Sucky owner?, or am i too sensitive?

[emax4]

I posted this here as it wasn't a customer but a shop owner. Admins, please relocate this if necessary.

My fiancee knows a guy from High School that runs a flower business, and since she was looking for flowers for our wedding we were going to see him since we could possibly get a discount.

We go in to the place and wait a bit as there's a couple in front of us. I could see the guy working. My fiancee already gave me the heads up that he was gay (no problem w me), and that he was really talented with his flower business. He comes out and greets us (her first). She gives him the details that just we bought our first home recently and we're getting married soon, and she wants him to do our flowers.

As I'm standing by her side, she STARTS to introduce me, and I put my hand out for a handshake. He looks at me, shakes my hand, looks back at her and says , "who the hell is he?" At that point, I'm thinking, "you **** jerk!" Then the following happens:

Me: Now-irritated guest
SFG: Sucky flower guy
F: Lovely but now unsupportive fiancee

SFG: "OH, and congratulations.."
Me: "Oh, than--"
SFG: (interrupting) "Not on getting married, but on buying a house.."
F:

At that point I just wander around the small place while they small talk and get out a few details. This went on for maybe five minutes. After a while I'm closer to them and they look at me and I hear them talking about me. My fiancee calls me over as he wants to know more about me. I'm still miffed but I explain that I work for blahblah in Pgh and do HTML code for tests for online students. His response?" Oh, I don't know what the hell that is.." As my fiancee is laughing again I'm thinking, "do you ever speak without the word 'hell' coming out of your mouth?" He could tell I didn't like him and even went so far as to say, "oh, I can tell you don't like me.."

Me: "well, you don't shake hands with a person while looking someone else and ask 'who the hell is he?' when that person is right there.."
F: "..that's just how he is"
SFG: "It's ok. There's always someone we don't like"
Coworker: "Eh, we all talk that way around here anyway" (and I'm thinking It's amazing you're still in business. I didn't hear the word "hell" spoken to those last patrons..)

To be nice we shook hands before we left. F was still laughing but I called him a nasty name when we got outside. She seemed to defend him, but I asked her why she didn't war me that he was like that, but instead chose to tell me that he was gay" She knew I was upset but didn't seem to think there was a problem with the way that guy acted. So now my thoughts are, "fine. when your 14 yr old daughter comes home from being at her (biological) Dad's, I'll say, 'Hey Leah, how the F*** ARE YOU?' and if you aren't laughing, then we have a problem!"

I will admit I'm sensitive. I'm afraid of embarrassment (Gelotophobia) and will go out of my way to avoid being made fun of. I can brush things off as well, but am not afraid to laugh at myself, even in public, if I do something stupid. In this case though, am I just wrong and need to loosen up or is the owner being a (noun sounding worse than "jerk")? The irony was that there was a small plaque bearing the BBB sign, but I'm thinking, "dude, you're lucky you're a small time florist because you better deal with as little as the public as possible"

[Becks]

Dude was an ass, and quite frankly, your fiancee wasn't any better.

[Kiwi]

I think he was rude, I also think you took it a bit more personally than he meant it.

Congradulations on the wedding!

[fma_fanatic]

Honestly, I think you need to sit down with your fiance and explain to her that if she's going to get her flowers from this guy, he'd better do a damned good job and leave his sucky potty mouth out of it.

If anyone spoke to my husband that way or if any of my husband's friends spoke to me that way, there'd be blood, plain and simple. I took too much crap from an ex who was a jerk and abusive to want to have to deal with that kind of shit.

I just hope your fiance's other friends aren't like this.

[Solumina]

I think a talk with the fiancé is in order, it is one thing for him to act like that if it is just part of his personality (a bitchy personality at that) but for your fiancé to essentially tell you to suck it up is another thing all together. I'm not saying that she is a bad person or that this is a huge danger sign, so don't worry about that, there are a lot of things that could have been going on here. Perhaps she forgot just how strong his personality was and/or he is a much more dominant personality in their friendship so she kind of just follows his lead. She could be a bit frazzled about wedding planning (pretty much all of us get at least a tad bit frazzled, no matter how collected we seem) and getting someone who she trusts to do great work would be a load off her mind so she is getting a bit protective and defensive. Whatever is going on she should know that you are upset by her actions, not in a "you did something wrong and should feel bad" way, but just so that it can be avoided in the future.

