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My strange sales stories

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  • My strange sales stories

    I. Am. Not. A. Salesman. It doesn't matter how often I say it, lately I'm roped into doing sales. I don't like them. Not a bit. And yet, there's something strangely intriguing about encouraging someone to do something you don't think they'll do, just to see if they'll do it. Something satisfying, as well, when they actually do it.

    As a result, selling is a very strange beast for me. I don't consider myself charismatic and yet, sometimes I know exactly what to say, despite being fairly awkward socially and in general not being much of a people person. Here are my stories.

    The Frenchman

    There's one thing I've noticed about our French customers...they're rude. I mean, RUDE. Maybe not any ruder than your standard American customers in many senses, but for some reason they simply come off as goddamn rude at times. And I've learned that they seemingly appreciate being treated like that as well.

    The more you interrupt, appropriately of course, and are short with them, the better they seem to respond. I don't know why this is, but I've managed to actually sell more channels and products this way with them, even when they're not calling in about them. I don't know, it just seems very strange, but somehow it works.

    Fighting herp with derp

    Sometimes a customer will present you with an argument that is so idiotic, profound, and illogical, you just don't know how to respond. Other times, you know how you WANT to respond, but you don't. And then there are the times you respond that way anyway, because you've stopped giving a damn.

    SC: "So I want your HBO, BUT ONLY FOR A MONTH! I don't want to have to call in to cancel it!"
    Me: "Well sir, we don't have a way of setting that up. And really, as long as you call up after the 30 day mark, you would be good to cancel it without any penalty-"
    SC: "BULLCRAP. If you can put it on there, you can take it off, too!"

    I take a second to think about what he just said here. I mull it over in my mind while he launches into a tirade about...something. I really wasn't listening at this point. I have a tendency to phase out when I'm told something completely ignorant. Then I fire this back at him while he's talking.

    Me: "Hey sir."
    SC: "-and I...what?"
    Me: "So why wouldn't we be able to add this?"
    SC: "...huh?"
    Me: "I mean, obviously we can take it off, but only if you call in. Why would we proactively add this without your consent and why wouldn't we have a way to add this right now when you called in?"
    SC: "...uh...uhhh...I...uh...look, just add it!"
    Me: "Oh, right away sir!"

    Yes. That just happened. I was pretty surprised myself, actually. I'll post more of these as they happened. Oh, he went back into his tirade after I added this and 5 minutes later, added Playboy too!
    You can find me on Backloggery, Facebook, Twitch, Twitter, YouTube

  • #2
    Quoth gunsage View Post
    Fighting herp with derp
    Okay, my brain just exploded.

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    • #3
      Epic win!! I really wish I could get away with using logic with my customers like that... Unfortunately I think I would get slapped with the "condescending" label...oh well, I can dream!
      "I was only LOOKING, I didn't mean to enter my card's CVV and actually ORDER! REFUND ME RIGHT NOW!!"

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      • #4
        And another one. Semi-related to my other thread.

        It's Not What You Say, It's How You (Don't) Say It

        I get a call from someone who has questions about a new streaming service we offer. We're still fairly new to this, so I figure this is going to be a tough call. I'm right, but not in the way I anticipated.

        SC: "Yes, I would like to sign up for the streaming service."
        Me: *after performing account validation* "...hmm, that's strange. It looks like you already have it. Are you having trouble trying to access it?"
        SC: *lots of typing, 30 seconds of silence* "...HELLO?"
        Me: "Yes, I'm still here. I see it already on the account."
        SC: "...yes, I would like to add the streaming service."
        Me: "Well, that's just it; I see it on here already."
        SC: *lots of typing, 30 seconds of silence* "...HELLO?"
        Me: "Sir, I'm still here. It looks like you already have it."
        SC: "...well, I would like to add-"
        Me: "Sir, pardon me for interrupting, but you already have it. Were you having trouble accessing it?"
        SC: *lots of typing, 30 seconds of silence* "...HELLO?"

        Fast forward about 10 minutes of this nonsense. I finally explain how to access it and every so often he covers the phone, says something to someone else in a different language, laughs, and returns with a resounding and HIGHLY annoying "HELLO" each time. The kicker: once this call was nearly finished, he asked me to upgrade, despite me raising my voice at one point in extreme frustration when he tried to CUT ME OFF while I was explaining his bill.

        Good times. Man, I really hope I get that IT position.
        You can find me on Backloggery, Facebook, Twitch, Twitter, YouTube

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        • #5
          I hope so too. Stupid prank callers...
          "I was only LOOKING, I didn't mean to enter my card's CVV and actually ORDER! REFUND ME RIGHT NOW!!"

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth gunsage View Post
            The Frenchman

            There's one thing I've noticed about our French customers...they're rude. I mean, RUDE. Maybe not any ruder than your standard American customers in many senses, but for some reason they simply come off as goddamn rude at times. And I've learned that they seemingly appreciate being treated like that as well.

            The more you interrupt, appropriately of course, and are short with them, the better they seem to respond. I don't know why this is, but I've managed to actually sell more channels and products this way with them, even when they're not calling in about them. I don't know, it just seems very strange, but somehow it works.
            Was listening to Travel on NPR and they were speaking with a Frenchman. He was telling a story on how he took a tour bus full of French people out and that they complained the entire time. When he brought them back after the end of the tour, most bowled him over on saying how nice his tour was and how they will have to do it again.

            Another thing he said, his country men view smiling all the time as someone is a simpleton. So...greet with a smile and then drop the smile and they might not be as abusive next time.

            Comment


            • #7
              The Reversal

              Customer: "Hey listen, you sound like a nice guy, but I've had it up to here with your company and I just want to cancel."
              Me: "Ah, well I'm sorry to hear that. What happened, exactly?"
              Customer: "Well, competitor X is offering me such a better deal, you don't really have anything I watch, and I feel like I'm overpaying."
              Me: "Hmmm...well, you know, you don't have our lowest package exactly and there are no premiums on here. Let me take a look at this. Well first, what channels do you actually watch?"

              The customer lists off only 5 channels, two of which are classic movie stations.

              Me: "So let's try this. If we switch you down to this package, you'll save $15 a month, but still have well over 100 channels, including the ones you already watch. On top of that, we can add this a la carte package that has a lot of classic movie channels for only $5, meaning you still have a savings of $10 overall, don't have to go through the frustration of switching providers and learning new equipment, will get a prorated credit on your next bill, and will have more channels you actually watch."
              Customer: "...okay!"

              And boom goes the dynamite. Not only did I save a customer, I sold them a premium, got them only the channels they wanted, and lowered their bill. This is why I like this job.
              You can find me on Backloggery, Facebook, Twitch, Twitter, YouTube

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              • #8
                THAT is why I miss sales...When you can truely help someone out, and both of you come out better for it

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