Mom's partner is sick - may be cancer

[ShadowBall]

Everybody in here has been freaking out as of late when my mother's boyfriend went to the ER last Friday because he couldn't breathe and was admitted with a cough, chest pain and a fever.

Test results are being waited on, but x-rays and CAT scans taken showed a pleural effusion (fluid in the lungs) and the lung with said fluid had collapsed (probably from the fluid), and he's also saying he was told he has a "large" mass on that lung and several smaller masses within the abdominal wall. However, he was told to go back in a couple weeks for another CAT scan to make sure? That part threw me a bit.

He was told there the doctors thought it could be cancer, but as said, waiting on the test results. This is possible since the guy worked in smoky environments for many years and was told his lungs looked like those of a smoker's when he had never smoked before. He began smoking about seven years ago too.

The guy also recently had a bout of pneumonia and I understand it's possible that caused the fluid in the lungs, but I have no idea what the masses would be and my mom's got me researching possible causes left and right. Which is understandable, but I know the internet isn't always the greatest source of medical information.

Maybe I'm a bitch, but I think I'm handling it better because I don't like the guy much and I just don't feel totally sorry for someone who might get lung cancer when they smoke. I'm still a bit saddened, but mostly because I don't like seeing my mother upset.

From what I have read, lung cancer can cause the fluid accumulation, lung collapse and even what looks like newly onset pneumonia. But even if cancer is present, I know that doesn't always necessarily mean "cash in your chips." If this alleged large mass is the ring leader tumor and it can be removed, I think it could be possible to treat any other possibly cancerous tumors with radiation or chemo (which I know sucks, but it helps too).

I'm not entirely sure what to ask advice on...maybe how to keep my mother sane until we find out what's going on for sure? Or stories about someone's sister's aunt's dog's best friend's cousin who had tumor-covered organs who didn't have cancer?

[Mikkel]

Even if it is cancer, a combination of operations and chemo has a chance to clear it up. There are many kinds of chemotherapy and people have different tolerances so take this with a grain of salt, but I were surprised how normal my life was when I got chemo.
I'd go to the hospital and get the chemo intravenously over 48 hours, then I would feel sick for a couple of days, comparable to a bad flu. I would get better in about five days, then I would feel fine, except for being a bit tired. I got therapy every fourteen days, so for the next nine I could work and felt more or less well.

I got to know a guy who had lung cancer with metastases. He lost the pleura of one lung, a bit of the liver and had half his diaphragm removed and an artificial one, made of kevlar, put in.
Last time I saw him, he had just been scanned and had been told that there were nothing more to be found. He had started spinning and working out again. He said he didn't feel any effects of the operation and expected to be back to work full time soon.

Cancer treatments are progressing fast these years, it's not necessarily a death sentence.

[ShadowBall]

The thing is my mom is paranoid and he's a drama queen, so most people are not in a positive state of mind. Never mind that the things he has aren't only necessarily caused by cancer. Never mind many neoplasms are benign. Never mind about half of all "cancerous" lung fluid comes back negative for cancer. Never mind cancer is not necessarily a guaranteed ticket to death's playground. It's not a good diagnosis to have, but it's also not always a totally lost battle.

I lose my mind when I'm sick because it's me, but when it's someone else, I honestly tend to think more rationally, so I am the only one not screaming bloody murder in here.

It probably doesn't help that my mother bawls all the time - that only encourages the belief that it IS something bad and fatal and it's not helping. And he talks about how this past Easter was the last holiday he's going to be able to celebrate, he wants to be cremated, life's all going to be downhill from here, etc. And of course since both he and my mom are of the, "I'm always right" variety, I don't know if the mood will improve...unless something not-fatal is diagnosed. No one in here listens to me, so I don't know how much good cheerleading would do. One of the guy's friends has been calling each day to talk to him and try to bring him out of his funk...but the effect is only temporary.

My mother seems to forget that her own mother had two different types of cancer, one of them in her lung that necessitates removing said lung. She lived for 18 more years after that diagnosis.

