On the Bus...

[Miss_Stress]

First there was the farcical journey this morning that made a 5-mile trip last an hour, so I only just made my connecting bus. Halfway through the trip home, a group of carers and disabled people got on the bus, and one of the disabled people came and sat next to me. I wish to make it clear that I do NOT blame the disabled man for what happened next, I blame his carer.

So, we set off, and the disabled man starts prodding and poking at me. No big deal, I figured he didn't understand that it wasn't socially acceptable, so I moved a little closer to the window. His carer did nothing to stop him. He moved up and continued prodding me. I asked him politely to stop (I couldn't move seats, the bus was full), and he did. His carer did nothing to stop him. 2 minutes later, it started again, and once more his carer did nothing to stop him, so this time I addressed the carer:

Me: Excuse me, could you ask him to stop prodding me please because I'm finding it rather uncomfortable.

Carer: No, we want him to learn how to integrate into society.

Me: That's as maybe, but integrating does not involve prodding and poking at a complete stranger, so will you please ask him to stop it.

Carer: You horrible girl.

Me: Excuse me?!

Carer: You will just have to put up with it, I am not asking him to stop, he can do it if he wants, what harm is it causing you?

Me: Look, I do not like being prodded and poked like this, and I shouldn't have to tolerate it.

Carer: Well you will have to, because I'm not going to stop him!

I lost it at that point unfortunately.

Me: Well I'll tell you what then, I'll come and sit next to you and prod and poke you! I can do it if I want, what harm will it cause you?! I understand he doesn't know what is socially acceptable and what isn't, but YOU do, so take control of the situation please!

Surprisingly, the carer did so. As I said, I do not blame the disabled man in any way for what happened, I blame the carer for allowing it to continue. Please don't lambast me now lol.

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

You were 100% in the right. If the carer wants him to integrate into society, he has to learn societal rules. And it was also ok for you to address him first. You totally did the right thing.

[Sheldonrs]

That idiot may be a lot of things but a "carer" is not one of them. He should be reported to whatever facility he CURRENTLY works for.

[LillFilly]

I would let the carer's company know; I would think if they got too many complaints while out with their charges they could get in trouble or even banned from some places. I've seen it happen when the person who is supposed to be being monitored is...not.

I wonder if in her mind him learning how to integrate involved learning the consequences of inappropriate actions; such as getting smacked for touching a strange woman... That would just be sick though.

[Captain Trips]

Um, yeah, "learning how to integrate into society" includes learning how to obey societal rules - like the ones about "personal space" and "not touching a stranger in a familiar manner." And the "carer"? Telling the complete stranger "you will just have to live with it" is outright wrong. That isn't a caregiver, that's someone who has the attitude of "I don't want to take them, out, they are a pain and I have to actually do some work and take some responsibility for their actions." In other words, a jerk.

[Sapphire Silk]

You handled the situation quite well: you focused on the real problem. The "caregiver."

Allowing a resident to invade the personal space of another person does NOTHING to teach them socially appropriate behavior. Telling him to stop does.

Report that caregiver. He is incompetent, and worse could get his resident hurt. The next person might not be so charitable.

[Seshat]

<putting on my disabled hat>

You were absolutely correct, your behaviour above reproach.

Also, what if the next person the guy 'pokes and prods' is someone like me, who has a pain disorder? Or someone who has one of several disorders that means a simple 'poke' or 'prod' causes bruising?

Thank you for being sensible about it.

</hat>

[csquared]

Carer: No, we want him to learn how to integrate into society.

And part of doing that is trying to educate him on unacceptable behavior. Did the carer have a badge with company name? The company should be contacted so that they can educate the carer on unacceptable behavior.

[bainsidhe]

What if he prodded and poked you in the eye? Would the carer still say you had to suck it up? I agree with the others, you handled that correctly and should report the jerk. Unfortunately, you probably have no idea what agency the carer is from.

[shadowpanda]

I also think you handled the situation perfectly. You shouldn't be subjected by prodding by anyone, and I think you did everything right

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

There are too many people out there caring for disabled people that have no business caring for disabled people.

Maybe I'm just strange, but "teaching the person in your care that it's not acceptable to treat every person you see like the Pillsbury Doughboy" should be the bare minimum requirement to be a caretaker for disabled people.

And since this dry pool diving team member thinks otherwise....

[Peppergirl]

Absolutely appalling.

You handled it perfectly.

I feel very badly for you and for the disabled guy. Like you said, he didn't know better, and for added stress, his so-called carer is a twatwaffle.

Also, what if he poked or prodded some psychotic person who happened to have a hair trigger temper and hauled off and slugged him?

With people like THAT watching him, it's bound to happen. He's going to get hurt, or worse.

She is seriously putting that poor man in harms way.

to how you handled yourself, hon. I'm sorry this happened to you.

[Miss_Stress]

Thanks everyone No, I don't know the name of the agency, but I do feel bad that the disabled man is in the hands of that carer (the carer was male by the way), because like people have said, one day it might be someone who isn't tolerant!

[Solumina]

Seems like the guy has issues with impulse control (as he seemed to respond to your request with no problems, he just started back up after a short bit) so yeah his caregiver needed to step in. I totally get wanting to mainstream someone and for that to happen they need to interact with strangers, but that doesn’t mean that a caregiver shouldn’t be there to help along the way, especially when someone has voiced their discomfort.

[PepperElf]

the carer sounds like a jackass.

it sounds more like the carer didn't want to do his job, and tried to shame you into putting up with it.

the thing is... not everyone is as understanding as you. if the carer has the attitude of "let him poke whomever he wants"... he's really setting the man up for failure. not everyone on the bus is going to be as understanding and polite as you were. another person might respond with calling the police, or reacting with violence.

and that won't help the man integrate into society.