[emax4]

Thanks guys. What happened later in the day (as I was still quiet and distant) was that I blew up with my fiancee and we had it out. I was angry that by her not showing any signs of being upset with his actions towards me, that I interpreted that as her saying that it was ok for him to talk to me the way he did. She apologized for what happened but I said there was nothing to apologize for, on her part (I don't expect others to be mind readers). She did admit that the guy was an ass, but I said that me hearing that from her earlier would have made me feel better at the time. Today, her parents treated us to brunch at the Casino (it was awesome), and at the table I joked, "hey hon, tell your Mom the fun we had at the flower shop.." My fiancee and her mom talked about it earlier without me knowing, but both had that dreaded look on their face and admitted what an ass the florist was. I laugh about it now, but maybe because I won't be encountering him anymore.

I embarrassingly admit that I do take things personally though, but I think it's based on my upbringing and being teased a lot, not trusting others, etc. Her and I both know this but I'm ready for more therapy like I had done last year. Also, I can understand knowing someone personally and being able to be less professional and let one's guard down (there were no other customers in the store then, shockingly), but geez.. that first impression is everything. I don't know how he made it in this world for so long with his attitude. If anything like that happens again I'll probably just walk away instead of letting it fester for a while, but my fiancee said not to worry about questioning her thoughts or reactions either.

[LillFilly]

The shop owner was wrong and I can't believe that his business hasn't suffered due to the way he treats people. I don't think his sexual preference was any sort of excuse for your fiance to pull, and how did it even factor in? I hope she's more supportive of you from now on!

[emax4]

Eh, I'd say more "tolerant" than "supportive", haha. I'm wondering if the staff feel the same way working there.

[aurelemsrealm]

I would have been offended by his behavior, too. You showed more restraint than I probably would have had. I'm not good at faking niceness when I decide I dislike someone.

[Marmalady]

The shop owner was wrong and I can't believe that his business hasn't suffered due to the way he treats people.

Totally agree with LillFilly.
A few years back I went to a local florists to order some funeral flowers. I don't know if the guy at the counter was having a bad day or what, but he was offhand to the point of rudeness and the upshot was that I left the shop and went to a new place that I hadn't tried before.
The flowers they did were the best I'd ever seen and I never have used any other place since.

[Zellie Crescent]

If I were in your position I'd tell fiance: fuck him, we're going elsewhere.

[Sheldonrs]

If I were in your position I'd tell fiance: fuck him, we're going elsewhere.

SOOO many ways to interpret that! :-)

And on behalf of sodomites everywhere, I apologize for that schmuck.

[chainedbarista]

friend or no, his behavior was out of line; even if the customer in question is a friend, there is still an expectation of professionalism when dealing with them. he was rude and quite frankly, not deserving of your time.

your fiance needs to rethink how that encounter went; whether you're 'overly sensitive' or not, he was nasty and rude and that's simply not acceptable.

[RavenStarr]

First of all congrats on your upcoming wedding...

Second of all I'm going to say sucky owner. I know 3 yr olds with more social skills than this clown. You don't start being a jerk to someone you just met, and clearly this guy is a first class jerk...I hope you and your fiance get your flowers from somewhere else..If you guys decide to use him anyway then thats just condoning his assholish behavior.

[Treasure]

OK, again from the pov of working in a flower shop:
1 ) i don't know what it is, but for whatever reason, yes the Gay men that work in flower shops outweigh the female workers in foulmouthed-ness
2) maybe he thought he was being cute - he's obviously gay, so him "flirting" with your fiancee is ignorable;

the thing is, like everybody else has said, not acceptable. I've seen "designers" get fired for that kind of attitude

Yes, because of his friendship with your wife he may be inclined to give you a discounted price, but watch out for him pushing extras on that y'all may not have originally wanted
also, go to 2 other shops at least, make sure to let them know you're talking to others -at the end of your appointment but don't reveal who; too many shops too often will badmouth and backstab each other, i don't know why;

when shopping for flowers, you're not really shopping for the lowest price; your shopping more for the vision and the person you can work with that will fit in your budget - you also want a florist who will let you know that if the flowers you asked for come in and look horrible they're going to make a command decision for a COMPARABLE flower (in look, style, color, price, scent)

When you talk to your florist, make sure you inform of any allergies - a lot of people are allergic to a pretty filler flower known as Solidago, its common name - ragweed; also lilac is a common allergy, if you have a grandmother or aunt etc that is sensitive to strong scents that need to be avoided in their corsage, etc - these are things most people don't think about when going to the florist, but it is something that needs to be kept in mind...

btw Good luck finding a florist; and Congrats on the wedding!