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  • molester uncle, tax man, car accident, mom in hopital...

    1) I hired a woman to take care of my mom. I've employed her for almost three years and beginning Jan 2011 my uncle, who visits my mom, started to come on to her, then asking her for sex, then insults her, then insults her husband, then grabs her. He said he cotrols my household (mom and me are in the same house), not me. The woman did not tell me anything until Aug. She said she has rebuffed him several times, and she thinks he finally got the hint. Then she tells me he has been going into my room and saying smack about me because I have birth control. I felt bad for her, though later on I was pissed she never mentioned he went into my room. I talked to my uncle about this and he acts like it's she who is a trouble maker. I told him he can't come over when she is there.
    Then mom went into the hospital about 2 weeks latter so I really don't know if he would stop harrassing the caretaker.

    2) In June I got some notice from the laywers of the County tax collectors. I thought it was junk mail until I got some sheriff who came by with paper work by these lawyers saying my mom owes taxes from 1991-2001. Mom has dementia so no way I can ask her about paying taxes (well, I asked but she doesn't remember). There are tax receipts but none for the years owed. I call the lawyers but they say that the dates given aren't correct, she doesn't owe for 1991-whenever, though she did owe 2001-2007(some years in between). I call the taxoffice, the only taxes she owes is 2001-2007, which I decide to pay (about $3,000) But I still have to respond to the judge, which I did. I also got my mom to sign a tax deferral form and submitted it to the correct agency. This way, her land can't be taken away though interest accumulates.

    Guess what? End of Sept, I get a certified letter saying there is a trial, she has to show up on Nov. 17. I call the lawyer again, he says it's a mistake, the courthouse isn't up to date, just write a letter to the judge. I decide to hire a lawyer I'm having a hard time finding a lawyer who specializes in this. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck....ugh!

    3)Mom is in the ICU in a hospital, and on my way to visit her (this is the end of Sept) I'm at a light, facing east and it's 8am. A bus doesn't stop and hits a bunch of cars and something flies into my windshield, braking it. It gets reported, the ins. of the bus company contacts me and asks the same questions, like "what is your plate no. what is your ssn? how much is the est." I keep on replying. To replace the glass is $110. I went to the doctor and I'm fine. So the adjuster wants to know if I will settle the claim for $110.

    4) mom is in the hospital. In the end of 2007 mom can't eat and vomits everything. Finally in Oct of 2008 she is told she has kidney failure, due to amylodosis (sp?). She goes to dialysis, and gets weaker (really, walks less, then can't walk without help) though she improves overall. Sometimes she gets admitted to the hospital for infections/low white blood cell counts. oNe time she was admitted her pericardium is full of fluid and she goes into surgery for a procedure. I notice after ward she isn't the same. She is more volitile. Then she doesn't remember things. I find out she has dementia, though once she gets home she isn't as volitile. But as time passes she spends more time in the hospital. It might last a week; the time when she had a procedure on her pericardium, she was in the hospital for almost 3 weeks, but because they didn't discover her heart problem (it was really minor at the time) till almost 2 weeks into her hospital stay.

    Last time she was in the hospital was in May-June, for a month.

    Then on Labor day I get her ready for dialysis but I see she throwed up. I call the ambulance and she goes to the hospital. She goes into arrest and he gets a breathing tube down her throat, then a line to feed her. She is on a ventilator for almost 3 weeks when they give her a trach. Then give her a peg (sp?) line to feed her-a tube inserted from her outside of her belly to her stomach. She has a catherer (sp) for urine, then they put a tube up her rectum because she has diarriah and so her poop goes into a bag. They say she isn't tolerating being off the trach, so they are planning to send her to a home, though she keeps on getting infections so that has to be treated in the hospital. She doesn't speak. We never talked about at what time she should not be given any treatment to keep her alive. But she looks miserable, I know she wants to go home (she always ask doctors when she can go home, though these last 2 hospiatl stays she hasn't talked). I'm hoping she can get better to get off the trach but I think if she ever goes home I would not let her be hospitalized and let her die peacefully at home. I'm thinking of hospice care, where they take her off of dialysis. They say the toxins would accumulate in her and she would go into a coma and die peacefully. But I know she is a fighter, she might get off the trach.

    5)I fill out FMLA paperwork every year for work. The doctor (last year I got her kidney doctor to fill it out) fills out a part, I submit it to work so any absenses I get for taking care of my mom doens't affect me. I turned it in to the kidney doctor in the end of Aug. Sept. 5 mom goes to the hospital. Last week (I've been calling every week; one point the paperwork got lost, antoher point the doctor said he wanted to know why I needed this filled out) I'm told by the social worker who works in his office that since he hadn't seen her in a month he won't sign it. Fuck, I gave it back in Aug., he done it a year before so he should just copied what he did put down last year. The thing is I took her to a hospital he doesn't go to so I think he is being a dick with me. I wish he said something when he realized she wasn't in his care at the hospital. Now I have to find another doctor. She really hasn't seen her pcp since whenever she gets sick the people in dialysis notice first and ship her to a hospital that her pcp doesn't go to.

    I'm not broken down by most of this, though the thing that I have a hard time with is my mom in the hospital and trying to do the best for her. I don't want her to suffer. What my uncle did hurt, because he was the person most there for me when my dad died when I was 16. I don't know what I'm going to do about the property. Best scenerio is I get a lawyer, or I have to represent my mom in court, and who knows what mistakes I will make in front of a judge.
    Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

    Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

    I wish porn had subtitles.

