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  • The Return of Psycho Aunt Sally

    October is the appropriate month for horror stories, right?

    I posted several "interesting" incidents with my wife's aunt some years ago:
    http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=31524

    But I really hadn't had much material from Psycho Aunt Sally until my mother-in-law moved in with us this past March. My mother-in-law "Caroline" has dementia and is in the early stages of Alzheimer's.

    We planned to have her move up to live with us temporarily until we were able to get her into a place she liked in the city.

    We - my wife ("Wife"), our children "Z, S, and T" and I - all lived in a small two-bedroom house with our two cats. Caroline flew up, and my wife rented a truck and brought up Caroline's car, most of her furniture & stuff and her two cats and a dog.

    I moved our (wife & my) bed to the children's room after taking apart Z's bed. So the room was packed with a bed for my wife, Z, and I to share, cribs for S and T, and one dresser. It felt like a re-enactment of 1860's New York City tenement housing (http://www.tenement.org/).

    Caroline had the other room to herself - and her dog and two cats (because she insisted on keeping them with her each night).

    Three adults, three children, a dog, and four cats, all in one small two-bedroom house was sometimes stressfull. Caroline's Alzheimer's made it worse: she'd forget that we asked her not to give the children snacks - she loves her snacks, especially nuts - and my son has a nut allergy. She would also overfeed her pets and they would get sick.

    There's the time her dog had diarrhea in the living room - on the only rug in the house, of course - as I was feeding the kids lunch. Caroline accidentally stepped in it, and started tracking it through the house. When I told her that it was on her shoes, she took them off ... and started to rinse them off in the kitchen sink! Over the dishes! And next to the food I was preparing for the kids! I wanted to scream and yell and grab my children and just run away with them. But I was patient. I explained that it wasn't the best place to wash her shoes, and we dealt with it. (Ten minutes later she was back washing them in the kitchen sink again).

    Enter Psycho. She takes Caroline for a weekend to give us a break. (I warn her to clean her kitchen sink often). But when I pick up Caroline after that weekend, Psycho calls us and explains that Caroline [edit] doesn't want her finances to be controlled by my wife.

    My wife and I were both shocked. We didn't know why Caroline wouldn't trust her with her finances. I had just been up 'til 5 a.m. the previous night sorting through the seven life insurance policies that Caroline had been paying for. (I'd previously assumed it was only two, until I noticed that there were several different account numbers on the statements.) My first impression was "Okay, tell us who'll have Power of Attorney and I'll box-up all these papers and mail it tonight!"

    Psycho explained that Caroline wanted her (Psycho's) husband to power of attorney.

    Unfortunately, neither my wife nor I questioned whether this was what Caroline actually wanted ...

    Next: some Psycho e-mail fun

    As before, I'm changing names to protect everyone's privacy. Except for Sally. Because she's Psycho.
    Last edited by Palsgraf; 12-04-2011, 10:13 AM.

  • #2
    Quoth Palsgraf View Post
    Enter Psycho. She takes Caroline for a weekend to give us a break. (I warn her to clean her kitchen sink often). But when I pick up Caroline after that weekend, Sally calls us and explains that Caroline wants Psycho to control her finances instead of Wife.

    Wife and I were both shocked. We didn't know why Caroline wouldn't trust Wife with her finances. I had just been up 'til 5 a.m. the previous night sorting through the seven life insurance policies that Caroline had been paying for. (I'd previously assumed it was only two, until I noticed that there were several different account numbers on the statements.) My first impression was "Okay, tell us who'll have Power of Attorney and I'll box-up all these papers and mail it tonight!"

    Psycho explained that Caroline wanted her (Psycho's) husband to power of attorney.

    Unfortunately, neither my wife nor I questioned whether this was what Caroline actually wanted ...
    Depending on how far your MIL's dementia has gone, she may be past the point of being legally able to give a power of attorney, in which case a court would need to determine who should have it (your wife would be more likely than Psycho, since you and she appear to be the primary caregivers).

    Did you hear anything from your MIL about who she wants to have control, or only from Sally/Psycho? Sounds to me like the wishes originated with Psycho, either bypassing MIL completely, or putting pressure on her while she was away from you for the weekend.

    Talk to social services ASAP about this - Psycho may be trying to steal MIL's money by getting the power of attorney.
    Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

    Comment


    • #3
      Psycho Aunt Sally took my mother-in-law Caroline out to run some errands. These included moving Caroline's money from her checking account at "GiantBank" to a new joint account at Psycho's bank in both Caroline's and Psycho's names, and taking Caroline's dog to be groomed.

      Later that day, Psycho explained to us that she'd had Caroline write some checks, and that once the last one cleared the balance would be $0 and the account would close.

