hope so.

      That owner doesn't put up with shit though, I saw someone try to stiff him once and he chased the guy down the block, so I'm sure he at LEAST banned her.

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth Taboo View Post
        That owner doesn't put up with shit though, I saw someone try to stiff him once and he chased the guy down the block, so I'm sure he at LEAST banned her.
        Mad to that guy!

        She actually grabbed that student? Wow. I'd have probably punched her just out of instinct.
        There is no problem we cannot ignore, confront, plot against, drown in chocolate sauce, or run over with the car- Christopher Elliot

        Comment


        • #5
          did they need to dart gun her ass? wow, that's beyond crazy there; trying to poison you? if only...

          after her behavior, she may find herself getting sued for libel (or is it slander??).
          look! it's ghengis khan!
          Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Mr. Anubite View Post
            Mad to that guy!

            She actually grabbed that student? Wow. I'd have probably punched her just out of instinct.
            I can't believe she actually grabbed a random stranger and shouted in his face.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth chainedbarista View Post
              did they need to dart gun her ass? wow, that's beyond crazy there; trying to poison you? if only...

              after her behavior, she may find herself getting sued for libel (or is it slander??).
              Slander. Slander is spoken, libel is legible.
              Enjoy my latest stupid quest for immortality. http://1001plus.blogspot.com/

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth LingualMonkey View Post
                Slander. Slander is spoken, libel is legible.
                The only reason I remember the difference is because of Jameson in the first Spiderman movie.
                To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

                Comment


                • #9
                  Slander, Libel, please, what we have here is your basic case of off-the-rails-bark-at-the-moon-where's-the-padded-room?
                  - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth Argabarga View Post
                    Slander, Libel, please, what we have here is your basic case of off-the-rails-bark-at-the-moon-where's-the-padded-room?
                    Huh? When did I get involved in this...OH you mean somebody ELSE is like that ... carry on.
                    Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      silly myt...

                      slander it is; she's still several bricks shy a load, elevator won't leave the 1st floor, etc. all this over onions; most chinese places use onions in the majority of their recipies and yet she's eating there??
                      look! it's ghengis khan!
                      Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth chainedbarista View Post
                        silly myt...

                        slander it is; she's still several bricks shy a load, elevator won't leave the 1st floor, etc. all this over onions; most chinese places use onions in the majority of their recipies and yet she's eating there??
                        Is it bad that I was really amazed that she didn't recognize them?

                        I mean, they were long pieces of onion, like you'd do if you made strip steak with onions and peppers or something. It.. was really obvious what they were!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          makes me wonder what kind of food she normally eats if she can't recognize a vegetable.

                          and ... wait those cars she started dodging... she ran into traffic?
                          makes me think that instead of arresting her maybe the cop had her put into the hospital for evaluation...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            that's just the issue, taboo; there aren't many things that i can think of that can pass for onion strips. she's just stupid and has no idea what her food looks like.

                            *kind of hard to when you're just shoveling it in*
                            look! it's ghengis khan!
                            Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I suppose if she was allergic to onions, she might scream about it, being a super-double-EW-SC, but nah...running in & out of traffic? Grabbing a stranger? Yelling in his face?

                              She's crazy-ass nuts, is all.
                              When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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