I...I don't normally start threads.
I guess I feel like I'm bugging people. I hate lots of attention, hate it.
Some of you may have seen my post in the blanket fort thread.
I'm suicidal. I...I don't know that I have any definite plans, but I know I can't handle this alone anymore. I had to say something.
I don't normally even want to admit to needing help. But Plaid taught me that I can't just give up, and hurt everyone like that.
I have to be out of my home by the end of this month. It had been a total miracle to get in here. I don't have any income, but I managed to pay rent with assistance from my family and my church. I guess that wasn't good enough for the lady I'm subletting from. She wanted it to be my money. I guess I...really don't understand why she did that. She had first and last months rent, so..if I hadn't been able to pay, then she'd have that last month already paid. I guess she wanted a sure thing.
At least I have someone (friends of the family) willing to offer me a place to stay. Trouble is, it's in Kingman, Arizona...in the middle of nowhere. Few possible jobs, and I'd be dependent on them for almost everything.
I've been fighting my depression so hard lately. I keep getting migraines, and my health gets worse and worse. I keep asking for help...and it seems like nobody will care about me. I'll get told that I'm lazy...or that I don't really need the help...when it was already almost all I had just to ask for the help. People keep giving me information....that would have helped me 3 months ago, but is of marginal assistance now.
I am seeing a therapist, and will continue to do so. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Maybe Kingman has the right doctors and medical assistance for me.
I..I probably don't make any sense. There's so much more to this that I'm not saying, and I'm too scattered to think straight. And I'm..I'm sorry. I'm sorry to unload on you guys when I know all of us have so much to deal with.
But I know CS cares lots and lots. I knew I'd feel better if I shared that I was feeling so badly. I still am having to take everything a day at a time, because I can't even promise myself anything else. Deep down, I don't want to kill myself...I only want the pain to stop.
But I can't just..hurt you guys. I'm...more of a lurker, but...I...I had to say something. Even if few of you know me, that's too many to hurt.
Help me?
I guess I feel like I'm bugging people. I hate lots of attention, hate it.
Some of you may have seen my post in the blanket fort thread.
I'm suicidal. I...I don't know that I have any definite plans, but I know I can't handle this alone anymore. I had to say something.
I don't normally even want to admit to needing help. But Plaid taught me that I can't just give up, and hurt everyone like that.
I have to be out of my home by the end of this month. It had been a total miracle to get in here. I don't have any income, but I managed to pay rent with assistance from my family and my church. I guess that wasn't good enough for the lady I'm subletting from. She wanted it to be my money. I guess I...really don't understand why she did that. She had first and last months rent, so..if I hadn't been able to pay, then she'd have that last month already paid. I guess she wanted a sure thing.
At least I have someone (friends of the family) willing to offer me a place to stay. Trouble is, it's in Kingman, Arizona...in the middle of nowhere. Few possible jobs, and I'd be dependent on them for almost everything.
I've been fighting my depression so hard lately. I keep getting migraines, and my health gets worse and worse. I keep asking for help...and it seems like nobody will care about me. I'll get told that I'm lazy...or that I don't really need the help...when it was already almost all I had just to ask for the help. People keep giving me information....that would have helped me 3 months ago, but is of marginal assistance now.
I am seeing a therapist, and will continue to do so. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Maybe Kingman has the right doctors and medical assistance for me.
I..I probably don't make any sense. There's so much more to this that I'm not saying, and I'm too scattered to think straight. And I'm..I'm sorry. I'm sorry to unload on you guys when I know all of us have so much to deal with.
But I know CS cares lots and lots. I knew I'd feel better if I shared that I was feeling so badly. I still am having to take everything a day at a time, because I can't even promise myself anything else. Deep down, I don't want to kill myself...I only want the pain to stop.
But I can't just..hurt you guys. I'm...more of a lurker, but...I...I had to say something. Even if few of you know me, that's too many to hurt.
Help me?
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