      That's not how I would have done it - having to wait for checks to clear - but, whatever.

      Days later, Wife noticed that her mother still had her debit card for the closed account at GiantBank. Wife later took it out of Caroline's wallet and went to a GiantBank ATM to print a statement, to see if everything was going properly.

      The account was overdrawn.

      I sent Psycho a text: "[Caroline's] [GiantBank] checking account is overdrawn $34.55 ... the amount of the dog grooming."

      Psycho Aunt Sally replied: "This is a good example of why she can't handle money. We took care of the dog after getting cash to pay .... Ugh!!!"

      No, it's a good example of why Psycho Aunt Sally shouldn't be in charge of handling Caroline's money!

      Sure, Psycho may have pulled out cash to pay for the dog grooming. And she may have handed it to Caroline to pay for it. But why did she then allow Caroline to use her old GiantBank debit card? And why didn't she just take away & cut up Caroline's debit card when they moved the money to the new account at Psycho's bank?

      We were initially told that it was to be Psycho's husband who would be handling Caroline's finances ... so why was Psycho closing & opening accounts? And why was Psycho's name on the new account instead of Psycho's husband?

      SPOILER ALERT: DISCUSSING A LATER DEVELOPMENT WITH GiantBank GIVES AWAY AN UPCOMING EVENT!

      We'd assumed that by telling Psycho about the account being overdrawn, she would immediately resolve it.

      But ...

      Months after we had given Wife's brother ("Mike") Power of Attorney instead of Psycho, we received a statement from GiantBank:

      Beginning Balance: $42.95-
      Service Charges and Other Fees: $47.00-
      Ending Balance: $89.95-


      Yes, Psycho Aunt Sally had done nothing to resolve the account being overdrawn.

      And by doing nothing, it allowed GiantBank to charge more fees and penalties each month.

      And what happened to the previous statement(s) showing that it hadn't been resolved? Had Psycho changed the address to her home address, and then after seeing that the mess she'd created was just growing & getting worse, she just changed it back to our address ... for us to discover it and clean it up ourselves?
      Last edited by Palsgraf; 11-08-2011, 09:45 AM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Oh, dear god. What's next, she's blaming you for every war in history?
        Low lie the Fields of Athenry/ Where once we watched the small free birds fly/ Our love was on the wing/ we had dreams and songs to sing/ It's so lonely around the Fields of Athenry

        Comment


        • #5
          Call Adult Protective Services NOW.

          Aunt Pyscho is abusing the finances of MIL. She knew what would happen when the GiantBank account got overdrawn and knew she would get away with letting it go . . . it's not HER account after all.

          Caroline was not competent to give Pyscho control of your fiances. Get together all the documentation you can. You'll have to go to court. A judge might appoint someone else to supervise Caroline's finances, suspecting a family squabble, but at least it won't be Aunt Pyscho.
          They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

          Comment


          • #6
            Shortly after she had Caroline's money put in a new account in both of their names, Psycho Aunt Sally began obsessing about all the money Caroline owes her from over the years.

            Uh-oh.

            Yes, there was the time that Caroline flew up and claimed that she'd lost her purse at the airport. Psycho loaned her some money to use during her visit, and apparently Caroline never returned it. I'm guessing it would have been $250 to $500. That's just my guess.

            But now Psycho's telling everyone that Caroline owes her almost $10,000!

            Uh-oh.

            She also started talking about involving an attorney, even though my ex-roommate (who's been attorney for more than ten years and has plenty of experience with elder care law) tells us it's unnecessary to involve a lawyer just for assignment of Power of Attorney.

            What's Psycho up to?



            From: [Palsgraf & Wife]
            Date: Tue, May 17, 2011 at 8:24 AM
            Subject: Power of attorney
            To: [Psycho Aunt Sally]

            I had thought that we were going to sit down together as a group and discuss? What happened to that plan?

            - [Wife]



            From: [Psycho Aunt Sally]
            Date: Tue, May 17, 2011 at 5:59 PM
            Subject: Re: Power of attorney
            To: [Palsgraf & Wife]

            [Wife] -

            I spoke with your Mom again and she wants to sign these papers. The problem is that what I am doing with her bills is an oral agreement of POA but it needs to be legal should anything questions come up. THe problem my attorney friend said was her declining health would make it IMPOSSIBLE to make anyone POA and HCPOA and then we are in trouble-she could go to a hospital and because of HIPA none of us could discuss or make any changes with treatment.

            I have no problem if you want to be her HCPOA to be able to discuss care, etc and end of life decisions, but we do need to talk to her about this.