  • #2
    ok first take a deep breath .... and exhale.....

    then - Legal aid - somebody should know tax law

    also, if you haven't done so already, you need to get yourself appointed Power of Attorney for your mom NOW. (medical and legal/financial)

    for the FMLA paperwork - if your mother's PCP won't fill it out, try talking to the hospital where she was treated, see if they will fill it out for you.. with your mother being admitted for weeks at a time, I'm sure they recognize your face, even if you and them haven't gotten to where you are on a first name basis (and know all about their families)

    as for the Uncle - get the locks changed, do not give him a key, write him a letter explaining that he violated your trust and now is only welcome in your mother's home when you are there... do NOT tell him that the locks have been changed; send it certified/return receipt also, print out a copy and sign and date it, put the return receipt with your copy of the letter somewhere that is safe. If the home health aid comes back, then let her know that the uncle is not to be there when you are not, she is to keep the door locked, and if he shows up, to tell him "sorry, DMFan's not home please come back when she is"
    I am well versed in the "gentle" art of verbal self-defense

    Once is an accident; Twice is coincidence; Thrice is a pattern.

    http://www.gofundme.com/treasurenathanwedding

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    • #3
      legal aid: I looked in the Texas Legal Directory, and don't see any tax lawyers (unless it's federal or bankruptcy) in my area. I have a list of legal aid lines. ONe for seniors called me back to tell me to look at their online directory, which is only legal lines, not a list of lawyers. I emailed another legal aid group, and I havn't heard back, their is another legal aid line that take calls for free legal advise on Wed from 5-9. I decide to call back then. There are other legal aid lines, from some universities so I'm working on those. I really need a lawyer so I'm still looking. I'm also going to ask them for power of attorney help, so I can get a lawyer for that.

      The uncle situation involved me and 2 aunts talking to him, telling him he can't come in when the caretaker is there. The 2 weeks before my mom went to the hospital, he did not show up. Unless the caretaker didn't tell me. I think the only reason she told me is she had no one else to tell. She told her husband she was having problems with my uncle, but not that he was sexually harrassing her. So I think she felt better getting it off her chest but she might not want to tell me if there are more problems. I stayed home one day just to make sure he didn't come by.

      I talked to the social worker at the hospital. She said she will put the paperwork in the chart, but she said doctors hate paperwork. I'm expecting that the doctor (well, she has more than one since she has so many problems-hopefully one feels like helping out) to weasle out since my mom does't see her outside of the hospital. I could get her cardiologist to fill it out, since all her meds -which are blood presure meds- come from him, but I'll leave him as the next doctor to talk to if the hospital doctor doens't work out. The cardiologist is always busy.
      Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

      Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

      I wish porn had subtitles.

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      • #4
        Quoth depechemodefan View Post
        We never talked about at what time she should not be given any treatment to keep her alive. But she looks miserable, I know she wants to go home (she always ask doctors when she can go home, though these last 2 hospiatl stays she hasn't talked). I'm hoping she can get better to get off the trach but I think if she ever goes home I would not let her be hospitalized and let her die peacefully at home.
        First off, let me say I'm sorry all this is falling on you at once. Any one of these issues would be rough, but all at once, its a hard situation no matter how you look at it. Hang in there, and remember you can at least vent here as needed.

        Unfortunately, it is probably too late to discuss the end of life choices. That kind of thing has to be in a living will, made when she was of sound mind. With the diagnosis of dementia, you'll not get a legal living will at this point. However, with all of her medical issues, hospice will likely work with you if the hospital lets her go home. Talk to the doctor about her choices, and see what he'll do for you.

        I lost my paternal grandmother in a slow decline via cancer a few years ago, so I know how hard that part is. I'll keep you in my prayers/good thoughts.
        The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
        "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
        Hoc spatio locantur.

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        • #5
          If you're really interested in hospice, PM me. One of my clinicals is with hospice this semester so I've learned quite a bit about the system in your area.

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          • #6
            I really want to stress trying to get legal help. You may not be on the hook for your mom's bills, if your name is not on the property documents as owner or co-owner. If she owns property that you want to keep, though, then yes, you will probably have to pay the taxes. Legal Aid should be able to help you. Good luck!
            When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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            • #7
              You can also PM me about hospice. I work part time as a hospice nurse.

              I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, and it hits a nerve: I am going through this very same situation with my own mother. In fact, as I write this I am sitting in my mother's house, but she no longer lives here. My brother and I put her in a memory care unit three weeks ago. I came up from North Carolina to visit her, and do some work cleaning the house up as we will probably be selling it soon.

              It's hard.

              If uncle comes by again, consider getting a restraining order and a no trespass letter. Your caregiver should not have to put up with this. Try not to be upset with her about his going into your room; she was caught between a rock and a hard place.

              I hope your mother is as comfortable as she can be, and that everything goes well with the court situation. I've got to go to court myself in December over my Mom's financial issues, so I am praying for yours to work out well.
              They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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              • #8
                Ok, for the legal problem with the taxes. I talked to some free legal help (though I plan to hire a lawyer anyway) and they said to get from the law firm representing the tax office to give me a action for dismissal. I email the guy I talked to at that law office and he said:

                I don’t handle this kind of request and have included the assigned legal assistant to the attorney who maybe able to assist you concerning your request below about your mothers tax account.

                Blah. Stupid lawyers. got to hire me one definately.

                Mom is doing better.

                The thing with my truck: The adjuster asked how much was it to fix my truck. I said$110. He asked if that is the amount I wish to settle. I'm thinking, "I can ask for more money?" Maybe the $40 for going to the doctor. So far I'm fine. I had to use sick time that day to mentally recover from the accident, though. Hmm, should I ask for $2,000?
                Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

                Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

                I wish porn had subtitles.

                Comment

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