I just don't see why these two both have to jump on the hopelessness wagon, throw in the towel and assume everything's going to be bad. The damn test results aren't even in yet, and there's still another CAT scan to be had. Besides, I think the ER doctors saying it was possible cancer was them simply keeping a worst-case scenario in mind. While I absolutely admire what all medical professionals do and the patience they have with us, I don't think anyone other than a specialist could diagnose cancer. It's kind of like when I went to the ER myself a few years back and I couldn't breathe. I was told it could be a heart attack, a blood clot in my lung, or just anxiety...a 19-year-old with no history of drug use or heart problems was having an MI. Yeah, I'm sure. That was not what I needed to hear when I was already shaking from stress.

Anyway,thanks for the input, guys. I think my mom is starting to calm down a bit, especially since someone from her work gave her some information on pleural effusion and it didn't mention cancer as a cause. She must be calmed down a little - she's been yelling about how he hasn't fixed the water heater like she asked him to do last week.

[Sapphire Silk]

It's too early to come to any conclusions.

He needs to follow up on the CT scan, and probably needs a lung biopsy. He should see a lung specialist.

If it IS cancer, it depends a lot on the type (undifferentiated is the worst kind because it metastasizes or spreads very rapidly), and the stage. Stage 4 is the worst, because it means the cancer is very advanced and the prognosis is grim.

Treatment options include surgery, chemo, and radiation. Regardless of type and staging, he needs to have a frank discussion with his doctor on his treatment options, prognosis, and what he wants to get out of treatment. Some patients will pursue overly aggressive treatment because they think their family or their doctor want them to. Others will give up and not even try because all they hear is cancer, and not whether or not it is treatable.

[Mikkel]

She must be calmed down a little - she's been yelling about how he hasn't fixed the water heater like she asked him to do last week.

She is getting over the first chock.
If she don't listen to you or us there aren't much you can do, but it's way to early to plan the funeral.

[Seshat]

Or stories about someone's sister's aunt's dog's best friend's cousin who had tumor-covered organs who didn't have cancer?

I have lump-filled breasts.

Superficially, my breasts feel cancerous. Self-breast-check for me is pretty much 'have I felt this one before? Yes? Okay'.

What is it? Fibrocystic Breast Disease, combined with bloody huge tits and a lot of connective tissue.

Diagnosing it required mammogram, ultrasound, breast-specialist radiologists and a breast specialist. I didn't need a biopsy, but was told it was a possibility.

I found the first really suspicious lump just before Christmas, so it was well into January before I got my 'probably not cancer' result, and February before it was 'yeah, you're fine, just have lots of mammograms for the rest of your life'.


I know it's not a "sister's aunt's dog's best friend's cousin" story, but I hope that one helps.

[AdminAssistant]

I have a mild form of that, Seshat. I call it "Frozen Pea Syndrome."

[Seshat]

Mine range from that to large, complex ropey .. nodules? And sort of .. squishy areas that feel a bit like a stress ball but hurt if you squeeze them.

One of them is a complex of ropey nodules that takes up about a third of the mass of my right breast. I can sort of make a 3-D map of it (in my head) that 'looks' like it could be a blurry image of a 3-way interstate highway connection.

Oh well. Of all the weird things about me, this is one of the most harmless.

[ShadowBall]

Well, he got his test results back and he does, indeed, have cancer. He's supposed to have surgery to correct it, which leads me to believe that it's not to a point where it's terminal. I don't know if they mean surgery to remove the alleged tumor or the whole lung, but it doesn't sound like it's "OMG end of the world" time.

But, of course, he doesn't want to get the surgery done because he figures it'll just be pointless and won't work. Hopefully his sane friend will talk some sense into him.

In the meantime, I've been told by my mother I am required to hug him and tell him we love him. I personally don't even like the guy, let alone love him. I think the fact that she has to ask me to hug him as a favor is very telling of how much I like the guy. It's not like a fake hug is going to do any good, but whatever. And I'm sure tomorrow will bring an awkward pep talk from him as far as what to do with my life, etc.

Oh well. We'll see what unfolds.

[Mikkel]

Surgery is a good sign. If it were hopeless they would put him on painkillers and chemo to help the symptoms and lengthen his life expectancy. They wouldn't operate unless his chances are good.