            She said again on Sunday to [Psycho's husband] and I she wanted you removed from these decisions-that you have too much to handle etc etc-I don't think it;s mean or malicious or anything....so I would not worry about that.

            Please do call by tomorrow so if there is any changes to her paperwork I can let the attorney know. But we need to move fast-trust me, I went through this with [Wife's grandfather] and he almost screwed it up because he signed on the wrong line..... been there, done that.

            S



            From: [Palsgraf & Wife]
            Date: Tue, May 17, 2011 at 10:18 PM
            Subject: Re: Power of attorney
            To: [Psycho Aunt Sally]

            I understand the urgency, but it has not been discussed between all of us, which I thought we talked about a couple of weeks ago doing - after mom "ran away." All of the sudden you have decided to follow through without consulting [Wife's brother "Mike"] or me. I was thinking of having mom meet with one of the senior social workers in the next couple days so that an outsider who has knowledge can possibly counsel her. We all need to meet to discuss this so she an tell us at the same time as apposed to it being "She said, she said." Please cancel the meeting with the attorney on Friday until we can make this happen. We can even meet at [Wife's place of employment] and get the paperwork taken care of there. We have a notary and there are plenty of witnesses around.

            You have taken over financial stuff with no transparency to ["Mike"] or me. With the checking account, we had discussed me having some kind of access even after you got mom to do a joint account. Mom asks me all the time about her finances and I am not able to tell her. Imagine how it makes us both feel. Even being able to check balances together with her would put our minds at ease.

            I took clothes to her today and walked [Caroline's dog]. I also gave her copies of the power of attorney for property and health. I felt she was in a good enough place to be able to at least look at it - I don't know what she would comprehend. I was glad that she was Also, it is not required that a lawyer complete paperwork - it just needs to be witnessed and notarized and that we have plenty copies of originals.

            I am the one dealing with a majority of the stuff with her. Taking care of the finances is not an issue and in a lot of ways being in the dark is making it a lot more difficult. You could have taken the time to let me know about the meeting for the power of attorney.

            On our side of things, what is bothering me so much is that we discuss doing things and then you make a executive decision without consulting - the banking, the power of attorney, giving me no financial info...

            [Wife]



            From: [Psycho Aunt Sally]
            Date: Wed, May 18, 2011 at 6:40 AM
            Subject: Re: Power of attorney
            To: [Palsgraf & Wife, as well as every family member Psycho could think of]

            [Wife],

            NO transparency? I called [Wife's brother "Mike"] weeks ago when your Mom first asked me to get involved. If ["Mike"] were here he probably would be asked to take over this responsibility. [....] You are NOT in the dark with her finances. You have given me every one of her bills to pay. In fact [Palsgraf] was just here two nights ago and gave me more of [Caroline's] bills, which I took care of last night. [....] Since I am paying her bills I do need POA. Period. That's all this is about. Is it something else for you? [Caroline's other sister] and I split the responsibilities and never had one cross word with each other. It was a relief to have two involved because this is work. [....] My family is acutely aware of this situation and believe your ego (pride?) is what is driving your mean spiritedness. I had to go back to apologize to [Caroline's friend] who you deeply hurt when he tried to help two months ago-you are rude, abrupt and disrespectful. If you recall, I had to get [Caroline's friend] involved because I had to work the weekend you sent your Mom alone on a plane-something that [Caroline's friend] said was extremely confusing to her. Again, this is a decision you and you alone made disregarding the advise of others but then others always have to step in to assist. [....] I know that you are on depression and high blood pressure med's. Sharing some of this work should be a blessing to you as you deal with your everyday responsibilities.

            Aunt Sally




            I can't let that last e-mail sit there with out comment. It's screaming at me!

            1. Just because we'd given Psycho all of Caroline's bills doesn't mean we had any idea what was going on with her money (or if they were even getting paid!).

            2. I forwarded this one e-mail to Caroline's other sister (Psycho had sent it to every family member except her) and she laughed at the claim that they "never had one cross word with each other." It was more like, everything was fine as long as Psycho got what she wanted.

            3. "My family is acutely aware of this situation" because Psycho complains to everyone about Wife (probably because, unlike others, Wife doesn't do what Psycho demands just to appease her).

            4. Caroline's friend knew nothing about my wife being "rude, abrupt, and disrespectful." Go figure.

            5. My wife put Caroline on the plane, and I then picked her up at the airport. That's much less confusing that Psycho's suggestion that Caroline just take the train from the airport into the city and wander around shopping until Psycho was off from work and ready to take her. Yes Psycho, having someone with dementia and Alzheimers just wander around shopping downtown in a city she hadn't lived in for many many years is a fantastic idea! What a dumbass.

