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So, as I posted last month, yesterday I had a meeting with my HR Manager, the Director of Personnel for the entire Dept of Corrections, and my counselor. I wasn't sure what to expect, mainly because my HR Manager is well-known for being unhelpful and I knew nothing about her boss from Central Office. I was also still reeling from what happened over this weekend, in which I was basically threatened to the brink of firing and forced to get a haircut (yes, most of my lovely natural hair that I've been growing out for 7 months is gone now) even though my hair was still well within policy. I won't get into that much here because it involves blatant discrimination and a resolution has yet to be found, suffice to say that I filed a grievance with the union the very next day and the Major, from what I understand, had a VERY BAD DAY because of it.
My counselor and I had discussed how we were going to handle this last week, operating under the assumption that they were going to try to convince us why it was a better idea for me to not try to be "out" at work "for my own protection." It was already decided that I would basically lead the meeting and my counselor would agree with me whenever they looked to her for her opinion on what I said. After this weekend though, I was feeling hurt and angry so I decided it would be better to start by asking them what they hoped to accomplish through this meeting.
So, it started out like I thought it would, with them asking questions and testing the waters to see how "serious" I was about this and how "real" this all is in my counselor's professional opinion. One thing I noticed right away was that the lady from Central would refer to me as "she," "her," and Kara when she was looking at me while speaking. When she wasn't looking at me, it was "he" and "him." I made sure I was looking GOOD for this, and was probably the best-dressed in the room (my counselor had told me beforehand that she was going to "dress up," which meant a button up shirt and blue jeans, to skew their perceptions a bit and throw gender expectations out the window from the start). Then after about 15 minutes, she looked at me and said, "You know, I haven't met you so I looked you up in the system. So I didn't know what to expect. But I find it very easy and natural to see you as a woman." Bascially, she saw my picture from my ID in the system and was expecting a guest from the Jerry Springer show (if she even assumed I'd be prettied up) and what she saw instead was a genuine female. So I got points as soon as she entered the room.
There were a couple of laughable arguments brought up by my HR Manager, like how I might not realize that an inmate who tries to sweet talk me as a female officer is after something MUCH different that he would want from a male officer (duh), and how I might face opposition from my coworkers (who are already very much supportive of me) and feel I have no one to turn to but an inmate. Yeah, I shot those down instantaneously. When an inmate compliments me, I usually say, "What do you want?" and when I'm having a bad day, I have a wonderful support network of friends I work with if I need to talk to someone.
There was point where the Director said something about recognizing my "life-choice." My counselor (very nicely and subtly) jumped right on that so it was made clear that this was certainly never a "choice" of mine. We did touch briefly on the incident this weekend (not much, because that isn't specifically being handled as an issue that has anything to do with gender and also because that is something that will be handled via the union) and I was told that while, until we get something going "officially," I still need to adhere to the guidelines for male officers. However, she did say that the Major will be told to "back off" me as far as holding me so strictly to those standards. My counselor posed an interesting question, asking them if it felt strange asking a woman to be a "man" at work. While they were searching for an answer, I just said that I will continue to do exactly what I've been doing as far as how I am at work now, pointing out that everyone knows anyway, and that was satisfactory to everyone. There are VERY FEW differences in policies concerning males and females anyway so it's not a HUGE deal.
