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Urrgg, shopping. Hates it, precious…
I went out with a mission, I needed some…delicate items, shall we say, and that’s always a process. It really is. There were the standard screaming children, stupid people abounds, you name it, I saw it. It’s old hat by now. Few incidents of note, however. *Sigh* And away we go.
Dear Couple In Front of Me at Starbucks
Please to stop humping each other at the counter and place your order, ok? You’re standing between me and chai. This is NOT a good place to be. At all. Oh, lookit, hands going in places that are best left in private. If your shirts come off, I’m going to scream, and hope you spill scalding hot coffee all over yourself. No, seriously, what in the hell do you think you’re—oh, hey, saved by the caramel macchiato!! Say thank you, to the barista girl and get the fuck out of my way, I want my chai!! Kthxbai
XOXO
Lupo
Dear Random Teenagers
Hi, I realize that you may not realize this, but your conversation is highly inappropriate when in a fitting room trying on bras. No, no I don’t care that you’re telling each other that “zomg that so makes your bewbs look like you’re fat!” followed by random giggling. Nor do I care that your friend is apparently “zomg just jealous that I have bewbs”
Guess what? I do, too. Congratulations, you’re female!! Grow the fuck up, shut the fuck up and move on with your life. This isn’t a specialty store, there are some prepubescent males several feet away. At least you’re entertaining to them!
Kindly go play in traffic,
Lupo
And the high(low?)light of the day…
I’m standing in the lingerie section, going through bras and panties, looking for stuff that I like and would probably be comfortable. Slim pickings, as this store is in the middle of a remodel, and there isn’t much left in this section as it gets shifted. There is a guy sort of next to me, also going through bras. I don’t think much of it. Valentine’s Day and all that, he could be shopping for a girlfriend. Whatever, doesn’t matter much to me. I continue on my quest, discard a few, pick up another, and then I pick up a red bra. And he shifts closer.
Him: I bet you look rreeeeeeaaaaallll pretty in red.
Me: o.o Um…not really appropriate, but ok then.
See, I was still going to give him the benefit of the doubt, and just assume he’s a socially awkward, or socially challenged idiot. I’m nice like that!! But then, THEN he picks up one of the bras I’d discarded and starts…fondling it
Him: This is a nice blue, too. Why don’t you get it. It looks gooooooood on you.
Me: Ok, are you deliberately being an asshole, or is it just a gift??
Him: I’m just saying--
Me: I’M just saying that you’re being creepy, vile, and acting like a stalker, who gets off on going through someone’s trash and masturbating over their dryer lint! Get the fuck away from me. NOW!
Him: It’s a public place! I’m a customer!
Me: You’re a CREEP, not a customer! (I’m in Target at this point, so I go to one of those stations nearby that have the price scanner and help buttons and push the help button. Gods help the idiot, he follows me)
Him: But you look really good in—
Me: Shut. UP!! Shut up!! You’re following me, a complete STRANGER around, talking about what kind of lingerie I look good in and you don’t find this the least bit WRONG?!
Now, right around this time, I’m situated near the fitting rooms, and the attendant comes over to see what the raised voices are about, and I see her saying something into her walkie talkie radio. Creepy asshole is STILL holding the blue bra, clutching it tightly and I’m walking away from him, but he’s not giving up. I start walking to the fitting rooms, thinking that I can hide in one until he goes away, and he gets intercepted by employees/security people.
S1: Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to come with me.
Him: I’m not doing nothin’!!
S2: <To me> Miss, do you know him?
Me: Nope. Which makes it all the more awkward when he starts telling me I should get the red bra and blue bra because I look pretty in ‘em.
S1 & S2 & Fitting room attendant:
Creeper Asshole got escorted away screaming about how he’s a customer, and whatnot, still clutching that blue bra. I hope they take it away from him and burn it.
That’s all for today, but I still have to go to a grocery store. There will probably be a part 2. Maybe. If I don’t repress it. Cheers!