            6. Award ten Psycho Points for throwing in my wife's face that she's taking medication ... and announcing it in this mass e-mail that Psycho sent out. What a b***h.
            Last edited by Palsgraf; 11-08-2011, 09:50 AM.

            Comment


            • #7
              You may want to keep your lawyer friend in the loop as to what's going on! This is skirting closer to elder abuse then I'm comfortable with

              Comment


              • #8
                I'm definately getting the smell of something hinky here. You may want to fight the financial PoA, or even put up the money for someone third party to take care of it a couple hours per week to prove you're more interested in her best interests than your own.
                The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
                "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
                Hoc spatio locantur.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth Palsgraf View Post
                  Shortly after she had Caroline's money put in a new account in both of their names, Psycho Aunt Sally began obsessing about all the money Caroline owes her from over the years.

                  But now Psycho's telling everyone that Caroline owes her almost $10,000!
                  This is a HUGE red flag. I say again, CALL ADULT PROTECTIVE SERVICES!


                  Quoth Palsgraf View Post
                  She also started talking about involving an attorney, even though my ex-roommate (who's been attorney for more than ten years and has plenty of experience with elder care law) tells us it's unnecessary to involve a lawyer just for assignment of Power of Attorney.[

                  What's Psycho up to?
                  She wants to lock everything up nice and legal, and claim "the lawyer" told her to do this and that to avoid personal responsibility for what she is up to, which is cleaning Caroline out.

                  You don't need a lawyer for POA. However, given Caroline's state of dementia, she is probably not legally competent to sign one at this point, so Pyscho Aunt Sally's efforts are actually legally moot.

                  My mother has dementia. She got mad at me a few months ago, and was talking about writing me out of the will. My brother made the comment, "Don't worry you'll get your half, once it's mine I can do what I want with it and I'll get you your half."

                  My response to him was, "Any will that does not split things 50-50 between us will be taken to court by me on the grounds Mom is not of sound legal mind."

                  I don't think my brother wants to or is trying to screw me. But money does funny things to families, as the judge told my brother and myself when we went to court to get temporary guardianship over her financial affairs. Once a will is probated in his favor, I will have no rights and no way to force him to give me anything. I'm not going to risk it.



                  Quoth Palsgraf View Post
                  I spoke with your Mom again and she wants to sign these papers. The problem is that what I am doing with her bills is an oral agreement of POA but it needs to be legal should anything questions come up. THe problem my attorney friend said was her declining health would make it IMPOSSIBLE to make anyone POA and HCPOA and then we are in trouble-she could go to a hospital and because of HIPA none of us could discuss or make any changes with treatment.
                  OK, let me correct some incorrect statements/falsehoods here.

                  You cannot have POA by oral agreement. It's written or it is not valid. No bank will accept, "Caroline verbally wants me to be her POA." They want written, legal documentation that specifically outlines what the POA is allowed to do.

                  I ran into this when my brother and I got a court order making us our Mom's legal guardian. Because the order didn't spell out the financial aspects, we had trouble getting the bank to recognize it. (This is a good thing IMHO).

                  She's already not of sound mind to make a POA, and you can use that as a basis to challenge it in court if need be. However, if Caroline signs one, the bank will probably honor it unless they get direction from a judge not to. So if you don't act, you will be SOL.

                  HIPAA is another matter. The hospital will recognize Caroline is not of sound mind and ask the nearest living relative to sign consents, and will communicate important medical information with that person. My brother and I had NO problem with this when Mom was in the hospital a few weeks ago, nor did it stop us from placing her in an assisted living facility--the hospital refused to discharge her home because they knew it was not safe for her to be there. We got the guardianship so we could pay for the assisted living facility, pay her bills (many of which were overdue), and handle other legal affairs. There are exceptions in HIPAA that allow this kind of communication in situations like this. Aunt Sally is blowing smoke up your ass.

                  As for changes in the plan of care, again, it is possible for family to make changes without a healthcare POA, and to change it in spite of one!

                  Patients who have DNR orders in their living wills often have them overridden when some relative shows up and screams bloody murder: doctors and hospitals are risk adverse and don't want to deal with a legal case related to malpractice and "murdering Grandma."

                  When my father was dying in the hospital, his doctor called me to discuss a do not resusitate (DNR) order. I asked her if she'd discussed this with my mother. The doctor said yes, and that Mom wanted me to make that decision.

                  I took the doctor's word for it, and said, "Then he's a no code. No CPR, no intubation."

                  My brother never questioned this. Dad died that night, peacefully.

                  I did not have a health care POA for Dad, but the hospital accepted my authorization for a DNR and respected it.

                  Food for thought.


