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Just got home from court. Before I get too far, understand that I trust my attorney completely and that I am very well aware of what I am doing. That being said....
The other day the DA and my attorney spent about 3 hours negotiating. The DA didn't want to go to trial, mainly because putting my ex on the stand would create a nightmare for EVERYONE, probably including the jury. But, I was being charged with 2 Class 5 felonies (Abuse of a Child) and they NEVER reduce those. Then my attorney showed him the documents we'd obtained back in July, showing my ex was already involved with someone else and that it was clear that she'd been involved with him for some time and this had all been in the works prior to our divorce. And that they planned on getting married. And that she was pregnant. She left out those little details when she spent all that time kicking down his door demanding they do something about me because I'm so terrible. Now he found out WHY she was so eager to get rid of me and that he was unknowingly dragged into this mess. He told my attorney if it had simply been a crime, he'd push for a trial... but now that he knew what a massive clusterfuck this really was, the reason BEHIND the reason, he just wanted to get it over with.
Met with my attorney on Wednesday, and he told me all this. He then gave me a funny look and said, "The DA also said there was something she told him... okay, I don't know how else to say it. They would like to do a psych eval because..... you're getting a sex change?" I about fell out of my chair laughing. I've been wondering how closely she's been following me through all this, which is why there are some things I haven't talked about or didn't talk about until after it was handled in court. So now I knew. And it's not like I've been hiding anything from anyone, I've been open and honest about all this since I came out in May, and likewise I've been open and honest about what happened last year with my kids. I told my attorney I hadn't brought it up during the case only because it has NOTHING to do with the case, and he agreed, and so does the DA. I've been seeing a counselor for almost a year, and got a second opinion from another counselor last week at my family's request who ALSO determined I'm mentally stable and there's nothing wrong with me, so I said I have no problem at all with the psych eval. It will help me anyway, it will confirm that I'm not a danger to anyone and that my state of mind is very very stable.
So we discussed the options. The DA was reducing the charges to misdemeanors that would make it so that I maintain my job because he knows it will be bad for my kids if I lose that (no income for child support, and no insurance for my kids). He said I'd be advised of the MAXIMUM sentence, but that in my case (no prior convictions, hell I've never even had a speeding ticket) there won't be anything to worry about. And the psych eval will help that too.
This morning we went in and he showed me what the new charges were for the plea agreement. So what we have now are 2 charges of Endangering a Child (Class A Misdemeanors) as opposed to the 2 felonies. This is one of those blanket BS charges that literally EVERY parent in the world could face at some point. What is basically being said is that although I had the best interests of my children at heart, I reacted to the situation without thinking and though I did NOT harm my children, I COULD have possibly maybe potentially put them in danger had something gone wrong. Okay, you know what? Fair enough. It couldn't get much more vague, and I can't really argue with that, nor do I know of anyone who could have.
Yes, I took the deal. I didn't hurt my children and it's not even suggesting I hurt them. It says that hypothetically I could have, like, maybe because I didn't check the crosswind I wasn't careful enough. Whatever. There were only 2 things I cared about in this. Firstly, that I keep my job, and secondly, that I don't automatically lose custody of my kids forever. They gave me that, I gave them their petty charges, and everyone's happy. I want nothing more than to move on with my life and see my kids again.
The actual sentencing will be December 12th. Again, NORMALLY they would do it now, but they are going to wait on the psych eval and want to have time to review it and all. This is something they are doing for MY benefit. Like I said, it will show I'm stable and not a threat to anyone, and that will be a big help to me in the custody case as well.
I am satisfied with this outcome. Could I have gone ahead and fought the felony charges in court? Sure. But could anyone guarantee what would happen there? Absolutely not, and the stakes were FAR higher in that case. That could have ruined my life if things hadn't gone well. I have worked so hard to get to where I am, to use this situation to find myself and better my life. And I have done this. But who and where I am now wouldn't have made a bit of difference in court. Because they'd be looking only at who and where I was 10 months ago. A miserable angry person in a loveless and hurtful marriage with 3 little kids caught in the middle. I harbored too many grudges, carried too much resentment, and I took it out on those kids every day. I yelled at them all the time. I knew it had to stop, I knew living like that couldn't last, but did I do anything to stop it? No, I just wanted to surround myself in my rage. Did that put them in danger? Absolutely. Did I hurt them? No. Would a jury have reason to believe that someone like that COULD hurt those kids? You bet your ass they would.
So this is my way of owning up to the fact that I DID make mistakes, I DID screw up, and I DID inadvertently put my children at risk by my actions (or lack of actions to prevent it). I'm balancing my karma here folks, and believe me when I say I've seen it at play a LOT. When I was negative about everything and made those around me miserable, all I got was misery in return. When I began to be positive and treat others with nothing but love, love is what I got back.
One final interesting bit. My ex is getting married to the father of her unborn child. Today. Small world, huh? But at least she's taking some responsibility for HER actions. I find it odd that she was going to get married by the same judge that has presided over my case, but the DA is demanding he remove himself from that because it presents a conflict of interest. Well, hopefully she can find the happiness with him she could never find with me. But this is all over now and it's time to move on with our lives.
Now that this is done, I feel the last of the weight I've been burdened with has been lifted from my shoulders. I've got a full, long life ahead of me and I plan to make the most of it. Next month I will be "formally" recognized as a female officer at work, then I get this last bit of my case tidied up, then I'll be able to see my kids again, and from there? The possibilities are ENDLESS.
