What's your Horrorscope?

[Lace Neil Singer]

http://38i.biz/horrorscopes/

Yes, I said "horrorscope". These are funny. XD Here's mine:

Cancer: A ‘trying’ month ahead for you … which should please you no end. You achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Your arrogance is disgusting. So you've made a few mistakes, and now you're stuck with the consequences.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Libra: You discover that no one really likes you A LOT and it's only just so-so. You will be forced to heat your home during the winter with the junk mail you receive. Oops, your offering didn't get noticed by the gods, but it did attract the attention of the local police.

Well, I already knew the first part.

[Greenday]

Pisces: Mind the donkey! You're always putting things off. That's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Welfare is not a job. Am I making myself clear on this? You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends.

[firecat88]

Leo: You are currently just dreaming. Cheese fanciers of the world unite! Now is YOUR time. Gather your cheeses and parade them in Trafalgar Square. Sometimes doing things for the sake of others is a good thing.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Pisces - A ‘trying’ month ahead for you … which should please you no end. You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You have a minor influence over your associates and people resent you for flaunting it at peers.

I'm lost

[georgie]

Capricorn
You will be shocked to find yourself in bed with the person of your dreams. What will shock you more is that it is your father. You're feeling stressed out; that's a given. You are not very nice. Your mind is like a soggy rag.


i seriously hope its not true, my dads been dead 24 years

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Leo: You are currently just dreaming. Cheese fanciers of the world unite! Now is YOUR time. Gather your cheeses and parade them in Trafalgar Square. Sometimes doing things for the sake of others is a good thing.

Ah, Yes. I scored a chunk of blue stilton at the store last week. Hard to find around here, that. I didn't parade it in Trafalgar Square, but I did in my kitchen, and I did share it, so does that count?

[Antisocial_Worker]

LEO:

People laugh at you a great deal. You discover that tapioca has somehow worked it's way into all of your best clothes. Music plays a large part in the day today when you suck off a roadie in order to go backstage at a rock concert and are promptly gang-banged by an entire band and infected with VD.

[Treasure]

Virgo:You achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Be sure to acknowledge the existence of certain loved ones, before they get hurt by your oblivion. Your life is in ruins. Paranoia has often gotten the better of you, in the past, but the past is exactly what it says it is: In the past.

[Kanalah]

Sagittarius
How often do you put off until tomorrow what you should have had done last week?! You were abducted by aliens 3 days ago. They took out your brain, examined it, and decided that you were not intelligent enough for further experimentation.

Thank god, that's been bugging me....now I don't have to worry about the aliens anymore. *puts away tinfoil hat*

[Plaidman]

Scorpio

Your great great aunt is out to get you. Do NOT, under any conditions, use the remaining toothpaste in your medicine cabinet. Your life is in ruins. You don't do much of anything and are lazy. We know you will not heed this warning, so after you have used the toothpaste, go immediately to your nearest emergency room and explain what has happened.


Strangly true. My ma said her great aunt was a witch that learned it from her mother, but that's when my mom was a basically a baby. But struct out as a memory. The last bit of toothpaste belongs to ma as I haven't been able to get another tube til tomorrow or so.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Today's horrorscope:

Cancer: You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. You become depressed and go on an all night cooking rampage. Tomorrow night, you will have a sudden inspiration to start a new business selling liberally-biased stories to the news media.

Well, the first sentence is true, anyway. XD

[raw456]

LEO:You will quit archery lessons after being shot through the neck with an arrow and permanently losing the ability to speak. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent in prostitution. Your so-called friends will be disappointed with your glazed ham.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Cancer: You are a communist. I want you to ditch your carefully worked out plans and do something rash and very spur of the moment. You should also be careful to not eat anything that is blue. You are not very nice.

Are there any blue foods?

[Bella_Vixen]

Cancer: You are a communist. I want you to ditch your carefully worked out plans and do something rash and very spur of the moment. You should also be careful to not eat anything that is blue. You are not very nice.

Are there any blue foods?

M&Ms. And blue velvet cake, which I am trying to find a recipe for.