                  Quoth Palsgraf View Post
                  I have no problem if you want to be her HCPOA to be able to discuss care, etc and end of life decisions, but we do need to talk to her about this
                  .

                  Of course she doesn't care about healthcare POA. That doesn't affect her, she'll have control over the money either way. In fact, the longer Caroline lives, the easier it will be for Sally since she won't have to show Caroline's financials to a probate court.

                  By the time you have that family meeting, Sally will have already told Caroline what to say. Which again, is why you need to get help from Adult Protective Services.

                  Quoth Palsgraf View Post
                  She said again on Sunday to [Psycho's husband] and I she wanted you removed from these decisions-that you have too much to handle etc etc-I don't think it;s mean or malicious or anything....so I would not worry about that.
                  Here's she's trying to make it so that her having financial control is in YOUR best interest. She's smooth.

                  Quoth Palsgraf View Post
                  Please do call by tomorrow so if there is any changes to her paperwork I can let the attorney know. But we need to move fast-trust me, I went through this with [Wife's grandfather] and he almost screwed it up because he signed on the wrong line..... been there, done that.
                  And if you didn't call, then I guarantee you she went ahead with her own plans and will play the wounded victim when you object . . . "but I TOOOLDD you to call me and you Diidddn't! What was I supposed to do, something needed to be done and I explained time was of the essence!"

                  Quoth Palsgraf View Post
                  I can't let that last e-mail sit there with out comment. It's screaming at me!
                  It was screaming at me, too.

                  Quoth Palsgraf View Post
                  1. Just because we'd given Psycho all of Caroline's bills doesn't mean we had any idea what was going on with her money (or if they were even getting paid!).
                  This exact same thought occurred to me as I read Sally's email.

                  Quoth Palsgraf View Post
                  2. I forwarded this one e-mail to Caroline's other sister (Psycho had sent it to every family member except her) and she laughed at the claim that they "never had one cross word with each other." It was more like, everything was fine as long as Psycho got what she wanted.
                  Not surprising. This is more manipulation to make herself look like the hero and everyone else a villain. It's probably how she sleeps at night.

                  Quoth Palsgraf View Post
                  3. "My family is acutely aware of this situation" because Psycho complains to everyone about Wife (probably because, unlike others, Wife doesn't do what Psycho demands just to appease her).
                  Again, not surprising. See my comment above.

                  Quoth Palsgraf View Post
                  4. Caroline's friend knew nothing about my wife being "rude, abrupt, and disrespectful."
                  You need to convince this friend to rebut this allegation to APS or in court.

                  Quoth Palsgraf View Post
                  5. My wife put Caroline on the plane, and I then picked her up at the airport. That's much less confusing that Psycho's suggestion that Caroline just take the train from the airport into the city and wander around shopping until Psycho was off from work and ready to take her. Yes Psycho, having someone with dementia and Alzheimers just wander around shopping downtown in a city she hadn't lived in for many many years is a fantastic idea! What a dumbass.
                  I dunno, it might have worked out better for Caroline if that happened, in a left handed way.

                  Airports are big on security, I'm sure someone would have noticed her wandering around the airport (she probably never would make it out on her own) acting oddly. Dementia patients frequently have worse confusion and behavioral problems in strange situations, especially away from home.

                  This is what happened with my Mom. We couldn't convince her to see a doctor, even though everyone knew something was very wrong, but we didn't have enough proof to get APS involved. I told my brother we would have to wait for something to happen, and that's exactly what did happen: she got a UTI, locked herself out of the house, and got lost. Someone called the police.

                  Brother and I took advantage of the opportunity to get Mom into a safe place.

                  Quoth Palsgraf View Post
                  6. Award ten Psycho Points for throwing in my wife's face that she's taking medication ... and announcing it in this mass e-mail that Psycho sent out. What a b***h.
                  Divide and conquer is a classic military tactic because it WORKS.

                  I wish you the best of luck. Shoot down this bitch before she bleeds Caroline dry.
                  They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Here's the next e-mail from my wife to Psycho, followed by a series of text messages from Psycho back to her that I patched together ...

                    From: [Wife]
                    Date: Wed, May 18, 2011 at 8:43 AM
                    Subject: Re: Power of attorney
                    To: [Psycho Aunt Sally]

                    My mom left my house because we were fighting about over-feeding her pets and as a result [Caroline's dog] having loose bowel movements and the way she cleaned it up. It was a fight and I was willing to have her come back after the break, you were the one that said she had to move out, but also not willing to have her stay with you. Also to have her make a decision about finaical stuff when she is not doing her best is not in her best interest.

