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  • Deer Butt Smack

    On my paper route, I don't encounter many people, since most are sleeping. I do encounter plenty of nocturnal wildlife. Here's a couple recent ones.

    Between mother and child...

    I pulled into a driveway to deliver to one of my customer's porches. There was a fawn in the driveway. Mama doe and another fawn were a little further down on the sidewalk.

    I was hoping the fawn would dart towards Mom, but instead it went the other way. Wonderful.

    Hubby handed me my newspaper and said "Good luck."

    I got out, and if deer could give the stink eye, that doe sure was. I was between it and its kid. I delivered the paper. As I went back to my car, the doe had its head down, in ready-to-attack position, and was approaching me.

    Me: "I swear to God, I'll be out of your way in a minute!"

    It worked. The doe popped her head up and tilted it when I spoke to her. I got in the car and drove off without being assaulted.

    Deer Butt Smack

    My last section of customers is so easy to deliver to. There’s no porches; no boxes. I just cruise downhill and toss them into walkways and driveways. I deliver to about every other house, and I don’t have to stop until I reach the bottom. It’s great.

    So one morning, I’m cruising downhill at a fair rate of speed, tossing papers out my window. Toss. Driveway. Toss. Driveway. Toss…

    I didn’t see the deer until it was too late. That paper hit the deer smack in its hind end.

    Now, Hubby says I just startled the deer, and it just happened to be running the same direction I was driving. But he didn’t see it. He didn’t look into its eyes, and see the hate. That deer f***ing charged at me!

    It came running at me. I’m pretty sure its eyes were glowing red. Yes, thinking back, I’m sure they were, and smoke was curling up from its nostrils as well. It was pissed off and out for blood! I gunned it (frantically continuing to toss newspapers out my window the whole time). That deer chased me and kept up with me all the way to the bottom of the hill, at which point it decided I wasn’t worth it after all and turned off to go munch on someone’s landscaping.
    Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

  • #2
    Quoth bhskittykatt View Post
    It came running at me. I’m pretty sure its eyes were glowing red. Yes, thinking back, I’m sure they were, and smoke was curling up from its nostrils as well. It was pissed off and out for blood! I gunned it (frantically continuing to toss newspapers out my window the whole time). That deer chased me and kept up with me all the way to the bottom of the hill, at which point it decided I wasn’t worth it after all and turned off to go munch on someone’s landscaping.
    Magnificent mental image. Thank you... I'm sitting here snorting and chortling and desperately trying not to wake up my boyfriend who is snoring beside me.
    Drive it like it's a county car.

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    • #3
      I didn't know deer were so aggressive.
      "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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      • #4
        Like any animal, they can be aggressive when startled or if they perceive threat. OMG the mental image of that last story! From the initial smacking the deer in the butt to it chasing you...Wonderfully told! I laughed until I had tears in my eyes!
        "And though she be but little, she is FIERCE!"--Shakespeare

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        • #5
          Deer kill more people in the U.S. than any other animal. Usually in suicide attacks on cars.
          The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
          "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
          Hoc spatio locantur.

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          • #6
            Quoth Food Lady View Post
            I didn't know deer were so aggressive.
            They can be very dangerous. Forget Bambi. Watch the Ring 2

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            • #7
              Quoth Little Retail Rabbit View Post
              They can be very dangerous. Forget Bambi. Watch the Ring 2
              That is possibly the worst scene in that whole movie, which was pretty bad as a whole. I mean, the God-awful CGI deer smashes the window, and then the window magically reappears!

              Only good thing about that movie is that was filmed on-site, so I could sit back and be like "I've been there and there and there and there and there..." and I could laugh about all the little things they got wrong. (The mom couldn't have been in too much of a hurry to rush home from Seattle...if she's crossing that bridge at all, she took the scenic route.) Also, Hubby's ex-roommate's mom has a brief cameo in there. (Hubby used to live in Astoria...that's where I met him!)
              Last edited by bhskittykatt; 08-01-2011, 09:01 PM.
              Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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              • #8
                Around me, I have deer, bears, coyotes, and the occasional cougar will wander through town.

                Out of that list, the ones that scare me. As in, get a loaded gun with lots of ammo scared, are the cougars (Haven't had one through town that I know of in several years now, but they are in the surrounding mountains) and deer.

                Coyotes are just annoying and a pest.

                Bears just wander on through town, stopping at various fruit trees to check on em. Maybe stopping for a meal, etc.
                The local bears almost seem tame some days. Not that I would want to get too close to one.
                It's a rare summer that I don't accidentally startle a bear at least once. Most of the time, I'll talk calmly to it while checking for cubs and the best escape routes for me and the bear. Most days, the bears seem understanding in that they mostly ignore me, watch which way I go and go in a different direction themselves.
                Only scary incident that I've had, bumped into a bear while out for a walk. While talking and edging in the direction I wanted to go and that appeared to be different from the route the bear wanted, I heard something right by my feet. I looked down to see a really cute bear cub. ... Oh

                For some reason, I tried to stay inside as much as I could for the rest of that summer.



                Deer, on the other hand, are just a menace. You can't reason with them, they knock down any kind of guard against them. They are truly a psychotic animal. It's like they know that they are going to die, and they are determined to take as many other creatures with them as possible.

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                • #9
                  We get all sorts of wild animals around here; raccoons, nutria, huge birds of prey and yes, the occasional deer, though those tend to be more on the outer edges of town. I've been lucky so far; any deer I've seen have stayed put on the side of the road, or they cross the road when I'm still a ways away and can see them in time to stop.

                  The OP was funny, yet scary at the same time. You don't expect a pretty, dainty, vegetarian creature like a deer to be aggressive. However, I'd be freaking out too if some 300 lb animal with long, sharp, multi-pronged horns started running at me!
                  I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                  My LiveJournal
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