So after learning time was done, we got into the real point of the meeting. And that's when the lady from Central Office dropped the bomb on me. The heads of Personnel for each State department make up a board of directors for the state. Very recently, someone in another agency had an employee come out as transgender and is wanting to transition while remaining employed. So they have come to my Director asking what we're doing. So she asked my permission to, once we've established a plan, share my story and our guidelines with the Board and set a precedent for the entire state. Basically, someone had an employee come out and they went to my Director and said, 'Hey, you have an employee transitioning on the job, right? What did you guys do?" Obviously, she saw an opportunity, because this will make her look VERY good. And you know what? I'm okay with that. Because now there are eyes on her and they can't just brush me off and pretend I don't exist. So she has to come up with something to share with the group. She doesn't want to help me for me, she wants to help me to boost her career. So we both win. More than that, for me, is the fact that doing this will establish policies and procedures that will benefit others like me who come out and transition on the job. This is enormous and humbling. I wanted to do this for that reason. Yes, to find a way to be true to myself and remain employed and ensure I am protected from discrimination and treated fairly...... but also so that whoever follows my path in their lives won't have to go through the mess I've had to. And that's just amazing. I am doing something that will be a lasting benefit to others. Lack of acceptance, fear of not being accepted, those are big factors in keeping many of us in the closet. Progress encourages others to pursue their goals as well, to see that maybe there won't be as much to fear as they thought. And I will forever be one of those who caused that progress. "Wow" doesn't even cover it.
So this is the official plan: She was going to go back with my HR Manager yesterday and talk to the Warden, let him know what we're doing. Then today she was going to meet with the Secretary of Corrections and let him know. Official guidelines will be set, and then I will be able to review them and provide feedback/comments/suggestions. Once the final guidelines are established, we set a date. Either there will be a big email or a meeting with my coworkers and I, but somehow well get the word out that this is going to happen for real (I mentioned that it didn't need to be a BIG thing, because, as I've said, everyone out there knows already and is fine with me). From the set date on, I will be officially regarded as female at work and all relevant policies and procedures will apply.
They have room to stall, but she asked me if 30-90 days would be reasonable. I said it was reasonable, and understandably sooner would be fine with me. However, as I said, she has people waiting on her to get something figured out, so I'm expecting it won't be anywhere NEAR the full 90 days (she said she could do it in 2 weeks but October is Open Enrollment for insurance state-wide so things will be a bit busy). She told me it would PROBABLY be 30 days or less. Which I'm fine with.
I'm trying to keep myself from getting TOO giddy by having an "I'll believe it when I see it" attitude, but I am very hopeful this will turn out well for everyone and that I'll hear back from them soon.
I noticed last night my eyes are sparkling again (after what happened to me the other day, they lost it). I'm happy. My hair is gone, I still have court next month, but I'm doing my happy dance anyway. Now to try not to go stir-crazy while I wait for this to really happen.
My counselor and I had discussed how we were going to handle this last week, operating under the assumption that they were going to try to convince us why it was a better idea for me to not try to be "out" at work "for my own protection." It was already decided that I would basically lead the meeting and my counselor would agree with me whenever they looked to her for her opinion on what I said. After this weekend though, I was feeling hurt and angry so I decided it would be better to start by asking them what they hoped to accomplish through this meeting.
So, it started out like I thought it would, with them asking questions and testing the waters to see how "serious" I was about this and how "real" this all is in my counselor's professional opinion. One thing I noticed right away was that the lady from Central would refer to me as "she," "her," and Kara when she was looking at me while speaking. When she wasn't looking at me, it was "he" and "him." I made sure I was looking GOOD for this, and was probably the best-dressed in the room (my counselor had told me beforehand that she was going to "dress up," which meant a button up shirt and blue jeans, to skew their perceptions a bit and throw gender expectations out the window from the start). Then after about 15 minutes, she looked at me and said, "You know, I haven't met you so I looked you up in the system. So I didn't know what to expect. But I find it very easy and natural to see you as a woman." Bascially, she saw my picture from my ID in the system and was expecting a guest from the Jerry Springer show (if she even assumed I'd be prettied up) and what she saw instead was a genuine female. So I got points as soon as she entered the room.
There were a couple of laughable arguments brought up by my HR Manager, like how I might not realize that an inmate who tries to sweet talk me as a female officer is after something MUCH different that he would want from a male officer (duh), and how I might face opposition from my coworkers (who are already very much supportive of me) and feel I have no one to turn to but an inmate. Yeah, I shot those down instantaneously. When an inmate compliments me, I usually say, "What do you want?" and when I'm having a bad day, I have a wonderful support network of friends I work with if I need to talk to someone.