                    I am in the dark about her finances at this point - I do not know everything that has been paid out. How hard is it to give me the [bank] user name and password so I can look at things? You took on the financial responsibilty on your own - asking for the insurance info - [Palsgraf] and I had just figured out which insurance policies she had and I was going to write letters that week, but you demanded that we give the stuff to you. You did ask which ones we thought we should keep. You say it is time consuming, and I am willing to take on that respnsibility. Right now you have been telling us how much time your new job is taking up.

                    I appreciate that you got her into [residence facility in the city] sooner, but then I had to drop eveything to get her moved in.

                    I am not the one who suggested that Mom go to [Caroline's friend's]. You initiated that, then went out of town and I had to figure out what to do next. [....]

                    At the time of the move from [Caroline's home], none of us knew how disoriented she could be, so please do not put that on me. I did discuss with [brother "Mike"] the benefits of plane ride vesus truck ride. Do you honestly believe that a 24 hour truck ride would have been better. You also wanted her to take a train to you!

                    [....]

                    It is actually our relationship that has never been that good and it saddens me that you have to get personal about the way I live and bring up that I am on medication as if there is something wrong with it. People lead their lives in different ways and I am sorry that you do not value that.

                    My relationship with my mother has always been strained, but I have been stepping up the last year.

                    As requested before, I want all of us to meet and even to have a telephone conference with ["Mike"] to decide what the next steps should be. I do no think this is unreasonable.

                    - [Wife]


                    And now for Psycho's responses ...

                    I hope you received my emails. I just has a 30 minute heartfelt conversation with [Caroline]. She was lucid, thanked me for the play, told me how much she lo

                    ves me and am so glad I am doing her legal stuff. I think I'll go have a good cry. She's my favorite sibling [Wife] and just know that this us causing

                    be great pain too.

                    [Wife] / you do a very good job of pointing fingers and placing blame. Your mom hated living with you. We realize you are over the edge with responsib

                    ility. Do you even consider the 55 years I have been a sister? Probably not because it's all about you. Hell you can't even communicate and look
                    Someone

                    in the eye. Its easier to not answer the phone! I haven't begun to tell you what your mom thinks because I have tried to protect you. Your mom wants to

                    proceed with the meeting but I will call her tomorrow to discuss. I am quite sure that when your mom is mentally gone I will mourn her and you will n

                    or.

                    And by the way your mother loves you but this isn't about that. If you want to be a bully by all means feel free. this isn't my gig. I'm just trying to h

                    elp my sister.


                    1. I've never known my wife to point fingers and place blame. If it's an important trait to acquire, then perhaps she could take a few lessons on that from Psycho?

                    2. Yes, Caroline did hate living with us because of the cramped conditions: three adults, three children, four cats, and a dog - all in a small two-bedroom house. But it was temporary. Nice, though, that Psycho wasn't willing to have Caroline stay for more than a weekend at her large 4+ bedroom house that only Psycho & her husband were occupying at the time ...

                    3. Psycho states that my wife was over the edge with responsibilities ... but Psycho also kept complaining to us about how much time her new job was taking and that she didn't have time to immediately tackle all of Caroline's finances. And I thought it was Psycho's husband who was supposed to be handling her money?!

                    Perhaps Psycho shouldn't have gotten herself fired from her last job? (It's just a guess). She has claimed that she'd quit the previous job. But it was quite abrupt, and this new job pays MUCH less than the previous one. Maybe she'd started treating employees/coworkers the way she's been treating my wife, and they promptly showed her the door? (Note: She's no longer at the 'new' job, either. She must have 'quit' there too!)

                    4. Psycho claims that my wife thinks this is all about herself. Actually, Psycho's life seems to always revolve around her daughter. EVERYTHING is ALWAYS about what Psycho and her daughter want. [See my earlier Psycho Aunt Sally from a couple years ago: http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=31524 ]. Back when Psycho's toddler grandson came from halfway across the country for Christmas, Psycho told us that that Christmas would be special because it would be her daughter's last Christmas at home (before graduating and moving-out). Really? What about your grandson?! How many times has she seen him? She sees her daughter every day! Sad.

                    5. The reason my wife rarely answers the phone at work is because she's rarely in her office. I'm sure she's explained that to Psycho several times, but ...

                    6. It would have been nice to hear from Caroline at least once that she wanted to proceed with the meeting with the attorney.

                    7. Hearing Psycho accuse my wife of being a bully is actually quite hilarious! Ask ANYONE in the family to pick which member they'd label as "the bully" and I guarantee you that most would say it's Psycho. Why does Psycho continually accuse my wife of being/doing things that she - Psycho - actually does?

                    I need to find the e-mail where Psycho addresses my wife's e-mailed request for the password (to at least see what's happening with her mother's finances) ...
                    Last edited by Palsgraf; 11-08-2011, 09:56 AM.