I went out with a mission, I needed some…delicate items, shall we say, and that’s always a process. It really is. There were the standard screaming children, stupid people abounds, you name it, I saw it. It’s old hat by now. Few incidents of note, however. *Sigh* And away we go.
Dear Couple In Front of Me at Starbucks
Please to stop humping each other at the counter and place your order, ok? You’re standing between me and chai. This is NOT a good place to be. At all. Oh, lookit, hands going in places that are best left in private. If your shirts come off, I’m going to scream, and hope you spill scalding hot coffee all over yourself. No, seriously, what in the hell do you think you’re—oh, hey, saved by the caramel macchiato!! Say thank you, to the barista girl and get the fuck out of my way, I want my chai!! Kthxbai
XOXO
Lupo
Dear Random Teenagers
Hi, I realize that you may not realize this, but your conversation is highly inappropriate when in a fitting room trying on bras. No, no I don’t care that you’re telling each other that “zomg that so makes your bewbs look like you’re fat!” followed by random giggling. Nor do I care that your friend is apparently “zomg just jealous that I have bewbs”
Guess what? I do, too. Congratulations, you’re female!! Grow the fuck up, shut the fuck up and move on with your life. This isn’t a specialty store, there are some prepubescent males several feet away. At least you’re entertaining to them!
Kindly go play in traffic,
Lupo
And the high(low?)light of the day…
I’m standing in the lingerie section, going through bras and panties, looking for stuff that I like and would probably be comfortable. Slim pickings, as this store is in the middle of a remodel, and there isn’t much left in this section as it gets shifted. There is a guy sort of next to me, also going through bras. I don’t think much of it. Valentine’s Day and all that, he could be shopping for a girlfriend. Whatever, doesn’t matter much to me. I continue on my quest, discard a few, pick up another, and then I pick up a red bra. And he shifts closer.
Him: I bet you look rreeeeeeaaaaallll pretty in red.
Me: o.o Um…not really appropriate, but ok then.
See, I was still going to give him the benefit of the doubt, and just assume he’s a socially awkward, or socially challenged idiot. I’m nice like that!! But then, THEN he picks up one of the bras I’d discarded and starts…fondling it
Him: This is a nice blue, too. Why don’t you get it. It looks gooooooood on you.
Me: Ok, are you deliberately being an asshole, or is it just a gift??
Him: I’m just saying--
Me: I’M just saying that you’re being creepy, vile, and acting like a stalker, who gets off on going through someone’s trash and masturbating over their dryer lint! Get the fuck away from me. NOW!
Him: It’s a public place! I’m a customer!
Me: You’re a CREEP, not a customer! (I’m in Target at this point, so I go to one of those stations nearby that have the price scanner and help buttons and push the help button. Gods help the idiot, he follows me)
Him: But you look really good in—
Me: Shut. UP!! Shut up!! You’re following me, a complete STRANGER around, talking about what kind of lingerie I look good in and you don’t find this the least bit WRONG?!
Now, right around this time, I’m situated near the fitting rooms, and the attendant comes over to see what the raised voices are about, and I see her saying something into her walkie talkie radio. Creepy asshole is STILL holding the blue bra, clutching it tightly and I’m walking away from him, but he’s not giving up. I start walking to the fitting rooms, thinking that I can hide in one until he goes away, and he gets intercepted by employees/security people.
S1: Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to come with me.
Him: I’m not doing nothin’!!
S2: <To me> Miss, do you know him?
Me: Nope. Which makes it all the more awkward when he starts telling me I should get the red bra and blue bra because I look pretty in ‘em.
S1 & S2 & Fitting room attendant:
Creeper Asshole got escorted away screaming about how he’s a customer, and whatnot, still clutching that blue bra. I hope they take it away from him and burn it.
That’s all for today, but I still have to go to a grocery store. There will probably be a part 2. Maybe. If I don’t repress it. Cheers!
Poor Lupo! I hope round 2 today is FAR less eventful!
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