[Seshat]

Well, he got his test results back and he does, indeed, have cancer. He's supposed to have surgery to correct it, which leads me to believe that it's not to a point where it's terminal.

Time for the story of my father-in-law.

Mystery masses. Around an area where ultrasounds and xrays didn't help them identify them enough, so they had to do exploratory surgery.

Surgeon took one look. Called in oncologist for a verification. They sighed, closed him up. No point in trying to cut the cancer away.

At the post-surgery interview, they told Les not to worry about making lifestyle changes, just do whatever made him happy and kept up his quality of life. That they'd do what they could to make him comfortable and extend his life while there was quality-of-life to be had, but eventually there'd be morphine-on-demand.

And they put him straight onto palliative care.


Since that's NOT what's happened with your mother's partner.......

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Seshat... wow. That is too horrible for words. I hope his end was easier than the story sets up for it to be...
The way it sounds is that the problem is two-fold: the actual problem (his illness) and their drama. There isn't much you can do for drama aside from telling them to stfu, since they both seem determined to be DRAMATIC^tm, but yeah. Surgery is a good sign. Encourage him (and her) to follow the instructions on lifestyle improvement. My Oma lived for 6 years after being diagnosed with lung cancer-- which has an expectancy of up to 6 months. Every one of the medical staff attributed this to her lifestyle-- she did her 'little old lady' exercises, walked, and took care of herself a little bit more than she had been. She also came to live with me and my family, away from the nasty New York pollution. (no offense meant to the State of New York) (We were with her when she died... which was strange, having someone die in the house...)
EDIT: He might have to have chemotherapy in the future, but that's if it metastasizes (or already has, technically?).
Another EDIT: Oma's story is pretty much the opposite of Opa's, her husband. When I was in 8th grade, he suddenly took ill, and my dad (their eldest child) had to fly out there around my birthday. When he came back a few weeks later, he told me that Opa died very, very suddenly. As near as I can recall, he was in a lot of pain, all of a sudden-- Oma had to call the doctor to the house! Wham, bam, two days later he dies at home of prostate cancer! It was all they could do to ease his pain... It was a huge shock.
(I decided to tell this story, to contrast, and because I felt that Oma and Opa should always be together. They were an adorable, awesome married couple.)

[Seshat]

He had a few months. Long enough to see us, long enough to do a few things he wanted to do, long enough to make sure his wife was set up to be alright.

Unfortunately, because of the type of cancer, they couldn't give him enough pain meds to keep it properly under control; not without putting him in a hospital with a morphine pump. And he chose to be at home.

I could describe it further, but let's just say 'slow, painful, nasty'. And 'I wish he'd had the option of euthanasia'.

[ShadowBall]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear about your FIL, Seshat.

As far as this guy, I think my mom's going to make him go to every appointment. But I'm confused about what the hell is going on as far as treatment...apparently cancer cells were present in the fluids sent for testing and the CAT scan/x-ray showed a mass on the lung...but his next appointment is to talk to a doctor so he can set up another appointment to find out where the mass is and how bad the cancer is?

Wouldn't they already know that from the tests? I mean wouldn't a specialist already have looked at the test results to determine that information before saying make an appointment for surgery? And I'm sadly seeing a lot of information about how pleural effusion is often a sign of advanced (stage four) non-small-cell cancer. On the other hand, I am also reading about how stage four is only reached when the cancer has spread to other areas and it might be inoperable at that point. So...WTF? I'm very confused. Is surgery done to diagnose and to treat? Why would they want to do surgery on potentially inoperable cancer? Forgive my ignorance - I don't know much about cancer treatments.

In any case, people in here seem to be calmed down a lot more. Something also tells me people may not realize the cancer might be advanced and that's why they aren't freaking out nearly as much. In any case, I'm hoping for the best.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Yes, surgery can be to see what's going on, and to get rid of the problem.
Cancer is crazy, and a huge thing right now in medicine because it's so complicated and mysterious. Research has made great strides since the sixites. Hell, even in the early nineties 'you have cancer' was a death sentence in popular imagination-- now, with some, there's a fighting chance.