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                    • #11
                      I am new to this website and when I saw this post I felt the need to join up and reply.
                      I am dealing with my father having possible vascular dementia. He was my financial planner and he refused to sell stock when the stock market originally tanked, I was living in another country at the time so I needed someone to help take care of my affairs in the US. I am basically broke now.
                      I have gone back to school to get my teaching license and because I am a student I have access to a lawyer who answers questions from the students. I live in Ma. I learned that I couldn't get my money back but I also learned that if I chose to become responsible for writing checks for my dad's stuff it would be a nightmare. It's a lot of work and if my dad contested incompetanse which they often do you could spend years in court and spend a lot of money on this. My father would have fought this tooth and nail so I am just letting him make his own decisions. -He lives with his sister and she takes care of him. He isn't so bad that he needs a nursing home yet.

                      Relatives ripping them off and others is another issue as well. Make sure you talk to her doctor and don't pay for anything in your name or creditors will have the right to come after you. Also don't start paying for her nursing home let the state pay for it. The lawyer I talked to said that people who start paying the nursing home often get stuck paying much more of the bill than the state does as the state welfare people have been told to basically trick families into paying for things as much as possible to keep state expenses down. Also I joined another online forum: http://www.alz.org/index.asp

                      It's a forum for Alzheimer's Disease. There are some really good people there. Talk with your state officials and talk to any national groups about this. There are hotlines that are free that will help you get answers. It doesn't sound like you have a lot of money so be careful. This can be a money pit. Remember that you have kids. A helpful piece of advice that I was told recently: "When a plane is about to crash they always tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping to put on anyone else's." -This is very true. Please take care of yourselves and God bless you!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Why in the heck are you even arguing with this woman? (BTW I like the title of her, Psycho Aunt Sally. Just flows well as a phrase)

                        You have suspicions, actually some proof that she is pilfering money and "telling" the family that Mom Wants Me To Do This. Which is horsepucky, unless it's in writing by your mom.

                        Again, why the hell are you (family) arguing with this woman? Get thee ass to a lawyer NOW and do not engage the crazy. Adult Protective Services. Ask about freezing bank accounts. DO NOT STOP, DO NOT PASS GO.
                        In my heart, in my soul, I'm a woman for rock & roll.
                        She's as fast as slugs on barbituates.

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                        • #13
                          My wife e-mailed her mother's other sister about this:


                          From: [Palsgraf & Wife]
                          Date: Wed, May 18, 2011 at 12:58 PM
                          Subject: Hi there
                          To: [Uncle & non-psycho Aunt]

                          Hey [non-psycho Aunt],

                          What was Sally like dealing with [Grandfather] when he came up here? Things have gotten pretty bad around discussions about my mom.

                          [Wife]




                          From: [non-psycho Aunt]
                          Date: Wed, May 18, 2011 at 2:10 PM
                          Subject: Re: Hi there
                          To: [Palsgraf & Wife]

                          [Wife],

                          Sally always tried to tell me what to do about [Grandfather] and the estate. But, she's always been a control freak and tries to tell everyone how to run their life. Don't let her influence you -- it's your Mom and you need to do what you feel is best for her. If you begin to doubt what you are doing, talk to [Wife's brother "Mike"]. Or call me. When [Caroline's husband] died and Sally wanted to commit your Mom right away, [Mike] said he should have called me because he felt I was at least rational.

                          I thought your Mom was pretty good at the [recent visit]. Yes, she did tell the same story a couple of times, yes she did get confused on whether or not she could have [her dog] at her new residence, but she remembered a lot. The way Sally told it I didn't think your Mom would recognize [non-psycho Aunt's husband] and I, but she did. We had a good talk about many things. I really think she just needs stability and hopefully she'll have that at her new place. [....]

                          I know it's not easy dealing with her and her problems. Sometimes it's like talking to a child... It reminds me of dealing with [Grandmother] her last few years. I'm sure you feel overwhelmed at times, dealing with her and your three kids. All I can say is hang in there. I know your Mom loves you lots, she has told me that many times. I really appreciate all you are doing for her. It's times like this I wish we were still in [City] so I could help.

                          Take care,
                          [non-psycho Aunt]




                          That e-mail from my wife's other Aunt REALLY helped - the support was exactly what my wife needed at the time!


                          Quoth music chick View Post
                          [....] if my dad contested incompetence [....] My father would have fought this tooth and nail so I am just letting him make his own decisions.
                          Caroline flat-out refused to surrender control of her finances ... until my wife started taking her to see doctors who tested her for dementia & Alzheimer's. Only then did she realize how bad it was. Apparently, her former doctor where she used to live (a well-known Southern retirement community) didn't perform any of these tests, and left very little notes in her medical records that he forwarded, though he did perform plenty of other tests that he'd billed her insurance for.