There was point where the Director said something about recognizing my "life-choice." My counselor (very nicely and subtly) jumped right on that so it was made clear that this was certainly never a "choice" of mine. We did touch briefly on the incident this weekend (not much, because that isn't specifically being handled as an issue that has anything to do with gender and also because that is something that will be handled via the union) and I was told that while, until we get something going "officially," I still need to adhere to the guidelines for male officers. However, she did say that the Major will be told to "back off" me as far as holding me so strictly to those standards. My counselor posed an interesting question, asking them if it felt strange asking a woman to be a "man" at work. While they were searching for an answer, I just said that I will continue to do exactly what I've been doing as far as how I am at work now, pointing out that everyone knows anyway, and that was satisfactory to everyone. There are VERY FEW differences in policies concerning males and females anyway so it's not a HUGE deal.
So after learning time was done, we got into the real point of the meeting. And that's when the lady from Central Office dropped the bomb on me. The heads of Personnel for each State department make up a board of directors for the state. Very recently, someone in another agency had an employee come out as transgender and is wanting to transition while remaining employed. So they have come to my Director asking what we're doing. So she asked my permission to, once we've established a plan, share my story and our guidelines with the Board and set a precedent for the entire state. Basically, someone had an employee come out and they went to my Director and said, 'Hey, you have an employee transitioning on the job, right? What did you guys do?" Obviously, she saw an opportunity, because this will make her look VERY good. And you know what? I'm okay with that. Because now there are eyes on her and they can't just brush me off and pretend I don't exist. So she has to come up with something to share with the group. She doesn't want to help me for me, she wants to help me to boost her career. So we both win. More than that, for me, is the fact that doing this will establish policies and procedures that will benefit others like me who come out and transition on the job. This is enormous and humbling. I wanted to do this for that reason. Yes, to find a way to be true to myself and remain employed and ensure I am protected from discrimination and treated fairly...... but also so that whoever follows my path in their lives won't have to go through the mess I've had to. And that's just amazing. I am doing something that will be a lasting benefit to others. Lack of acceptance, fear of not being accepted, those are big factors in keeping many of us in the closet. Progress encourages others to pursue their goals as well, to see that maybe there won't be as much to fear as they thought. And I will forever be one of those who caused that progress. "Wow" doesn't even cover it.
So this is the official plan: She was going to go back with my HR Manager yesterday and talk to the Warden, let him know what we're doing. Then today she was going to meet with the Secretary of Corrections and let him know. Official guidelines will be set, and then I will be able to review them and provide feedback/comments/suggestions. Once the final guidelines are established, we set a date. Either there will be a big email or a meeting with my coworkers and I, but somehow well get the word out that this is going to happen for real (I mentioned that it didn't need to be a BIG thing, because, as I've said, everyone out there knows already and is fine with me). From the set date on, I will be officially regarded as female at work and all relevant policies and procedures will apply.
They have room to stall, but she asked me if 30-90 days would be reasonable. I said it was reasonable, and understandably sooner would be fine with me. However, as I said, she has people waiting on her to get something figured out, so I'm expecting it won't be anywhere NEAR the full 90 days (she said she could do it in 2 weeks but October is Open Enrollment for insurance state-wide so things will be a bit busy). She told me it would PROBABLY be 30 days or less. Which I'm fine with.
I'm trying to keep myself from getting TOO giddy by having an "I'll believe it when I see it" attitude, but I am very hopeful this will turn out well for everyone and that I'll hear back from them soon.
I noticed last night my eyes are sparkling again (after what happened to me the other day, they lost it). I'm happy. My hair is gone, I still have court next month, but I'm doing my happy dance anyway. Now to try not to go stir-crazy while I wait for this to really happen.
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