The other day the DA and my attorney spent about 3 hours negotiating. The DA didn't want to go to trial, mainly because putting my ex on the stand would create a nightmare for EVERYONE, probably including the jury. But, I was being charged with 2 Class 5 felonies (Abuse of a Child) and they NEVER reduce those. Then my attorney showed him the documents we'd obtained back in July, showing my ex was already involved with someone else and that it was clear that she'd been involved with him for some time and this had all been in the works prior to our divorce. And that they planned on getting married. And that she was pregnant. She left out those little details when she spent all that time kicking down his door demanding they do something about me because I'm so terrible. Now he found out WHY she was so eager to get rid of me and that he was unknowingly dragged into this mess. He told my attorney if it had simply been a crime, he'd push for a trial... but now that he knew what a massive clusterfuck this really was, the reason BEHIND the reason, he just wanted to get it over with.
Met with my attorney on Wednesday, and he told me all this. He then gave me a funny look and said, "The DA also said there was something she told him... okay, I don't know how else to say it. They would like to do a psych eval because..... you're getting a sex change?" I about fell out of my chair laughing. I've been wondering how closely she's been following me through all this, which is why there are some things I haven't talked about or didn't talk about until after it was handled in court. So now I knew. And it's not like I've been hiding anything from anyone, I've been open and honest about all this since I came out in May, and likewise I've been open and honest about what happened last year with my kids. I told my attorney I hadn't brought it up during the case only because it has NOTHING to do with the case, and he agreed, and so does the DA. I've been seeing a counselor for almost a year, and got a second opinion from another counselor last week at my family's request who ALSO determined I'm mentally stable and there's nothing wrong with me, so I said I have no problem at all with the psych eval. It will help me anyway, it will confirm that I'm not a danger to anyone and that my state of mind is very very stable.
So we discussed the options. The DA was reducing the charges to misdemeanors that would make it so that I maintain my job because he knows it will be bad for my kids if I lose that (no income for child support, and no insurance for my kids). He said I'd be advised of the MAXIMUM sentence, but that in my case (no prior convictions, hell I've never even had a speeding ticket) there won't be anything to worry about. And the psych eval will help that too.
This morning we went in and he showed me what the new charges were for the plea agreement. So what we have now are 2 charges of Endangering a Child (Class A Misdemeanors) as opposed to the 2 felonies. This is one of those blanket BS charges that literally EVERY parent in the world could face at some point. What is basically being said is that although I had the best interests of my children at heart, I reacted to the situation without thinking and though I did NOT harm my children, I COULD have possibly maybe potentially put them in danger had something gone wrong. Okay, you know what? Fair enough. It couldn't get much more vague, and I can't really argue with that, nor do I know of anyone who could have.
Yes, I took the deal. I didn't hurt my children and it's not even suggesting I hurt them. It says that hypothetically I could have, like, maybe because I didn't check the crosswind I wasn't careful enough. Whatever. There were only 2 things I cared about in this. Firstly, that I keep my job, and secondly, that I don't automatically lose custody of my kids forever. They gave me that, I gave them their petty charges, and everyone's happy. I want nothing more than to move on with my life and see my kids again.
The actual sentencing will be December 12th. Again, NORMALLY they would do it now, but they are going to wait on the psych eval and want to have time to review it and all. This is something they are doing for MY benefit. Like I said, it will show I'm stable and not a threat to anyone, and that will be a big help to me in the custody case as well.
I am satisfied with this outcome. Could I have gone ahead and fought the felony charges in court? Sure. But could anyone guarantee what would happen there? Absolutely not, and the stakes were FAR higher in that case. That could have ruined my life if things hadn't gone well. I have worked so hard to get to where I am, to use this situation to find myself and better my life. And I have done this. But who and where I am now wouldn't have made a bit of difference in court. Because they'd be looking only at who and where I was 10 months ago. A miserable angry person in a loveless and hurtful marriage with 3 little kids caught in the middle. I harbored too many grudges, carried too much resentment, and I took it out on those kids every day. I yelled at them all the time. I knew it had to stop, I knew living like that couldn't last, but did I do anything to stop it? No, I just wanted to surround myself in my rage. Did that put them in danger? Absolutely. Did I hurt them? No. Would a jury have reason to believe that someone like that COULD hurt those kids? You bet your ass they would.
So this is my way of owning up to the fact that I DID make mistakes, I DID screw up, and I DID inadvertently put my children at risk by my actions (or lack of actions to prevent it). I'm balancing my karma here folks, and believe me when I say I've seen it at play a LOT. When I was negative about everything and made those around me miserable, all I got was misery in return. When I began to be positive and treat others with nothing but love, love is what I got back.
One final interesting bit. My ex is getting married to the father of her unborn child. Today. Small world, huh? But at least she's taking some responsibility for HER actions. I find it odd that she was going to get married by the same judge that has presided over my case, but the DA is demanding he remove himself from that because it presents a conflict of interest. Well, hopefully she can find the happiness with him she could never find with me. But this is all over now and it's time to move on with our lives.
Now that this is done, I feel the last of the weight I've been burdened with has been lifted from my shoulders. I've got a full, long life ahead of me and I plan to make the most of it. Next month I will be "formally" recognized as a female officer at work, then I get this last bit of my case tidied up, then I'll be able to see my kids again, and from there? The possibilities are ENDLESS.
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