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                          • #14
                            An odd explanation from Psycho on why we can't see Caroline's financial records, and a final plea from my wife for Psycho to delay her taking Caroline to meet with an attorney:


                            From: [Psycho Aunt Sally]
                            To: [Palsgraf & Wife; Wife's brother "Mike"]
                            Sent: Wed, May 18, 2011 3:54 pm

                            [Wife],

                            [....]

                            As I mentioned to you three weeks ago when I opened this checking account at your Mom's request, it was tied in to my personal on-line banking. Therefore I cannot give you my pass code. I hope that this makes sense since you did not seem to understand when I told you this.

                            [....] At one point you and I did discuss that Medicaid will not kick in for your Mom's living situation until her funds are exhausted. There is, however, still the burden of additional expenses for daily personal care, hygiene, clothing and anything else she might need. I could very easily transfer money to [Psycho's husband]'s or my account to "hide" the fact that [Caroline] has any money. [....]

                            My lengthy email was sent after 6 nasty grams from you and I did not handle it well having lost an entire night's sleep worrying about this. As I said to you last week, I also have a busy life-trying to create a new sense of financial stability and not only learning a new job, but writing an entire Health and Wellness program that the expectation is to gross $4 MIL by year 2---all challenging stuff. I will commit to not responding to your emails in the future unless I can keep a cool head.

                            Regarding the POA and HCPOA ; ["Mike"] will be named HCPOA with me (#2) available locally until he can get here if your Mom goes into a hospital or has a life threatening condition. He would like to keep you out of the loop, (so unless I Hear otherwise I will still be the POA) and then your visits to you Mom can be just that-visits where she can see you and have a relationship with her grand kids.

                            If you two decide otherwise, let me know. Otherwise as planned, I am taking your Mom to the attorney on Friday. Please remember that I am here to help.

                            [Psycho] Aunt Sally


                            1. Psycho "cannot" give out her pass-code? Or "will not"? Why did she tie it to her online banking like that if others - whom she didn't want to share her pass-code with - should be able to view them. I really like the snotty "since you did not seem to understand when I told you this" comment - that's what you get for challenging Psycho: an insult. i.e. Don't do it again!

                            2. Thank you, Psycho, for putting in-writing your intention (or at least willingness to) hide funds from Medicare/Medicaid!!!! I'll be saving this e-mail forever, should I need to prove (to anyone who doesn't already know you) that you're unfit to have Power of Attorney. Many, many thanks!

                            3. Psycho's blaming her nasty e-mails on my wife's six "nasty" e-mails and her busy new job (while also bragging about it!) ... because nothing is Psycho's fault! And which of my wife's e-mails are "nasty"? I've posted them all here, and (I'll check again just to be sure) there's nothing nasty about them.

                            4. I like how Psycho's plans for who should have Power of Attorney and Health Care Power of Attorney completely circumvent my wife ... especially since my wife is the one who takes her Caroline to all of her doctor visits - not Psycho, and not her brother Mike.

                            5. "Please remember that I am here to help." Makes me want to vomit.



                            From: [Psycho Aunt Sally]
                            Date: Wed, May 18, 2011 at 4:58 PM
                            To: [Mike; Palsgraf & Wife]

                            One more comment to [Mike] and [Wife]-

                            I will ask the attorney to put in a clause that at any time I can relinquish my duties and hand all over to [Mike] based on the fact that his hope is to move here. That way we will hopefully not incur more attorney expenses.

                            A S


                            6. ditto #4 above



                            From: [Palsgraf & Wife]
                            Date: Thu, May 19, 2011 at 7:03 AM
                            To: [Psycho Aunt Sally]
                            Cc: [Mike]

                            [....]

                            I am again requesting that we meet to discuss what mom wants at this time as far as power of attorney for property and health goes. I would like to involve a social worker who is outside of the situation and could help us resolve this.

                            Mom's house is closing and we will be receiving the paperwork today, but we will be at her doctor's appointment when it arrives. We have to get it completed tomorrow. I do not want anything to hinder the closing, so I am requesting that you wait on the attorney's appointment.

                            I want to be at the meeting with the attorney. Please let me know when the new appointment will be set up.

                            [Wife]



                            What happens next is ... kinda beautiful ...
                            Last edited by Palsgraf; 11-19-2011, 11:22 AM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Does your state have a elder abuse law? If it does it is something to look in to. Find an advocacy group to talk to.
                              "Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are your own fears." – Rudyard Kipling

                              I don't have hot flashes. I have short, private vacations to the tropics.

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